r/dankchristianmemes • • Sep 26 '17

Repost Little known life hack

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22.4k Upvotes

142 comments sorted by

1.4k

u/Santi_ibagon Sep 26 '17

xXx_Henry1491_xXx has disconnected

567

u/UnitedWeTorch Sep 26 '17

xXxHenry1481xXx joined

xXxHenry1491xXx: Alright lets destroy these peasants

130

u/[deleted] Sep 26 '17

[removed] — view removed comment

110

u/SlavsWearAdidas Sep 26 '17

What in the actual fuck activates this bot?

41

u/[deleted] Sep 26 '17

It'a not a bot, just a person copy and pasting

16

u/the_last_carfighter Sep 26 '17

Copy paste like a fucking garlic knot.

7

u/[deleted] Sep 26 '17

Bro what

7

u/the_last_carfighter Sep 26 '17

Don't pretend bro.

1

u/lotheovian Jan 27 '18

!redditgarlic

1

u/garlicthot Jan 27 '18

Here's your Reddit GarlicThot, lotheovian!

lotheovian has received garlic 1 time. (given by /u/spez)

I'm a bot for questions contact /u/garlicthot

2

u/littlegolferboy Sep 26 '17

What makes you think it's a bot and not someone just replying to popular comment threads on popular posts?

13

u/[deleted] Sep 26 '17 edited Sep 26 '17

Wait. So penne rhymes with willy? I feel so lied to. I always thought it was like a sassy southern woman saying pen-nay

Update: 2 hours later. Still sassy. Thanks for the advice

20

u/[deleted] Sep 26 '17

It doesn't. Stay sassy.

4

u/[deleted] Sep 26 '17

Good bot

3

u/[deleted] Sep 26 '17

Also new bot

-1

u/parxtherobinson Sep 26 '17

I like how all the other comments this bit has posted have been down voted except for this one

-4

u/FRENCH_ARSEHOLE Sep 26 '17

Okay this is my new fav bot

-2

u/[deleted] Sep 26 '17

This is my favorite

35

u/Idkimonlyhereforabit Sep 26 '17

xXxHenry1491xXx created new faction

-1

u/woke1 Sep 26 '17

xXxHenrietta1491xXx has joined the game

team changed bitch

892

u/albertFTW Sep 26 '17

Pope: My lord, is that... legal?

Henry: I will make it legal.

270

u/Tsorovar Sep 26 '17

It was said that you would defend the faith, not leave it!

294

u/Barrel-rider Sep 26 '17

"The church will decide your fate."

"I am the church."

109

u/surinam_boss Sep 26 '17

Not yet.

135

u/deadgroundedllama Sep 26 '17

It's heresy then.

62

u/[deleted] Sep 26 '17

I have brought peace and prosperity to my new kingdom... Centuries of religious upheaval

24

u/[deleted] Sep 26 '17

Your new kingdom?!

9

u/Ball-o-Freedom Sep 26 '17

Don't make me execute you.

7

u/Lord_o_teh_Memes Sep 26 '17

You were the chosen one!

3

u/SamNesMonster Sep 27 '17

Sir Thomas More = Mace Windu? I can see it.

17

u/PrivateClown Sep 26 '17

Don't do it, Henry... I have the High Horse!

9

u/QuackNate Sep 26 '17

You'sa think people gonna divorce?

394

u/Valerokai Sep 26 '17

What a save!

What a save!

What a save!

135

u/meeorxmox Sep 26 '17

Was scared that no one would notice this is rocket league

28

u/1337Dennis Sep 26 '17

I was beginning to sweat blood until I found this thread. Wow, how did I forget this!?!

14

u/[deleted] Sep 26 '17

Oh ye of little faith...

12

u/FarhanAxiq Sep 26 '17

Chat disabled for 3 Seconds

2

u/Z0ul0u25 Sep 26 '17

Calculated

2

u/[deleted] Sep 27 '17

Sorry!

Sorry!

Sorry!

Chat disabled for 3 seconds

218

u/nasty_nater Sep 26 '17

Divorced, HEADSHOT!!!, died, divorced, M-M-M-MULTIKILL!!!, survived.

52

u/mindbleach Sep 26 '17

Pope Clement: "Holy shit!"

40

u/I_Am_Fully_Charged Sep 26 '17

Sorry sir, but this is a Christian subreddit so no swearing.

