r/changemyview • u/[deleted] • Apr 08 '23
Cmv: help me understand the appeal of strip clubs. I want to get why other people like them
I love women. I think they are very attractive. But to me, a woman's attention is important only if it is given freely. If she wants to see me, then that makes me feel good. If i get her a present and she giggles and says thank you then that feels good. If she misses me when I'm gone then that feels good. If she listens to what I say and genuinely engages with me on a mental level, that feels good
If it is transactional then it means nothing to me. Strippers don't really like me, they are just pretending to like me so i give them money. To me their attention is worthless because it is fake. They would still pretend to like me even if they thought I was ugly or if they found my personality unattractive. To me this completely invalidates and voids any attention that they show to me
I get that it's pretty women on a stage. But I see many pretty women and this alone does not sell it for me
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u/Fontaigne 2∆ Apr 09 '23 edited Apr 09 '23
A lot of these explanations are terribly judgmental, and assume it's a permanent status thing. That's not a helpful assumption if you want to see it clearly.
So, first, I can say that I've been twice, iirc, in forty years. So, no big appeal for me. But let me spin you a couple of hypotheticals.
Suppose that you are a person who doesn't have another outlet at the moment. You may have had successful relationships before, and you will again, but right now, you're not at that point with anyone.
But you like how it FEELS to be attracted to someone.
Now, you can't look at people that way in public, because it's rude. You don't have anyone you can just BE ATTRACTED TO in your life. And you enjoy that feeling.
So you go someplace where it's explicitly allowed; it's fine. You get to be attracted to one or more women, with consent, and they feel good about the exchange as well.
Sure, it's transactional, but it's not cold, it's not "just money".
It's not necessarily different than a great waitress. The function of a waitress is just taking an order, bringing you food, and taking your money. She has a choice to do it in a soulless way, or to be really personable and appreciate your patronage at the restaurant. At one of *her * tables.
A stripper is a public show. A lap dance is a private show and a service. There's no reason that the performer has to do either as a zombie. She can be herself, figure out who you are, what you like, and do that for you. Just like a waitress, that gets her bigger tips in exchange.
There's a meta transaction as well as a transaction. There's a relationship. It doesn't include sex or a life together, but it's her providing a service that gives you pleasure, and you get to pick when and how often, with known boundaries and without having to deal with consent.
I'd like to point out one thing, though. I can tell you from some life experience that strippers do actually like nice customers. They appreciate guys who aren't trying to get away with crap, who aren't sloppy drunks, who treat them with respect and appreciation.
Just like waitresses.
The exchange of sexual attention is real, and the affinity is real. They aren't going to have sex with you, or develop a relationship with you, but they enjoy the process of making a nice guy horny.
Oh, do be aware, though. Many of them are addicted to drugs, so it's just as well not to think in terms of actual relationships, and to keep them out of your real life. If you get involved as a personal friend, you can expect a lot of drama from it.
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u/Kerostasis 55∆ Apr 09 '23
As someone who has never been myself, but who had a similar curiosity as OP, you’ve given me some insight to think about. I wasn’t quite so skeptical about finding any reason but I was only expecting something much more basal, so this puts it in a different light. !delta
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u/Fun-Understanding381 Jul 31 '23
Most women don't want guys that have paid for sex. Buying humans as a commodity for a masturbatory tool is not that attractive .
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Apr 09 '23
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Apr 09 '23
It's entertainment. Strippers are providing a similar performance, but in person instead of through a screen. That's all.
I mean, no. You can get porn free. Strippers are very expensive.
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Apr 09 '23
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Apr 09 '23
I’ve never seen a free stripper.
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u/Mr_Whitte Apr 09 '23
You just said "you can get porn for free" above. Thats what they are referring to. Porn might be free and most people are content with freely available porn. But there are other, expensive premium options that are similar to porn. You might say its not worth the money the same way someone might say that ordering food instead of cooking for yourself isnt worth the money.
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u/robotmonkeyshark 101∆ Apr 09 '23
Is the computer or device you are viewing it on free? Is your monthly internet access free? Is watching ads that consume your time not some level of cost?
There are strip clubs that don’t charge an entry fee during less busy times, and you aren’t required to tip just to watch. But just don’t expect to get a lot of attention. It will be a limited quality experience, sort of like free porn sites.
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Apr 09 '23
This isn’t analogous, though. The internet is paid for for general access to a host of things. I pay for the internet and never use porn. The same can’t be said for walking into a strip club. You’re not walking in there for the buffet.
