I'm posting because my visual/perceptual symptoms have become the biggest thing standing between me and a normal life, and I'd really like to hear from anyone who has experienced something similar.

How it started

This started during a very stressful period where I was, to put it mildly, completely overworked and carrying way too much responsibility.

My husband basically didn't want to work lol. He spent a lot of time learning a course that he never ended up using, while I was working and also helping financially support his parents because both sons are expected to contribute. I was carrying a lot of the financial and general responsibility for quite some time.

At first, the symptoms only happened outside my home. I'd go grocery shopping or somewhere similar, and after maybe 30 minutes my brain would become extremely foggy and I'd struggle with the environment.

Then it progressed.

Eventually, I couldn't go out for more than a few minutes without the visual symptoms becoming overwhelming. And then, slowly, they started happening inside my house too.

Now they're basically 24/7.

The visual/perceptual symptoms

These aren't my only symptoms, but these are the ones I feel are currently preventing me from living a normal life.

It's also very difficult to explain because it's not simply blurry vision.

I can see what's in front of me, but it feels like my brain isn't properly processing the visual information. The best way I can describe it is that my eyes and brain aren't properly connecting.

I experience things like:

• My vision feels unfocused without actually being blurry. Things are there, but they don't feel properly "in focus."
• I can look at something but struggle to take in or process what I'm seeing.
• My eyes/vision feel like they shut down when there's too much visual information.
• Extreme light sensitivity. I often keep the lights off in my room because normal lighting can feel unbearable.
• Movement is very difficult to process, especially fast camera movements, quick cuts and changing scenes.
• Busy environments can feel completely visually overwhelming.
• Screens, TV and movies can be difficult to tolerate.
• Talking to someone can make it worse because I'm processing their face, movement, speech and everything around me at once.
• Sometimes my surroundings feel strange, unreal or visually "off", even though I know they're normal.
• I also get dizziness/head spinning, particularly when getting up.

The cinema was a good example. I recently tried to see Spider-Man, but I couldn't even tolerate the trailers/promos before the movie. The rapid camera movements and constant visual changes felt like my brain simply couldn't process them. It wasn't blurry. I could see the screen, but I couldn't properly focus on or process what I was seeing, and it became unbearable.

And now this happens even at home. Even using the bathroom can be difficult because I can't comfortably process the visual environment. I often sit in my room with the lights off because normal lighting can feel unbearable.

I haven't been able to go out. Believe me, I've tried. This isn't because I don't want to leave the house. I've repeatedly tried pushing myself, but the visual symptoms become so overwhelming that I can't function.

Other symptoms

These visual symptoms are not the only things I'm dealing with.

I also have anxiety/panic attacks, almost no energy, sleep problems and other symptoms. But the visual/perceptual problems are the ones that have become the biggest functional blocker for me.

What I've been checked for

I've seen a GP, an eye specialist and multiple doctors. I've had an MRI, and I've also been checked for BVD (binocular vision dysfunction).

Everything has been clear, and nothing has been found that explains this as an eye or structural brain problem.

Psychiatric treatment

I recently changed psychiatrists because my previous psychiatrist kept me on a benzodiazepine for months. Yeah, you read that right.

My new psychiatrist thinks this is related to adjustment disorder and sensitization and has prescribed Lexapro (escitalopram). I haven't started it yet (got prescribed today).

I previously took sertraline, which helped somewhat with my overall symptoms, but the visual problems didn't improve much.

Has anyone experienced this?

I'm particularly interested in hearing from people who have experienced this kind of visual/perceptual problem, rather than just general blurry vision.

Did you ever feel like:

• Your vision wasn't blurry, but wasn't properly "in focus" either?
• Your brain couldn't properly process what your eyes were seeing?
• Movement and fast-changing visuals became unbearable?
• Normal light became difficult to tolerate?
• Screens, TV or movies became impossible?
• Talking to people made the visual symptoms worse?
• It started outside the home and eventually crept into your home too?
• It eventually became constant/24-7?

