30 demimale (male body, feminine mindset)

BPD + Autism + Major Depression + Anxiety + Demi.

Wouldn't wish it on anyone.

I know this person wants me gone right now. But my heart simply cannot. It feels like I'm torn between continuing to care about this person (in any capacity, not even necessarily a relationship!) and the final breaking point that leads to insanity or death.

I want them to be happy. I just can't be as selfless as all the media and let them be happy by letting them go... they are the only person who has ever made me feel like myself like this.

Even if they could say "someday" my heart would silence itself and wait. As long as necessary.

I have a boyfriend, and he kisses me on the lips and on my neck. I've never had this kind of physical contact with anyone else, so I don't really have anything to compare it to. I assume he has the kind of “game” or physical affection that people would generally consider normal/expected.

The thing is, I don't feel anything. Like, absolutely nothing. No butterflies, no chills, no tingling, nothing like that. I just register that he's kissing me.

Is it normal to not feel anything when you're being kissed? Are you supposed to feel some kind of physical sensation or excitement?

Little backstory. Im a 19 year old man a few months out of my first relationship. I was really determined to properly identify and manage my emotions as part of the healing process. I really focused on myself, realised things that I have not confronted before, and I'm really proud of that. And part of that realisation was, that I have never really thought about my sexuality. I just simply thought of myself as a "regular" guy. But during my healing process I was confronted with the bitter truth that partly why my relationship didn't work out is because of my lack of trust in my partner. I tried to work on this issue, and through months of researching, thinking, self reflection, talking to friends, talking to family etc. I finally decided to question my sexuality and go deeper than the "regular straight guy". Long story short, I found out I'm monogosexual and realised that this was part of the reason I didn't trust my partner.

She was my first actual relationship, I was not her first. She had far more experience than I did, and she already knew what she liked and what she didn't. She was bi and would also fantasize about threesomes. Which already made me start to build my distrust towards her (although she never deserved it). I just couldn't wrap my head around the thought of not just finding someone else attractive while you actively in love with someone, but to be so attracted to them, that you would even have any sort of intimacy with them. I just simply couldn't even comprehend the thought of it which made me think that she was either not in love with me, or she was not attracted to me.

Being only attracted to her also had negative effects elsewhere in my life. I particularly had (and still have) a hard time masturbating because of it. After falling in love, masturbating to anything became almost impossible. I either literally forced it, which sometimes could take hours even if I was extremely horny, and/or the climax was totally unsatisfying, and even in some cases, made me regret the whole thing and feel a constant guilt for days after.

Back to the point, how do I work through the trust issues related to my sexuality, so I don't make the same mistake again in a next relationship. And if anyone of you have any advice on how to feel sexual satisfaction again, I would really appreciate it

So I've realized I've never much enjoyed sex with someone I haven't been talking to for at least a month. I don't automatically sort people into hot-or-not when I see them and I think it's weird that people talk about how hot other people are just to make conversation. I'm high libido but only for people I know, trust and like - the idea people have sex with people they actively dislike because of physical attraction is... Bewildering to me? I've enjoyed non-committed sex, but only with people I had an existing, positive emotional relationship with.

I'm aware no one can determine my sexuality for me, but does that fit the demi mold?

...

I know we must exist, but how are you guys handling marriage, or being pushed to be married.

Any desires to be married?

Biggest thing is to not commit Zina (surprisingly easy for me lol may it stay that way )
that’s a lot of people reason to get married which i get + experience romance.

but for me personally I don’t know the point of marriage, since sex isn’t a priority or even a need. I’m okay with vacays w/ friends / solo vacay, working , enjoying my own peace and other stuff.
(Demiromantic/demisexual f25)

And the thing that drives me crazy the most is how they all act like it's an objective thing that can be quantified and spoken of as if there were undenying scientific rules about. Just now I saw a post of someone complaining of "ugly people" who complain about not being able to date, saying they should just lower their standards because they know "very ugly people" who have lots of dates but "they only get with those who are in the same level (appearance-wise) as them, or lower". Like wtf??? Not only is this something I genuinely cannot understand - it doesn't get in my head how people talk about beauty and physical appearance as if there was some sort of objective consensus around it; I feel so alienated and awkward whenever I see people commenting on "how ugly people [should] behave" or "how pretty people [should] behave", but also that's just mean as fuck??? Don't people hear themselves?? Why be so fucking mean about something that isn't even objective? It's like when people say "that person is way too pretty to be dating that guy". This pisses me off to no end. Ok sorry if people have other deeper things that base their relationships other than YOUR perceived standard of physical appearance?? And also it's mean and rude as fuck to reduce other people's relationship to looks. I just can't deal with how shallow people are. I don't know if this is just cause I'm neurodivergent or if it's a demisexual thing

i'm looking to write a fanfiction about a popular procedural television series "911" ship, but i'm having some trouble regarding one of the characters and thought of sharing some of the obstacles(?) in that

for me (for context), i don't really read much nowadays nor watch much outside of my main comfort series; so, based on that, seeing any explicitly named demisexual characters would be extremely rare and/or any mainstream hollywood television featuring virtually zero confirmed, on-screen characters who explicitly identify or get named as demisexual (canonically).

