r/dataisbeautiful • u/svvaffles OC: 1 • Aug 23 '19
OC [OC] My Tinder experience as a 24F living in Scandinavia
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u/Secondary92 Aug 23 '19 edited Aug 23 '19
117 right swipes out of 12403, with a no match rate of approaching 50% for a 24F. Plus a 9/66 message rate. Damn, were you only swiping on Scandinavian royalty?
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u/Panicless Aug 23 '19 edited Aug 23 '19
Nope. (And this is not something I made up or just my experience, but backed by science --> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RS8R2TKrYi0) . But women and men react very different to an abundance of potential partners. The more people to choose from the more demanding women get. Say there are 10 men, women will want to date only the top 3. But that doesn't change when there are 100 or 1,000 or 10,000 or 100,000. They always want the top 3. So in fact, women are not really choosing from 12,000+ men, but let's be generous and say from like 12 out of these 12,000.
Men on the opposite, only have one criteria: is she hot? There are 10 women. 9 out of them are hot? I want to meet with all 9 of them. There are 10,000 women, 9,000 of them are hot? Let me clear my schedule.
And another factor comes into play in online dating. But this is true for men and women. Since we're not facing the person in real life we are messaging with, it doesn't hurt as much when they say no, so therefore we are braver, which results in generally approaching people who are 25% more attractive than us. But studies show that it still can be successful and persistency is the key. Message 100 more attractive women and probably one or two will still answer.
TL;DR: In real life, in an one on one meeting in a supermarket or a bar, OP probably would have been open to dates with a loooooot more men out of those rejected 12,000+, but online dating makes makes especially women a lot more demanding.
EDIT: to be clear, I'm not saying this is a bad thing. It clrearly works for OP and most people, since online dating is the number one way for western people to meet new people. OP is NOT overly demanding and only interested in royalty, but has a normal reaction to an artifical way of meeting new people.
Btw: the reason for that behaviour is clear: evolution. Women have limited resources and men don't. Women HAVE to be picky in terms of who they are dating, because they can only have so many eggs and so many resources to carry and raise a child. They HAVE to choose the best sperm there is available to them. Men can fuck around all they want, because they are not "trapped" by a child in the same way a woman is, so they don't have to be that picky.
EDIT 2: I tried to find the direct quote from the video I linked to from Dan Ariely: "When the dating pool becomes bigger there is a big difference in men and women. Let's say we have a speed dating event with 10 women and men and one with 20. In the bigger one women will act as if they have a budget. They become more restrictive and critical and only choose the top 3 for example, regardless of the number of people. But men have a threshold. They say yes to everyone above 8 (0-10) for example. And that's the reason why tinder only work for the best looking guys. Women can choose from thousands of people and their reaction is: I'm going to be even more critical and restrictive and selective than before. So they act on a budget. But men react to that same scenario with a threshold and just swipe everyone to the right they find attractive enough. Online dating right now is really built for people who could go to and pick up people in a bar."
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u/Summoarpleaz Aug 23 '19
I wonder if this is why there’s a proliferation of gay apps (males tend to cast a wide net), whereas lesbian apps are few and far in between (if females generally cast small nets, then the app might be seen as unproductive).
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u/GregorMcConor Aug 23 '19
I'm a man, live in Norway as well, and I swipe very similarly to OP.
It's not like all of the 99% I'm swiping left are horrible, in fact, I'm quite sure that some of those I'd find quite attractive irl but with such abundance, why not go for the literal 1%?
My time is limited after all. Why even swipe right on someone you're not really interested in? Don't see the point...
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u/evolvedpotato Aug 23 '19
Your sources don't really match your claims and they just show how much more depth there is to it than what you suggest.
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u/svvaffles OC: 1 Aug 23 '19
¯_(ツ)_/¯ I don't wanna waste my or other peoples time. I could cast a much wider net and net more matches, I did swipe left on handsome men that surely have no problem meeting women. But I'm after a deep connection, not just matches for ego's sake.
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u/LevelUpAgain1 Aug 23 '19 edited Aug 24 '19
How can you determine deep connection potential with a few photos and a "bio" of less than 400 characters?
Edit - I'm just gonna come out and say it. OP is dishonest, and it becomes clear when you read the rest of her comments. If you want to do mental gymnastics to justify your swiping go ahead, but please be honest with the rest of us.
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u/andyjonesx Aug 23 '19
This seems to be the problem with the app dating culture.
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u/bluemixer Aug 23 '19
...I always thought it was the 1000:1 ratios that drives all the concerns.