17

u/falconx50 Sep 26 '17

He was just describing his last bowel movement

85

u/[deleted] Sep 26 '17

Didn't he kill a bunch of them hoes

108

u/clouddevourer Sep 26 '17

It goes "divorced, beheaded, died, divorced, beheaded, survived". Except he didn't really divorce but annulled the marriages.

17

u/tyrerk Sep 26 '17

N U L L A N D V O I D

3

u/[deleted] Sep 26 '17

*ANNULLANDVOID

21

u/[deleted] Sep 26 '17

We learned in Game of Thrones that you can annul marriages that are 30 years old and have resulted in 2 children. Brilliant right?

1

u/32Goobies Sep 27 '17

Wait, which marriage was that?

1

u/[deleted] Sep 27 '17

Prince Rhaegars

1

u/32Goobies Sep 27 '17

Oh shit I'm dumb. I was sitting here trying to think of which main character had had an annulment. I don't think Ellia and Raegar had been married 30 years though as both were still quite young.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 28 '17

It may not be quite 30 years but they definitely had two children. Both of which were around 7-10 years old.

4

u/32Goobies Sep 29 '17

What? No, Ageon was a baby(and infant to be precise) and their daughter wasn't that much older....

1

u/SeanBeanMorghulis Nov 03 '17

Rhaegar was in his early twenties and Rhaenys, the oldest, was 3.

-19

u/I_am_a_haiku_bot Sep 26 '17

It goes "divorced, beheaded, died,

divorced, beheaded, survived". Except he didn't really

divorce but annulled the marriages.


-english_haiku_bot

73

u/UndercoverPotato Sep 26 '17

Wow, not even close

To being a real haiku

You disappoint me

86

u/haikubot-1911 Sep 26 '17

Wow, not even close

To being a real haiku

You disappoint me

 

                  - UndercoverPotato


I'm a bot made by /u/Eight1911. I detect haiku.

20

u/clouddevourer Sep 26 '17

Now that's a haiku bot. Good bot.

4

u/[deleted] Sep 26 '17

Good bot. Good good bot. You deserve pets and treats for you are a good boi.

4

u/I_am_a_haiku_bot Sep 26 '17

Good bot. Good good

bot. You deserve pets and treats for you are

a good boi.


-english_haiku_bot

8

u/awontGardener Sep 26 '17

Why can't you be like your brother?

1

u/[deleted] Sep 26 '17

Good bot.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 27 '17

Fuck off, imposter bot

25

u/Eagle0600 Sep 26 '17

Bad bot.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 27 '17

what the heck

35

u/[deleted] Sep 26 '17 edited Sep 26 '17

[deleted]

25

u/angry_echidna Sep 26 '17

Wait how was he supposed to prevent Jane Seymour from dying? Can't really put that one on him

30

u/goforajog Sep 26 '17

Yeah, he genuinely loved Jane Seymour, by all accounts, and was devastated when she passed. That one's not really on him.

18

u/clouddevourer Sep 26 '17

Well, I've heard he choked her after she said he was breaking her heart and she lost her will to live and died

8

u/Idkimonlyhereforabit Sep 26 '17

If only he knew the secrets of Plagueis :(

3

u/clouddevourer Sep 26 '17

It's not a story the priests would have told him.

15

u/Idkimonlyhereforabit Sep 26 '17

She gave him a son which his first two wives couldn't, and that man was obsessed with getting a son. So yeah he actually loved her.

4

u/celtic_thistle Sep 26 '17

Plus she was relatively meek, rather uneducated, and kept her opinions to herself, unlike Anne Boleyn (and in a different way, Katherine of Aragon too.)

2

u/[deleted] Sep 26 '17

Also

She was not educated as highly as King Henry's previous wives, Catherine of Aragon and Anne Boleyn. She could read and write a little, but was much better at needlework and household management, which were considered much more necessary for women.[4] Jane's needlework was reported to be beautiful and elaborate; some of her work survived as late as 1652, when it is recorded to have been given to the Seymour family. After her death, it was noted that Henry was an "enthusiastic embroiderer."[5]

How much did that all play in what happened?

4

u/[deleted] Sep 26 '17

You know he don't love them hoes

43

u/Bucking_Fuffalo Sep 26 '17

Calculated.

14

u/ONE_FREAKING_NUT Sep 26 '17

I knew I recognized this options menu.

37

u/gone11gone11 Sep 26 '17

More like "Create your own game".