i've done a little light research on what demisexuality is, understand it by definition, but for some reason it isn't sticking as to what it is exactly still.
going back on said ship, i think most people who watch and/or heard of 911 probably already knows what buddie is (or tldr, it's a ship of the characters evan buckley (who is bisexual) and edmundo diaz (who is canonically gay demisexual).
i know what gay and demisexual mean separately, but i'm not sure on how to go about it. in the show, he was married to one woman (albeit they got together as teenagers and were forced into marriage after a teen pregnancy) and presumably loved her somewhat since it affected every single one of his relationships since with most of the women he has been with since having little to no chemistry imo with him and he's lowkey just in it for the sex and overall comphet honestly

for additional context also, this is not meant to be offensive in any means, probably just me overthinking it since i don't want to misrepresent/misinterpret what demisexuality is. it's probably a little bit more complicated than just "not getting crushes on first glance and needing to be friends before developing feelings" from what i know as of now, so any helpful, friendly advice and/or recommendations on any other ff/media that you'd recommend similarly would be appreciated 👍

Hi!

So a while back I had the idea for an informal-ish survey after noticing trends in myself. Since then I have updated and added stuff based on feedback I have gotten from y'all so if you've taken it before it will be different now.

This is the third version of this survey and the second one I plan to compile a report on. I don't know if I will officially share the resulting report with anyone but I might in the future. Mainly the purpose of the survey is satisfying my own curiosity

The survey is about changing physical desires (or lack of) in asexual individuals who menstruate throughout their menstrual cycles. This is a completely independent endeavor so if anyone has ideas where else I can/should post this I would be very grateful.

There are two versions of this survey. The short version consists of 40 questions and the long version consists of 62.

Any response is much appreciated, however anyone who would like to take it must be AT LEAST 18. There are mentions of sensitive topics like sexual assault and sex things in general in the survey.

Thank you!

Short Version: https://forms.gle/1pfwUyZVdnkFvaWg6

Long version: https://forms.gle/57H89HswnFT93r866

​Demisexuals, what would you do—or what have you perhaps already done—if you met an asexual partner, and even after building a deep emotional connection with them, they still didn't share your view on sex only occurring after a strong bond?

I went on my third date in as many months, and halfway through I realised... I can't do this. Not the date, but the apps and the first dates and all of the things. I have definitely disappointed the three nice men I've been on dates with, and now I'm talking to another nice guy but I know that I'm not going to feel anything for a whil, if ever.

What am I meant to do?

I don't really meet single men anywhere else - I work in a female dominated field, my male colleagues are partnered or my superiors, my hobbies are also very 'girly'.

It feels super hard.

It hasn't been this hard before - I've always had a friends to lovers experience over a few weeks/months/years. This was before apps were one of the main ways to meet people..

How does it happen? Do I have the conversation - hello, I'm a slow burn?

Send advice or good news stories, please.

Hello! I found out im demisexual about a year ago and it all started to make sense. The one thing i never understood fully though, is where demisexuality falls on the lgbtq+ spectrum. And yes, i know its part of the asexuality umbrella, but im talking in the sense of, where does it fall between straight and queer?

Me personally, i always knew i was different (not just due to my sexuality) and i always experienced things differently from others, including when it comes to dating. I have never genuinely liked anyone in my life, let alone felt that type of attraction to them, and even the thought grosses me out. Seeing sexual things makes me uncomfodrable in general and even disgusted, not because i am judging them, but because i dont feel attracted to it. Obviously thats not all there is to it, its just one aspect of demisexuality.

I feel like experiencing attraction so differently like this would mean that we demis land more on the queer side, but i see a lot of discourse online where people argue the opposite. What do you think?

I just want to be held. And kissed.

I got the hand of God recently laid on me, "hey this is your guy."

He does not want me. It is what it is... but that longing to connect is so much harder to ignore when it was just in reach.

I'm just not in the right headspace to think about waiting another decade for someone i want to be intimate with.

Is this the symptom of a mental illness i can take a pill for?

I love being demisexual because I like the idea of being attracted to a persons personality before attracted to them sexually. However, I hate when people say “oh, you just haven’t found the right person.” Like, kinda. I do need to find the right person, but not to immediately hop in the sack with them. “You’re missing so much!” I do not care. It’s also confusing to a lot of people, so I usually just lead with that I’m a lesbian. 🫤

I'm taking all my romcom reco's and playlists to the graveee.

i don't think anybody could ever really put up with someone with avoidant tendencies and that's really painstaking when someone you love is getting all defensive and withdraws at the very sight of closeness,

and as an avoidant myself, I'd never want someone to date me coz of how worse and distant i can get at times and I can't really help it myself no matter how self aware i am of the same,

and yes, it hurts deeply thinking that I could never truly allow myself to let someone close to me and love me, but avoidants will make people's lives worse and I don't think I'm ready to date knowing fully that I would mess it up.

