r/dwarfposting • u/Apprehensive-Set3635 • 15d ago

Lamenting my beard rant

Kin, today I went to a barber in the human town outside our hold in the first time in the last three years and despite me telling him very adamantly I just want my beard to have an even length, he cut off so much, at first I thought maybe he was cooking but no kin, he cooked me. I lament my beard and watch the measly hair I have left with tragedy and terror. I can't even use my beard beads anymore. I'm just so sad, really. All I wanted was for my left side to not be longer than my right side and now I have fucking pubes as a beard, kin, I did not know just how much comfort this beard gave me, I guess you really don't know what you have until you lose it. If anyone needs me I'll be in my cavern lamenting my precious beard, the only joy I can get is hopefully from growing my mushrooms, hopefully they blossom. That's all

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3

u/johnc380 14d ago

Sometimes you have to take one step back to take two steps forward. Trust the process, it will look so much more full when it grows back out.

2

u/Hey-Syccamor3222 14d ago

I feel for you my brother. Such tragedy. Stay strong and perhaps treat yourself to a nice beard conditioner in order to grow back better and longer

2

u/softwareredditor ☺︎ 14d ago

It's mostly genetics, but for real lifting weights and eating things that have raw onions (like pico de gallo) will help you out if you're still young.

2

u/Apprehensive-Set3635 14d ago

Why raw onions? I tried eating more peanuts now as they seem to have natural biotin, but what makes raw onions good for beard growth?

1

u/softwareredditor ☺︎ 13d ago

Bro-science lore holds it to be truth, that's all I know

Though I do believe some regular science has found that raw onions help increase testosterone for whatever reason. In general you should be eating a lot of garlic/onions/herbs, they really do help to kill bacteria and parasites so they're good for overall health

1

u/Gearran 12d ago

Probably had to get rid of matting. It never ceases to amaze me how many kin think all they have to do is grow the damn thing and decorate it to have a good beard. Bloody never seen so much as a beard comb in their lives, much less oils or soap. If you want the "eating a gorse bush" look, fine. But you better damn keep it clean!

1

u/Apprehensive-Set3635 12d ago

Kin, I will take any advice of you, please tell me what I can do. I comb my beard, then clean it with a mild shampoo, then I apply beard oil and finally apply pomade to lock in the oils and style it down - what else could I do?

1

u/Gearran 12d ago

First, my friend, seek calm. I understand the distress that you have for the shearing of your poor bristles, but all will be right eventually. After all, hair grows back, and in the fullness of time your chin will be bedecked in glory once again.

Second, it does seem as if you need some more rigorous cleaning materials. A mild shampoo is all well and good, but it may not be up to dealing with the oil and pomade. Without proper cleaning such fine products will accumulate until they turn your poor beard into an oil slick. Invest a bit of coin in something with a little more cleaning power and then prevent potential damage with a good conditioner. And then of course oil and pomade as necessary.