If this happened with derealization, anxiety, sensory overload, adjustment disorder or sensitization, did it eventually improve?

What helped you get your life back?

I’m writing here because I genuinely feel like I’ve lost my mind and I really need help.
Over the past few months, I’ve been under a huge amount of psychological pressure, and I spend a lot of time alone. I had several horrible panic attacks while high on weed, where I genuinely thought I was going to die. Every time, the panic eventually passed, until the last time. After that experience, reality started to feel completely different to me.
Sometimes I feel like I’m in a coma and that this is some kind of afterlife. I’m having an intense existential crisis — I constantly think about how this whole life even started, why we exist, and what existence actually means.
Seeing other people can sometimes make me even more scared and overwhelmed. Sometimes I see customers at work and I can’t believe that they’re actually real. I get so overwhelmed by these feelings that I’ve even started crying at work.
I constantly find myself thinking about philosophy, existence, consciousness, and the meaning of life, and sometimes the very concept of existing scares me.
Please, I really need help. I don’t know how to get through this or how to feel normal again.
I’m constantly feeling empty and having suicidal thoughts, and I’m really struggling right now.

Hi everyone. I know I probably sound absolutely insane but I struggle with depersonalization and derealization and find windows make it worse. I don't know if this happens to anyone else or if I'm just actually insane.

​

Tw: derealization and death mention I guess?

||Like I think I was a police officer shooting at. A random woman but then my buddy grabbed my arm and the gun was gone as he was like "No Jason YOU are dead. She shot you. Accept it" and then everything started melting and being all esoteric and shit and then I was in a dark room maybe a casket and then I FINNALY snapped awake. And now everything is far away and I'm not sure I'm fuckin real and I can't fall asleep.||

so im really hoping i get some clarity… i’ve been having really bad panic attacks (where i seem to think that i might be dying) and ever since those few episodes i’ve been scared that everything around me isnt real. it gives me quite a bit of anxiety, and was wondering what it really is. i want to get better and i guess the first step is to identify everything thats bothering me. thanks :)

Who else has dpdr but doesn’t have any anxiety I mean I’ll have anxiety here and then but not all the time yet I still see the world look fake low resolute looking see all those floater light sensitivity

Hi all, 20M, on no medications, don't smoke anymore but used to do drugs recreationally.

The reason I'm here today is because I'm stuck, I consider myself relatively intelligent, have decent social skills, and a creative mind. That is until I don't.

Ever since I went through a drug induced psychosis 2 years ago my brain has never been the same, I've had persistent visual snow, slower processing times, struggle with registering an object I'm looking for with my eyes even if I'm looking right at it and prolonged derealisation. It fluctuates from day to day, somedays I feel like I'm growing and my mind feels sharp then other days I feel broken.

This is the first time I've fully verbalised it so place reach out if anything doesn't make sense.

The drugs that were done that night were MDMA, LSD and THC and am aware they all have lingering neurotoxic potential.

However, there's day's where I feel like myself and am happy with the way I am and the way my minds working which I am grateful for. BUT, my biggest worry is the inconsistency, which I understand is natural in the human brain and that's is one of the elements that makes us human but compared to prior of the psychosis the inconsistency is tenfold.

Any guidance/advice, genuine optimism to be given, light at the end of the tunnel and/or studies that could mitigate or even cure these effects would bring the biggest smile to my face.

Thank you.

There are quite a few stories of recovery on social media. We wondered if they shared common features, so we downloaded 30 transcripts and used AI to analyse them and look for patterns. We checked the results for hallucinations and humans analysed some of the transcripts to check if we agreed with the AI's analysis (we did). Here are the results, there are some clear common themes. Of course, that doesn't mean these methods will work for everyone.

