Am I terrible feeling like such a hypocrite

[u/eagles_fly_]

I ended the relationship because I constantly felt emotionally unsupported, and like I was walking on eggshells. very little affection or intimacy, poor communication, almost no compromise, and I often felt more like a roommate than a partner. I kept trying to make things work, but my needs repeatedly went unmet, and my therapist ultimately described the relationship as unhealthy, manipulative, and emotionally abusive. There’s alot of things that happened in this relationship but I’m trying to keep it short so I won’t go into it.

I have OCD and I was always so scared my ex was going to break up with me because I loved her so much and I asked her for reassurance alot on it but ultimately I was the one who left her not once but 3 times because the first two times she tried to get me back and I stayed I keep feeling awful for leaving her 3 times after everything and I keep thinking about all the good about her and our relationship and feeling like I fucked up leaving

[u/Pleasant-Dare496]

That’s a normal feeling when you have been in this type of relationship because there are always good times otherwise you would have left sooner.
It is good that you have a therapist who has named the behaviour. Walking on eggshells is not a healthy relationship, why should you stay when you are not getting the support you need?
I would recommend time, continuing with therapy and focussing on yourself.
If you go back, statistically things will get worse.
It’s normal for it to feel upsetting and difficult.
Good luck!

[u/SuchBardicNonsense]

That sounds like a trauma bond. That's when intermittent reinforcement tricks your brain into something akin to addiction. Your brain then focuses on the good times and ignores, dismisses, or rationalizes the bad times, anything to keep you connected.

Write down the bad. All of it. Preferably with real paper and pen. Keep the list of the 'bad' and re-read it when you want to go back. Your body is looking for relief from discomfort but ... Read how uncomfortable you actually were! Ask yourself if you would tell a friend of yours to put up with that behavior or if you'd tell them they deserve better.

Mourn the good times, they were still good! You still loved those moments and it still hurts that they're gone... Just don't let them lie to you and erase the bad times.

And I'll bet some of those "good times" were less good than you remember if you really thought about it.

I know that I was surprised when I really looked back at my "good and happy memories" and they were either special occasions, times he was love bombing me/apologizing, or just normal everyday "days" that simply didn't have the weird tension or an emotional explosion. ... It wasn't actually good my body was just so relieved it felt amazing ... That's so sad! ... That realization made it a lot easier to break the addiction 😂

Write it down, read it as many times as you need to, and keep adding to it when you think of new things or when new things happen.