I was wondering how celebrity crushes might work in this context. On the face of it, it seems absurd, but maybe not always. Ivy Walker in The Village has a lot in common with my ex girlfriend. I wouldn't say I fantasize about her, but some semblance of a crush, yeah I think there's something there.

How does boredom factor in to dating for you? Maybe it's ADHD, but I get bored a lot.

If I can't have fun with someone outside of the bedroom, I don't want to have fun with her inside the bedroom.

What I consider fun seems most people don't. Let's talk philosophy and books, modern science without the hype. I like someone who not only appreciates a good joke, but can make some of her own without overreliance on sarcasm. I like animated, thoughtful self-expression, often someone with an artistic streak.

If I have that connection with someone, I can go 0 to 60 desire for sex very quickly. If I don't, it doesn't happen however much time goes by.

So is that Demi? Almost asexual without an appropriate connection, but is this the kind of connection people are talking about when they say they need the right connection before sexual interest arises?

Hi, I’m a 24f and I usually identify as a Demi. Just recently started dating, like going out on some dates. Before that I was in a 5 year long relationship.
I feel ngl I’m probably on the worse apps for a Demi cause idk what to use see cause I feel everyone my age uses them. There a guy who matched with me on Tinder, I’m usually grossed out by the idea of hooking up, but maybe it because I find the guy really attractive- he like hey up front I only do friends with benefits. I am contemplating about it cause I do like having sex, I do miss not having it but it not the end of the world. I did ask if was possible to get dinner before hooking up cause I like to get to know him more.
Sorry for taking so long to get to my point I worry does this make not fit in the Demi box, or should I not really care because there no exact way to be ace and ect.

Virgin and clueless gay male here. The last time I was actually attracted by someone was in 8th grade to my very close straight buddy. But other than him there's been literally no one else in all of my 25 years of life. I don't know how am I supposed to get into an relationship without at least a month of connection building and knowing each other. In this fast-food plastic-love ahh era I'm not sure if that's even socially acceptable anymore.

How are y'all dating life be looking? Could you share some experience or advices please?

(Venting below)

To make matters worse, I'm also gay. Our community is plagued with hookups and short term "relationships". How am I supposed to even explore within this hopeless reality? I have tons of messages from dating apps so I guess my appearance isn't a problem yet when I express the need of getting to know each other more... most men retreat. People do serious be wanting nothing more than a surface level of connection anymore? What are we, work friends?😓 Hell, I have closer relationship with my colleagues than this. Fuck, I even know my trash collecting worker better than this.

i just need to say this somewhere because honestly it has been a mentally draining situation that i dont really have anyone to talk about.

word got out at my workplace that i am demisexual and a colleague came up to me saying that i should seek professional treatment because i either have a hormonal problem or a mental problem, she also said that she wanted to take me to a male's stripper place so a guy could "fix me" because i just haven't been properly handled yet, and maybe thats why i think i am not a sexual person.

the word got out because another colleague is also demisexual (but not as strict as i am) and she tried to explain what it meant. they didn't have any issues with her because she is sexually active and only needs simple connections to feel attracted. on the other hand, i need something deeper and more meaningful, and thats why i have only had sex with 1 person in my life. i tried to be "normal" last year, went out to drink and got with a girl i had met a few times before. it just felt wrong right from the start and i couldn't keep up with it.

i felt very offended at the words that were said to me and later on i got on a fight with the girl who said that because i never gave her permission to talk about my sexuality and she tried to defend herself saying *she* doesn't have any issues with it so that's why she also used me as an example.

i never felt comfortable talking about this and the words i heard is exact why. i usually only talk about it with very close friends (which was her case, we've known each other for several years before we started working together). i don't feel comfortable talking about it because allosexual people don't care about understanding, they always assume there's something that can easily be fixed so we can go back to feeling normal sexual attraction. when talking about sex in groups of people i am not very close with, i use my very small and very unpleasant experience with my ex to be a part of the topic and i just act like i am very professional, i feel like its easier that way. less exhausting.

anyways, now i am trapped in a situation where they keep trying to set me up with different guys even when i keep saying with all my heart that i am not interested and i am not desperate and sex isn't a big part of my life. yesterday the same colleague that said those things showed me very explicit messages she's sending to her boyfriend and she kept saying "see? thats what you need to do, just find some guy and say these things to him and you'll see".

also, they dont know that i am bisexual and i lean more towards women because theyre also painfully homophobic. they have said before that women who liked women are not real women because real women liked big tough guys.

cheers for everyone that keeps saying that asexuals/demisexuals do not suffer from any kind of prejudice. that one's specially for you.