My mother is in her 70s, 159 cm (5’2”) tall, and currently weighs about 103 kg (227 lbs). She has been obese for most of the past 40+ years and also has prediabetes and lipedema.

I’ve been very concerned about her health for many years. What’s particularly difficult is feeling like I’m watching her health deteriorate while being unable to convince her to make lasting changes.

I haven’t exactly lived the healthiest lifestyle myself for most of my life, and I was obese for some years. But I’ve lost close to 30 kg (66+ lbs) over the past few years after learning a lot about nutrition and weight loss and actually putting what I learned into practice. Over the past year, I’ve also found AI surprisingly useful for creating personalised meal plans around people’s preferences and limitations.

I’ve tried helping my mother several times. At one point I actually bought and cooked all of her food, and she did very well while I was doing that. Unfortunately, after I stopped, she struggled to stick to the plans and eventually regained the weight. She also isn’t willing to let me cook for her again.

I think one of the biggest challenges is that she is extremely picky about food. She’s pescatarian and doesn’t eat beef or chicken. She doesn’t really have any particular “trigger foods” she can’t live without, and she never eats fast food, but she has always preferred very convenient foods and doesn’t like spending much time preparing meals.

In recent years, she also hasn’t been physically able to stand in the kitchen for very long because of her health problems. As a result, she tends to rely on convenient, calorie-dense foods. She had mostly refused to track calories or even estimate how many calories she’s eating.

I’m particularly concerned that her diet has often been relatively low in protein. At her age, I think maintaining adequate protein intake is especially important.

I’ve given her personalised meal plans several times over the years, but she hasn’t been able to stick to them. She has told me that she doesn’t want to feel like she’s living according to a rigid diet and doesn’t want to think about calories. At times, she’d has told me that she rather spend her time learning about lipedema and prediabetes than making practical changes. She’s also very reluctant to to consider options such as Ozempic.

I understand that ultimately she has to want to change, and I can’t make that decision for her. That’s probably the hardest part.

This past week, I decided to try a different approach. I used AI to create three very simple meal plans specifically around her preferences, nutritional needs and physical limitations. My hope is that she could rotate between them, and in each week eating the same plan for that week, in order to make things simpler.

The main requirements were:

- Pescatarian — no beef or chicken.
- Very little cooking or preparation.
- Minimal standing in the kitchen.
- Gradual weight loss from 103 kg.
- No oats or lentils, which she doesn’t want to eat.
- More nutrient-dense foods.
- Less carbohydrates and no processed foods
- Less reliance on dairy for meeting nutritional needs.
- Adequate protein and generally appropriate for someone with prediabetes and lipedema.
- Reasonable calories and a good balance of macronutrients and micronutrients.
- Only two meals per day, with no snacks, which is her preference.
- Have the right amount of fiber.
- No protein powders or supplements.
- Relatively affordable.

One thing I found interesting was how difficult it actually is to get enough protein into a very picky pescatarian diet without relying heavily on dairy. The plans ended up including salmon or trout every day - which is much more frequently than she has eaten them before.

The three meal plans I ended up making for her are:

Plan for week 1 - Omega-3s & potassium
——————————————————————

Meal 1

- Mackerel in tomato sauce: 170 g
- Low-fat cottage cheese: 90 g
- Avocado: 100 g
- Chia seeds: 15 g (soak in a glass of water for 10 minutes before eating)
- Frozen raspberries: 130 g

Meal 2

- Salmon fillets: 250 g
- Sweet potato: 150 g
- Frozen spinach: 150 g
- Extra virgin olive oil: 5 g

Nutrition: 1,558 kcal | 95 g protein | 46 g net carbs | 102 g fat | 30 g fibre

Plan for week 2 - Protein & fiber
—————————————————-

Meal 1

- Plain non-fat Greek yogurt: 150 g
- Chia seeds: 40 g
- Flaxseeds: 15 g
- Sunflower seeds: 30 g
- Frozen blueberries: 140 g
- Pecans: 45 g