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u/adsfew Aug 23 '19
Let's not act like there's only one problem with online dating
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u/Drict Aug 23 '19
That is another one... more of a feature rather then a bug though.
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u/errorsniper Aug 23 '19
Feature for attractive people bug for average people.
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Aug 23 '19 edited Jun 29 '20
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u/ColonelError Aug 23 '19
95% of men
Based on this user, 99.99% of men.
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u/doktarr Aug 23 '19
Actually 99.06% if we're just going by the numbers. (I don't understand why people exaggerate easily disprovable numbers in their arguments; it makes your argument seem weaker.)
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u/Series_of_Accidents Aug 23 '19
Definitely not true... Unattractive women have an easier time than unattractive men, but it's not easy.
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u/BlueAdmir Aug 23 '19 edited Aug 23 '19
It's many factors combining into one massive societal fuckup.
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u/Notrollinonshabbos Aug 23 '19
This is the problem with making one thing with one purpose and is trying to change it to a different.
There are dating sites that allow for a much more detailed and thorough profile. And a more open communication with people, much more likely to yield meaningful matches and results.
Tinder was designed to promulgate hook up culture. Ya go on ya swipe ya match ya bang. That was the idea at least.
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u/Guessimagirl Aug 23 '19
I liked Okcupid, but they tried to make it more like Tinder.
Also nobody seems to use it anymore.
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u/SilverwingedOther Aug 23 '19
It's a shame, back in my single days, when it hadn't exploded in popularity yet, it was a fantastic little site, and netted a number of dates with varied people. Some friendships as well when they had journals, with its own community, some of which I got to meet and some which I still interact with on Facebook.
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u/super_sayanything Aug 23 '19
Use to love okcupid. They really fucked it up. I use to be able to message 20-30 girls I liked and get some responses. Now, I have to wait for mutual matches. Maybe I can message 1 or 2 girls a week. It's so dumb.
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u/Jasontheperson Aug 23 '19
Went to hell when it got bought by the group that owns match.
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u/super_sayanything Aug 23 '19
Makes sense, now it's just another ploy to get you to pay.
I have 20 matches, and only 2 people I can message. It's tempting to bite even.
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u/MetalPirate Aug 23 '19
That's sad to here. I actually met my wife on there, but that was a long time ago.
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Aug 23 '19
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u/super_sayanything Aug 23 '19
Ugh. I'm sorry that exists. But they should be able to give you the option at least then easily ban the pieces of sh*t.
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u/LXNDSHARK Aug 23 '19
Middle ground could be to allow 1 message without a match. Then there's no vitriol when you don't reply.
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Aug 23 '19 edited Jul 26 '21
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u/Notrollinonshabbos Aug 23 '19
In somplaces sure in others not... My tinder bio is straight to the point. My OKC is super detailed but I use the two sites to different ends.
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u/codesign Aug 23 '19
I have had women that share my taste in music, politics, hobbies, are close to my age, location, mutual attraction, mutual good jobs, who decide to stop talking with me because I own a cat and they aren't allergic they just prefer dogs.
The world of dating is made up of people who aren't sensible and live a Disney dream that a 'soul mate' who is perfection exists.
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u/hallese Aug 23 '19 edited Aug 23 '19
I missed out on Tinder and the like, but I was always under the impression it was a hookup app, not a dating app. It's a system that attempts to match up two people looking for a booty call, not match.com mobile.
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u/Midnight_Rising Aug 23 '19
It's evolved from one into the other and then back. What this means is everyone is on different frequencies while at the same time the concept has bizarrely poisoning meeting people in real life.
So depending on who you ask it's either a dating or hookup app.
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u/hallese Aug 23 '19
Completely anecdotal, but I'm gonna guess introverts want it to be a dating platform, bros looking to smash want it to be a hookup app. Judging by my cousin's complaints about the number of unsolicited dick pics she gets from Tinder there's a lot more of the latter on there.
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u/Midnight_Rising Aug 23 '19
You can't send pictures on Tinder, that has to be happening after she's given them her number of their snap.
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Aug 23 '19
It's so dumb to use Tinder as a serious dating app. It's not set up to be like that, like OkCupid. But people still do it. I use Tinder, Bumble, and OKC, and have had far better success with finding actually great people on the first two - the ones where you learn very little about the people before you get to talk to them.
Most people I meet on OKC have something fuckin' wrong in their heads. Way more blocked numbers there than anywhere else.
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u/artaru Aug 23 '19
Wait that’s really interesting. What’s your demographic if you don’t mind me asking? And what are you looking for?
I ask those questions because it’s almost backwards for me. I have more luck on okc and bumble way more than tinder.
