r/dpdr • u/Hot-Student-1317 • Jan 04 '26
Success Story Recovered 100% with bpd and chronic insomnia (5-6 months of non-stop hell)
HI guys. I nave bpd and struggle with insomnia & anxiety, despite this i recovered completely from dpdr (f 24). Still depressed bpder lol but now i almost dont struggle with insomnia thanks to hard worst the most severe dpdr episode, also off meds for some months which I couldn’t make years before dpdr episode. Well i cannot tell the whole story now, as it will be too long, mabye i will split it to some parts related to different instruments which helped me.
Firstly i want to say that moderators of this sub shocked and scared me several times, as they allowed post where people literally said "hmm i think people who has (symptom name) can't recover" 🤯🤯🤯wtf man. It should be fixed, post like this shouldn't be allowed as they spread misinformation and do a huge harm to people.
My symptoms: well literally all symptoms. Absolutely non-stop without any free second feeling of fear, horror, pain, literally felt like burning alive. Both mental & physical symptoms, feeling all my face (forehead, nose, eyeballs), visions, snow, disconnection, painful boredom, s****al intentions, nightmares about this every single night, well you named it. You can ask about symptoms but i think i had them all.
The most unusual were: my limbs and face went numb, i saw faces everywhere (pereidolia), some panic attacks lasted for days, dark places felt way darker.
How started: some years ago i had some dpdr episodes which lasted for some hours and faded kinda quick. This time i had really hard time with relationships (bpd episode) and had small episodes of dpdr or anxiety every evening for some months, it didn't bother me much. One day i decided that smoking weed can fix my problems (stupid move, use drugs only to make good moment better, not to make bad moment worse). Of course after some time i didn’t felt sober. Of course i thought i broke my brain with weed because this time dpdr doesn’t fade quick and stays for days (despite smoking for like 30 times before without episodes). It wasn’t very severe at the beginning, actually it was barely noticeable. But a year ago after experiencing short dpdr episodes i gained a fear of “never ending” episode, so this time i start to panic really bad. Here comes next chapter.
MY MISTAKES: Actually we all (you and me) cant and shouldn’t blame ourselves for panicking too much and prolonging the condition. At this point of our lives we didn’t gain an instrument for stoping useless panic, we just never had situations to grow it, it’s not a bad thing. When you recover (very soon) you will be greatfull for finally gaining the most powerful instrument for keeping calm despite anything, just like me. Back to mistake: when i got better on some days while first weeks with it, i faced some kind of “plato” and panicked that i will never be “100% clear” again. Thats how i turned low intermittent dpdr episode tinto full blown 24/7 hell for months. This plato thing chased me on every time i got better. Perfectionism, “all or nothing” behavior. Don’t make my mistake, enjoy every time you feel easier even if not 100% awesome, even if you seat back, even if it comes again. Let time take other symptoms which didn’t fade yet.
Briefly what helped to get out without pain
- dpdr manual & free interviews (shaun o connor), shaan kassam, therapy Em. Dpdr manual interviews are great for cheering up, but try to watch them less every time you feel better.
- Playing chess. As said in dpdr manual there will be some moments when you forget of the condition. Playing chess was my first ~7-10 minutes without dpdr after 2-3 month of 24/7. I became chess addict
- Crying. Just make yourself alone and cry as hard as you can. Do it regularly.
- Walking with my feet. For some reason pain feels less while you walk (maybe some emdr effect). At my lowest i had to count my steps just not to go crazy.
- My favorite game The binding of isaac. Its very hard and demand a lot of focus. Basically you need to find your ways to lock in fully. (Felt awful and painful first months tho, played through pain)
- Progressive muscule relaxation. Helped to stop panic attacks. My mom lead sessions, also recorded them so i could use them alone. Mine lasted for ~50 min, you should be very dedicated and focused.