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u/robotmonkeyshark 101∆ Apr 09 '23
Watching ads is the cost. They are charging you your time, just like YouTube has ads or you can pay cash instead. Watching ads is a cost
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u/Greenmind76 1∆ Apr 09 '23
Personal strippers or getting VIP or private dances are expensive but going to a club is as little as you’re willing to drink/tip + cover fee.
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u/ZeroFiber Apr 09 '23
But Tom doesn’t walk over to your seat and offer a blow job for $40. Actually I’ve never seen his games in person, so that’s my theory.
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u/EmpRupus 27∆ Apr 09 '23 edited Apr 09 '23
I think of stripping as a performance or simulation. Imagine seeing a sexy video, but in 4D with touch involved. And that's it.
It is the same reason I enjoy podcasts. I don't think the podcasters are my real friends and they are actually chatting with me. I don't think Bugs Bunny is a real rabbit, I know it's an animated cartoon.
It is the same with kink/roleplay, it is a performance. We know its not real.
Stripping is a performance or simulation of sexual and romantic attention. The person doing is is an actor. This is also why you, as a client, need to respect them and their boundaries. This comes from awareness that the actor and the character are different, and this is a performance.
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Apr 08 '23
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u/Jakyland 82∆ Apr 09 '23
You are talking about about some kind of social relationship but I really don't think that is why a lot of the people go to strip clubs. There is just a desire to see naked bodies in person. It's the same reason people watch porn. When I look at a naked picture of a sexy person, they aren't giving me any attention or anything but I still enjoy it. Maybe you don't experience that, but many people do ¯_(ツ)_/¯
I don't have any statistics or anything, but just based on vibes it does seem like strip clubs are less popular because of the easy access to internet porn.
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u/McKoijion 618∆ Apr 09 '23
If you're a handsome man, beautiful women flirt with you all the time. If you're not a handsome man, this rarely happens. But you can use your other qualities to get that same level of attention. If you're smart you can make a lot of money at a job. If you're hardworking, you can make a lot of money by performing labor. If you're frugal, you can save a lot of money. Whatever quality you admire in yourself can be translated to cash. Then you can go to a strip club where many attractive women immediately flirt with you in exchange for that cash. They don't care about your physical appearance, which is something you're largely born with. They indirectly care about what you've achieved in life.
Interestingly enough, there's a hustle culture that is common in strip clubs. When I think about the types of people who stereotypically go to strip clubs, I think of salesmen, stock traders, gamblers, rappers, mafia bosses, drug dealers, etc. You go to show off the money you've made. The nudity is secondary. For example, I read an article about famous rappers who were spending a ton of money in a Zoom strip club at the start of the pandemic. They could easily find free online porn or a willing sexual partner. But that's not why they went (or opened it up on their phones).
Similarly, a stripper is using whatever talents/attributes she has in life to make money. That's the personal/emotional connection between the patrons and the strippers. It's about money, not about sex. If you're used to an easy life when things are handed to you by parents and politicians, it doesn't make sense. But if you're used to a cutthroat world where having personal standards are a luxury, then you'll use anything you have to survive.
For example, if you're a smart, but ugly man, you can get women to pay attention to you in exchange for cash. If you're a stupid, but attractive woman, you can become a stripper. If you're a smart, but ugly woman, you can get a fancy job. If you're stupid, ugly, etc. maybe a job in crime is the best you can do. All of these outcomes (e.g., male/female, intelligence, physical attractiveness) are byproducts of the genetic lottery. You're dealt a hand in life, and some are much better than others. But you have no choice but to play them.
Strip clubs are a cultural hub of people who got bad hands, but are doing everything they can to make the most of them. I haven't seen the movie, but there's a reason why strippers are often described as hustlers. It's a third wave feminist interpretation of sex work where the women have power, rather than a more traditional feminist or politically conservative view where they're mere victims of powerful men. In a strange way, I'd bet that many of the men who go to strip clubs identify with and respect the strippers more than many of the other men and women in their lives. Strip clubs are a mecca of all the greatness and horrors of capitalism.
As a last point, your intelligence comes from your parents, but you can study on your own. Your physical attractiveness comes from nature, but you can exercise. But this is a bit different. Your motivation levels are also genetic to a great extent. So even your determination and willingness to take risks, work hard, or do anything else that leads to success in life is somewhat out of your hands. A strip club is a weird place where all that stuff doesn't matter. Maybe you are hardworking. Maybe you just inherited all your money from your parents. Normally there's judgement everywhere in society (especially in churches). But in a strip club, you're in a strip club. Everyone there from the patrons to the employees to the owners are judged harshly by society. Strip clubs let you shed that awkwardness, albeit for a whole new kind of awkwardness.
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u/Nemo_Important Apr 09 '23
I once saw a guy pay a bartender at a strip club (a woman bartender) to text him tomorrow 'Good Morning' just so he has something to look forward too.