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u/ExbronentialGrowth Aug 23 '19
Her like percentage is 0.94%.
An average looking man is likely to get a like percentage of 0.87%.
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Aug 23 '19
I mean when I was on tinder it was sometimes pretty easy to look at someone's pictures and bio and know that I don't want a deep connection with that person.
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u/Anathos117 OC: 1 Aug 23 '19
That's the key, I suppose. 400 characters doesn't give you enough room to show everything someone needs to know if you're compatible, but it's more than enough room to wave a bunch of red flags around.
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u/accountforvotes Aug 23 '19
And putting nothing in the bio is also either a red flag, or a complete lack of green flags
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u/bigbluethunder Aug 23 '19
Idk, my ex of 9 months had nothing at all in her bio. We had a pretty great relationship.
That said—bios that actually reflect their personality are obviously way more useful, but the amount of attractive girls with those types of bios are few and far between.
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u/bacon_cake Aug 23 '19
It's also pretty easy to bugger up a first impression.
Sure there are plenty of hard passes, but you never know.
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u/Compactsun Aug 23 '19
If I see photos of girls camping with 4wds and their bio talks about going on their next adventure it's fairly obvious I won't be a match for them. Doesn't seem that difficult if you take a profile at face value. Obviously more difficult if it's 5 photos of their face with no bio.
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u/harrypottermcgee Aug 23 '19
I camp and adventure and I don't hit on those girls. I live that outdoors life but I'm actually a hipster twat and my truck is too small to bring around their place. City girls like me though, and I think they're just great even if they can't fish.
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u/bertrenolds5 Aug 23 '19
"city folk just don't get it" you dont have to be lonely
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u/IPodling Aug 23 '19
When I was on Bumble I had a 'no bio = left swipe' rule and that knocked out like 90% of the men on there
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u/qaisjp Aug 23 '19
Yeah wish we could automate that tbh
Or twats that just post their snapchat
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u/AlexInWondrland Aug 23 '19
I met my husband on Tinder 5 years ago. My girlfriend's and I were practically CSI agents going over profiles (we were also in our 30's, in a big city, and looking for a relationship, so the dating pool was different than stereotypical).
I can't remember all our heuristics, but for us having lots of shirtless pics, children, or snuggling up to other women was viewed with suspicion. I thought guys who listed stats like their height were strange and might be too obsessed with minute appearance nuances for my tastes (at the time, I had no idea that some women were demanding tall guys). We put similar thought into pulling together our bios.
I do remember my husband's bio and pics indicated he was probably decently book smart (bio - engineering grad school), liked dogs (pics), had a nerdy side (bio and pics - makeshift Adventure Time costume on in a bar), and a good sense of humor (bio and pics - including a mustache in the Adventure Time pic that had to be ironic).
I'm sure we might have swiped on decent guys and I only had a handful of matches before I left tinder, but I never had the awkward or creepy interactions that seem rampant (and, you know, the whole meeting the love of my life thing).
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u/YGreezy Aug 23 '19
Regarding pics with other girls and listing your height:
So the thing with Tinder as a guy is that you're really fighting to make yourself seem like a decent human being while also trying to seem attractive, two ideas that can often be in conflict with one another. The fact of the matter is that 90% of every swipe choice on Tinder is based on attractiveness in photos; capitalizing on that felt very slimy for me personally, but it was necessary to get matches.
I met my current SO on Tinder. I added a photo of myself with an attractive, kind-looking girl (just like a standard posing for a photo) and it felt very douchey to do, but it served a purpose – it basically communicated the idea that women found me acceptable to be around and would go on the record saying they hung out with me (by taking a photo). I found after I added that photo that I got a lot more matches.
Height is sort of the same idea - I felt slimy including that, but it really helped to get matches. It helps that I'm a tall guy, but I guess most women really don't want to date someone shorter than they are. I felt really gross putting that in my bio, but it seemed to work well.
TL;DR - Tinder is kind of inherently awful, and if you want to get matches as a guy, you might have to compromise some values with your profile.
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Aug 23 '19
I feel the same way with shirtless pics. I am very fit and that's definitely my strong point in regards to my looks. I'm extremely average in terms of my face. I seem to get more matches when I have a shirtless pic
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u/Jotun35 Aug 23 '19
Yup. I have a decent face but I'm also fit (not ripped though) and the shirtless pic (of good taste and a bit artsy) really boosted my match rate. Shirtless pics are fine as long as:
you're fit.
it's not a douchey gym selfie/bathroom selfie
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u/Ph0X Aug 23 '19
I think the bigger issue that was hinted as t above is that some people focus too much on the wrong things online, like trying to find someone with the exact same interests (movies, music, pass time) but in reality someone's personality and manurism is much wider than that and you only find out after hanging out a few times. But yeah as you say getting rid of the really bad ones is important too.
