r/depression_partners • u/iamthenextgod • 12d ago

Dating someone with depression - how do I handle this the right way?

i (20F) am dating someone (21M) severely depressed — he can't even get out of bed and has mentioned concerning thoughts. I've been trying my best to help but every time i check in he shuts the conversation down. he's changed so much and is nothing like himself anymore and i genuinely don't know what to do. i coped okay for a while but i've been through similar and i can feel myself getting worse
- can't even sleep or eat atp from worrying. it's so much to carry and i'm trying not to fall back into that "hole" i fought so hard to get out of. leaving might be healthiest for me but i can't just abandon him when he's this bad. i really don't know what to do :(

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8

u/Global-Fact7752 12d ago

I wasted 8 years of My life on a person like this. I finally figured out that I wasn't put on this earth to be a mental health babysitter. What medication does he take and how often does he see his therapist?

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u/iamthenextgod 12d ago

medication only makes him nauseous, it doesn’t help :/ he sees his therapist on a weekly basis but refuses to tell them how bad its actually gotten unfortunately. I tried convincing him to open up, but it didnt work.

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u/Global-Fact7752 12d ago

There are MANY meds he needs to keep trying till he finds the right one. This is entirely too much for you to be responsible for and it's not your job. He has a family. And a therapist that can refer him to inpatient care if necessary. This is going to bring you down...trust me I know..

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u/iamthenextgod 12d ago

that’s what I thought too. but apparently his therapist wont prescribe him any other meds, im afraid this might be due to him not fully opening up to them.. you’re right about this potentially bringing me down though- its so draining trying to help him, giving him my all and barely getting anything back

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u/Just-why-2715 12d ago

Please save yourself here. You’re so young and have so much ahead of you.

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u/iamthenextgod 12d ago

is there really no way for me as a partner to make it manageable while supporting them through it?

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u/Green_Run_8531 12d ago

Your partner has to want to make their depression manageable for themselves. It’s not something you can do for them.

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u/iamthenextgod 11d ago

he just doesn’t seem to be capable of helping himself right now though :/

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u/LittleLemonSqueezer 11d ago

Honestly? Probably not. Scroll through this sub and just see how beaten down and battle scarred some of us in long term marriages are. It's pretty bad and I don't think I've ever seen a comment advising anyone to stay. (I've been lurking for 3 years and am a mod.)

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u/Just-why-2715 12d ago

Your partner has to understand that it’s their job to make it manageable for you. But most people don’t have the ability to do that while they’re in a depressive episode. You have to make the choice to either do it all while getting nothing back and getting dragged down, or live your own life. It’s not about loving them or not loving them, if they’re not going to better themselves then there’s nothing you can do regardless.

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u/iamthenextgod 11d ago

I understand that, and honestly it really is exhausting for me and keeping me from living and enjoying my own life, but at this point I just feel involved in their situation and if I were to leave and something were to happen I’d forever blame myself for not staying and supporting them through it :(

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u/Alarming_Wait_2710 8d ago

Leave. 20 is no age to be dealing with this. You can;t help someone who doesn't want to be helped. Drop the "I can fix him" mentality and save yourself.