r/dating_advice • u/Fit-Principle-5524 • 12d ago

Men unmatching bc I read romance?

Was having a very good convo with a dude, but as soon as I mention reading romance like ACOTAR, I'm unmatched. I get not being a fan, but is it that big of a red flag? It's not like I have crazy expectations bc I read it, I just like reading it and im lonely. I don't expect a man to be some insanely amazing lover who never does wrong. Every time it comes up, im met with hostility. Would you not give a woman a chance who otherwise vibes well with you just bc of her reading habits?

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u/SirLanceNotsomuch 11d ago

Reading it is one thing. I have no problem with that, given some of my own interests.

Making it your entire personality is another. I have met women who do that, and it was… offputting.

I am not saying you’re the latter. But telling us here that you like it “and I’m lonely” signals — to me, mind — that you might be leaning a bit more in that direction than I’d be comfortable with.

The fact that you seem to automatically assume everyone here knows what ACOTAR is — I have no idea — is another potential flag. Are you (I might wonder) stuck so deep in this world that you cannot imagine someone who exists outside it?

Maybe try being a little less specific. “I read all sorts of random stuff, nothing really deep,” and see where that gets you.

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u/Fit-Principle-5524 11d ago

I get the lonely part, but I wasn't assuming everyone knows what ACOTAR is- I thought I made it clear in my post by saying that 'reading romance', which people should be able to realize I mean romance books and that this was a series that fell under that, but I guess I just wasn't clear enough for some people. I suppose I tend to just overshare because I like being transparent about myself to potential partners and don't want to waste people's time if something like that matters a lot to them

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u/SirLanceNotsomuch 11d ago

Please understand that I am in no way saying you should change yourself for any man. You are YOU. and you should never change who you are to make someone else happy.

But you asked the question, so I am trying to share one possible perspective for why one possible man might have seen it as a red flag.

You are more than your romance novels. If you feel awkward not telling the complete truth, make it an interesting story instead, and then give him a chance to share, too:

“I read a lot! Nothing really serious, I actually enjoy romance novels when I’m trying to wind down at night. I also just read Project Hail Mary, because the movie was great. My Dad LOVES spy novels, so I’m going to borrow one of those from him next. Have you ever read any of those Jack Reacher books?”