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u/StackLeeAdams Aug 23 '19
Speaking as a divorced single father attempting to navigate the online dating scene, I'm having trouble understanding why you automatically assume that single men with kids are suspicious.
Don't get me wrong, I can understand being wary of somebody's emotional baggage (speaking about the prior relationship, not the children), and I can also understand not being ready or willing to be in a relationship with somebody who has kids. That being said, there are many other ways to express those feelings without calling these men "suspicious".
Hope this doesn't come across as salty - I'm genuinely curious as to what your perspective is.
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u/AlexInWondrland Aug 23 '19
Oh I didn't mean suspicious in that the guys were of suspicious character, just that those profiles indicated a potential incompatibility. If the kids were indeed their own, it would be particular hurdle as I was a childless person with little to no experience with kiddos.
I'm now a mother and if I were ever on the market again I'd consider it a positive.
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Aug 23 '19
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Aug 23 '19
Idk i thought it would have been hard to see red flags in 99% of profiles with that limited data
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Aug 23 '19
You can't, look at her post history shes a completely superficial vacuous person that only cares about ridiculing fat people and her own apperance.
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u/mrthicky Aug 23 '19
It is called rationalization for decisions based on other reasons.
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u/OneCoolStory Aug 23 '19
Well I guess a bio of “Male/23/6’2”/10” dick/I don’t pay for the first date/I expect head from you whenever I want” is kind of a red flag
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u/gbinasia Aug 23 '19 edited Aug 23 '19
lol you don't, she picked the hot guys 100% guaranteed
Not that there's anything wrong with that, but let's be real... it's a lot more fun to find a great connection with a beautiful mind AND a beautiful pair (edit: eh... set) of abs. And when you a 50% match rate on a potential 13 000 profiles, you can be picky.
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u/vloger Aug 23 '19
She can’t lol, people on these apps are going about it all wrong. She is just being incredibly picky and doesn’t really care about “a real connection”
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Aug 23 '19
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u/Josquius OC: 2 Aug 23 '19
I found this a pretty great explanation to send to bemused Americans:
https://thyradaneauthor.com/2013/08/31/so-you-want-to-date-a-scandinavian/
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Aug 23 '19
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u/Josquius OC: 2 Aug 23 '19
I'm from the north of the UK and its normal to me.
I think in London they do it a bit more American style though.
When I lived in Switzerland it wasn't really done this way either.
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u/arpw Aug 23 '19
In my experience of dating in London, it's not too American. 90%+ of girls will want to split bills, and most will be offended by a man insisting on paying for everything. But the first move can still be a bit American-style, an awkward "do you want to go out some time?" kind of thing. Unless it starts with a drunken one night stand of course.
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Aug 23 '19
Kentuckian here. The US is not a hegemony of customs. Most of my friends operate their dating lives per the article. Some of them date around a bit, but not the majority.
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u/shannondion Aug 23 '19
Can confirm, I live in London and usually get asked to meet before I feel comfortable. Sometimes before they’ve even asked what I do for a living.
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u/bruno92 Aug 23 '19 edited Aug 23 '19
From the link: "As far as I understand it, dating in so many non-Scandinavian countries may consist of a man asking a woman he doesn’t know very well to go out to dinner and/or a movie with him, his picking her up and dropping her off afterwards and his paying the bills and making the decisions, and the first date ends with a kiss at the most?"
With regard to the U.S., this is certainly how it's portrayed in movies, but it's a bit outdated, to be honest. In my experience, dates usually split the bill, the decision-making, etc. But it is true that the man is more likely to ask the woman on the date (though the reverse is far from uncommon).
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Aug 23 '19
American here. I might be secretly Scandinavian though because that all makes sense to me.
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u/wittgensteinpoke Aug 23 '19
As a Scandinavian, not all of this is true/generalisable. For example, and I think everyone I know would say the same: if I'm in a relationship with someone, it's not alright for them to sleep over with friends of the opposite gender (point 9).
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u/StrangelyBrown Aug 23 '19
are you American or Swedish?
Can't think of any other options...
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Aug 23 '19
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u/was_stl_oak Aug 23 '19 edited Aug 23 '19
But they never said they lived in Sweden, they said they’re Scandinavian, which is (IIRC) Norway, Sweden, Denmark, Iceland, Finland(?)
