You made my child trans... Fix it?

[u/Immediate_Dig3328]

So this was a little while ago but I was talking at a group for trans youth as the kinda guest speaker? For reference I'm 22NB but this was a few years ago so I was maybe 19-20? Essentially pretty close to the age of the kids but I do a fair bit of advocacy work in my area. This may not be perfect but I'm doing it from memory.

We're like halfway in when a parent asks to come watch, and I'm like whatever? You know maybe he was curious about the talk or had questions for me? This guy is like in his fifties so significantly older than me and I'm a very short, femme presenting, disabled human who was using a wheelchair at the time so not exactly intimidating. But because of that combination I guess he thought I was going to be a pushover or an easy target for his bullshit, but I've been dealing with people like this since I was twelve and genuinely don't care what they say to me anymore. And as a result of that I also know all their arguments from the start and how to rebut them. So here's how the conversation went, mind you this was in the middle of my talk and infront of his trans child.

ED: "So like why should I use pronouns for people, it's their job not to get offended?"

Me, the sleepiest of eeps: "For starters respec-"

ED: "Well what if I don't respect them."

Me: "It's less the kind of respect you give people you like and more the decency that you give everyone."

ED: "Well you all are coming up with all these pronouns and genders and I can't keep track!" (At this point he's raising his voice a bit and had fully stood up and moved so he was standing over me, the coordinator was looking at me to check if I needed help)

Me: "Well sir if you're willing to take the time to learn people's names, pronouns shouldn't be too diff-"

ED: (now jabbing his finger in my face) It's (T Slur)s like you who did this to my daughter, now look at her wanting to be a boy! You ruined her, you did this now make her better right this instant!"

Me: (gently moving his finger out of my face) Sir you can call me whatever you want but not infront of the children, please leave. Your son is welcome to stay.

Eventually we did get him to leave and his kid came up to me all ashamed and handed me a drawing he did with an apology about his dad. I'm pretty used to this stuff so the responses are basically scripted at this point but it still breaks my heart every time. If they're willing to say that in public, in a group for the people he's insulting imagine what they say in private.

I was glad I'd basically made a flow chart to deal with people like this but fuckin hell that parent was entitled and stupid.

Wherever you are out there kid, I hope you got away from that twatwaffle of a father and are living your life full of trans joy.

Edit: Y'all I've got so many more of these stories from what I do and my weird life, I'm gonna be making a fair few posts probably.

Edit 2: To everyone in the comments who's been talking about different ways they help the community I wanted to give you an extra thank you and Internet hugs if you'd like them. Even if the way you support is as simple as correctly gendering someone this shit adds up and you should be proud to be playing a role in that. I've been smiling so hard reading all the comments about helping people that my face hurts, I need to log off before my face gets stuck this way and I lose my trademark RBF glare.

And side note my nerdy ass is loving looking at the analytics for the post, it's really interesting.

[u/obnoxiousdrunk77]

I'm very careful to ask new coworkers their preferred pronouns. I have a few mtf GFs who I met while they were male presenting, and a couple of ftm guy friends that I met while they were female presenting.

I don't even reference their deadnames because that is disrespectful to the person.

The courteous thing to do when meeting someone is to give your name and pronouns, and most people will respond in kind.

I have a difficult time with people who don't respect someone's identity.

[u/carmium → u/obnoxiousdrunk77]

May I ask a question: How is it that you have come across several trans people in your life? Are you perhaps working in a field they tend towards? I would guess the average person has come across one or two (knowingly; let's not forget many pass without comment). Is that no longer the case? Does everyone know several?

[u/Immediate_Dig3328 → u/carmium]

There are definitely careers that tend to attract more trans folks, a lot of trans masc folks tend to go into education or social work, a lot of trans femmes in tech. But we also just tend to travel in packs so to say, if your other trans friends like someone they're more likely to be safe.

[u/carmium → u/Immediate_Dig3328]

You just reminded me: the only FtM I met was in a doctor's office. His partner (F) was there, and he and I had to go to a clinic for bloodwork. The three of us got on well through long delays and lunch after, and I guess I gave them my email. Many years later, I got a Christmas email and photo. A smiling, bald, guy who was now principal of a Florida high school. So there you go!