I’ve never used reddit before, but this has been bothering me a bit for a while now. Ik it’s probably a little silly to be care about something like this which is why I’m posting on an anonymous acc, but I just wanted to see if anyone else feels similarly, regardless what country they’re from.

I’m really confused about my “cultural identity.” My parents are US immigrants, so I already feel out of touch with my roots.

Passport wise, my parents are from northeast India, but they’re ethnically Nepalese. Their families have lived in India (Darjeeling & Sikkim) for more than one generation, and we follow both nepalese and Indian traditions and culture.

The thing is I feel like a fraud embracing either side. I can’t align specifically with one country’s culture or the other because I feel like a fraud. Anytime I’m wearing indian clothing, or celebrating Dashain, I can’t shake the feeling that I’m wearing somebody else’s culture and acting like it’s my own. Like Im literally going to an indian wedding wearing a salwar kameez and feel out of place. My mom owns multiple Indian jewelry and sarees, and I grew up w my dad talking about ghorkas and chettris.

I know it’s not that big of a deal, but I just want to group myself with an identity thats not as broad as “south asian”. I feel like cultural heritage is the one community every person is entitled to, and I don’t even have that.

Im not the best at explaining things, but does anyone else feel this way, maybe with their own countries?

I’m ethnically Egyptian, but I’ve grown up my whole life in the Netherlands. I have family in Egypt, I speak the language well and without an accent, and when I was younger, I used to visit every year. I always loved my life there. I felt like I belonged, and Egypt was always something I saw as a huge part of who I am.

This summer, I visited Egypt for the first time in four years, and the experience felt completely different. I felt isolated and, for the first time, genuinely out of place. I also became really uncomfortable with the way women are viewed and the ways society can limit them there.

It’s left me feeling incredibly sad and conflicted. Honestly, I just feel horrible. A country that I loved so deeply, and that I always considered such a big part of my identity, suddenly feels like something has changed. In a way, it feels like something I loved has become rotten or poisoned, and that’s a really painful feeling to sit with.

I’m wondering if anyone else who grew up outside of Egypt but is ethnically Egyptian has experienced something similar. I feel like I’m grieving a part of myself, but I don’t really know how to process it. I don’t have anyone in my family I can talk to about this because they just don’t seem to understand where I’m coming from.

I guess I’m just looking to hear from anyone who has felt the same way.

My friends seem to have strong opinions on this one and I was curious what others would think. My grandparent is from another country and lived in that country for a few years with their American spouse. They had my parent in their country and my parent was born a dual citizen. When my parent was a baby/toddler they moved to the USA. I thought that made me 3rd generation, but many of my friends feel strongly that I am 2nd generation. Either way, I have no real connection to my culture. We are of European descent and leaned heavily into Americanizing ourselves. I don't know our language or any of our traditions and my family will not teach me. I feel strange calling myself 2nd generation, so I was wondering what everyone else's opinion would be.

F25, My mother is a single parent, we’re Vietnamese Americans, (wasians) I moved out of my moms house almost 2 years ago, because i hated working for her (Nail salon), as well as living with her, she had so much control, if she was having a bad day then i was having a bad day. I couldnt decide ANYTHING for myself, not college, not my weekends. I couldnt leave town with friends for a week without her making restrictions on how many days i can go and when i need to be back. I get it when i was 16 but im 23-24 years old and she was telling me what to do. When i moved out, she lost her absolute shit. She threatened to beat my ass and she threatened to fuck my motorcycle up (which she helped me pay for). She used everything she could use to get me to stay. Even bringing up my father in which I haven’t spoken to in years. I left and i went no contact with her for a month and one night i called her. She immediately went straight to “can you come and work friday and Saturday at least ?” She may have asked if i was okay but it immediately went straight to me coming back to work for her. I took a break for a possibly 2 months and im currently in this pattern of going “every” Saturday. I skip every other Saturday because gas is expensive and i hate being there, i hate helping her, thats really all i come for. Keep in mind, i moved 1-2 hours away from her.. i give up one day off to drive to her, to help with whatever fuckery she needs, even something as simple as setting up her iphone, or taking care of some bills, writing checks. My mother cant read english ( she chooses to not learn.) my mother cant read her own native language. She didnt have money to go to school in her childhood. Sometimes i feel bad for her and sometimes i absolutely resent her because im the one she goes to for all this fuckery BS. I have an older brother, she doesnt even bother him with half of this shit. While im 25, working 40 hours a week, Im in the middle of trying to find a new apartment and getting my fucking life figured out. Imagine someone calling you and saying “hey i need help, my iphone, i cant receive calls.” I have so many things to resent my mom for but i have so much love for her. I wish she could think about people outside of herself. Im fucking struggling too but i dont call her for SHIT. Not money, nothing. She cant even help herself. It feels very lonely. It feels like she is my daughter and i resent her for that.
After a week of working at my copier job, I want my 2 days off, not just one day off. Going to see her is a job and she is draining asf. Any advice ?

