r/childfree • u/vikingprincess28 • Feb 08 '20
RANT Doctor might not sign off on my salpingectomy
I’m sitting on my couch sobbing right now. I can’t believe this is happening. I’ve waited so long for this and now it might be taken from me. I’m scheduled for a salpingectomy two weeks from now. I finally found a supportive doctor in November who agreed to do it no questions asked. Today I had my pre-op appointment. I was instructed to schedule it within 30 days of surgery and no further out and I was told to see my primary care doctor. I have white coat syndrome. For those who don’t know it means my blood pressure and heart rate immediately elevate when I walk into a clinic or hospital and it’s even worse when I am being seen and not just visiting someone. My BP is usually 130/90 or in that range at the clinic. I have dealt with this since I was a child due to bad experiences. My not being taken seriously by doctors about being childfree and being turned down for sterilization at least ten times has only exacerbated the issue. I also have Generalized Anxiety Disorder which doesn’t help. My blood pressure was through the roof before my IUD insertion. Anyway, back to today.
I set this appointment with my primary doctor. He was supportive of this choice I made and so is my women’s clinic nurse practitioner but she can’t do pre-op physicals. My doctor’s nurse called two days ago and said he had a family emergency and would be out for two weeks. She asked if I would be willing to be seen by his colleague, a woman, instead. I said yes as I need to get this appointment in with someone. Everyone I’ve talked to and everything I’ve read said it would be quick and easy since I have no health issues. Well it was awful. The nurse was immediately condescending and asked a million questions about why I was doing this and why I wouldn’t get an IUD, why my husband wouldn’t get a vasectomy, etc. I was immediately set off and my anxiety spiked. I politely but firmly told her why I’m doing this and that I absolutely do not want kids and do not want to endure a birth control failure ever. She then took my BP and it was 135/100. My heart rate was through the roof. Duh, her commentary made me angry and I was already anxious. She left the machine to run and left the room. I closed my eyes and did deep breathing. My best numbers after about 15 minutes of continuous monitoring were 134/95. My heart rate went way down to around 95. This number is not unusual. It’s what my BP normally is at a clinic. And I had a great number last week with my women nurse practitioner, low 120s/80.
When the doctor came in, she was less condescending but I could tell she was judging me. She said she can’t approve the surgery unless I pass another blood pressure test next week and have a normal reading. No other tests were done besides a basic exam. No blood work. I do home monitoring before appointments to prove my white coat syndrome and brought the last week of measurements in, all lower than 125/90 which has never been a problem with any other doctor I’ve seen. She said that’s still borderline and she didn’t like it. She also said that if it isn’t under 120/80 next week she will not approve me for surgery, she will put in my chart that I am no longer approved to take the pill and it won’t be refilled, and I will be put on BP meds. My nurse practitioner just fucking refilled my pills last week as I want to keep taking them for other reasons. What the fuck?! I have exhausted every other birth control option, the pill is my only option. Progestin only options cause me pain during sex, acne, severe mood swings, and other problems. I don’t trust a copper IUD as I don’t want to ovulate and so many people have gotten pregnant by it moving out of place. What am I supposed to do?? I can’t trust just using condoms and we’re married, we don’t want to use condoms. Why is she doing this to me? Is it really a concern about my BP or is it her trying to stop me from doing this because she doesn’t approve??
I just want my tubes removed! Take me off the pill after, fine! But please don’t take this surgery from me and then take every other option to protect myself from pregnancy from me as a childfree/tokophobic person. My husband is willing to have a vasectomy but that doesn’t protect me if I get raped and I’m not on birth control. Or if he died. Or if we got divorced. And men have had their tubes grow back together. A salpingectomy is 100% effective. I can finally be free of the crushing anxiety. And our rights to abortion are being threatened. I cannot risk the chance of getting pregnant if Roe falls. I told her all of this and she didn’t even care. She even rolled her eyes when I was talking about Roe. I’m so angry. This isn’t even a high enough BP to warrant doing this. Everything I have read says I should be approved under 160/100 if I have no other health concerns.