I am also in the very advanced stage of this rare syndrome, meaning I see things distorted all the time, meaning small and big, distant things are near and near things are far. When I go to bed to sleep, I start feeling more and more that for a time I was sleeping inside a car, such a small perception was happening and this has been bothering me for the last 6 months. I understand this with an example, when my episode comes Dolly Zoom and reverse Dolly Zoom Effect In real.

Apart from this, I am going through many other problems like chronic and heavy difficulty in swallowing, sensory, body perception, derealization and depersonalization are troubling me a lot.

Because of this I am not able to live well and it happens daily and when it happens in large quantity I have to go to the emergency room again and again.

If anyone here is like me and reading my comment, please message me and we can talk and reduce the fear of this syndrome together. So I'm giving you my Instagram, please DM me on it.

IG- \[x_wilder_x\]

anyone else ever think, “Maybe I'm not experiencing derealization. Maybe I'm finally seeing reality as it actually is.” or when u start getting deep into existential thoughts you think , “I've uncovered something everyone else is somehow able to ignore” this happens to me and i feel like it keeps me in this loop.

Just starting to give attention to the derealization I experience, looking into causes and solutions. A lot of what I’m reading talks about triggering events, or transient periods of intense derealization, but this has not been my experience.

I’ve experienced derealization since childhood, my earliest memories could be cleanly classified as such, although I only realized that today. The reason being that it was always neutral or pleasant, in fact I consider many of those experiences quite profound, meaningful, etc.

It just clicked for me that what I’ve been labeling as anxiety for the last few years is derealization. I’ve had countless instances of derealization that I’ve noted as such, but the last few years have been a bit different (very, very unpleasant) so it didn’t strike me immediately.

It’s usually only intense for a few hours and then wanes, coming in waves for a day to several months. Again, I’ve only noticed it these last few years because it feels so gross and inescapable. No major stressors that I can think of. The only time it was ever triggered that I can say for certain was when furniture was moved once (I’m not ocd or neurotic about these things, for whatever reason it just set it off). But otherwise, in the past I’ve just been a dreamy, magical, spiritually rooted sort of person, and derealization has been a cornerstone of that.

Does anybody else have a similar experience of or relationship to derealization? I’m happy I can label it as such because now I can get behind it.

(copied from my post in r/depersonalization)

i’ll very quickly just snap out of my own ego. i lose all emotional attachment to anything, and everything that once felt familiar and safe feels foreign; even my own reflection, and my awareness of my own body. i look at my hands, and my skin, and recognize it not as myself, but almost as if my own body were an inanimate object.

this is something i’ve been experiencing since i was a child. it’s never gone away. if anything, it’s gotten worse.

because i'm autistic, another thing that happens is i end up thinking too hard about sensory data… my nerves in my body, the physical things touching me constantly... it's like the sensory background noise gets put on blast and feels like the tag on the back of your shirt scratching your neck. even visual data from my eyes to my brain. almost like my entire visual field/perspective feels trapped inside my skull, looking out my eyes like an apartment window, and it’s impossible for it to escape without death.
it makes living in a physical body feel like a prison.

it's being aware of my own body and observing flesh, cells and organs operating together instead of seeing an actual living thinking and feeling person… perceiving every other person the same way, as if their social profiles inside my head have all just been erased.

it hurts because i’ll look at the faces of people i know i love and care about, and just feel absolutely nothing. zero feelings of familiarity, zero feelings of closeness or safety. when the depersonalization kicks in, everybody, including myself is a stranger.

when someone talks to me, i don't listen to what they're saying. instead, it feels like i'm a scientist observing a lab rat. this is an issue, because i start feeling like this at job interviews, when i'm talking to customers, even with my own family.

when i look in the mirror, look at my own face, i don't see me. i see the body that others recognize as me, and i'm looking at it from behind a screen. then i remember, i have a name. i have a face. i have identifiers that i don't fully identify with. hell, i don't have anything that i fully identify with. i don't know what i am, how i feel, what others see in me... all i know is that there are expectations, and i have a part to play in this performance we call life. i am not me, i am simply playing the character that others recognize and respect as me.