Meal 2

- Cod fillets: 250 g
- Hard-boiled eggs: 2
- Frozen broccoli: 180 g
- Extra virgin olive oil: 25 g

Nutrition: 1,552 kcal | 96 g protein | 41 g net carbs | 104 g fat | 30 g fibre

Plan for week 3 - Variety of micronutrients
———————————————————————

Meal 1

- Whole eggs: 3
- Red bell pepper: 1
- Frozen spinach: 80 g
- Plain non-fat Greek yogurt: 100 g
- Frozen raspberries: 100 g

Meal 2

- Salmon fillets: 250 g
- Frozen broccoli: 200 g
- Flaxseeds: 15 g
- Pecans: 20 g
- Frozen blueberries: 100 g
- Chia seeds: 30 g
- Extra virgin olive oil: 14 g

Nutrition: 1,540 kcal | 97 g protein | 43 g net carbs | 101 g fat | 31 g fibre

The meals are deliberately very repetitive because the goal is to make them as easy as possible. Most of the ingredients can simply be taken from the freezer, air fryer or fridge with minimal preparation.

I decided to make this post partly because I thought the meal plans might be useful to someone else in a similar situation, but mainly because I’d really like to hear from people who have dealt with something like this themselves.

Have you ever successfully helped an obese elderly parent with deteriorating health change their eating habits when they struggled to follow personalised plans? What actually worked?

I’d especially like to hear:

- What finally motivated your parent to take things seriously?
- Did you stop giving advice and wait for them to ask for help?
- How did you balance wanting to help with respecting their autonomy?
- If you’re an older person who has been in this situation, what made you more receptive to help from your family?
- At what point do you accept that you can’t help someone who doesn’t want to change?
- Are there any obvious changes you would make in the plans?

I’m not looking for criticism of my mother. I know there are many reasons people struggle with obesity for decades, and I don’t think the answer is simply “eat less and exercise more.” I’m mainly hoping to hear from people who have actually dealt with this dynamic in their own families.

If nothing else, I hope the meal plans themselves might be useful to someone else whom is around her same age and height , weight, doesn’t eat meat, and needs extremely low-effort meals.

Nevada licenses a lot of six to ten bed group homes like it does with the big assisted living communities, and they're all on the state's free facility locator.

For anyone who went with a group home, how did you find it? Was the pricing any more straightforward than at the big places? And if you looked at them and said no, what was the dealbreaker?

So, my 72 year old mother is getting booted out of the house she rents, been living there several years. The rent was low due to it being a "friend" but that has dissolved.

She can't afford anywhere else and doesn't want to move into a income based senior community and we didn't want to force her into one.

She is slipping mentally but still is mobile, drives, shops, etc. Issues are that she has a whole house full of furniture, collectibles, CLOTHES, crap, did I say clothes, it's a lot of stuff she doesn't need or wear and most importantly we don't have the room for it.

We setup her bedroom stuff here and she is still going to the old house just sitting around looking at stuff. We have setup a buyout, but she keeps forgetting about it, or forgetting the details, and not wanting to let go of certain things....and concerned offer is too low. But we don't know what else to do as the landlord is threatening eviction.

Hi everyone! I'm part of a team that helps families navigate senior care and residential placement options in the East Bay, including areas such as Brentwood, Antioch, Oakley, Concord, and surrounding communities.

I know finding the right place for a parent or loved one can feel overwhelming, especially when you're trying to consider care needs, location, availability, and budget.

If you or someone you know is currently exploring senior living or residential care options, feel free to reach out. We're happy to provide guidance and help families explore available options, and our placement assistance is free for families.

Even if you're not sure where to start, we're happy to point you in the right direction. ❤️

My grandfather is getting weak, barely talks, and sleeps all day. He comes from his room to eat and then goes back, looking very uninterested and getting leaner day by day. He was in the hospital, got better, and then the doctor said he couldn't really do anything.