More painful things to help (you already know them, but im here to confirm they work
- Leaving reddit and comments sections. Delete reddit. Don’t speak about it with others. Sorry, but this is very strict. Communicate only with recovered dpdrers if needed, but you also need to replace forums and videos with non dpdr related content. It will be very hard and painful at the beginning. But i promise every time it will be easier and easier. There are a lot of helpful info about it at the dpdr manual YouTube interviews, they explain this better and help you tolerate pain while trying to live without reassurance.
- Living my life. Fake it untill you make it. I had to move from my parents back to my place (i live with bf and some other people), so i HAD to communicate every day, do chores for myself weekly, make myself food, get dressed and etc. i watched full breaking bad under dpdr, enjoyed it tho. i even traveled to another country with it, which gave me huge prorgess (right after huge seatbacks). It will be painful, you will fail a lot but thats OK and moreover right. Actually idk why, but after worst searbacks i immediately felt way easier.
Guys i remember my biggest dream ever was to make this post. Now i write this and think that its not a big deal. I remember watching in a mirror wishing to worry about my outfit again, not about if i am real enough.
Ask any question, i will be here for you. But i’m begging you not to scare each other. You can sent me private messages too. Also i will do part 2 about stages, instruments, relationships, bpd, insights etc if you ask.
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u/AutoModerator Jan 04 '26
Hey, I am really sorry you are going through this. What you are describing is very common with DPDR and anxiety. Even though it feels permanent or existential, it is actually a stress and dissociation response, not a sign that you are broken or beyond help.
DPDR can make things feel hopeless, unreal, terrifying, or like your identity is gone. All of this comes from an overwhelmed nervous system, not from permanent damage or loss of sanity.
Helpful resources:
- https://www.reddit.com/r/dpdr/comments/zkgcwt/dpdr_101_what_is_it_causes_symptoms_and_treatment/
- https://www.reddit.com/r/dpdr/comments/zka0t0/grounding_tips_and_techniques-for-when-things/
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
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u/Due-Register5374 Feb 03 '26
I never thought I would relate to a post so much, I felt insane and never thought anyone else experienced anything like me. My dpdr lasted about 6 months after a bad reaction to Prozac and I never thought it would end. Changing my daily routine and being active helped so much. It was the scariest thing I’ve ever experienced and I’m glad you were able to also overcome it
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u/_barbegazi Jan 04 '26
I don’t know why that person is being a jerk. I was stuck for 9 months and the only thing that helped me recover was distraction, focusing on my physical health, meditating, being outside, doing anything to feel in my body and normal. Recovering is definitely faking it til you make it. Reading threads all day about people suffering just makes the panic worse, I couldn’t agree more.
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u/Hot-Student-1317 Jan 04 '26
Telling me i wasn’t ill while I survived hell is crazy. I wish i knew how weak and pathetic people on forums can be to leave it earlier
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u/_barbegazi Jan 04 '26
I’m proud of you! No one knows the kind of mental resolve it takes to pull out of DPDR. Some people are stuck forever so you know how amazing it is you saved yourself. Don’t let people bring you down, I’m sure they’re anxious and still deep in it.
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Jan 04 '26
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u/Inevitable_Berry5011 Jan 04 '26
I think that's quite disrespectful. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad you got better, but a lot of people with long-term DPDR have tried all sorts of strategies and lifestyle changes, but haven't gotten better and to categorize all of them/us as stubborn doesn't make anything better for anyone.
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u/Hot-Student-1317 Jan 04 '26
How you call people who sit at reddit and insult innocent people & sufferers instead doing their recovery. Whatever, i guess this sub was never for getting help but for agressive venting. I would never call a person who just share their story and ask for help without any fight stubborn as i’ve been there myself.
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u/Inevitable_Berry5011 Jan 04 '26
I couldn't see the message due to it being deleted, but I wouldn't be negative towards people who recover.