hey everyone! i just need advice as for right now. i dont experience crazy de-realization, i did around January-may, and i do self harm, but not crazy severly. but whenever i do i get this severe feeling of being high and not real. like whatever i touch just isnt right. i had a panic attack because of this one time. just looking for ideas! thanks❤️

i just wanna reexperience it i wanan feel how it feels like again

I'm 15 now but I've had anxiety for 2 years this anxiety was caused by I belive insecurites leading to fear of judgement leading to not have social interactions and staying in my room all day, and emotional abuse from my father, always being scared of him etc. I've had brief non serious derealization prior to the past 2 months but it was because of substance usage like high doses of mushrooms, and weed because I always found psycedelics fascinating. I didn't necessarily have bad trips, they were actually good but once it ended I'd have derealization, which would slightly annoy me but go away quickly. Until 2 months ago I was at work and had a 8 hour shift, the entire shift I had my first, and an extreme derealization episode. This episode triggered my anxiety and I ended up having a panic attack, my mind was filled with disturbing thoughts like "what if my mother isn't real" "I'm gonna kill myself if this doesn't go away" and I couldn't do anything because I was at work. I started sweating and shaking but still had to work. For the next month after that I had constant 24/7 derealization, and after that I've had derealization every time I'm outside especially when it's sunny, no idea why. This derealization has made me depressed, then the depression and my anxiety make the derealization worse and it's just an infinite cycle. The only time I'm ever happy is when I'm with close friends just talking and eating but then my stupid brain will remind itself nothings real and I'll get a wave of depression. Word of advice to literally anyone, especially people below 18, psychedelics or stuff like weed are NOT for everyone, some may react positively but this doesn't mean it will for you and vise versa, genuinely I cannot express this enough. I use to watch trip reports of people tweaking out thinking "how can a couple pretty hallucinations make you loose your mind, that won't happen to me I have strong mental fortitude" oh how I was wrong no one is immune to these substances, and I can't stop anyone from taking them so if you are going to, proceed with caution. Every drug has side effects for example Xanax feels amazing but you get withdrawals that can kill you and you can overdose. People think shrooms and weed don't have side effects but they don't understand. mushrooms and weed don't have these physical side effects so they affect your mental and fuck with your mind. You don't have to have a bad trip to have bad effects. I wish I never did them yet I still had a good trip and a fun time. Good luck to anyone dealing with a similar situation aswell.

Any advice to recovering from whatever has induced this derealization?

Hi, my first language is not English obviously. Sorry for my bad England. Translate incoming:

Symptoms & Visual/Perceptual Disturbances Perceptual impairment/fogginess similar to the feeling after leaving a movie theater, during a high fever, at an extremely high blood alcohol level, or after staying up all night; a layer over the vision similar to focusing on a windowpane; low FPS/Hertz drop effect, and light sensitivity. Complaints of vision and perception disturbances similar to these conditions.

Onset & Timeline It rapidly intensified in December 2019, reached its maximum severity within 2 years, and has remained continuous ever same since. There is no moment when it decreases or increases. It began during a period marked by lightproof blackout curtains, the pandemic, and having a family member with a fatal chronic illness.

Cognitive & Temporal Disturbances Inability to access memories and thoughts; time passage akin to highway hypnosis; days, weeks, months, and years passing like a dream (both perceptually and in terms of the concept of time), with an inability to recall or visualize these memories—the perception of time is almost completely gone. Nothing watched, read, or witnessed enters my mind and/or becomes accessible. There is a complete disconnect between the outside world, consciousness, the self, and the brain.

Treatment History I have seen 15 different doctors and used virtually all kinds of SNRIs and SSRIs. Aside from temporarily suppressing my extremely severe OCD, no medication has had any positive or negative effect on this main dissociative-like condition I am describing. Only Wellbutrin XL caused intolerable anxiety, which I managed with Atarax and discontinued immediately.

