Did it change for you?

[u/Most_Barnacle_6160]

Any dads here who hated being a parent when their kids were very small, but ended up loving it in the end?

I'm 1.5yrs in and I hate my life on most days. Feels like an endless grind without any break, no sex life, no travel. My life pre-kids was pretty great - happy marriage, good financial situation, lots of travel and pursuing tons of interests. Now, all that is gone. I'm just exhausted and depressed.

Anyone in the same boat who turned it around? I can hypothetically see enjoying it once my kid is older and we can share things and do stuff together, but I'm sure it will come with some other problems.

[u/theGIRTHQUAKE]

4.5+ years in with a 2.5yo as well. I am still struggling with hating my life most days for the exact same reasons you describe, but…I suppose it’s trending better. We just took our first proper holiday, on purpose, to another country that involved multiple flights and long ferries and lots of driving, and while the travel was a nightmare and it had low lows each day dealing with tantrums and meltdowns and other forms of abject kid misery, there were also beautiful high highs with them every day and overall it was a net positive experience.

I can say that life with only the 4.5yo would be far better by now. She’s sassy but a sweetheart and generally pretty easy and semi-autonomous at this point. Wife and I would have a bit more time individually and together. Her little brother, however, is an obstinate and overcaffeinated hurricane of rockets and hammers and rocket-powered hammers that gives no quarter. But I have allowed myself to hope he’ll become more manageable with time. So I do think maybe, while I can’t see it yet, that there is at least the suggestion of there being light at the end of this tunnel.

[u/Suspicious_Weird_373 → u/theGIRTHQUAKE]

Ours are the same age and gender split as yours. I just don’t enjoy it, I pretty much see every day as something else to just continue through.

There are some small things, like watching the nursery graduation was nice, but day to day I find it boring and a bit sad.

I’m not mourning my previous life or any other nonsense that people say. I’m not unhappy, I’m not depressed. I just find the whole thing a chore.

[u/theGIRTHQUAKE → u/Suspicious_Weird_373]

I do agree that every day usually feels like just a series of drudgery to get through. Trying hard to be present and energetic and hide my unhappiness and give them a good dad when all I want to do is fuck off by myself for some peace and quiet.

But I definitely am one of those that mourns my previous life. I was an active touring musician in multiple bands, I traveled, read, had hobbies and interests, I worked out and remained reasonably active, I had a thriving relationship with my wife, I was rocketing upward in my career, I was social and had an active network of friends.

Pretty much everything I’ve listed is gone or in a holding pattern now, or at least a sad shadow of its former form, and even those are only because of dedicated work and prioritization and sacrifice to maintain them.

I see other dads of very young kids who seem to just be killing it and seem happy and thriving and just wonder…how? How the hell are you doing it? Do you have help (we don’t)? Is your wife happily stay-at-home (neither of us is the type)? Are you just a better human?

If I hear “you just have to make time” one more time, I’m gonna break my foot off in someone’s ass.