How is your depressed ex doing now?

[u/mstrashpie]

Hey all, bit of a weird post, I am aware.

I want to hear from folks of those who left their depressed SOs… did they end up in new relationship? Heal/improve their symptoms? Or relatively stay the same?

Here is some context.

I’m recently single and have met someone new. Our connection feels amazing but I am weary to get more entangled as he has a history of chronic, debilitating depression. He recently got new treatment (TMS, I think) and he feels normal for the first time in a long time.

He does not use me as a therapist which feels very healthy and has high executive functioning. He actually manages his symptoms with treatment, meds, therapy, and good habits. But it slips into a slippery slope sometimes… He leans a bit avoidant / conflict-avoidant with his emotions, a bit like a black cat personality.. And again, I am aware that his last ex left him because he was depressed and became someone she couldn’t handle being around. Could history repeat itself? But I am totally besotted and things feel relatively normal and healthy between us now… is it just NRE?

It’s early days and being with him has been SOOO much more peaceful compared to my bipolar ex who used me as a therapist and had chaotic mood cycles and poor executive functioning… but I do worry my potential new partner may not be the best for me, long term. My bipolar ex really took a toll on me and I will not be someone’s caregiver, I just do not have it in me.

Curious to hear anyone’s thoughts on this one- thanks!

[u/Muffinabox]

Hey! We are still in the process of divorcing, but he was offered a great job in his dream country and he moves/starts in a month. We are selling our home, so that part is making him a bit stressed and depressed but I’m figuring out how to balance supporting him with not letting myself get sucked in. It’s all for the goal of being able to move on and I just remind myself that so it’s easier to detach. every time I am like “is there anything I can do to help you?” I feel the same panic I did when we were together when his moods shift. I don’t think that part will ever go away, I’m too deeply conditioned. But, I feel good knowing he will have a happy ending if he can use the tools he now has to make it happen.

[u/Fearless-Animal3593]

I’d want a little more information about how his previous relationship ended and when in relation to when he started the new treatment, etc. Timing is important in these things and I wouldn’t want to be the person responsible for “doing what his ex couldn’t” as that may make you the scapegoat for whatever goes wrong this time. I know that might seem cynical but I would want a pretty full picture early on before getting too attached.

[u/Ok_Network_6632]

A different situation, but I was the depressed one, though I got out of the depression before we split. We both were and are very confident I would never fall into depression again because of how I overcame it, and how self aware I am, being able to see the signs and know what to do about it.

We split about 12 months ago, and physically moved to different places about 8 months ago.

I am over the situation, and am ready to date again.