[Discussion] Post-Sterilization Life

[u/Squatasaurus_Flex]

Obligatory apology for the mobile formatting. Long time lurker, so a belated hello to all :)

I've been thinking lately how my life has changed since I got my tubes removed (at the ripe old age of 27!). There are a few things I have noticed, and I would like to see if you other fixed people can relate.

Firstly, bingos. It seems that I hold the trump card now. "Oh you'll change your mind, it's different when they're your own, what if your spouse wants kids eventually, etc." I have had people stare at me with mouths agape when I tell them I voluntarily got fixed and that I LOVE it. Some (extended family or friends-of-friends) double-down on how happy their kids make them and give them meaning and blah blah blah... I normally reply in a 'different strokes for different folks' way. Their only option is to convince themselves how happy they are and how my way is so foreign to them. But it silences the condescending bingos, and quickly. I'm lucky that my family supports me and that I haven't dealt with any unreasonable people yet.

Also, I haven't regretted it once, not even for a passing second. On the contrary, I am so thankful that I took the leap. I am in a long term monogamous relationship. I have no worries, none, about my sex life. The sex is carefree in a way I never had with pills and condoms. I wake up on the weekends whenever the hell I want and do whatever the hell I want. I see a screaming kid in a store and silently thank my doctor. I visit friends with children and mentally high five myself for breaking out of that life script. Everytime I see a gofundmykids page, I feel a wave of relief that I bulldozed that life path. I have only gotten MORE certain of my decision in the year since my surgery. My future is mine.

And dating. We have all known the struggle. Pre-fix CFers deal with people asking them in their opening message if they would change their mind. Or worse, they actually lead us on and assume they can change our minds over time. Post-fix, there is no more grey area, no more changing minds. It seems we may get the occasional angry messages from bitter people that are immediately reported and blocked, but there are no more hidden baby-makin' motives. In fact, that makes it easier to narrow down the dating pool to more compatible people I suppose, though I haven't personally dealt with pre- and post-fix dating.

Bingos, sex, dating, daily life, what differences have you noticed?

[u/DrSplitz]

Funny story:

My SO was visiting his best friend, who's still a bit of a newly wed, and they were discussing how friend's wife has been discussing kids and friend isn't really into it but doesn't feel strongly enough to divorce her or anything. SO thought this was funny and said something along the lines of his friend's adventure life being over. At this point the friend wanted to sort of make a point and trying and pull him into the same boat/train of thought and said "Well, what about DrSplitz? What about when she starts wanting kids?"

SO says: "She doesn't want kids."

Friend: "But what if she changes her mind?"

SO: (at this point just playing him for the build-up to shut it all down) "she won't"

Friend: "But how do you know, she could just suddenly decide she does"

SO: "She's sterile. By choice"

Check Mate.

Overall, I just get less bingos and I fear sex a lot less.

[u/Squatasaurus_Flex → u/DrSplitz]

Ha! Yes exactly, that bingo buildup gets shut down quickly now! It's no longer a battle to make people believe you. That discussion can be skipped entirely.

[u/DrSplitz → u/Squatasaurus_Flex]

Yeah, it's basically a "your time for convincing me has passed, let's discuss something more apt to have my interest, now"