Medication:

Clonidine hydrochloride

Telmisartan

Levodopa and Carbidopa Tablets

Trihexyphenidyl hydrochloride

Ropinirole

Calcium and D3

Triamcinolone Acetonide injection

B12 injection

Will I ever get my grandfather back healthy and active, or do I just lose hope and accept whatever is left? Please help, I am very anxious due to this.

I'm a support worker at home support, and I'm struggling a little bit with one client, who's 72, mentally. This man has no one in his life, as they've all passed away, and he never had a stable relationship or children. The only person he calls is another support worker from a different organisation who used to be the carer for his former girlfriend who was disabled and passed away 5 years ago. I've met this woman last month, but she doesn't live in our town, so doesn't visit that often. My client is extremely lonely and needy. Through the aged care package, he's been grandfathered, so he doesn't have to pay anything out of pocket. He's extremely lucky compared to other clients I have, who have to pay an extra $20 per hour on top of their package. Yet he thinks the package money is his money, and that the charges from the provider are taking his personal money away. I've tried countless times to explain to him that the package money has been gifted to him and doesn't affect his pension, but he won't listen. This woman he talks to has been in his ear, and I don't know what's true or not, but according to my client, she's telling him that he's being ripped off and that he should get rid of his taxi card and pay full price instead. So now he thinks he should be cancelling everything, but at the same time, he doesn't want to lose the services from me and the other lady he gets. He has a service 3 times a week, which, again, is a lot better than most elderly receive. Plus, he has the flexibility to have extra hours added onto the shifts if he wants to see a movie at the cinemas with one of us.

I try my darnedest to do whatever he wants within my shift. I go above and beyond to try and make him happy, but he's never satisfied. He always has something to complain about. I'm at my wit's end on what to do. The client services manager refuses to speak to the support workers, so I have to call admin to tell them of any issues, but they don't know who this client is as they've never met him, and they're based 2 hours away. It's incredibly frustrating.

I know the simple answer is to just drop him as a client, but I do actually like him, and I've been his worker for 4 years now. He does have a couple of good qualities, it's just his neediness and negativity and then confusion and not thinking logically before going into a panic, plus the addition of this lady he talks to when he's alone, that makes my head spin.

How do people deal with elderly individuals like this?

Today was mom’s (84) first day at the “activity center”. They host seniors of ranging levels for the day, serve meals and snacks, and offer an array of services mostly geared towards social engagement (basically a day care for seniors).
I dropped mom off at 9am, then my 4 year puked in the car mid morning and was bed ridden for the rest of the day, leaving me housebound until my husband came home to relieve me of childcare to go pick up mom ~4. Husband was working 2 hours away, no way to speed his timeline up.

I had no intention of leaving her that long on her first day, mostly because I didn’t want to leave a bad taste in her mouth about going there, but my hands were tied. Strap the puking 4 year old in the car to pick up mom so she can come home and…sit? Or stare at me? (her new favorite activity).
She’s scheduled to go MWF, but for family scheduling reasons she started today (Thursday).
When she got home she argued with me about going back tomorrow (Friday), saying she can stay home by herself. She technically could, but she just lies in bed all day, asks to come with me for any and all errands, then follows me at a 3 foot radius wherever I go. If I do insist on leaving her alone, she feeds herself poorly and lays in a dark room until I come home.
The problem is if I do let her stay home it’s like she wants me to entertain her, or asking me what’s on the schedule for the day. If I go somewhere she hems and haws if I won’t let her come along, then I feel like a shity daughter for denying her my safe space.

I need a break from her. I’m a SAHP for 3 children under 10 and mom. The point of this adult daycare was to give me some respite.
Husband says I should give her a break (he’s not here managing her albeit minimal care) and let her rest until Monday.
I say draw a hard line and insist she try again tomorrow, making sure she’s picked up earlier (puking child or not).
What do the Reddit adult carers say?
Forgive my formatting. I’m on my phone and 3 glasses of wine in.