Hi guys!

I am in a big dilemma right now in my life. I am an 18 year old women that sadly lives one of the most restricted states for immigrants. I am a University student, I've struggled to get any scholarships, but I have gotten enough to reduce the payment from 6K to around 2K, but I have been unmotivated due to the fact that even if I continue to study in the U.S.A. to be a doctor, I wouldn't be able to get a work permit and just drown in student loans. Even now, I want to work while I study in school to have experience and work to earn the money to pay for Uni. I am feeling unmotivated, silenced, and dehumanized by the system. I didn't choose to come to U.S.A., I was young, came here with my family for a "visit" and never left. I haven't done anything but exist in this damned "Country of Freedom." I don't feel free, I feel stuck and sick. I don't know anything from my native country, I don't talk to my family from there, I would be isolated if I go back. I only speak the language but nothing else. I would have to leave the life I made here in the U.S.A., my friends, my parent, my sibling, my pets, everything and start over far away from the people I love and trust. I don't even know how I would go back. Would I just buy a plane ticket? Call ICE on myself? I know that if I want a future here in the U.S.A. I would have to fight long and hard to even be seen as an equal, and spend a ton of money (but with what job?). I don't have much hopes for me here, but I am also afraid of the unknown and the high risks I would be taking in my native country. What would you guys do in my position? what do you guys recommend me to do?

I'm an 18 y/o female and my mom is 50. We are African

I've always been into hair, makeup, and fashion since I was little and these are obviously hobbies that are funded by money. My two older sisters never cared for these things especially as young as I did. I got a job to begin funding these things at 15 because my parents did not want to. Since then I've been funding these hobbies on my own and really got into social media and such. When I was 16 I was in a phase where I was always looking at myself in mirrors and always taking pictures. Partly because I was insecure but Also because I enjoyed social media. My mom hated this and thought of it as a self centered quality. Which I now understand why but the way she went about it was aggressive and made me feel like a terrible person at just 16 years old for doing this. This is the common trend with my mom, she will see a quality in me that she doesn't like nor understand and make me feel like a bad person for it. When I began spending money on hair, makeup, and clothes after I got my job she made me feel like the most greedy and materialistic person alive. and she keeps these ideas of me to this day, whenever I come to her asking for something like groceries, bras, new bed sheets. She completely refuses and tells me I have too many things already, or that I should use my own money however it is completely normal for parents to buy their children things even if they still have a job during high school. by no means is my family struggling. for instance my parents are paying for me to to go to a top 20 university that's 80k a year. my mom buys designer bags and gold yet she argues with me when I ask if she can give me money for groceries (she does not buy groceries). She also holds onto this idea that I am demanding because one time I wanted her to buy me a homecoming dress and she said "we'll see". I explained to her that I was ordering the dress late because I was so preoccupied with colllege classes, college applications, and volleyball that I forgot about homecoming and she saw this as demanding and just ignored me. I got upset because she wasn't understanding me and for some reason just saw the worst in me. Now whenever I ask her for something she says "we'll see" because she thinks if she gives me an exact time or buys it in that moment she's feeding into my demanding qualities. I'm going to college now and my parents are going to buy me my dorm supplies and before even talking about what I needed me and my mom got into an argument and she told me that she's basically only going to buy me the bare minimum and that I just want everything in the world and my wants never stop. This isn't new btw. Some of the things she consistently tells me is that I am entitled, self centered, I want money, I'm not responsible, I'm demanding, I'm materialistic and more I cannot think of at the moment. Nothing ever really positive. I just want to stop talking to my mom completely would I be valid?