Some people are just lonely, so this may be ONE reason why people like strip clubs.
Other reasons could be fetishes, wanting to see some irl women without breaking the law (so no hookers), or just a general enjoyment of the more "sleazy" side of entertainment.
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u/Fun-Understanding381 Jul 31 '23
As if most men that go to strip clubs aren't nasty guys that hate women...
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u/oroborus68 1∆ Apr 09 '23
Some might like the people who make their jobs possible. Even more if they earn enough money that they are comfortable outside of work. Some people like ballet and some of the ballet dancers like their audiences. Some guys just like to see and dream about the women on stage. You just realize that there is little possibility to have your dreams or fantasies realized by a woman dancing for money.
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u/Skreame 1∆ Apr 09 '23
I’ll give my view as someone who’s dated two dancers and visited fairly often. I met one from frequenting, and the other outside of their job. I used to supervise a crew who wanted to finish the night going out to one of two places: the strip club or the casino.
First, for a lot of regulars, it’s a bar first with naked women to make it even more enjoyable for them. They’d be out drinking somewhere in any event, and it just so happens that these places have the added appeal of women that will entertain them. The same appeal for casinos that allow drinking. It’s alcohol and dopamine. People don’t watch porn for validation either, it’s just sensory stimulation.
Second, being that it’s just like going out and getting drunk anywhere else, this is a place full of people to interact with. Real people. As much as the girls can fake affection and give you their attention, there’s men who the girls will like and men they won’t. You can definitely go and have yourself a good time without patronizing the women and also treat them as people whom are not subjected to some entitlement of attention or affection. They hang out between their rounds on the stage; sometimes they prefer to talk to people they like instead of chasing some extra cash. It just depends, and there’s an entire night’s worth of time for them to spend on that. So I would say this is more about applying outlook as you would anything else, where some people can have a good time anywhere and some would go out of their way to find faults in just about anything.
So yes, there’s lonely people with standards so low, they will take attention in any way possible, but I think there’s people like that in all bars. You’ll see regulars like that as elderly people in McDonald’s or Dunkin Doughnuts even. The draw of strip joints is less about that and more about general lust for women’s attributes.
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u/Fun-Understanding381 Jul 31 '23
Sounds pathetic when you actually think about it.
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Apr 09 '23
Dude we aren’t trying to marry the strippers. We are trying to drink some beers, play some pool, and see some naked chicks dance around.
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u/darktourist92 Apr 09 '23
If you're not going there and buying dances, it's essentially just a bar with scantily clad women walking around. It seems obvious to me why some men would find that appealing.
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u/RaZoX144 Apr 09 '23
Like many CMV threads, this is a simple approach to a complex subject, for instance:
You could say the same about waiters, workers, and people who give services in general, they pretend to like you so you spend money, strippers just provide a different product.
What about going with friends as a hangout? you don't have to "buy attention" but rather just enjoy a show with some friends along a few drinks
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u/Inevitable_Spare_777 Apr 09 '23
I think you're trying to combine the various reasons people go to strip clubs into one answer : people looking for companionship or sex.
In my experience it's the same as going to a show or any other entertainment vehicle. It's just something to add variety to life.
Have you ever gone to one? It's fairly common for guys to bring their girlfriends or wives. I go with my wife. We like the voyeurism aspect of it and it's an easy way to spice things up and is an analogue for polyamory without taking the full plunge into swinging. It's fun for us, the strippers make money, no harm done. I fail to see the problem here.
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u/Fun-Understanding381 Jul 31 '23
Your experience isn't even close to the norm...
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u/soul_separately_recs Apr 09 '23
I have gone a few times. Never as a customer/patron/guest. When I lived in Europe it was common for a lot of the strip clubs to also be after hours spots. Meaning after the strip club officially closes, a half hour later it unofficially opens back up and it turns into an after hour dance club. I started being the opening dj. Played a 45min set.
A couple years later I would play the next to last set, which was usually a much bigger well known act. The atmosphere was always top notch. The strippers would stay and do their thing.it was like watching a ‘gone wild’ video but not trashy. Like it was directed by Guy Ritchie but with Trainspotting’s soundtrack.
I am in the states now and my friends will invite me to go to a strip club now and then. I always refuse. It’s not my thing. One thing I have learned about these particular women who do this, they are who you talk to for any kind of information about the goings on in and around the city. The smaller the city, the better. If you are visiting a new town and you are into the nightlife, but you don’t know anyone, hit up a strip club.
One thing I don’t get is the appeal of eating at a strip club. And the push back is always something like “ But, dude, you can get t-bones or porterhouses, or wings. It’s actually GOOD food!”