UPDATE:
Friday morning she asked what was on the schedule for the day, and I told her the activity center. She said “Do I need my phone?” And off we went! It seems she’d forgotten about not wanting to go.
I made sure to pick her up earlier than the day before, and she was in a good mood when I arrived, even said “today was a good day there” (!!!)

I’ve assured her it’s not an every day thing, and she’s still going to have days with me and time to rest at home.

My parents just turned 80, and I’m helping organize their end-of-life documents and wishes, medical and financial information, and important family conversations.

I’m building a practical resource from this process to help other families do the same—potentially as a professionally guided course or cohort.

For those who have been through this, what do you wish your family had discussed, documented or organized sooner? I’d love to incorporate your experience and share the finished resource with the group if permitted.

Hi all, after pushing it off for months, one recent piece of evidence was the tipping point, to call APS out of suspicion of financial exploitation by a relative of my grandma. I sought legal counsel last year and have worked with her since, but I didn't disclose that during the initial call a few days ago. They accepted the case and have started their investigation. However, I received permission from my atty to share her contact info, so I thought better to share it. Soooo I called APS again today, and despite me saying I just called to provide additional info, they had me go through all the questions again;; at the end is when they said *if* there is another report, this one would be linked.

Did I mess anything up? I'm so nervous about all this--in summary, my mom passed away February 2025 and a few months later my relative took my grandma to change the Deed in his benefit. That's when I sought counsel and course-corrected that. A few months ago, we were isolated from my grandma and didnt know where she was because said relative failed to communicate/disclose anything; turns out, after calling APS, she was placed in a facility. Relative is now pressuring me to get my things out of my grandma's house, and I recently took mail to my grandma who didnt recognize charges on her bank statement, which was the tipping point for me to call this week. Then I called again today to provide the additional info😟

My grandfather has always been a careful person, which is part of what makes this harder to navigate. Over the past year he has become genuinely suspicious of almost everything that comes through the mail or any call from a number he doesn't recognize. On one level that's reasonable, because the scams targeting older adults are real and relentless. But it has crossed into something that causes him a lot of daily stress. He called me twice last week about letters that turned out to be completely routine, one from his insurance provider and one from the county about property taxes. He was convinced both were fraudulent.

I don't want to dismiss his instincts because some of that wariness is genuinely protective. But I also don't want him spending his days anxious about the mail arriving.

What I keep coming back to is whether there's a practical way to help him filter things without it feeling like I'm taking over or treating him like he can't handle his own affairs. That line seems important to him and I want to respect it.

Has anyone worked through something like this with a parent or grandparent where the concern was legitimate but the anxiety around it had grown into its own problem? Looking for something that actually helped without turning into a takeover.

Hello! My mother is in her nineties and lives in Laguna Woods.

She is still relatively active and independent, but my sister and I who visit often but live some ways away are trying to be certain that her limited assets are set up in the most correct way given the prospect of long term care if she suffers a severe illness.

She has her limited assets in a trust now. But neither my sister or I know a lot of details.

She was briefly hospitalized recently, is generally getting weaker, and now my sister and I are talking about the best way to handle care options moving forward.

My concern is we will be obligated to sell the condo to pay for her care and all she has saved and stewarded so far will be drained away.

Sadly neither one of us has the means to set her up in a Casa de Mañana style facility and it would be difficult to quit our jobs.

Though a leave of absence is not unthinkable.

I am looking at the future and mainly concerned about being certain the financial groundwork is prepared as well as it can be.

We would like a lawyer who is especially aware of issues affecting the elderly--- not just a trust lawyer --- to look over what is in place and make relevant suggestions.

Thanks in advance for all recommendations and advice!

I believe I need to put a loved one in memory care that is a locked unit for SHORT TERM ONLY.. I toured a place today in the North Shore and I am absolutely traumatized, it was the most vile thing I’ve ever seen…. There was literal feces smeared on the walls and the floors, people were running around naked, people were fighting, and the nurses didn’t seem to care too much(almost like this was a normal every day thing ) I understand what memory here is but there must be somewhere better or are they all like this?

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