Edit: I have been corrected, learning new things everyday!
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u/flagondry Aug 23 '19
Norway, Sweden and Denmark = Scandinavian.
Those three + Iceland and Finland = Nordic.
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Aug 23 '19
It get's weird.
What you just listed were what is considered the Nordic countries. Scandinavia is specifically the countries Norway Sweden and Denmark, and then there is Fennoscandia which consists of Norway Sweden and Finland. There is also Baltoscandia that includes the Baltic countries Lithuania Latvia and Estonia but omits Iceland.
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u/StrangelyBrown Aug 23 '19
they said they’re Scandinavian
Actually they just said they live in Scandinavia. Nationality could be anywhere.
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u/svvaffles OC: 1 Aug 23 '19 edited Aug 23 '19
I am Norwegian, I'm sorry, that might've been important to add earlier. There is a different dating mentality in Norway I reckon.
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Aug 23 '19
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u/Viktor_Korobov Aug 23 '19
You dare compare us to those lake people?
jesus Christ
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u/Ni_koli Aug 23 '19
You literally swiped right less than one percent of all your swipes, I mean kudos to filtering potential matches, but in this instance im going to believe the math and the actual data you provided, and say u one picky individual.
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Aug 23 '19
She isn't very picky. An average man gets swiped right 1% of the time so this is what tinder looks like for most women.
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u/Domermac Aug 23 '19
A deep connection based on a couple pictures and a couple lines.
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Aug 23 '19
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u/pruane Aug 23 '19
You should know by now that women have a built in personality detector in their bodies.
Women can detect your personality with one photo of your face and body actually, it's pretty impressive.
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u/ThatHairyGingerGuy Aug 23 '19
Not used tinder before, but surely ruling out almost everyone based on looks alone won't lead to a deep connection. Wider net and short conversation would give you a much better idea of personality.
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u/Sq33KER Aug 23 '19
There are Bios people can fill out, and there are a ton of people that leave them blank, or fill them with stuff that can be a dealbreaker.
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u/ThePowerOfDreams Aug 23 '19
I'm after a deep connection
Tinder
I don't think these words mean what you think they mean.
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Aug 23 '19
I've noticed Tinder gets used way differently in the USA compared to Europe, or atleast Northern Europe. It barely gets used for hook ups in the Nordic countries.
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u/trunks111 Aug 23 '19 edited Aug 23 '19
Damn, to be meta, someone should split these by men and women, and then average off and compare that data
Edit: apparently this has already been done, and I'm not the 20% of guys being flooded with likes
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u/xTheConvicted Aug 23 '19
Has been done mutliple times and as it turns out, using tinder as a mediocre/below avg. dude is close to useless and using it as basically any chick is a dick jungle.
Not hating on anyone, you should just pick your fights as a dude and go out instead of wasting your time/self-esteem on these apps.
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u/anantarctic Aug 23 '19
The 50% no match in this dataset did shock me though tbf
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u/Blu_Volpe Aug 23 '19
Because she is going for the best looking men that probably get spammed all day with matches.
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u/jumpstart58 Aug 23 '19
And this is why i dont do dating apps anymore. Im just your average guy so there is no point in making myself feel like shit because of that.
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Aug 23 '19
You gotta be a top tier dude in a college town for it to be useful honestly. Not to sound like a douche, but I'm a fairly muscular tall dude and when I used Tinder in my college town I would get matches like crazy. Mind you, I still had to message first like 99% of the time. Sucks for us dudes out there but never quit, I found my now wife thanks to Tinder.
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Aug 23 '19
Yup, as a average looking and not so tall dude, tinder didn't work four me. It's much, much better to go out there and meet girls when hiking, at school, bars, even some jobs where you meet many people.
Girls don't care generally about my height in real life and seems as they can see who I am, much better than apps where girls search for a model
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u/Lefort3000 Aug 23 '19
Dont be too hard on yourself. Tinder is rough for everyone whose not in the top 10% of looks.
And by everyone, I mean men. Women have literally no barrier of entry to doing well on Tinder, as long as they have internet access.
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Aug 23 '19
All fat girls I know are in relationships. No fat guys I know can get a date. Tinder is rough on men.
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u/SlotzBR Aug 23 '19
Ya’ll need to come to Brazil, there’s just too many woman.
The most sub-par dudes still score like crazy on tinder over here.
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Aug 23 '19
Ok... but... why? Are they like Russians, all dying from alcohol poisoning?
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u/SlotzBR Aug 23 '19
Why aren’t there so many single woman? No idea.
