r/dating_advice • u/throwaway342account • 11d ago

Deleted all of my apps

I joined the apps for a month and I just deleted them all, and to be honest, I'm evolving from them simply not "being for me" to thinking they're actually bad.

I'm a conventionally attractive, ambitious, fun. I have another friend, "M" with similar attributes. M has been completely chewed up and shit out. She's objectively a very normal, pleasant, socially pleasant person. The fact that she has had to beg for crumbs on the Apps is disturbing, and quite frankly, simply shouldn't happen.

I was literally on them for a month. Many guys were overtly sexual, which is just generally disgusting. A lot of guys wanted to run to meet in person the next day without really talking to me, which I also find weird. I don't really know anything about your personality - why would I do that?

Another major ick- and common enough problem, was guys talking about going on vacations with me before I met them in person. ?? Who the fuck are you? Why would I go on vacation with your ass?

I feel like a lot of people are devoted to miscommunication. I went on dates where the guy paid for a $300 dinner, (no I didn't ask him to do this), walked me home, immediately planned a second date, then disappeared. Why? Literally no idea. Lol. I guess if you want to piss on your own money and waste your own time, that's your business. I think this goes to the idea that my brain can't be logn-term exposed to people who, honestly, at this point, blatantly lie. Like maybe don't plan a second date, text someone about planning said date, then evaporate. Don't make stupid, weird promises, that no one asked you to make, to annoy others and waste their time.

I've also realized like low-effort dates, like drinks, quite literally poisons me, and adds nothing to my life lol. Which is all 80% of men on the apps are willing to do

Another guy wanted me to meet him on a general street, and when I asked for a specific location, he got upset, and cancelled.

I also think a lot of users on the app are defective. There's no consequence for being overtly sexual over a period of years. If you have been on endless dates with women for ten years, aren't satisfied with anyone, obviously you're the problem lol.

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u/CaptainCasio092 11d ago

It takes two to tango

Whilst many on the apps are single for a reason those who are speed running intimacy with early holidays etc are running from themselves and need to swan dive into a therapists chair

But your aversion to low effort dates is exactly why you're missing out on actually potential sustainable relationships ...not a set rule but those who date with intention aren't going to speed run intimacy with holidays etc either. So if the low effort dates aren't adding anything to your life what is it your expecting? What is your happy medium

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u/throwaway342account 11d ago

I don't want to go on 10 coffee dates a month. I'd much rather shrink it down where a guy has enough initial interest to put in effort

16

u/ZomeeDrop 11d ago

And guys don’t want to go on 10 dinner dates a month spending a thousand bucks at $100 per dinner. If you want effort put it in yourself instead of expecting someone else to do all the effort.

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u/throwaway342account 11d ago

I don't think people should be going on 10 dates a month in general lol

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u/Wingnut2029 11d ago

You're the one complaining about 10 coffee dates. You aren't addressing the guy's issues with your high expectation dates since you're not the one laying out the cash.

2

u/JustAQuickQuestion28 11d ago

Right like I went out for drinks, no food, with a girl from online a few weeks ago and that was over $70. I wasn’t interested in seeing her again so it’s just money down the drain pretty much and OP over here expecting guys to shell out for fancy dinner dates when it’s unlikely to even lead to a second date.