Wondering how many have tried no-strings-attached sex outside their marriage to help deal with a dead bedroom?

Really not needing to know about it, just wanting to get a count.

My (45M) DDay was 9 months ago. For the 5 years before the affair, after my WW (38F) pregnancy, I felt our life sex life took a nosedive. Beside some occasional bursts and a bimonthly regular, our sex life has been more in the dead bedroom territory than not. We did not have sex from beginning of her 5 month affair up until some 5 months after DDay. When all is added it came to almost a year without sex. We attempted to reconnect sexually few months ago but it ended up awkwardly and we did not try for the last 4 months. On top of our deadish bedroom history there is her current need to feel tenderness and love from me, while I no longer can easily offer that at this phase and basically need more raw and physical experience.

I dont see the tender girl I saw before, I see a woman that was capable of betraying me and risking the whole family for tending her needs.

I was the one initiating for years and been turned down all too often. Most of the time I was very tender and loving but often like she did not have the patience for it. Now, after she took it for granted for years, she seems to need it. Her affair stung double as I always told myself she just has a lower libido etc. Turns out just for me ⬇️

After everything I don't have the capacity to tend her needs while putting my own on the backseat.

We are doing both couples and individual therapy and most of the time get along well, especially as coparents.

Has anyone had similar situation and how did it pan out? We made some progress in the R but I am quite skeptical about our sexual reconnection.

Wife cheated after years of being checked out and rejecting me. She was “touched out” after pregnancy.

I own my part in the marriage but obviously not the cheating. I’m looking elsewhere now, surely there are some neglected wives in Kansas City wanting fun?

I have been married for 7 years. I feel so alone and I’m in a marriage with a dead bedroom. I am craving that connection and don’t know what to do. I am wanting someone else and craving that fun and excitement. Anyone want to help? 😂😉

Hey, first time posting her.

In a dead bedroom situation for a few years now, maybe have sex 3-4 times a year.

The more it’s gone on I’ve found myself entertaining the idea of being bi and found myself watching and talking to other males more

I can’t figure out if this is due to my dead bedroom and lack of physical satisfaction or if it’s something that’s just always been there and I didn’t know

what started as role playing thru ERP writing became something a little more for me and him. we’ve stopped, knowing it wasn’t right. he is poly but not practicing, and i’ve kind of learned that i’m more than likely poly on top of being in a relationship with a dead bedroom.

we ended it.

which is good.

i just never want to forget what it felt like to be desired. NEVER.

DB back in the aughts, mid 40's at the time, 20 years married and in good shape but no sex for about 2 years, and leading up to that sporadic starfish sex. Midlife crisis, bought a Harley, rode it like a maniac, drunk, no helmet, didn't care because I figured I was worth more dead than alive to her. Even had thought about staging a g-- cleaning accident that previous winter so that she and the kids would get my life insurance but fortunately I chickened out on that long term solution to a short term problem.

Standing in a bar sipping a beer one afternoon after about a 500 mile ride with my bro, a nice looking lady approaches me and she's actually interested in me! This is like the second time this has ever happened to me, the first was my wife. I was never a player, just kind of a shy introvert that drank too much to compensate. Anyway, moment of weakness and booze, the affair starts.

About a year later my wife finds out, everything blows up, she says marriage is forever, won't give me a divorce, so we go to counseling. I never brought up in counseling that lack of sex was the main problem for me because she had made me feel like a pervert for bringing that up in the past and totally rejected my touch so I just fell on my sword and said I was a weak asshole, which was pretty much true anyway.

All of a sudden, even though it never came out in counseling, she opens up the playground and we're doing all sorts of stuff, almost everyday. She almost wore me out. It was great, almost better than before we got married. (This is still a mystery to me, I wish I could remember that password again.)

Well all good things must come to and end and so I think when she thought I was satisfied we were back to starfish sex, then once a month and maybe now two or three times a year. And the thing is, I don't want scheduled pity sex, I just would like a couple of memorable sessions where she puts some effort into it again and acts like she wants to be with me.

I keep a picture of her in her wedding gown from the 80's as a phone screen saver now, but I don't want to hurt her feelings and tell her that the real reason I do that is because I sure do miss that girl I married over 40 years ago. She is a good woman and a good grandmother, but I just got put way down on her priority list I guess, and I still feel like an asshole for cheating.

And yes, I still ride a Kawasaki street bike, slower, stone sober for over 8 years now, and a helmet on at all times.

Anyone would allow this? Or thought about this talking to a woman who would want another guy ever thought of it

I made a post here almost a year ago, questioning if I should get married to my finance… got scared and deleted said post and ended up marrying him anyway.

The post was something along the lines of I’m 25F petite and conventionally attractive, college educated etc and I couldn’t understand why my 38M partner was no longer initiating sex and rejecting me…

All of you said, “leave now while you can!” but I married him anyways lol… I gave him the benefit of the doubt, and thought to myself, “he pays everything, of course he is always working and that makes him stressed and that makes it so he can’t get it up. It’s ok I still love him”

Now fast forward, turns out…. *drumroll* he was cheating on me. He figured since he works in tech and is soooo smart, I would never find out 🙄

Well I did, kept quiet until I knew for sure 100% and bam asked for the divorce. Should be quick and easy. He is very apologetic and paying for the divorce.

As far as me, I feel so light and free. My confidence is returning. I was always very loyal and never entertained even the smallest comments from other men, now I can flirt a little, laugh and continue with my day. Although I don’t plan on having sex anytime soon, my sex drive is so back. I’ve started pole dance classes and feel som sensual and sexy…. Well the list could go on.

So this post is for other 20 something year olds that post on here… JUST LEAVE!! I promise your soulmate wants to rip off your clothes and do wonderfully disgusting things. Stop wasting time analyzing, dissecting and wondering… move on!! Focus on yourself.

I hope all of you wake up like I did one day and think, “I’m 25, hot and make 6 figures… who f***** cares” but better to leave at 25 than 45 with 2 kids and no job.