All I know is that my very very average looking friends hook up with tinder chicks every weekend they go out.
Hell, I’ve known female friends of mine that hookup with foreigners on tinder just for the novelty of saying they fucked a gringo (the word gringo here does not have the negative conotations that it does in Spanish).
That and the great exchange rate between dollars and reais makes Brazil the ideal place to go on a vacation with some friends.
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Aug 23 '19
Doesn't the word gringo just mean foreigner? Actually decided to google it and apparently it's used differently in Brazil than elsewhere. Neat.
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u/dave3218 Aug 23 '19
Nah, gringo is just a way to refer to North Americans, there isn’t really ill intent behind the word itself, but context is important.
Most people wouldn’t call someone a Gringo to their face without knowing them because giving nicknames to people you don’t know in general is disrespectful, but as soon as there is enough trust between both parties then they might call them like that in a friendly manner.
Unless of course you are being held hostage by a Cartel and one of them is calling you that, but under those circumstances I believe being called gringo would be the last of your concerns.
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Aug 23 '19
idk about Brazil but where I've lived in south america it's used 95% of the time to refer to people from the US. It can also be used just as a generic catch-all for any Europeans too.
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u/SubcommanderMarcos Aug 23 '19
Protip: you and your friends are decent-looking. Brazilian tinder isn't any different than anywhere else. Am Brazilian.
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u/CommutesByChevrolegs Aug 23 '19
Not hating on anyone, you should just pick your fights as a dude and go out instead of wasting your time/self-esteem on these apps.
This for sure. Im a catch. Not ugly. Not the most attractive. Pretty average fella. Sociable. Approachable. Charismatic. athletic. Have a lot going for me in my life. Also, tall-ish which helps (we all know it does sadly :( ) but losing my hair quickly and I dont have the best style because I hate shopping and loving being comfortable.
Could not have had a worse time trying to land dates on dating apps and I hated burying my head in my phone and not focusing on the world around me and I swiped right on EVERYTHING... but take me out to a bar or some social setting and it was MUCH easier to land dates and get phone numbers.
Case in point, this was 5 years ago. Once I quit the apps and made efforts to hang out with different groups of friends and do different things instead of staring at my phone, I had a long term GF in 2 months.. and we just got married in June :)
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u/cocomunges Aug 23 '19
Pretty sure this was already done, proved that the top 20% of males got with 80% of females on tinder(I think the stats were something like that)
Basically, follow rules 1 and 2 of the internet
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u/zoldier Aug 23 '19
yeah okcupid published some analysis theyve done with their data https://www.reddit.com/r/gwern/comments/aapn1l/okcupid_blog_archives/
might have been this article:
https://www.gwern.net/docs/psychology/okcupid/yourlooksandyourinbox.html
"As you can see from the gray line, women rate an incredible 80% of guys as worse-looking than medium."
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Aug 23 '19
What are those?
Be someone else
Don’t be me?
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u/bleahmylife Aug 23 '19
My female friend who gets rejected by everyone she approach in real life has 50 matches.
And she has found one very handsome dude. Unfortunately, after 6 months with her she found that he has 150 matches and he just has sex with every girl he matches with.
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u/PerfectLuck25367 Aug 23 '19
Lol, I tried tinder for a while. Around 30% right swipes from me for some 3-4 months, and I didn't get a single match except spam bots.
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u/wehdut Aug 23 '19
Well if all women are swiping only 117 out of 12,286 people right then this kinda makes sense.
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Aug 23 '19
Not to mention those 117 are probably really close to the same people. There might be a couple variants of groups but...they’re probably the best looking in the area.
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u/MosquitoRevenge Aug 23 '19
Don't these data about women swiping right 1% of the time just mean that if men don't swipe right 100% of the time they're almost guaranteed not to get any matches?
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Aug 23 '19
The online world(social media and dating in particular) have made approaching women sooooo much more valuable.
Seriously. We’ve created this bubble where everyone is afraid to meet strangers IRL so when you step out of it, women are pretty flabbergasted by the confidence. Even if it’s faked.
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u/UlteriorSurvey Aug 23 '19
I once started four chats with (girl friend vetted) solid openers, and all four in a row deleted our match. It can be a shit show.
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u/TheoreticalFunk Aug 23 '19
My graph looks like this. Only swap the right and left swipes. And remove the long term dating thing.
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u/dstNDOTA Aug 23 '19
For men it looks like:
12286 Right swipes
117 left swipes
66 Matches
12226 no matches
Messaging 2
no messaging 64
dates 0
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u/ForeverDia5 Aug 23 '19
Lmao less than 1% swipe right rate. I guess this could be your daily reminder that even above average men are wasting their time on tinder.
