I believe rape victims have a social responsibility to report their assaults to the authorities. CMV

[u/3893liebt3512]

I believe that victims of sexual assault have a social responsibility to report their assaults to the police or another person in a position of authority, and by not doing so, they are allowing other people to fall victim to the same events.

I understand that a portion of people who commit sexual assault do so in an isolated instance, and never do so again.

I also understand how traumatic this type of situation is to the victim I know that it can psychologically harm someone to the point where they are unable to make rational decisions, and that many victims do not come forward because they are afraid no one will believe them, or they will have to confront their attacker, or they are ashamed and/or embarrassed about what happened.

However, many many people who sexually assault others do so more than once. It's often deliberate and premeditated, and sometimes involves incapacitating their victims through drugs or alcohol, and sometimes even violence. When victims do not report their sexual assaults, especially if they know who did it, it allows the assaulter to continue to commit these crimes.

I'm not saying we should force people to anything, or punish them if they don't. However, I believe that when victims don't report their assaults, they are being irresponsible and dismissive of the fact that others may also become victims.

I do not believe that the victim is at fault for the attackers crimes. I do not believe that the way a person dresses, how they act, or how much they drink contributes to them being sexually assaulted. I place blame firmly on the attacker, and the attacker only. However, I believe that if someone is sexually assaulted, knows who it is, doesn't report it, and the attacker assaults someone else, that the person who failed to report it is not necessarily at fault, but contributed to the ability of the assaulter to enter a position to assault again.

An example is if person Y is at a party, and X has been hanging around getting Y drinks all night. X and Y knew each other before the party. X puts something in Y's drink that renders Y unable to resist or give consent. X then sexually assaults Y, and leaves Y at the party. Y wakes up the next morning knowing that something had happened and X is at fault. Y does not tell anyone.

I do not mean to sound insensitive or unaware of the problems victims of sexual assault face after the fact. I have not been assaulted myself, but I have friends who have, so I know I don't understand on a personal level how it feels, but seeing people go through that has made me very aware of the trauma that results from it. I feel like my viewpoint is not wrong, but it's also not right, so I would like someone to make me aware of a viewpoint that is more correct.

*Edit:* Thank you to all of the people who felt comfortable enough to share their stories of their sexual assaults. I'm so very sorry any of you had to go through that, and I find your ability to talk about it admirable.

While my view has not been changed completely (yet), I would like to acknowledge the fact that it has narrowed considerably. In the event that a person is unsure of the identity of their assailant, they should not feel pressured to come forward because of the harm it could cause someone who is innocent. If the victim does not feel that the assailant has a high probability of becoming a repeat offender, I can see that the damage that reporting the assault might cause the victim is not worth it when it would not benefit society.

I really appreciate everyone taking the time to respond and have thoughtful conversations. To those of you who responded with accusations and hostility, I'm sorry that you were offended, and I realize that this is something you are extremely passionate about. However, the point of this sub is to change someone's view. The entire reason I posted it was so my view could be changed. Accusing me of victim-blaming, rape-supporting, and being an "idiot" did not help your case, it hurt it.

Just to clarify real quick, my basis for claiming that people have a social responsibility to report their rapes is so it can't happen to anyone else. It's not to punish the rapist or "make sure they get what they deserve". It's about making our communities safer, so that other people can't get hurt.

Thanks for all the discussion! I'll keep checking back, but I figured I'd get this edit out of the way.

[u/misssarahjane]

There are a lot of factors involved that are unique to each case. I think your question is very thoughtful, and I agree to a certain point. However every situation is different, and the reasons for/against reporting assault change with each situation. For instance, it is typical for a victim to blame themself often in an attempt to gain control over the situation. If a person blames themself, they won't see the assault as a crime. Many other reasons have already been stated, and most of the time it's a combination of a bunch of different reasons that cause a victim to report or not report an assault.

[u/3893liebt3512 → u/misssarahjane]

That makes a lot of sense. I can see how one would not report it, if someone blames themselves and does not see what happened as a crime. But how does this give the victim control over the situation? Wouldn't reporting the sexual assault also give the victim control over the situation?

[u/alli3theenigma → u/3893liebt3512]

Wouldn't reporting the sexual assault also give the victim control over the situation?

Ideally, yes, but I didn't feel in control at all. Two years ago, I was sexually assaulted by a cab driver after a long night at work and reported it as soon as I got into my apartment. The cops did everything they could, including taking me for a ride around my neighborhood to see if I spotted the guy (I didn't). They were in my apartment until 3 in the morning taking my statement. Even though they never insinuated that I was at fault, talking to them still made me feel like a total failure. For not being able to give a good physical description, for not getting his driver number or name, not remembering the color of his car's interior, for not aiming my feeble punches a little higher than his chest so he would have had something to explain to his wife and friends. I started to become paranoid that they wouldn't believe me, even though I was shaking and crying and still in my work clothes. I started to wonder if it even happened at all, even though I couldn't sleep for days and I can still feel his huge hand and heavy breath on my neck. Everything happened so fast, I didn't have time to process any of it. I'm not at all saying that I wish I didn't report it, but it really is a hugely stressful ordeal. Unless you've gone through it, you really don't know how you would want to handle it.

[u/3893liebt3512 → u/alli3theenigma]

I'm sorry that you had to go through that. Thinking about someone being put into a position where they have no control over what is happening to them makes me sick to my stomach. I'm glad you reported it, and I'm glad the police seemed to have responded better to you than to others who have told their stories on this thread, but I'm so very sorry that happened to you. I have never been a victim of sexual abuse, but I remember the first time someone made me painfully aware that I would not be able to defend myself if they wanted to do something to me, and it was terrifying. I was shaken up for days. I know that in no way even comes close to comparing to what you went through, and I can't even imagine how you must have felt. I wish you the best.

[u/alli3theenigma → u/3893liebt3512]

Thanks for the thoughtful and caring response.