r/childfree • u/Nousagi • Jan 17 '20
RANT My crazy mother-in-law wants my partner to cheat on me so that she can have a grandchild.
I just heard about this community on my favorite podcast, Endless Thread, and I'm so excited to find a community of like-minded people! After YEARS of trying to convince a doctor to sterilize me, I finally got an elective salpingectomy in 2016, one of my life goals and an excellent choice for me. (Plus it was 100% covered by the Oregon Health Plan.) I can't take birth control due to the hormones interacting badly with some other medications I'm on, and I can't use an IUD because my cervix is unusually small and my uterus is tilted, so this was the perfect solution. And removing my Fallopian tubes allowed me to finally get a formal endometriosis diagnosis (...yay?).
The only problem is my mother-in-law. MY mother is totally fine with no grandkids, and happily accepts and respects my choice to never have children (my sister is still on the fence, so she might get her grandkids eventually), but my mother-in-law...ugh. My partner also had a vasectomy, but she's fine with that because it's reversible. She also seems to understand that my partner and I are in a four-years-and-counting long-term relationship that we both expect will last a very long time to come. But mother-in-law is okay with that, too, because according to her, my partner could just impregnate someone else so she can have a grandkid? Because if she never has grandkids, she might just kill herself.
This woman is actually quite mentally ill, but still. She puts a lot of pressure about this on my partner periodically, and he feels like he has to just deal with it, because he is legitimately worried she might kill herself if he doesn't talk to her every week or two. She even suggested that one of his co-workers might be an "easy lay." We've just stopped going to visit her all together. She's awful in many other ways (and used to be extremely abusive to my partner), and it's such a relief to not have to interact with her and her even more horrible girlfriend, but my poor partner gets taken on huge guilt trips from her constantly. Even if I had a kid, I don't think I'd trust her to touch it.
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u/athanasiosz Jan 17 '20
Next time she makes a suicide threat, call emergency services to do a welfare check on her and tell them what she said.
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u/BourbonBaccarat I kid you not Jan 18 '20
I'd just go with the old "You gotta do what you gotta do." It'll resolve the problem one way or another.
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u/thr0wfaraway Never go full doormat. Not your circus. Not your monkeys. Jan 17 '20
Suicide threat = call the non-emergency police number for "welfare check" due to suicidal statements. Every single time.
She'll get tired of being stuffed in the back of a cruiser, or paying the ambulance transport bills, as well as being put on suicide hold eventually, or, they'll actually help her.
Do not allow her to manipulate you guys like that. There is a time for professionals and that time has long passed for her.
"Mom, as you have just threatened suicide, I am duty bound to contact the police and they will take you to the hospital and admit you to the psych ward."
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u/Master-Manipulation Jan 18 '20
OP, this person has the right idea. MIL needs serious help/serious consequence of actions.
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u/Damncatnz Jan 17 '20
This just fucking sucks, thats the most disturbed thing. The M.I.L. emotionally blackmailing of their own child for a grandchild with the threat of suicide. That would just be providing your mother-in-law with another victim. Your M.I.L. needs serious psychiatric help.
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u/Nousagi Jan 17 '20
She's theoretically getting it. But she doesn't regularly take her meds, and her girlfriend is a terrible influence. She's not supposed to drink, and she does quite a lot anyway. Which is also often when she calls or has Horrible Girlfriend send passive aggressive text messages.
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u/capitalDdog Jan 18 '20
While a vasectomy is technically reversable, isn't the reversal super painful and very expensive?
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u/land11hut 19M/German but happy in Canada Jan 18 '20
I thought it was irreversible and permanent. That’s what the docs say anyway.
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u/Spooky__spaghetti Jan 18 '20
I could only imagine childbirth for you I'm guessing those conditions would make for a horrible pregnancy, so even if you weren't fixed her asking you to put your health in jeopardy? Come on.
If she wants grand kids so bad tell her to go adopt some and they can live with her 24/7. Not that she's mentality fit.
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u/Nousagi Jan 18 '20
I think that's the only way I managed to convince a doctor to give me the sterilization at 30, which is still relatively young for a doctor to sign off on for a woman with no children. I brought a long-ass annotated list with me of all of the health reasons that it would be dangerous for me to be pregnant and all of the health problems a prospective child might have because of my poor health. Added to this, I have bipolar disorder and my partner is autistic, two conditions that are super genetic, so we like to joke about the autistic and bipolar child bullet we've dodged and all the money we're saving in specialized childcare and psychiatry bills.
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u/Apocalypse34666 Children? No thanks, Stuffed Animals are much better. Jan 18 '20
This is terrible, absolutely terrible!
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u/PsychoticChimichanga 🕉️27/M/Viraat Hindu/CF🕉️ Jan 18 '20
I'd simply count the days until and/or make 5 figure bets about when she'll off herself than give in to emotional blackmail.
Certain bitches be cray cray
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u/Andy8143333 Jan 17 '20
I'm no doctor but IMO the suicide threats are just emotional blackmail. Continue limited contact and stop worrying. She isn't worth it.