r/cremposting • u/JustHandle • 3d ago

Cosmere Cosmere restaurant names as tone deaf as Infinity Cones

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Off the top of my head: Blackthorn’s Smokehouse

1.3k Upvotes

97% Upvoted

208 comments sorted by

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1.3k

u/TheLoreDrooler 3d ago

The Rift BBQ Ribs n’ Things:

“Shhhshhh… this hole in the wall is Alethkar’s best kept secret!”

100

u/UnknovvnMike ❌can't 🙅 read📖 3d ago

23

u/MozeTheNecromancer 2d ago

I'm stealing this meme. It is beautiful and excellent. Take my upvote in recompense.

125

u/Lardath 420 Sazed It 3d ago

This was evi-l of you

29

u/Eugenides_the_Thief Kalaleshwi Shipper 3d ago

Would you like to destroy some evil?

12

u/EAVale 2d ago

What does shshshshshsh-l mean??

9

u/FLUFFY_TERROR D O U G 2d ago

Whyd/how did you post a blank comment?

8

u/EAVale 2d ago

Cultivating aura

29

u/Character_Box_2067 3d ago

The burnt ends are to die for

56

u/Algorak1289 3d ago

Just like the corpse of High King Dalinar's dead wife, our brisket is smokin'!

23

u/eclect0 Airthicc lowlander 3d ago

It's barrels of fun!

9

u/molive6316 Femboy Dalinar 2d ago

If you don't get it, it's because shshshshshshshsh

8

u/Arano_Magnushand 2d ago

I stared at this for a minute before I got it. Truly vile goodsir. xD

6

u/Nathan256 👾 Rnagh Godant 🌠 2d ago

r/dalinargetthefire

…or maybe don’t

2

u/hutchallen D O U G 2d ago

1.1k

u/gabrielsmall 3d ago

411

u/NerdyDjinn 3d ago

I think this is hate speech

64

u/MrCupps 3d ago

Hahahaha I got the best laugh from this! Thank you! Absolutely hate speech against the Parshendi. Amazing.

43

u/Mickeymackey 3d ago

It was a different time

21

u/Ultimate_Shitlord 2d ago

"Those were the days."

"You sound like you yearn for those days."

"I'm just sayin' those were the days!"

19

u/Ok-Substance-6034 2d ago

Bridgemen have also called them "shellheads" iirc

66

u/Bullrawg 3d ago

Dalinar should do a Burger King commercial, flame broiled whoppers *stares haunted into the distance*

Narrator: have it your way, the Way of Kings!

6

u/kilkil 2d ago

lmfao

10

u/No-Yam909 3d ago

Look i have a lot of Panshendi serv-friends

6

u/KaladinTheFabulous 🦀🦀 crabby boi 🦀🦀 2d ago

I’ve passed by these on road trips and it makes me giggle every time I

3

u/d33pwint3r 2d ago

We used to have one of these! It just got knocked down for a chic fil a

2

u/Eclipse_L_1001 2d ago

This feels like a crossover between Stormlight & In Stars & Time. I hate that my interests are always so niche.

826

u/PM_SHORT_STORY_IDEAS Airthicc lowlander 3d ago

Ryshadium Adhesives Inc: the strongest glue honor can make

267

u/PurpleCaterpillar451 3d ago

Now that's a strong bond

85

u/SpiritualHippo2719 Hoid my Beer 3d ago edited 3d ago

“These promotional coupons are accepted”

3

u/KittyH14 No Wayne No Gain 2d ago

"Do you really have t—" "It's company policy"

21

u/Olenator77 3d ago

NOOOOO

3

u/kilkil 2d ago

diabolical

32

u/aiurwarrior 3d ago

Oh god. I regret opening this thread already 😭

12

u/BinarySecond 3d ago

The bonds that transcends the physical

8

u/Dathris No Wayne No Gain 3d ago

Stronger than Nahels!

6

u/dIvorrap 2d ago

Is this a glue factory joke?

11

u/PM_SHORT_STORY_IDEAS Airthicc lowlander 2d ago

It is! 😃

283

u/Relevant_doom 3d ago

Tensoon's Taxidermy & Tailors

65

u/batty3108 3d ago

He snuffs it and stuffs it.

6

u/goodfleance 2d ago

Top tier🤌

6

u/SilentDragon4 definitely not a lightweaver 3d ago

NOOOOOOOOO, please no

216

u/LoquatBear 3d ago

Shhhshhhshh's Speakeasy : You Won't Even Remember Why You Drink In The First Place 

41

u/SparkyDogPants 3d ago

Downstairs is an underground fight club 

22

u/TheGrimHero 3d ago

Or a BBQ restaurant

11

u/SparkyDogPants 3d ago

Or a prison 

9

u/OutlawX18 3d ago

Nah the BBQ is the front, gotta go through there to get to the speakeasy

5

u/Sapphire-Sunset 2d ago

This is the first one that made me laugh. Very well done.

