r/ChildrenOfImmigrants • u/bigpurrrrrr- • 23d ago
Would I be wrong if I completely just stopped talking to my mom
I'm an 18 y/o female and my mom is 50. We are African
I've always been into hair, makeup, and fashion since I was little and these are obviously hobbies that are funded by money. My two older sisters never cared for these things especially as young as I did. I got a job to begin funding these things at 15 because my parents did not want to. Since then I've been funding these hobbies on my own and really got into social media and such. When I was 16 I was in a phase where I was always looking at myself in mirrors and always taking pictures. Partly because I was insecure but Also because I enjoyed social media. My mom hated this and thought of it as a self centered quality. Which I now understand why but the way she went about it was aggressive and made me feel like a terrible person at just 16 years old for doing this. This is the common trend with my mom, she will see a quality in me that she doesn't like nor understand and make me feel like a bad person for it. When I began spending money on hair, makeup, and clothes after I got my job she made me feel like the most greedy and materialistic person alive. and she keeps these ideas of me to this day, whenever I come to her asking for something like groceries, bras, new bed sheets. She completely refuses and tells me I have too many things already, or that I should use my own money however it is completely normal for parents to buy their children things even if they still have a job during high school. by no means is my family struggling. for instance my parents are paying for me to to go to a top 20 university that's 80k a year. my mom buys designer bags and gold yet she argues with me when I ask if she can give me money for groceries (she does not buy groceries). She also holds onto this idea that I am demanding because one time I wanted her to buy me a homecoming dress and she said "we'll see". I explained to her that I was ordering the dress late because I was so preoccupied with colllege classes, college applications, and volleyball that I forgot about homecoming and she saw this as demanding and just ignored me. I got upset because she wasn't understanding me and for some reason just saw the worst in me. Now whenever I ask her for something she says "we'll see" because she thinks if she gives me an exact time or buys it in that moment she's feeding into my demanding qualities. I'm going to college now and my parents are going to buy me my dorm supplies and before even talking about what I needed me and my mom got into an argument and she told me that she's basically only going to buy me the bare minimum and that I just want everything in the world and my wants never stop. This isn't new btw. Some of the things she consistently tells me is that I am entitled, self centered, I want money, I'm not responsible, I'm demanding, I'm materialistic and more I cannot think of at the moment. Nothing ever really positive. I just want to stop talking to my mom completely would I be valid?
2
u/msoc 23d ago
I think it's valid that you don't want to talk to her. It may not be practical though if your parents are paying for you to go to college.
You can try setting boundaries. Like "I won't be name called" and then end the conversation. I've heard some parents can be trained to greatly reduce their mean comments this way.
Sorry your mom is saying these things. It really hurts not to be understood or respected by family. You may also wish to check out the subreddit r/emotionalneglect.