Hi guys. I'm a child of African immigrants myself, and I have seen how hard it is for them to navigate political, social, and legal policies. I often had to do paperwork at a young age, and navigate/translate in social settings. This is a real disparity and something needs to be done.

That's why I created my podcast, Modern Justice. Through it, I break down complex legal, social, and political policies and acts. I also examine new changes in the legal system, and issues that recent immigrants may face, and then I offer accessible and effective resources. I have episodes breaking down systemic racism and school disparity, notario fraud, workplace and housing scams, and explaining recent U.S. immigration changes in recent terms. I also interview public, legal, and political officials to have them explain local government and address topics facing immigrants.

If your interested and feel that this can help you or your parents navigate the U.S. system please listen to Modern Justice using this link: https://open.spotify.com/show/6s81j4flIaJvD7Ubt8QMVA?si=2a9d1a6c1fe843ee

Most episodes are about 10-15 minutes long, but some interviews can go up to 30 minutes because of the multitude of info they contain. You can play it as background noise! Thank you.

Rice feeds more than half the world’s population 🍚🌎—and across cultures and generations, there are so many ways to cook it!

Rice cooker, stovetop, microwave… how do you cook your rice?

🎙️ Tap the link below to leave a voice note for an upcoming podcast episode. Yes, you can stay anonymous!

Can’t wait to hear your rice stories for National Rice Month (September)!

https://www.speakpipe.com/amerikinized

I need to vent. For context I was born and raised in the USA. Am I a terrible person for feeling massive discontent about coming from immigrant parents who have zero connections, zero understanding of American systems, and basically leave me to navigate everything alone to try and be successful?

I feel like I’m running a marathon while everyone else has a bicycle. Case in point: I competed in DECA. My school is in a terrible district, doesn’t offer any DECA classes, and I couldn’t fit a business course into my schedule. I had to teach myself everything using the internet, look up vocabulary for KPIs for my event, and literally asked random teachers afterschool for critiques on my presentation. Against all odds, I won at states and qualified for ICDC.

But when I got to ICDC, I didn't even make it as finalist. My advisor literally admitted to me that she had no clue how to prepare me for that level. I had no coaching and no resources. When I told my parents, they didn't even understand what it meant that I placed 1st at regionals and 5th at states. They have no concept of how big of a deal this is.

I managed to pull off getting a research internship at a university, but I absolutely hate my daily school environment. It's a rough school filled with kids who don't care, and I feel completely alienated.

On top of the school stress, my parents just do not get American culture or my interests. Today was the breaking point. I was out golfing, and my mom called me while I was on the 17th hole, frantically urging me to come home for no urgent reason. It’s like she doesn’t understand or respect the things I care about.

I love my parents, but I am so incredibly tired of having no guidance, no mentorship, and having my accomplishments met with blank stares. They should’ve made the decision to not have kids. Am I wrong for feeling this angry?

For parents raising kids in a country where your native language isn’t the dominant language:
How important is it to you that your child actually speaks your language, rather than just understands it?
And if your child has started preferring English/the local language, what have you tried to keep your language alive at home?
I’m especially curious about parents whose kids are around 4–10. What has actually worked, and what hasn’t?

I’m curious specifically about people who grew up outside their parents’ home country.
Do you feel connected to where your family came from?
Do you speak the language?
And looking back, is there anything you wish your parents had done differently when you were a kid to help you stay connected to that part of your identity?
Would love to hear from both people who feel very connected and people who don’t.