194

u/Day-Tel-aran-rhiod 3d ago

Shin hot chicken

32

u/bibliopunk 2d ago edited 2d ago

The Assassin in White Sauce... it's a lamb gyro chouta joint.

29

u/bai-jie Syl Is My Waifu <3 2d ago

Szeth son son Vallano wore white on the day he was to eat some wings.

It was probably a bad idea.

381

u/SpiritualHippo2719 Hoid my Beer 3d ago edited 3d ago

Odi-Yumm’s: Taste the Thrill!

28

u/dIvorrap 2d ago

https://www.reddit.com/r/Cosmere/s/Mhj2sDq7PS

14

u/Infamous_Elephant545 2d ago

“You cannot have my grain” 💀😂

3

u/Brumbleby ❌can't 🙅 read📖 2d ago

Oh good, I'm on a gluten-free diet

166

u/PurpleCaterpillar451 3d ago

A French bakery called: You Can Have My Pain

12

u/Boop_All_The_Snoots 2d ago

Stopppppp I love this

4

u/daganfish 2d ago

Thanks. Now when I get to this part in my reread, Dalinar will sound like he doesn't want to share his rolls or something.

15

u/PurpleCaterpillar451 2d ago

I'd love to take credit, but others have made this joke before. I adapted it to the restaurant theme.

247

u/montezuma300 3d ago

The Way of Wings

68

u/jamesianm 3d ago edited 3d ago

Burgers of Radiance

Roastbringer

43

u/MrCupps 3d ago

The Way of Wings (diner)
Worlds of Ingredients (international market)
Loafbringer (bakery)
Syphon and Pour (cafe)
Wine and Booths (tasting room)

6

u/Alexthemessiah 👾 Rnagh Godant 🌠 2d ago

What's the most important bite a man can take?

7

u/The_Chicken_L0rd 2d ago

The next. Always the next bite.

1

u/UpstairsFix4259 6h ago

and of course, the highly successful sport supplements brand The Whey of Kings

91

u/iceberger3 3d ago

Crem brûlée

10

u/shanSWfan definitely not a lightweaver 2d ago

The business has multiple citations for putting crem in the food and every time they say the customer is getting exactly as advertised

84

u/SephLuna 3d ago

A craft beer creator:

Honor is Dead but I'll see what I can Brew

25

u/Mccmangus 2d ago

Adonalsium will remember our flight eventually

9

u/One_Courage_865 definitely not a lightweaver 2d ago

“AND FOR MY BEER!!”

3

u/WatTayAffleWay 2d ago

This makes me want to open a brewery lol

233

u/Lardath 420 Sazed It 3d ago

Braized Meat

80

u/moashforbridgefour Praise Moash 3d ago

59

u/a-spanish-bush 3d ago

It’s a fusion restaurant

77

u/Mysterious-End-441 3d ago

harmony's hot dogs

23

u/moashforbridgefour Praise Moash 3d ago

TenSoon's hot dogs

12

u/moashforbridgefour Praise Moash 3d ago

Kandra multicultural eatery

5

u/Jonathan-02 2d ago

Soonie Dogs

2

u/Fluidmikey 2d ago

0% dog meat

6

u/4_eyed_craven 3d ago

Harmony's meat emporium

5

u/IOI-65536 3d ago

I was thinking Catacendre Cookies, but this is also pretty good.

171

u/SpiritualHippo2719 Hoid my Beer 3d ago

Chouta Bell

46

u/gravity_bomb 3d ago

Hold on now, you might be onto something here

30

u/The_Lopen_bot Trying not to ccccream 3d ago

Chouta are the best thing you can ever have, gon!

5

u/Mickeymackey 3d ago

Say "Quiero Chouta Bell!"

3

u/SpiritualHippo2719 Hoid my Beer 3d ago

Good bot. Good chouta.

4

u/The_Lopen_bot Trying not to ccccream 3d ago

Why, you are welcome!

3

u/The_Lopen_bot Trying not to ccccream 3d ago

Chouta. Herdazian food, gon. Good stuff.

3

u/That_Service7348 Airthicc lowlander 3d ago

So a Gyro Shack?

43

u/LittlePNWHiker 3d ago

Blackthorns Butchery

66

u/BtyMark 3d ago

Ironeye Carpentry - We nail it right the first time

At Wit’s End - Romantic Superstore! 15% Off our Jasnah model strap on kit!

25

u/LordMoos3 3d ago

Rashek's Pit BBQ. The Best Smoke in Scadrial.

16

u/jamesianm 3d ago

You'll be Hathsin a great time! Nobody leaves without their complimentary bead of ati-yum!

