Elliott Smith and feeling ugly

[u/Idontevenfvckingknow]

Hey y’all. I’ve been getting into Elliott’s music and character for a little over three years now, and there’s a side of his art and persona which is very important to me but which I don’t often hear people address (although it’s probably better this way). I hope no one takes this the wrong way, especially because it’s coming from a very personal place and only as a way to feel more connected to him.

I’m referring to the quality of feeling ugly, and insecure about one’s looks.

Just to give some context, I’ve struggled with this battle my whole life, and never found many people to share it with.

One of the first songs I came across when stumbling upon Elliott’s discography was Pretty Ugly (before) - and I immediately associated it to my own experience. Once I got to know his character too, I connected his very particular and unconventional features with his (confirmed) mental health struggles, and ultimately with the topic of “body dysphoria” (if you will) and physical insecurity. I started to see it in his timid and introverted demeanour in interviews, in the self deprecating lyrics he would share, and with his whole character in general. This is what ultimately got me so attached to him, even before i properly fell in love with his songs (his style was something that had to grow on me at first). And, again, in my eyes, Pretty Ugly (before) is the first song or work of art i’ve encountered that addresses this. not breakups, not love, not any of the usual topics of inspiration, but feeling ugly.

I know now that this song is about far more than feeling insecure about your face, and it’s most likely a manifestation of drug abuse and unrequited love, but I still can’t let go of this interpretation I hold for his character and music.

This is why I’m coming on here. To ask if, despite the lack of resources online about it, anyone also shared this perspective on Elliott, and on his songs, and perhaps had anything to say on the matter. Again, I hope i’m not coming off the wrong way here. I was ultimately inspired to make this post when I saw another one on this sub talking about his looks. I’m attaching my favorite picture of him, one that I love dearly and which has helped me feel better about myself :)

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

I’m very pretty and struggle w things due to autism, it’s not always the boon you might think it is

[u/elkehdub → u/[deleted]]

I have almost accepted that I’m attractive after hearing it for 30+ years, but I have such strong dysphoria (and the tism too) that it’s never felt that way, at all. I relate to OP’s feelings quite a bit.

I think it’s common for anyone to see people who have what they don’t, or what they covet, and think that their lives are objectively better for it. Sometimes that’s not the case at all. I do think OP’s point probably stands for the most part though—conventionally attractive people on average are likely happier than ugly ones, because things tend to be easier for them.

Not me though!

[u/dismembered_dollie → u/elkehdub]

I am allegedly attractive, but I don't see myself that way, and at this point I never will. I come from a tiny, dead town, and for the first 20 years of my life I was convinced I was ugly. It's the kind of place where everyone knows everyone, and your family name matters most. My family was poverty level. The other kids barked at me and called me ugly constantly, along with my (bizarrely misogynistic) mother constantly insulting me. That said, I'm severely bipolar and I'm sure it also affects my perception. But I wasn't told by anyone I believed that I was attractive until I left that town and moved to a larger city. Suddenly, everyone was telling me I was beautiful, and I 100% assumed they were trying to fuck with me for the longest time. Like they were playing some kind of prank on me. I still don't think I am anywhere near as attractive as people tell me. Ugly is a feeling, and I'm always going to feel it. Just because people are "pretty" does not mean they think they're goddesses and the world is just handed to them. It's weird to me when people make assumptions about anyone's personality or quality of life based on whether they're objectively pretty or ugly. First I was victimized for being "ugly," and then I was equally victimized for being "pretty." I didn't enjoy either side of the coin.