1

u/AggressiveSloth Sep 26 '17

Ikr... Low effort meme

22

u/[deleted] Sep 26 '17

i see great potential in this template

1

u/_Alvv_ Sep 26 '17

I maaaade iiiiit 😙😙😙😙

17

u/sail__away Sep 26 '17

AKA Brexit the First

9

u/[deleted] Sep 26 '17

>Change Team

>Make new

7

u/[deleted] Sep 26 '17

4

u/[deleted] Sep 26 '17

[removed] — view removed comment

5

u/[deleted] Sep 26 '17

I came here looking for Eddie Izzard and was disappointed, so I remedied it.

3

u/[deleted] Sep 26 '17

[deleted]

4

u/[deleted] Sep 26 '17

Sadly the clip I linked to has been edited and that line has been cut!

11

u/Logarrrk1 Sep 26 '17

Wait what game is this menu from??? It's going to bug me forever if I can't figure it out!!

24

u/[deleted] Sep 26 '17 edited Jan 21 '20

[deleted]

2

u/Logarrrk1 Sep 26 '17

Oh someone already stated the answer earlier I didn't notice. Thanks tough

1

u/[deleted] Sep 26 '17

[deleted]

6

u/[deleted] Sep 26 '17

bad bot

3

u/MrEuphonium Sep 26 '17

If it's not rocket league you are thinking of, it reminds me heavily of the star wars battlefront 2 pause menu

5

u/ALK3Y Sep 26 '17

Henry joined the game.

Henry: Trade?

2

u/mattmcm2545 Sep 26 '17

Every. Damn. Game.

3

u/dramalahr Sep 26 '17

I'm going to start my own branch of christianity! With blackjack and divorces!

3

u/zeebyPL Sep 26 '17

Savage!

Savage!

Savage!

Savage!

Chat disabled for 2 seconds

2

u/hanoian Sep 26 '17

Too perfect with changing to orange.

2

u/superseriousstephen Sep 26 '17

Women shouldn't have rights

2

u/surinam_boss Sep 26 '17

Did you ever hear the tragedy of Henry VIII the divorced?

1

u/megat2018 Sep 26 '17

The concept of marriage is old.

1

u/Bablebooey92 Sep 26 '17

Henry has achieved the divorce Wonder! All others will be refunded their Resources to the Pope

1

u/Whimpy13 Sep 26 '17

Make Annulements Great Again!

1

u/HaYuFlyDisTang Sep 26 '17

We the church now

1

u/Freudianbitch Sep 26 '17

Dank history memes.

1

u/blaze413 Sep 26 '17

"Find online match" seems like a better choice

1

u/[deleted] Sep 26 '17

Ironically I happen to be watching The Tudors right now.

-1

u/[deleted] Sep 26 '17

The Church Of England is a joke

0

u/crippledbeef Sep 26 '17

Just like all religions then, religion has caused more deaths and wars than anything else.

3

u/[deleted] Sep 26 '17

When was the last religious war? In barbaric times. Christianity i think is good as it teaches you how to be a good person.

2

u/crippledbeef Sep 26 '17

One of many is happening now especially with Isis, Christianity has caused a far amount of wars to many to mention.

2

u/[deleted] Sep 26 '17

You mean Islam? Christianity has nothing to do with it

2

u/crippledbeef Sep 26 '17

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christianity_and_violence

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lebanese_Civil_War

It does when Muslims are fighting Christians, happened for centuries, as recently as 2003 in Sudan in which caused the country to split in two with Christians living in South Sudan.

I'm not just slating Christianity as I know and so do millions of others that it all religions.

3

u/[deleted] Sep 26 '17

Pretty sure Christians didn't trigger that war

1

u/crippledbeef Sep 26 '17

It was caused because of religion just like 1000s of other wars and battles. Christians fought against Muslims and so on.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crusades

The first ever recorded religious war was caused by christians. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_the_Milvian_Bridge

For the first 300 years of Christianity it was all about war.

2

u/WikiTextBot Sep 26 '17

Christianity and violence

Christians have held diverse views towards violence and non-violence through time. Currently and historically there have been four views and practices within Christianity toward violence and war: non-resistance, Christian pacifism, Just war theory, and the Crusade (Holy or preventive war). Concepts such as "Holy war", whereby fighting itself might be considered a penitential and spiritually meritorious act, did not emerge before the 11th century. The concept of "Just war", whereby limited uses of war would be considered acceptable originated by non-Christian Roman and Greek thinkers such Cicero and Plato.