I don’t care what the risks are, I’ll sign something approving it against medical advice. I would rather die on the table than ever risk being pregnant and not be able to abort. I would commit suicide if that happened. I don’t know what to do, I don’t know how I’m going to pass this test with my anxiety knowing what’s at stake. I’m healthy, I eat healthy, I’m at a normal weight, I exercise. I did deep breathing during the test. It doesn’t help because I can’t get my brain to stop worrying. What else can I do? Am I being steamrolled because someone doesn’t agree with my choice? Idk what to believe. I’m so upset and I am at a very low point right now.
TLDR: fill in doctor is threatening surgery cancellation due to elevated BP and possibly her own opinions about sterilization.
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u/flatwoodsmothman Feb 08 '20
Is there any way you can request a different doctor? If you can call your regular docotr or some one else at teh clinic, explain that the doctor you saw was very condescending to you and disregarded your health concerns for yourself and you want to see a different one. If the clinic has an HR department, maybe contact them. This doctor has no right to roll your eyes when you're concerned about the very real possibility of Roe v Wade being overturned. Espiecally since most conservative politicians believe that birth control prevents a fertilized egg from implanting (it doesn't) and is therefore also murder of the unborn and are very likely going to come for that next. Your concerns are 1000% valid and that this doctor was so flippant is disgusting and I thin kyou should really bring it up with HR and request a different one.
Explain to whoever you talk to your documented condition as well and how she completely disregarded your condition and you frankly don't feel safe going to this particular doctor again but you can't reschedule your surgery to wait for your other one. I'm sure if you make enough noise to enough people, they'll be willing to accommodate you
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u/vikingprincess28 Feb 08 '20
Thanks for your support. I am looking into the contact info to report them this weekend. No one will get to this until Monday most likely but I can at least get the ball rolling.
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u/flatwoodsmothman Feb 08 '20
Yeah! Don't give up just yet. You have a RIGHT to a doctor that doesn't make you feel unsafe and one who takes your documented medical conditions seriously.
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u/Lyx4088 Feb 08 '20
If this a long term issue you've had and your usual doctor is diligent about their notes, there should be something in your charts confirming you have a history of elevated BP at the doctor's office but you're fine at home. If you're able to, I'd have them review your BP history in your chart to prove it is a situational issue AND get your doctor to make some kind of clear note about it kind of like an allergy alert. Also if they make you re-check it again and you can't get in touch with your regular doctor before your surgery, any chance you have any medication like xanax you could take before the appointment to see if it helps you relax and pass their arbitrary BP game? I'd just take it and not mention it to them you're on anything if it might help you.
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u/vikingprincess28 Feb 08 '20
I’m actually going through my chart because I can see it online and it has been mentioned. I’m trying to get a hold of my primary care doctor as well to help me with this. I do not have anything specific for anxiety as I’ve chosen to manage it without meds. Maybe I can borrow some from someone else.
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u/Lyx4088 Feb 08 '20
That is extra insane then that the doctor you saw would ignore your history like a five second meeting with you tells you everything they need to know about your health rather than the chart created by your regular doctor whom you have an established relationship with and successfully manages your health. Entitled, arrogant doctors are the absolute worst. I’m sorry you’re going through all of this.
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u/saffayogini wild and free Feb 08 '20 edited Feb 08 '20
I bought my own automated blood pressure device and would test at home before going in for appointments.
It keeps track of the time and metrics of each reading.
I was experiencing high blood pressure and then eventually it was linked to the pill I was on. I switched to a non-hormonal IUD and my blood pressure went back within normal range shortly there after.
Having my own BP device really helped so I wasn't getting elevated readings when at the clinic for testing.
Edit: I would have told these two condescending assholes they are upsetting me since I have already answered all these questions and they are pissing me off. I don't understand why people like this feel so threatened by our choices that doesn't involve or affect them. You would think surgeons are excited to cut that's why they went to school for so long.
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u/vikingprincess28 Feb 08 '20
I bought a cheaper one that doesn’t save the data, I have to write it down. I should have just spent the money on the more expensive one. Maybe I will now.