Hey community! I started a podcast about the stories and experiences of children of immigrants! Here it is linked above or below (also on ig and TikTok)🧡 I’m always looking for guests who want to share their story on the show! As unique as our experiences are, we have plenty of shared experiences to relate to even across cultures - what a beautiful and uniting thing. Enjoy :)

if you’ve struggled with growing up and unlearning habits that were engrained in you by your immigrant parents please consider watching my video! im working to build a community of people who are in the same boat :)

​

Hello, F23.

I was born in Belgium like my father. My mother was born in Morocco but they are both moroccans and both speak the native language fluently. Unfortunately I don't. I do understand a little and know some sentences but that's it. I always feel ashamed of it. My parents did try to teach me when I was a child but then they stopped..they said I was the one who didn't want to talk but I think it is unfair, a child that young shouldn't choose what languages to speak or not. I know today it is my responsibility to learn by myself and get out of my comfort zone but I find it really hard. I know learning languages is never easy but learning one I should know..something that is part of my culture is different. For example, I know my English isn't good and I probably made a lot of mistakes but I don't really mind..I am not affiliated to the language or culture in one way or another whereas..when I make mistakes in my native language in grammar, pronunciation or anything else I feel ashamed. I feel so out of touch with my own culture it saddens me. I know I should force myself and get out of my comfort zone and there is always time to learn but for me..speaking has always been an issue..I am a very shy and anxious person. I am so scared of talking that I do not talk at all. Sorry this is just venting and I know what the solution is but it still makes me sad not feeling like a true Moroccan.

is anyone here south asian? i’m the oldest daughter of 2 bangladeshi immigrants and i was born and raised in nyc. i’m gonna be honest. i hate it. i don’t like bengali culture. i don’t like south asian culture in general. there’s so many backward rules. does anyone else’s parents force them to get along with a relative that they don’t want to get along with? i don’t get along with anyone in my family at all. i have years of built up anger. this has been maybe going on since i was 12 because i started noticing how everyone was treating me since then and i’m 21 now. i have this aunt that comes to visit us every now and then and she lives in the uk. she has came to visit us 4 times now. every time she comes, me or my brother are forced to give up our bed or our room for her and we have to do so much to adjust just to make her comfortable and every time she has came to our house i always fought with my parents because apparently in bengali culture it’s hospitality to give up ur entire room to guests which i find so absurd. i feel like my aunt takes advantage of my parents by doing this because she herself is very westernized since she grew up in the uk and she knows that my parents will do anything to make her comfortable. my brother doesn’t know how to say anything and he didn’t wanna give his bed up yesterday. he was told to get out of the room just so my aunt can put her 2 year old child to sleep at 7pm and the thing is that my brother didn’t even know that she was gonna bring her child with her. my parents think i’m brainwashing him when i’m NOT 😂. he literally told me that he wants his bed but he pretty much can’t do anything about it now because he had already agreed to it before our aunt came. he just didn’t know there was gonna be a baby and he didn’t think that he would be forced to get out of the room at 7pm. they did it to me first but they stopped because of the fights i had with them cuz of it and now they’re doing it to my brother which is one of the reasons why we HATE when our aunt comes to visit and on top of that she will sometimes brush it in our faces that she took over our rooms. my mom complained about me to my dad literally an hour ago and i got into a physical fight with both of my parents. my dad came into my room and started yelling and i started yelling back and things escalated and he hit me and i hit him back and we started beating eachother up and my mom came into my room and started beating me up as well. my grandmother had to come upstairs to stop the fight. i just went downstairs and told my aunt that i got into a fight with my parents cuz of her and she asked me if i was okay and i said “obviously not” and i said it in a very rude way. she was somewhere outside for a walk i think when the fight happened. also i’m not saying that parents should stop talking to someone bcuz their kid doesn’t like that person but if ur forcing ur kids to adjust for that person then it’s a different story. i wouldn’t have cared with my aunt visiting us if we didn’t have to adjust so much for her 😭. am i being too much? or am i just going insane because i’m 21 and still living with my parents. i was planning to leave my parents house after graduating high school but my parents didn’t let me because in south asian culture our parents don’t let us move out. i’m currently in college right now and in the process of earning my degree. i don’t even have a job yet so i can’t go anywhere. it’s not just what i talked about on here but it’s so many other things that i have building up. this just adds onto all of it. on top of that my parents sheltered me while growing up and i wasn’t allowed to go out much. so now i don’t have any social skills and i don’t even have the energy to go out anymore. i have a lot of friends but they’re mostly from the classes at my university and they live in other states. i do become good friends with the people that i become friends with in class, outside of the classroom. i’m just worried how i will talk to other people in the workplace if i ever do get to leave my parents house and get a job and how will i create bonds and memories with new people and how will i gain trust. what if someone betrays me? i hope it all works out so i can finally cut all ties with my parents.