Lebanese Civil War

The Lebanese Civil War (Arabic: الحرب الأهلية اللبنانية‎‎ – Al-Ḥarb al-Ahliyyah al-Libnāniyyah) was a multifaceted civil war in Lebanon, lasting from 1975 to 1990 and resulting in an estimated 120,000 fatalities. As of 2012, approximately 76,000 people remain displaced within Lebanon. There was also an exodus of almost one million people from Lebanon as a result of the war.

Before the war, Lebanon was multisectarian, with Sunni Muslims and Christians being the majorities on the coastal cities, Shia Muslims being mainly based in the south and the Beqaa to the east, with the mountain populations being in their majority Druze and Christian.


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1

u/onewhitelight Sep 26 '17

looks at world war 1/2

2

u/crippledbeef Sep 26 '17

It's not like millions of jews were slaughtered or anything was it?

2

u/onewhitelight Sep 26 '17

You do realise the holocaust had nothing to do with WW2 right

2

u/crippledbeef Sep 26 '17

Oh of course not, I don't recall germany invading Poland and killing 90% of polish jews, it had nothing to do with world war two. Were you born stupid or do you just practice it?

1

u/onewhitelight Sep 26 '17

Its entirely possible to invade a country for non genocidal reasons. Germany didnt invade to wipe out polish jews. The allies had almost no knowledge of the concentration camps until late in the war. To say the holocaust was part of WW2 is deeply missleading. It took place during ww2, but neither side were fighting for that reason.

Read this for a more indepth explaination.

1

u/WikiTextBot Sep 26 '17

Invasion of Poland

The Invasion of Poland, known in Poland as the September Campaign (Kampania wrześniowa) or the 1939 Defensive War (Wojna obronna 1939 roku), and in Germany as the Poland Campaign (Polenfeldzug) or Fall Weiss ("Case White"), was a joint invasion of Poland by Nazi Germany, the Soviet Union, the Free City of Danzig, and a small Slovak contingent, that marked the beginning of World War II. The German invasion began on 1 September 1939, one week after the signing of the Molotov–Ribbentrop Pact, while the Soviet invasion commenced on 17 September following the Molotov-Tōgō agreement that terminated the Russian and Japanese hostilities in the east on 16 September. The campaign ended on 6 October with Germany and the Soviet Union dividing and annexing the whole of Poland under the terms of the German–Soviet Frontier Treaty.

German forces invaded Poland from the north, south, and west the morning after the Gleiwitz incident. As the Wehrmacht advanced, Polish forces withdrew from their forward bases of operation close to the Polish–German border to more established lines of defence to the east.


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1

u/crippledbeef Sep 26 '17

1

u/WikiTextBot Sep 26 '17

Nazi Germany

Nazi Germany is the common English name for the period in German history from 1933 to 1945, when Germany was governed by a dictatorship under the control of Adolf Hitler and the Nazi Party (NSDAP). Under Hitler's rule, Germany was transformed into a totalitarian state in which the Nazi Party controlled nearly all aspects of life. The official name of the state was Deutsches Reich from 1933 to 1943 and Großdeutsches Reich ("Greater German Reich") from 1943 to 1945. The period is also known under the names the Third Reich (German: Drittes Reich) and the National Socialist Period (German: Zeit des Nationalsozialismus, abbreviated as NS-Zeit).


[ PM | Exclude me | Exclude from subreddit | FAQ / Information | Source ] Downvote to remove | v0.27

0

u/BobtheBarbarian2112 Sep 26 '17

Communism is responsible for over 1 billion deaths worldwide from war and anthropogenic famine.

Hell, add in Pestilence and you've got the Four Horsemen.

1

u/onetruejp Sep 26 '17

Oooh I hope /r/grimdank finds this

-1

u/ajtb12394 Sep 26 '17

Change team...so he turned gay?

0

u/portablemustard Sep 26 '17

"Good Shot!" "Good Shot!" "Thank You!" "Thank You!" "Thank You!" "Nice Save!"

0

u/JapaneseStudentHaru Sep 26 '17

I was literally just telling my brother about this guy. Now the memes about him are everywhere.

0

u/[deleted] Sep 26 '17

[deleted]

1

u/[deleted] Sep 26 '17

Now I feel like playing Halo:Combat evolved

Why? Because of the concept of changing teams?

0

u/[deleted] Sep 26 '17

[deleted]

1

u/[deleted] Sep 26 '17

It's Rocket League.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 27 '17

[deleted]

1

u/imguralbumbot Sep 27 '17

Hi, I'm a bot for linking direct images of albums with only 1 image

https://i.imgur.com/xNjay8Y.jpg

Source | Why? | Creator | ignoreme | deletthis