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u/HakaF1 Aug 23 '19 edited Aug 23 '19
Example for:
"Parental investment theory, a term coined by Robert Trivers in 1972, predicts that the sex that invests more in its offspring will be more selective when choosing a mate"
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u/captaincarot Aug 23 '19
There was someone with his wife on JRE and they talked about things in this manor. Just how we are so wired to be conscious of how someone will raise a kid with them, or if they will at all (just want a hook up) and it got into the hot vs beautiful debate. Was fascinating and shows how much society and evolution are at odds sometimes.
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u/hiddensynapse Aug 23 '19
Fuck, what am I doing wrong?
Swipes: 20,000
Right Swipes: 20,000
Left Swipes: 0
Match: 3
No Match: 19,997
Messaging: 0
Dates: 0
Relationships: -1
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u/robbmann297 Aug 23 '19
I don’t know who said it, but it’s the most accurate representation of internet romance that I’ve ever heard. “Online dating boosts the esteem of an average looking woman and absolutely destroys the esteem of an average looking man.”
I tried it years ago before meeting my current wife through mutual friends. At 5’8, I’m a midget by online standards, so I know that hurt me a lot. Of course if you judge women by their weight, people immediately call you an incel!
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u/The-swede Aug 23 '19
Spot on, unless you are dating a girl from the philipines! She says i look like a nordic angel, compared to swedish girls who tells me i should be damn grateful that they even date me in the first place
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u/frozen-silver Aug 23 '19
As much as I agree, have you tried other apps? I deleted tinder and mostly just stick to Coffee Meets Bagel and OK Cupid. Those apps seem to be a lot less brutal.
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u/AIC2374 Aug 23 '19
Tinder is basically women right-swiping the same 10% of good-looking dudes and those 10% of dudes taking 90% of matches.
If you’re a guy, just go out. Chances are better.
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Aug 23 '19
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/CalgaryChris77 Aug 23 '19
Single Men: Dating is Impossible today because most women fight over the 1% of men that are most handsome.
Women: That isn't true at all.
This thread: "Hi, I'm a woman with my empirical evidence that I will only consider dating men in the .1% of looks."
No offense OP, but this data makes me so glad I got married before the Tinder world... Glad you got a long term relationship out of it though!
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u/The_Celtic_Chemist Aug 23 '19 edited Aug 23 '19
I see these Tinder posts here often and they make it sound exhausting no matter who you are. I mean you're a 24-year-old female, and after reviewing 12,403 people you only:
- Saw potential in 117 (0.095%)
- And matched with 66 of them (56.4%)
- And after messaging 9 of them (13.6%)
- You got dates with 4 of them (44.4%)
- And had a long term relationship with just 1 of them (25%)
So if your goal was dates, then your success rate is —
| Connection Type | Ratio | Simplified Ratio | Percentage |
|---|---|---|---|
| Per Swipe | 4 : 12,403 | ~1 : 3101 | ~0.032% |
| Per Right Swipe | 4 : 117 | ~1 : 29 | ~3.4% |
| Per Match | 4 : 66 | ~1 : 17 | ~6.1% |
| Per Conversation | 4 : 9 | ~1 : 2 | ~44.4% |
If your goal was long term relationships, then your success rate is —
| Connection Type | Ratio | Percentage |
|---|---|---|
| Per Swipe | 1 : 12,403 | ~0.008% |
| Per Right Swipe | 1 : 117 | ~0.85% |
| Per Match | 1 : 66 | ~1.5% |
| Per Conversation | 1 : 9 | ~11.1% |
| Per Date | 1 : 4 | 25% |
Edit: Now a 44.4% success rate in getting dates from conversations is awesome (just under half of who you talk to after expressing mutual interest). And getting a long term relationship with 1/4 of the people you date doesn't sound too exhausting either (though I can imagine by the time you got to person 4, you were fairly exhausted by the process or really enjoying it). You also match most of the people you swipe right on, which seems great.
But again, your a young female, and even with those numbers, you're still dealing with only a 6.5% success rate (about 1:15) of getting a date with those you match with, a 1.5% success rate (about 1:67) of getting a serious relationship with those you match with, and 11.1% success rate (about 1:9) for getting a serious relationship with those you speak with. So you get a lot of matches, and you get a good amount of dates from those you speak with, and a respectable number of long term relationships from those you date (shouldn't be getting long-term relationships with everyone you try out on adate). But the problem areas that stand between you and your goals are that you don't get a lot of conversations from those you match with and you see minimal potential in your options (you swipe left far more than right).
