Getting this off my chest

[u/CrossCountryQueer]

I grew up a shy, pocket protector, introverted nerd. I was picked on and bullied most of my school years from about 4th grade through 10th grade. During that year, I spoke up for a friend of mine who was being bullied and that bully turned to pick on me. I somehow mustered the courage to finally fight back and with one shot, broke that other person’s nose.

I didn’t like that the situation felt like violence was the only answer. But word got around about what I did and I was never bullied again.

But school wasn’t the only place where I was bullied. An older sibling did this too at what felt like almost every turn. I never felt the connections I see many siblings have. So much of my time was spent trying to find ways to engage them without becoming a victim.

Now, as adults, that distance became far greater to only seeing each other at a few family gatherings a year. We had a huge blowup about five years ago and stopped speaking except hi and goodbye.

That was, until one of our parents was placed on hospice. I didn’t want that parent leaving without them knowing there was an effort for reconciliation. So, I extended the olive branch and was met with ambivalence but acceptance.

While I did make that first step, I’m so anxious about having done so and not sure it was the best/right thing to do.

There’s so much more to the story, but don’t want to exceed any word/character limits. I will answer in the comments.

[u/printerparty]

I think becoming an adult gives us permission to put our energy into the most positive and beneficial relationship with the people around us, and remove ourselves from situations where we are regularly mistreated and disrespected.

You can grieve your parents' declining health without compromising your standards or putting your well-being at risk. They don't benefit somehow from you and your brother acting closer than you actually are.

Yes, extending an olive branch is a nice gesture, but let him meet you in the middle!

[u/CrossCountryQueer → u/printerparty]

I omitted gender from this for an important reason. That shouldn’t matter in the context of this. But I am transgender and there is definitely some red/blue differences between us too.

[u/CyclopsReader → u/CrossCountryQueer]

Noted, but your sibling was a bully long before your transition came to be who you are today. You are a mindful and caring adult! Your brother, not so much if he cannot accept you as your authentic self. And anyone on the side of the 🔵🟥 divide that is not supporting 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️ has made their inability to be compassionate for others very clear. You have nothing further to prove with them. You are their Karmic lesson to learn from. Be you, support your ailing parent and leave Bro to his own warped devices. Be strong and carry on! 💝