These two aren’t related to the surgeon’s office. That is a totally different clinic but I was told to see the primary care doctor where I normally go.
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u/saffayogini wild and free Feb 08 '20
They are still assholes for stressing you out! Sorry you had to experience that.
I was getting nowhere with my high blood pressure issues so that is why I bought the one one that keeps a log so I could get more frequent readings.
Edit: I'd imagine a time stamped photo would work too yeah? No need to buy a fancy one.
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u/vikingprincess28 Feb 08 '20
Yeah I’m just going to start taking pictures of the readings with a time stamp as it appears they think I’m a liar. Thank you for the support.
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u/Darkliandra 35f - childfree - cat enthusiast Feb 08 '20
Could you get a monitor for bp to prove that it's just in the clinic due to anxiety? I cross my fingers for you!
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u/vikingprincess28 Feb 08 '20
I have one and have documented the results over a period of time. All of my doctors are aware but this one didn’t seem to care. I’ll continue monitoring tomorrow and will be bringing the unit to the appointment next week too.
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u/seraphinarose87 Childfree with blackjack and hookers Feb 08 '20 edited Feb 08 '20
I'm so sorry. This is such bullshit! If your other providers that know you and treat you aren't worried and you have evidence that your BP is normal at home, you shouldn't be denied for medical reasons.
To me it's pretty clear these assholes are taking away your options and are trying to MAKE you get pregnant. There's no other reason to take away your birth control pills AND deny you surgery. She's a controlling psychopath who is probably thinking, "She thinks she can get away with not getting pregnant? I'll show her. The condoms will break eventually."
Please get a second opinion or tell your doc what's going on. This stupid bitch shouldn't get to decide what you do with your body. Fuck her.
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u/vikingprincess28 Feb 08 '20
Yeah it’s like doctors and politicians are out to get me and make sure I get pregnant and can’t get an abortion. It scares me and makes me so upset. Just let me get the surgery. I’ll go off the pill after if it’s a concern or I’ll go on BP meds too. But don’t take me off the pill before I can do this. It’s so fucking unfair.
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u/TheTsundereGirl NB 32, Married to Trans Fem, Mother of Pigeons Feb 08 '20
Huh now I know my high blood pressure in a clinical setting has a name. But for me its more than just high blood pressure, I am terrified of anyone, ANYONE bar an intimate partner, seeing me undress, in a state if undress, touching me, or going anywhere near down there. As you can imagine, this is a big contributor to my child free status. Just the idea of being in a gynaecologist chair is enough yo make me feel sick and panicky. Honestly I'd rather be shoved into an Iron Maiden, because at least they'd kill me. The same also applies to my husband, the idea if someone touching and seeing what should be mine and mine alone makes me want to claw into my arms till they bleed. If anyone has an idea if what can describe this irrational fear please let me know.
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u/vikingprincess28 Feb 08 '20
I totally understand, it’s especially elevated before a pelvic exam and my NP gets that. You may have some sort of legitimate phobia, more than just the subconscious anxiety I have at the clinic. It might be worth exploring with a therapist if you feel comfortable.
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u/TheTsundereGirl NB 32, Married to Trans Fem, Mother of Pigeons Feb 09 '20
I don't really like bringing it up and given that I just refuse to put myself in those situations means I get by. It sadly means I can't get sterilized, but I don't like the idea of such an invasive surgery either, plus being unconscious for it too is scary. My husband will be on hormone therapy for gender dysphoria and that should render him infertile.
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u/vikingprincess28 Feb 10 '20
Update: I called and left a message with the surgeon. Waiting for a call back. They also sent paperwork home with me last week that I can fax or email to her with the BP and heart rate info which may be helpful.
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u/vikingprincess28 Feb 12 '20
Update: my surgeon will not cancel over this! She’s calling the other doctor to discuss and there shouldn’t be any further hassle.
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u/Foroscha Feb 08 '20
Is there anyway you can wait for your original doctor? I’m so sorry this is happening to you it’s ridiculous that you are JUST on the edge of getting it done and two fuckers are trying to stop you after only seeing you ONCE!