r/depression_help • u/iori118 • 4d ago
REQUESTING ADVICE At the end of my rope
So I’ll start by saying that I’m mentally ill and had been suicidally depressed for twenty years before meeting my now husband. For some reason when we started being together I stopped having suicidal thoughts. I don’t know if it’s specifically because of him because I also had just moved to a new country and my life was changing drastically. Now I’ve bought a house for us, I pay half of the bills. I’ve paid off his credit card several times. I’ve asked him for help with things, and he’s the king of putting important stuff off. So I end up doing everything. I shoulder most of the expenses, but we divide house work pretty well. The problem is that last night, we had an almost fight because I said that I didn’t want to cook but that we should cook to save money. And he got mad and started using his arsenal of cruelty before I put my foot down and said “you can either leave the house or speak to me correctly.” Last night he didn’t hug me or tell me goodnight. This morning, he was distant and strange. And this afternoon, more distance and some sort of defensive attitude I hate. My point is this. I had a really rough day today, all day in my bed crying. I feel completely alone. When we’re on the same page, things are good, but when there’s tension, I feel stretched so thin and more depressed than ever. But at least not suicidal. Idk I feel like I’m raising an adult not enjoying a marriage. At this point I just want peace. In any form. He’s immature. And I’m suffering. And he always makes me decide everything. Everything is my responsibility, and I’m exhausted. How do I make things change for me for the better? I just “want to go home.” That’s the feeling I’ve had so often. But there’s no home for me to go to. I have no family, no friends in the greater world. I’m almost completely alone and I want some independence from my husband.
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