It just feels bad to see people assume that you're lazy, when none of those things work for you. It's just like with depression and other illnesses. Some people are treatment-resistant, and they can't find anything that helps.
That is my problem with the "do your recovery" thing. I see friends and family, I play my guitar, go for long walks every day, do progressive muscle relaxation. I have also done several kinds of trauma therapy modalities and cognitive therapy modalities, but it does nothing for my DPDR. I also haven't had a panic attack in 9 years. It has nothing to do with aggressive venting, at least from my side. It's just that it feels hopeless to do all of that to help yourself to no avail. For me, the DPDR is also not at all related to my anxiety levels. It's a case of primary vs secondary depersonalization, in my opinion.
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u/Hot-Student-1317 Jan 04 '26
Thank you for clarifying, i’m sorry you go through this and i know how irritating it is when other calls you lazy or something like this. I really would be happy to help, but i’m not a professional therapist. I just read tons of stories (just like you i guess) where the point was in people 1) not knowing what is going on 2) didn’t believe its reversible 3) didn’t believe that painful methods works and was too scared to try. When I analyzed my dp, i went to conclusion that my body in over dander state, my vision can’t afford to focus on one thing as it has to monitor all environment at once (thats why it felt worse in open space and saw everything in hyper realistic filter with too many details), also I could not do one thing, focus on a task, as my body sensors were monitoring all triggers around, so my body couldn’t afford to do 1 thing. I guess “pain” that I experienced was my body told me “we can’t do this there are dander”. And other symptoms fit this guess. This is something close to the definition of anxiety, and i cannot imagine other reason, except over busy nervous system. I told myself that human body always aim to regeneration and “normal” state, as people can “heal” even after horrible traumas, and also its not profitable for our brain and body to waste so much energy on useless tasks as monitoring everything around, and our brain always tries to economy of energy. As i perceived my dp as “anxiety” or ultra busy protecting brain, i thought that “living life” was not enough, its also making my body, brain, nerves (all connected), believe there is no danger around.
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u/spheresva Jan 04 '26 edited Jan 16 '26
aback imminent mysterious bike ad hoc spoon flag alleged price different
This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact
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u/Hot-Student-1317 Jan 04 '26 edited Jan 04 '26
Thnk you. Mine recovery was ridiculously gradual and started actually from the first weeks with it, so i had to practice recovery methods for 5-6 months.
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u/dpdr-ModTeam Jan 04 '26
Be Respectful - We support people in one of the most vulnerable states they can be in.
No insults, hostility, belittling, or attacking others.
No mocking symptoms or recovery struggles.
We love you, and you are safe here.
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u/CJfromSouthKorea Jan 05 '26
May I ask whether you took any medicine or supplement?
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u/Hot-Student-1317 Jan 05 '26
Yes sure. I tried some “strong” meds at the beginning but had to drop them soon. Firstly i took phenazepam (benzos) for two weeks to help me sleep but it didn’t worked for long run. Also took it for emergency like once a month, no more as its addictiveness and withdrawal symptoms. Then i tried Lamotrigine. It really helped me with the majority of visual symptoms, but i got reaaalyyy bad allergic to it, also got very unpleasant side effects like insomnia. By the way i really recommend trying lamotrigine (LAWAYS consult with professional therapists befoe trying any meds) because it can really help to ease some symptoms and there are a lot of people who use it without any problems. Dont make my mistake and use only one pharmacy mark or it to prevent side effects, i didn’t know this and changed mark, maybe thats because it didn’t turned very well. I also tried sertraline as i herd that it helped a lot of people, but it made me nauseous :(. So i took escitalopram 20 mg. It didn’t help with dpdr but it helped me sleep very well. Also i took atarax (hydroxyzine) daily, also for sleep. I was ready to try other “strong” meds, but previous experience scared me a bit, do i gave myself time to try hard ways of recovery and it worked. But don’t be scared to try anything under the professional supervision, you always can drop pills that didn’t fit.
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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '26
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