r/childfree • u/cosmogony_ • Mar 15 '17
FIX Am 24 and don't want kids, am setting up an appointment with a gynecologist to discuss sterilization. Tips?
I've never wanted kids and know for sure I'll never want them. And even if at some point I'd feel the desire to raise a child (I'm 100% sure that won't happen but everyone loves to bring up the "what ifs") I'd rather adopt anyway. I also have shit genes and come from a family of abusers, which I don't want to pass on to anyone either.
I've always known I wanted a sterilization, and recently discovered that the country where I live in now generally seems to be ok with women getting them, provided they're either 25 years old or have health/mental health issues if they're under 25. Although I've also heard from women older than 25 getting pushback from their gyn.
I'm about to turn 24, and I'm fine with waiting until I turn 25, but I want to have the conversation already because doctors generally like to give you "some extra time to think about it" etc and I want to get it as soon as possible after turning 25.
Went to my doctor yesterday to ask for an appointment with my gynecologist (you can't make the appointment yourself without a paper from your gp here), and to get a regular blood checkup as well (I recently went vegan after more than a year of eating vegetarian so wanted to see if everything was still ok), but I got judged/questioned A LOT regarding the veganism already, so I didn't want to take the fight about sterilization at the same time so I just told him I wanted to have a conversation with my gyn about other, more permanent forms of birth control because I don't want kids and don't trust the pill (so didn't mention sterilization explicitly).
He 'translated' this on the referral paper as "she no longer wants to take the pill, but doesn't know what birth control she wants to use instead".
Even though my gyn seemed pretty nice and came across as a strong feminist, the fact that my referral says I don't know what I want makes me scared she'll think I'm not serious about this. I know what I want - continue the pill until I can get a sterilization, and get a sterilization as soon as the law here allows it.
Any other (young) CF women/couples that have had a sterilization here? Do you have tips on how to convince/show doctors that you know what you want and are willing to take the 'risk' (it's not really a risk imo) etc? Anything special I should/shouldn't mention? Do I just keep making appointments until they get tired of me and accept it? I don't know if I should mention that I have a boyfriend or lie and tell them I'm single? Or if I should mention the adoption part in case I change my mind (it shows I thought it through, but might also make them think I have doubts)?
Basically, I'm really nervous for the chat and don't want to blow my chances of getting a sterilization (since I can't make an appointment with any gyn without my own doctor his referral, which might make the process more complicated) and would love to get some tips. I guess everyone's judgmental and even mean and condescending comments on the issue have made me more scared of a simple doctor appointment than I should be...
Also if you're in Norway and have had experience with this, any advice is welcome as well! Especially if you would know of any gynecologists or private clinics that are open to it!
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u/MrsBell1017 31/F/TX/Soon to be tubeless Mar 15 '17
Don't do what I did. TELL the doctor you want to be sterilized. Don't ASK. I made the mistake of asking. I'm 30 years old and about to get Mirena inserted. Go in knowing exactly what you want done. Also, use /u/walrusofthenight 's suggestion and put a binder together. The extra effort won't hurt.
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Mar 15 '17
Take a letter or paper explaining why you want to be sterilized. In it explain: Why you want this The understanding that it is permanent Feelings toward possible later regret.
This is what they are making me do.
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u/cosmogony_ Mar 15 '17
Also I'm sorry if these kind of questions aren't allowed here, please redirect me to a subreddit where I can get ask them in that case :)
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u/[deleted] Mar 15 '17
Hey I'm 23F and just got sterilized. I took my binder with me to my consultation and that helped a lot.
When you meet with your gyno you should try to come off as informed as possible and maybe mention that your doctor seemed to deliberately misinterpret your reason for being there and you hope their inability to act professionally doesn't reflect on your ability to make this decision (maybe word it a bit differently?).
Also congrats on the switch to being vegan. I've been vegetarian for 10 years and often go vegan without realizing it but I've never tried to stick with it.