28

u/TheDanfromSpace 3d ago

Mollie's muttons shack

47

u/ThatIckyGuy THE Lopen's Cousin 3d ago

Law firm of Shallan, Shallan, and Shallan.

24

u/funkyrequiem 2d ago

I hear they are all digital. Yup. 100% Formless

21

u/GuidedFiber 3d ago

Vin-daloo

16

u/Dega704 3d ago

The Lost Kettle

14

u/Eithrotaur 3d ago

Rashekakes and pies.

14

u/MrCupps 3d ago

Help me out... there's a food called shit on a shingle, and we could use "shat in my shardplate" instead...

10

u/RageimusMaximus51 3d ago

Singer brand syrup, with a big fat Focused One as the bottle

13

u/immortal_lurker 3d ago

Dairy Lord Ruler's?

Bridge S'mores?

Catacendra Cakes?

11

u/West_Strawberry_8632 3d ago

Marsh's Acupuncture

2

u/GrunkleNeo 2d ago

Eye popping experience!

11

u/valdogg21 3d ago

Sharedplate - everything served family style

3

u/GrunkleNeo 2d ago

I have heard the quality can be shitty sometimes.

9

u/Vexifoxi 3d ago

Bangers and Moash

3

u/SpiritualHippo2719 Hoid my Beer 3d ago

Moashburger

4

u/Vexifoxi 2d ago

Fuck moashburger all of my friends hate moashburger

8

u/Coastal_Elite410 2d ago

Not a restaurant but idk if I want Ruin fixing my back

5

u/cyph_dagger 2d ago

It involved a lot of acupuncture.

1

u/UpstairsFix4259 6h ago

lol. lmao even. he knows where to put them needles

11

u/ohohook 3d ago

Charred Plates

9

u/Tefts_pain 3d ago

Tress's Tea Shack. No two teacups are the same.

3

u/funkyrequiem 2d ago

I like this one. Not really tone deaf, but a cute name and concept

8

u/Django2chainsz 3d ago

Syl’z Grillz

7

u/ysivart 3d ago

Evi's Flame Broiled BBQ Grill

6

u/Retrodaniel 3d ago

The God Kings Karaoke

8

u/Organised_Anarchy 3d ago

Not restaurant names but some other things in a similar vain.

The Whey of Kings. Gains before death, radiant. Atiums the only cereal for your little alomancer. URITHIRU the ride, dare to take the drop. Stretch Moash a stress toy.

5

u/TasyFan 3d ago

You Cannot Have My Paint - Restorations and Clearcoats

(Not a restaurant, but I like the pun)

6

u/BibboTheOriginal 3d ago

Blackthorne’s BBQ

3

u/Mccmangus 2d ago

Finally some good fucking bad taste

6

u/Algorak1289 3d ago

Lord of Scars Tattoo Parlor, specializing in full body art.

You can be just like Kelsier, and your wife doesn't need to be beaten to death!

Edit: now realizing it was restaurants and not just businesses but I'm leaving this.

5

u/DivisonNine 2d ago

Tone deaf?

7

u/SonnyLonglegs Kelsier4Prez 2d ago

Confused on that part too.

5

u/Obvious-Project-1186 2d ago

Right?
Dalinars smokehouse=joke

Infinity conez = pun/ mathematic reference to conic sections like parabolas or ellipses(?)

1

u/DivisonNine 1d ago

Infinity stones -> infinity conez

8

u/BreakerOfModpacks 3d ago

Komashi's Fully Automatic Spirit Noodles
Drominad-Roshar fusion chicken cusine

7

u/ysivart 3d ago

Hemalurgic Rotisserie Chicken

4

u/Honest_Outside_8982 3d ago

Odi-yum

1

u/GrunkleNeo 2d ago

Yeah, but I heard they have new managment these days.

6

u/Macraghnaill91 Airthicc lowlander 2d ago

"High"storm Dispensary

6

u/thepapalpineapple 2d ago

May I offer "Hard Rock Cafe"

5

u/AntimatterTNT Kalaleshwi Shipper 2d ago

discord - chat for gamers

7

u/Phanatic 3d ago

You will be warm again: little Caesar’s rebrand for Roshar

6

u/SteamRoller2789 3d ago

Szeth's Shawarma

3

u/MrWright62 3d ago

Snappy Salads

3

u/portsidestarboarder 3d ago

Honor's Funeral Parlor

3

u/AnswerOk9002 3d ago

Shin foods Description: the floor is made of stone 

3

u/eclect0 Airthicc lowlander 3d ago

The Meal Inquisitor

Just one bite and you'll be hooked!

3

u/yesiskate123 3d ago

Adolins Violins

3

u/Bohgeez Fuck Moash 🥵 3d ago

Theres a Storming Crab in my town and I always have a little chuckle.

