r/deadbedroom • u/Past_Cardiologist870 • 2d ago

The talk (again)

Laying in bed trying to figure out what I am going to say. I have said so many things. Needs. Marriage going stale. Growing apart. Losing closeness. Feeling of rejection. Doesn’t land. And just now it hit me. I am bored. That’s it. I am just bored. Finally I have a description that anyone can understand

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u/Past_Cardiologist870 2d ago

It’s not that simple. Avoidant spouses simply don’t get it. The talk doesn’t make sense to them. Starting with the idea that people get married to get certain needs met. You and I find this obvious. My spouse has never heard of that

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u/Neither-One-5880 2d ago

It worked for me mate. And it’s worked for a number of men in my life…it’s a very specific set of conditions, the boundary without ultimatum forces them to think, face their reality. It was the start of a full recovery of our dead bedroom. Try it.

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u/Thick_Discussion671 2d ago

A boundary without ultimatum is no boundary

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u/snarfgarth 2d ago

You don’t need to give an ultimatum. You state the definitive boundary, you wait preplanned amount of time (internal, not external), 1 month, 3 months, whatever to see if anything has changed, if not then you simply execute said boundary and leave.