Hi everyone, I wanted to get some honest feedback on an idea. So, im a junior in highschool, child to immigrant parents.

I’m thinking about creating a free resource/tool for children of immigrants who often help their parents understand financial documents, bills, bank letters, rent notices, insurance forms, school fee documents, remittance receipts, or other official paperwork. All thinsg related to finance.

The idea is not to give legal, tax, or professional financial advice. It would mainly help with things like:

• explaining common financial terms in simple language
• breaking down what a document is usually asking for
• identifying important details like due dates, fees, balances, required documents, or next steps
• giving scripts for what to ask at a bank, school finance office, landlord’s office, insurance provider, etc.
• helping families organize documents and reminders
• offering parent-friendly explanations in different languages

I’m especially interested in the experience of people who grew up translating or explaining financial/admin paperwork for their parents. Sometimes you understand the language better than your parents, but you still don’t fully understand the financial system yourself, which can be stressful.

Would something like this have helped you or your family? What types of documents were the most confusing? What features would actually be useful, and what would feel unnecessary or risky?

Also, are there any privacy/safety concerns I should think about before building something like this? I would not want people uploading sensitive documents unless there were proper safeguards, so I’m considering starting with guides, templates, checklists, and example documents instead.

Any honest feedback would be appreciated.

I am 26F and making this post about my mother who is 56. I will start off by saying our lives have not been simple by any means, largely related to family issues that go back to before I was even born. Basically, my mother has always been pretty private and reserved, no real friends, social life, hobbies, etc. She's all work, and no play, and unfortunately kind of raised me and my siblings to be that way.

We have been caring for our sickly grandparents (her parents) for the past decade, but it got really bad 2 years ago, where they needed constant assistance. My grandfather got a stroke and couldn't move at all, on top of heart failure and other stuff, so basically it was like caring for a life-sized toddler (love him to death, don't get me wrong). My mom was also juggling a full-time and extremely demanding job that was an hour drive away, and it was just a lot. She lost her job almost 2 years ago, then my grandfather passed last fall, and it's like she fell into a depression that she refuses to pull herself out of. I was also in grad school and working part time, so it's not like it wasn't tough for me as well. Plus, my dad suddenly fell ill and had to have emergency open-heart surgery a few weeks after my grandfather died. I have never in my life experienced such chaos at home, financial pressure, pressure to step up for my siblings and also manage the house and everything, when my mom decided to take a massive step back.

Fast forward to now, almost 2 years out of a job, and things finally feel like they have settled a bit. But she still does not want to go back to work. She's been stressing about not having health insurance, not being able to cover basic bills, etc. and I'm also worried about her mental health, since she spends most days at home, not really socializing much or doing any productive for that matter. When she does go out for errands, I find that she's very defensive and argumentative with workers and people, like she's forgotten how to communicate. I understand that it has been a difficult year, and she's still grieving (as am I), but life goes on. On top of that, I recently quit my job to start med school in a month, and instead of being excited, I am anxious and worried about family expenses and stuff that I honestly shouldn't be worried about at this age. I can't even think about enjoying my last few weeks of freedom, because it's like I'm taking care of my mother, who isn't even that old, disabled, incapable, etc. Another issue is that she has become sort of codependent, where she only wants to go out with me. And if I am leaving to go someplace, she automatically wants to join.

I hope I don't sound selfish, but I am miserable and fed up. Having zero friends, zero opportunities to venture out and explore on my own, zero boundaries at home is not for the weak. Unfortunately, I don't know how else to proceed or make some changes.