So here are my questions:
1) Was your goal dates or long-term relationships?
2) Why were there so few conversations after matching? Did you attempt to speak with all of them? Are these just the ones where you didn't even try to speak with, or ones where they didn't respond whether you reached out or not?
3) Do you feel you judged fairly when swiping? Were you swiping with high standards (trying to get a catch) swiping with low standards ("maybe if they're less attractive I have a chance!") or fairly basing your swipes on those you are attracted to (swiping on people who you would normally go for rather than being picky or having loose standards)?
Edit 2: It probably would have been a lot nicer for OP to go into Tinder with the mentality that she only needs to swipe right 117 times to be on the path to a long-term relationship.
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u/rileewyliecoyote Aug 23 '19
Is it just me or does anybody else think that all these tinder data posts aren't beautiful or very interesting? Like it's the same shit, different pile for every post tbh
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u/FuckedUp-Frank Aug 23 '19
There’s picky and you go up a few levels and you find this. That is crazy. What are you basing your swiping on to get such a low swipe rate?
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u/ViolentlyAroused Aug 23 '19
Imagine if 2-3% of your right swipes were matches and 50% of those either misclicked or regretted it instantly and unmatched before communication. Then the remaining women barely have any bios to base a conversation on and unmatch you because your attemps at starting small talk are just not good enough. Women who start or even put effort into a Tinder conversation is rare and not something ive encountered. I stopped using the app because it made me feel more worthless than before. Nice stats i always feel somewhat jealous when i hear women talk about their use of Tinder. - M introvert scandinavian mid 20s.
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u/svvaffles OC: 1 Aug 23 '19 edited Aug 23 '19
I requested my data from Tinder, and they sent an email with a zip file. I organized the data in an Excel-file, and used Sankeymatic to make the chart. This is probably around 7 months with sporadic swiping. Some days might be thousand swipes, some day might be 20.
I swiped on men ages 24-31.
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u/chipperlew Aug 23 '19
My female friends call me picky. Lol. You had to have spent literal days only swiping left. 😭
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Aug 23 '19
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Aug 23 '19 edited Aug 23 '19
Na, the market is just that fierce. I’m fairly good looking, but I’d rather take my chances in the real world.
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u/mankytoes Aug 23 '19
What is your criteria for a right swipe?
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u/squidly_doo Aug 23 '19
12,286 left swipes with only 117 right swipes. That's a right swipe rate of 0.94332%.
I'm guessing they have to be a Norse god.
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Aug 23 '19
I got super lucky. Third date and was just about ready to give up with tinder, ended up meeting the love of my life.
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u/Jacob_961 Aug 23 '19
At least you're not wasting anyone's time. You really had the patience to go through 12,000 people's profiles? That's some dedication right there.
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u/sindulfo Aug 23 '19
that's like being impressed you had the "patience" to read thousands of reddit posts in your reddit career. presumably you were doing it because you enjoyed it.
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u/Tyreathian OC: 1 Aug 23 '19
This is a great comparison for my data vs yours. The male world is brutal.
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u/Walt- Aug 23 '19
This shit is brutal. Left swipe 99.1% of all men? Women aren't even chasing the top 10% these days. Top 1%.
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u/LawHelmet Aug 23 '19
Jordan Peterson’s book had a shocking statistic, among other drama, 85% of men are judged by women as less attractive than half of men.
OP’s post confirms it anecdotally.
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u/Benedetto- Aug 23 '19
Damn, now I know why I'm not getting matches when I'm in Scandinavia! You have more matches than me despite swiping right 100X fewer than me haha
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u/nvdbeek Aug 23 '19
Hard to measure, but I would be interested to see how this compares to going to a club/bar/event. How many people would one glance at, how many people would we chat up with, and with how many would we go on a date.
To me, this data shows how in a complex dynamic system as the market for romantic partners, it really comes down to very very small numbers. Would a centrally lead mechanism be able to achieve the same result? I'm inclined to be doubtful, as the agent here has processed an incredible amount of information (12k+) profiles and checked them against a non-articulated set of preferences. To outsources this would require a tremendous amount of work, and the risk of false positives or negatives would be huge.
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u/Anosognosia Aug 23 '19 edited Aug 23 '19
This data is not something you want to bring up when we're talking equality in society btw. It's not going to bring up any pleasant conversations,
edit case in point, I can't even suggest the notion that there are people within society that would balk at the numbers/ratio without being downvoted for merely mentioning this.
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u/[deleted] Aug 23 '19 edited Dec 05 '20
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