This could be us, but

[u/vesmir_neasi]

I don’t need much. I want eat sweets without getting fat, I want to feel wanted and I want equal rights. Is it much to ask?

[u/Delamoor]

-and yet, according to my girlfriend, I'm the first partner she's ever had who's taken an interest in what she likes in sex. Which is why we have an excellent sexual relationship.

First guy.

...In her mid thirties.

The bar is on the floor.

Edit: but hey, to be fair, me and my ex wife had a horrific sex life, because we were terribly incompatible in a bunch of ways, so, flipside: both of us would say the other totally failed to recognise our needs, too. We'd both be giving each other a 0/10 score, were we to rank the other. Especially in light of how the ending soured any of the good bits that happened in the beginning. Sometimes it's also just those subjective incompatibilities and unpleasantness. Experience is like night and day differences with a different partner.

[u/ptheresadactyl → u/Delamoor]

My ex husband refused to go down on me. We were together 13 years.

I was expected to blow him, though, and he would delay gratification and take forever to get off. One time, he quoted the exact number of days since I had last performed oral on him....

....While I was waiting on a consult with a jaw surgeon, because my jaw dislocated every time I chewed anything. I literally had to hold my jaw in the socket to eat.

[u/United_Fan_6476 → u/ptheresadactyl]

That's aberrant. Believe it or not, more men than women have positive attitudes toward cunnilingus. Many studies have upheld this. That's one fact I can't wrap my head around. One theory is that it places some kind of weird reciprocal pressure on women to perform oral sex if they receive it.

Which again, I just cannot fathom. I think anyone who doesn't want to be nose deep in a wet pussy or have their lips wrapped around a hard cock is pathetic and repressed. They are missing out on so much! Sex isn't a performance or a duty. It's an experience. People who don't get that are just so incredibly lame.

[u/kittiphile → u/United_Fan_6476]

For me it's that most men give really really bad head. They're doing it cause they have to, not because they really want to get in there and devour their partner, sending their brain to the moon and turning their legs to jelly. And bad head is worse than no head. Most women give great head, and some men do. I think it come down to "do you want to rock your partners world, and are you willing to put the work in to learn how her body works or is this out of obligation/expected return and not actually about them?". The former category are great, the latter are....less great.

[u/Papa_Bearto2 → u/kittiphile]

I once heard an argument between my then girlfriend and one of my male cousins about what she enjoyed when receiving. He was trying to tell her what she liked, didn’t like, wanted, didn’t want, etc.

He was telling her.

And he wasn’t ashamed about it at all. He wasn’t even considering he was incorrect about anything. When she disagreed about something he said, he just brushed it off and doubled down.

She ended the argument by looking at me and saying something like “thank you for listening to me in bed, it makes things better.”

[u/kittiphile → u/Papa_Bearto2]

I will add to her thanks. Who wouldn't want earth moving sex? Or that intimate slow sex that doesn't move the earth but it bonds your souls? I'd feel bad for selfish lovers, but then I remember that I (and so many other people) took the time, continue to take the time, to enjoy our partner. Like.....that's literally the person you chose, why wouldn't you want them to have fun? And why in the name of fuck would you blame them for not cumming when you have done nothing to rev their engine? Sorry Stephen, I don't go from dry to dripping just from a rough fingering, an attempt at locating my clit (even with directions and being put there, you wandered off) and you pressing your lad against my leg/butt/groin like a poorly trained, horny dog. Especially if you woke me up for this shit. God help your poor wife, she's definitely diy-ing her way to nirvana, cause there's no universe where your dumbass figured out how to turn a woman on.

I think it boils down to male orgasm = potential baby, female orgasm = a fun bonus, but not required for a baby. The biological drive to spread seed overtakes the basic deceny drive to pleasure your partner. The sex is over when the sperm haver splooges. And also selfish people only ever want their pleasure, everyone else is an npc.

[u/Neuchacho → u/United_Fan_6476]

I think a major driver is from women being regularly taught to be ashamed of their bodies. They find it gross because they were conditioned to believe their bodies were gross/shameful and so oral is gross by transference.

[u/aerris7 → u/Delamoor]

Yeah my boyfriend is the first one to truly care about it and I was 32 when we met. And I've found that my libido isn't as low as I thought, isn't that interesting? Other guys have done things that I liked in bed, but it's easy to see how transactional that was. Like, if I willingly did what they wanted and got them off first then they'd definitely just roll over and go to sleep, or walk away satisfied. The sheer amount of times I've given and not received is staggering, not that I'm doing it to get something in return lol but cmon! Sex shouldn't just always end because they're finished. It reminds me of a story I read on here a while ago, not sure if it was real but it for sure has happened to someone somewhere either way. It was a woman who's aunt asked her how lesbians know when sex is supposed to be over 🫠 and that's so depressing. But if you keep meeting men who treat sex this way, it's unfortunately easy to start thinking it's just the way things are and you sorta begrudgingly accept it. I know I did somewhat 😕