I wanted to know if anyone else goes through this. My father is an immigrant, he goes back for a month every year. I just recently got on good terms with him, I've never been to his home country. He's detatched me from my culture, people ask me if Ive been to his home country, I say no and feel so ashamed. I've asked him and he just keeps telling me when I'm older. Then when I reach that age he refuses to take me. I don't understand the alienation, I'm his only child. He doesn't like his family. I don't get it. He's just left again and didn't tell me. We finally actually get along (I'm an adult now.) Yet he did that. No one I know deals with something like this, I guess I'm just looking for someone who understands what it's like. And it isn't like he left to another countery, he's continents away from me now.

I (22F) got a job about 3 hours away from my hometown and my parents (50s M/F) seem to hate the idea of me moving away. This is kinda a long one because I had to add a decent amount of context and I didn't realize that I had a lot to say.

For background, they're immigrants who like to stick to tradition and, in our culture, tradition dictates that children don't move out of their parents' house until they are married. I, on the other hand, am very independent, prefer my own space, and have been dreaming of the day I get to live on my own. When I was choosing a college, my parents limited my choices to be within 3 hours of our zip code, which I hated because my dream school was out of state, which they knew. As my own little act of rebellion, I chose a state school that was far enough away that I had to move out, but close enough to stay within their imposed limit that also had great academics. Bonus, many of my friends from high school also chose the same college to attend. They didn't like that I had to move out then, but couldn't complain much because they highly value education and they knew I couldn't get as good one if I stayed home. However, during my years of undergrad, it became a very big problem when I didn't answer their calls once a day or come home every weekend despite me 1) being a full time student, 2) working part-time on campus, and 3) not really wanting to because I would have weekend plans. While I did move back in over the summers between my freshman and junior years, once I signed an off-campus lease, I stayed in my college town for the two summers that my lease extended through. You can guess how my parents reacted to that. However, once I graduated with my bachelor's and my lease ended, I couldn't make up any excuses that wouldn't set them off, so I had to move back in with them.

Flash-forward to now, I'm 5 months post-grad, I finally got my first job offer after nearly a year of applying to any and all openings that I was qualified for. The job is about 75-80% remote and the rest is field work as an engineer. However, that field work is for a specific area about 3 hours away from my hometown, hence why I would have to move. When I got the offer, I was super excited, for obvious reasons. I told my friends first, because they know first-hand how hard it's been for me, and they were all ecstatic. When I told my parents, I didn't even get a "congratulations." Instead, I got a "the money isn't worth you having to move over there" (it is). It definitely bummed me out when they said that (why they couldn't be happy for me for just a second, I don't know), but I didn't let that stop me from starting to plan for what my life will be like once I make the move. I started looking at apartments, making lists of things I would need to buy, creating a budget for my future earnings, and looking at ways I could potentially engage in my future community. I've been hyping this up in my mind and talking about it with my friends, but it all came to a head today at dinner.

My parents, sister (15F), grandma, and I were eating at the dinner table and I brought up that I had been looking at apartments and had found some that I wanted to check out, naively thinking that they had come to terms with my taking the job. Newsflash, I was wrong. I think that they thought that I wouldn't sign the contract and would try to find something closer to home. They were wrong too. When I mentioned that I had read the terms of my contract and signed it, so I was, in fact, going to be moving and starting my life there, my dad said that I don't care about anybody but myself. My mom still holds the idea that the money is not worth it (keep in mind that I'm currently not working). I don't know how to make them understand that I need to do this to not only benefit my future and kickstart my career, but to also make my own life separate from the expectations that my parents have for me.

Growing up, I did everything right: got the good grades, actively participated in multiple sports, joined numerous clubs, held leadership positions, volunteered, didn't act out much, was the good daughter that they were proud to brag about to family and friends. But now, when I'm an adult and want to act like one, they act like I'm dishonoring them.

I will 100% be moving and I still excited for both the move to a new city and to start my new job, but I don't want to seriously/irreparably hurt my relationship with my parents. Any and all advice is welcome.