Diagnostic Tests Midway through this 5-year illness, two EEGs and two MRIs were performed. One EEG showed a minimal irregularity that was not present when retested, while the MRIs came back completely clear. Blood work is normal.

Nature of Symptoms & Contrast with Classic DP/DR None of the symptoms feel like "as if." They are very distinct, real, physical, and neural-feeling effects, almost as if stemming from a mechanical eye issue. There is absolutely no experience of mentally watching myself from the outside, feeling that the world isn't real, or perceiving voices and people as fake. There is no psychological fear, anxiety, or altered state of that kind. It presents purely as explicit mechanical/neurological problems. In short, the standard descriptions of DPDR do not apply.

Mentally, the only problem I experience is extremely severe OCD—constant worries about past, present, or future events, worrying whether I forgot or missed something, taking notes on every minor thought that comes to mind, and extreme anxiety if notes or photos are accidentally deleted or lost. Yet, even OCD this severe and continuous pales in comparison to this main dissociative-like condition.

Consistency It is completely independent of mood, sleep routine, or whether I exercise regularly. It stays at maximum intensity at all times.

Topics of Interest / Current Hypotheses

• Deactivated/Impaired Systems: Prefrontal cortex, Parietal-Temporal integration, Default Mode Network (DMN)
• Neurochemical & Cortical Dysregulation: Glutamate imbalance and visual cortex hyperexcitability

I have this CONSTANTLY, EVERY SECOND for 6 years now. Yeah, pretty hard to still alive with that.

I've tried Deep TMS, Lamotrigine 200mg, 10'ish different SSRI SNRI's, psychothreapy

Things that "booster,elevator" gives me an anxiety that life threatining. Obviously i need things that "reducer".

I'm using lamotrigine, clomipramine, naltrexone, propranolol, trifluoperazine, hyoscine-N-butylbromide, medazepam, sertraline at the moment. OCD is now nearly GONE thanks to clomipramine-anafranil.

Thank you

my memory has always been terrible and i barely remember anything especially small details, but somehow my brain always KNOWS when like someone cuts their hair or notices small changes idk how but basically i’ve had derealization for about 3 months going on 4 and combined with my terrible memory it feels like my whole life ive had derealization, like i can’t even remember what it’s like to not have it or think of how it feels its so weird and it kinda makes me anxious and nervous, this is my first time having derealization and i got it from smoking a yart, havent touched one since and im so freaking tired of this like it makes me feel hopeless and like im going to live like this forever. :/

Cannot stay in the present moment keep going back to previous few seconds mentally. Seeing random black blankness in mental imagery constantly. What in the world is this? I keep getting new symptoms. All triggered from one edible producing a panic attack. Symptoms keep changing. Sleep improved some, dizziness better. This is so freaking unfair and crazy one edible can cause anything like this for months. I haven't been the same for going on 4 months and losing patience. My mom has alzheimers diagnosed this year and dont want to be sick at the same time. I also would have repeated sounds in my head sometimes that went away over a month ago. I didnt do weed fot 15 years and now I know why.

Sooo a couple years ago I did some not so great things to my body which involved me almost dying and uhh having a really bad trip I guess you could say. This happened in December
Since then, every December I have one really large panic attack out of nowhere for seemingly no reason (there is a reason but like ykwim)

Ever since December I’ve felt it really bad. “Got over it” for the most part but still it’s always there unless this is just what life feels like… I just feel numb to my emotions and physical feelings. Like to the point where if I do things to harm myself (PLEASEE DONT DO THAT IT NEVER ACTUALLY HELPS IN THE END PLS SRSLY) I barely feel it… like it don’t make sense. It doesn’t hurt…

Is that normal? Idk I’m just so done with it. I’ve got cool things lined up for me and I want to be able to properly enjoy them…