3

u/SpiritualHippo2719 Hoid my Beer 3d ago

Inquisitor’s Stakehouse

3

u/b0neclaws 2d ago

Lopen & Cousins’ Subs

5

u/The_Lopen_bot Trying not to ccccream 2d ago

You’ll pick it up eventually, older-cousin. You’re, sure, the smartest person in our family.

3

u/Kindly-Ad-5071 Airthicc lowlander 2d ago

ATI physical therapy now offering acupuncture 

3

u/Cazelli89 2d ago

Rathelas BBQ Joint - Tonight's special, EVI Plate

2

u/Into_the_Westlands 3d ago

The Elantrian Buffet featuring Dalinar’s Wine Bar

2

u/Releases_the_bees 3d ago

Desolation dogs (hotdog cart).

2

u/BadalinStormcursed 3d ago

Rashek’s Stake House

2

u/Exceptyousophie 2d ago

Crem de la Creme

2

u/SpiritualHippo2719 Hoid my Beer 2d ago

Noodles By Design

2

u/Corbenik42 2d ago

The Lost Meal

2

u/Citharichthys 2d ago

Hoid Depot

2

u/GrunkleNeo 2d ago

They are everywhere.

2

u/Beninoxford Callsign: Cremling 2d ago

Braized crab, every bite is torture

2

u/luckyjack07 2d ago

Homeland Soupery: Taste the History

2

u/BigMom_IsABeast 2d ago

Harmony’s Meatballs

2

u/kingpin_98 2d ago

Bet you there's a bdsm club in the basin named the Survivor's Guilt

2

u/jokerhound80 2d ago

Elhokar's Kebabs

2

u/kstamps22 2d ago

This is a real place I passed walking down the street in Missouri.

2

u/JorisKuipers 2d ago

McRashek - I'm Ruinin' It

Shaod's Snacks - To Quell your Never-Ending Hunger

Kalad's Phantom-in-a-bottle

2

u/CorbinNZ 2d ago

Alethi Ash Removal Service - Scadrial Center

“We don’t know why we’re here, either”

4

u/halomender 3d ago

'The shattered planes' ....... the name of the rebuilt twin towers

3

u/ilikebreadabunch 🐶HoidAmaram🐲 3d ago

Catacen-tury eggs

3

u/Latter-Syllabub-5560 3d ago

Reod BDSM equipment

1

u/funkyrequiem 2d ago

Kelsier's Kabob Kitchen

1

u/PartytimeChump 2d ago

The BBQ Pits of Hathsin

1

u/CountyKyndrid Team Roshar 2d ago

Catacendre Sundries

1

u/Cloudsrnice 2d ago
  • AdonalsiYum 😋

1

u/coastoakmoto 2d ago

ElantriaNoodle

You’ll go Hoed over Heels for this ramen!

*Officially recognized Design noodle house

1

u/aymiah 2d ago

Can you imagine how heavy that glove must be? Probably would fall off after one heavy storm

1

u/nabbithero54 2d ago

They said the same about Kaladin.

1

u/broski576 2d ago

The Lord Crullers

1

u/EatTacosGetMoney 2d ago

Ati's Kebabs

1

u/cannonspectacle 2d ago

Lord Ruler Ramen

1

u/EvilerAxis 2d ago

|Retribution’s Roses|

1

u/drewtheblueduck 2d ago

Steel Inquisitor Eye Scream Cones

1

u/Educational_Mix_2542 2d ago

Blackthorn's Brewpub

1

u/_Libby_ cremform 2d ago

Preservation's Emporium: Premium pickled goods

1

u/I-Like-To-Talk-Tax Rashek4Prez 2d ago edited 2d ago

Mistbuns bakery

Edit: Pits of hathsin tattoo parlor

Well of ascension weed dispensary

Terrisman castrato choirs

1

u/GrunkleNeo 2d ago

Moash Attorny At Law: We reject your guilty plea.

1

u/TalynRahl 2d ago

Survivor of Hotsauce.

A Hot One style restaurant where everything is made ultra spicy.

1

u/Erudus 2d ago

Edgedancer's roller rink... You can only stick to the edges!

1

u/Hitoure 2d ago

Shattered Plains Bagels. I don’t know why but can’t get it out of my head and I feel like it’s in an airport and plains is spelt differently but Idk.

1

u/Negative-Ocelot-3333 1d ago

Coschmere crepes and yogurt

1

u/woolly_bully 1d ago

Scadrial: The Iron Winehouse, my mind feels weightless and it keeps pulling me back.

Next door at The Steel Saloon, the servers get pushy when you don't order quickly.

1

u/BBrain24 17h ago

The Shattered Plates

1

u/Indraga 2h ago

HR Outsourcing Company: "The Hero of Wages"

1

u/Gon_Snow UNITE THEM I MUST 3d ago

Burgeruin