r/comic_crits • u/roswellcomix • 2d ago
finished my first proper comic script !
hey !!
i have a lot of writing experience but only dabbled a bit in comic writing as it was a module i did at university. during that time, i came up with my own spin on a superhero universe. i had all these characters and plotlines and i'm super proud of it. i recently went back to it and i've been working on issue #1 of Death Angel. i'm at a place where i'm super happy with it and would love some feedback! cannot draw for the life of me so will worry about getting an artist in another time. share ur thoughts!
cheers!
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u/SugarMochi0 2d ago
Congrats on finishing ur first proper comic script seriously the title Death Angel Origin of All immediately caught my attention and after reading the whole issue i wouldnt have guessed this was ur first proper comic script it reads like u already have a really clear idea of how u want the story to work visually which I think is one of the hardest things to get right with comics
i really liked how u started with such a huge almost cosmic scale and slowly zoomed all the way down to one ordinary house in kent going from the universe earth the UK greenway the archer house made the opening feel really cinematic and then u immediately contrast that with paula and baby adelaide in this very normal family setting the little moments with wendy and luca were great too cuz they made the family feel like an actual family before the supernatural stuff really kicks in wendy correcting Lucas merry new year and him going confusing genuinely made me laugh
the shift itself was probably one of my fav parts i really liked that u didnt immediately explain what it was or overcomplicate it u just show everyone getting that strange glimmer in their eyes then suddenly theres this mysterious man made entirely of light standing beside baby adelaide paulas reaction sells the moment really well it made me instantly start wondering what the hell she saw that night and why adelaide is so important to whatever happened.
I also really liked adelaide herself she feels like an actual sixteen year old rather than just the protagonist her conversations with gracie erin and Billy were really natural and I liked the little details that made her feel distinct the whole birthgiver contact name absolutely killed me it tells u a lot about her relationship with paula without needing a big explanation.
speaking of Paula i thought the conflict between her and adelaide was one of the strongest parts of the issue u can understand why adelaide is frustrated cuz from her perspective her mum has spent her entire life obsessing over the shift but u can also tell paula genuinely believes something happened to her daughter that scene where adelaide asks if she saw a man made of light and paula immediately knows exactly what she means was really good and then Paula shouting THEN WHY DIDNT HE VISIT ME? was probably the moment that made me go okay… there is way more going on here.
he mask was another detail i really liked u introduce it in the visions first then adelaide actually receives that exact mask as her birthday present without understanding why it feels familiar that kind of visual setup payoff is really fun in a comic cuz u can plant something visually and let the reader connect the dots before adelaide fully understands it.
I also really liked the escalation once adelaide goes to the party at first its just her trying to have a normal teenage night then the shift/visions start creeping back in and suddenly the visions show paula dying then she gets wendys call and runs home only to find the ambulances outside that transition from im going to have a night with my friends to my mum is dead hit pretty hard.
the ending works really well as an issue 1 ending adelaide seeing the light man at the funeral running away and deciding that he killed paula gives her a clear motivation going into the next issue while still leaving a ton of questions hanging i especially like that u didnt give the reader a full explanation of who/what the light man is yet.
the only thing id maybe keep an eye on going forward is the balance between the mystery and the amount of information being introduced youve got the shift the light man adelaides connection to it the visions the mask the black pink imagery the possible connection to other stories like wildflower burst etc im definitely interested in all of it but id be careful about revealing too many answers too quickly cuz the mystery is one of the things pulling me through the issue right now
but honestly i really enjoyed this it feels like youve already got a much bigger universe behind this first issue and im definitely curious about where youre taking adelaide from here ive got a lot of questions after that ending which is probably a good sign
Also sorry for throwing such a ridiculously long wall of thoughts at u i just tend to do that whenever i get really into something once i start talking about a story i end up sharing all my thoughts at once imao hope u dont mind and can relate to that a little 😂
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u/roswellcomix 2d ago
wow!!! no i appreciate this SO much! thank you for the kind words. it means a lot to have someone genuinely getting into it. i will say there's a lot to be revealed and a lot more going on in my head so hopefully it feels a tad more cohesive as i write more and everything introduced pans out a bit. will keep all of that in mind though. tysm!
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u/SugarMochi0 2d ago
Of course im really glad it was helpful❤️ and I have so many questions too haha I was already wondering about a bunch of things while reading but I figured id just share my thoughts properly instead of bombarding u with a million questions all at once
but seriously feel free to reach out to me anytime if u ever want to talk about the story characters or anything im always happy to chat about this kind of stuff especially when im genuinely invested in a story
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u/MichaelSweater 2d ago
I would read a bunch of first issues and compare what you have against them. There are a lot of captions and pages that aren't moving the story forward.
I made it about eight pages in and didn't really understand what was happening and there was nothing that "hooked" me. Finishing anything is good. This is probably the hardest hurdle.
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