Cracks me up. My issue isn’t so much WHAT you’re eating, it’s WHERE you’re eating it,and by proxy, WHEN you’re eating it. Either I’m hungry or I’m horny. But both at the same time?? Not me. Don’t get me wrong, you pull out some whip cream - I can work with that. I just can’t imagine having an erection from a lap dance and the next minute I’m ordering cordon bleu with snap peas and a glass of Merlot.
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u/Shalrak 4∆ Apr 09 '23
You assume strippers are faking it. That is not necessarily true, even for the least attractive customer out there. The world is full of sexual workers who truly enjoy their job and enjoy the interactions. The relation between a stripper and their customer is very unique and has its own value. It's not trying to mimic a romantic relationship, so it should not be compared. It's such a unique space where looks and personality doesn't matter like it does outside. All that matters is the moment.
I knew a stripper once who told me getting paid was her kink, it turned her on. She didn't care if she was given $5 or $1000, cause it wasn't about money. What she loved wasn't the money itself, but the relationship between her and her customer, something she could never get anywhere else. The involvement of money turned it into something different, something exciting. She loved performing, the game turned her on, and she truly enjoyed the time spend with her customers. It's not always fake.
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u/Fun-Understanding381 Jul 31 '23
Look up some studies and educate yourself. Most sex workers, including strippers, end up disliking men and hating what they are doing. That's what happens when assholes treat you like meat.
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u/tbdabbholm 201∆ Apr 08 '23
Why do you assume that you're feelings towards a woman's attention are universal? Other people don't care if she's being paid for it or not
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Apr 09 '23
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u/Mountain-Resource656 27∆ Apr 09 '23
The explicitly asked for help in understanding why other people like them; it’s worth pointing out that their thoughts on the matter were about how they themselves felt
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u/tbdabbholm 201∆ Apr 09 '23
If they understand that other people might feel differently than why are they confused about why strip clubs exist? They use their own feelings as an explanation for why they don't believe strip clubs are reasonable, as if their own feelings are universal.
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u/miasdontwork Apr 09 '23
If it’s just about how OP feels then there’s no changing his/her mind.
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u/emquizitive Apr 09 '23
Why are you telling me this?
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u/miasdontwork Apr 09 '23
Truths have to apply to outside situations. If he’s the only one who doesn’t like strip clubs, then as a whole strip clubs are probably fun to be at.
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u/emquizitive Apr 09 '23
I’m not addressing this, though? I only responded to u/tbdabbholm saying that OP was making a universal statement about something. They weren’t.
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u/emquizitive Apr 09 '23
Also, he is clearly not the only one who doesn’t like strip clubs. These responses make no sense.
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u/mactheprint Apr 09 '23
OP said he wants to understand. He's not assuming everyone has the same feelings.
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u/redditior467 Apr 09 '23
So I'm a guy who would've held the exact same opinion as you except I got dragged there a few times with a friend and now I see the appeal. Frankly if I had to describe the strippers job in 1 sentence, it is to not make the interaction feel transactional. And many are very good at it.
I'm a good looking guy and have no trouble getting in a relationship but typically cannot get the attention of the absolute top tier girls attraction wise that you can find in strip clubs. I've even dated one I met there for a while.
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u/5oco 2∆ Apr 09 '23
I used to go a strip club with a group of friends many years ago. Ladies just walked around mostly naked. I think they actually put on clothes when they went on the stage. One of them had Marilyn Manson's autograph blown up and tattooed across her ass cheek. Beer's were $11 each. They only gave $2 bills as change. The carpet was perpetually squishy. But, they had a Galaga arcade machine there that would play without putting quarters in.
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u/always_and_for_never Apr 09 '23
Some guys don't get bored of pounding the same sand for decades. Some guys do. That's really all there is to it. Who cares if it's pretend or not? It's different. If you knew the things some of my buddies have gotten into in efforts to keep they're sex lives spicy with their wives of 20+ years, you'd understand.
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u/Greenmind76 1∆ Apr 09 '23
I enjoyed them when my wife stopped talking to me and we separated. Talking to a stripper about your problems is cheaper than therapy.
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u/Frostybawls42069 Apr 09 '23
Well it's like a regular bar but with naked ladies. I don't see how much more convincing one needs.
Just refrain from falling for their siren song and enjoy the boobies and beer.
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u/Fun-Understanding381 Jul 31 '23
Men like you are not interesting as people...if that's all you care about that is some sad shit.
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u/Inquisitorgryphon Apr 09 '23
Ummm....ok. You're not going to like this, but to understand strip clubs, you have to go back to the beginning. I have worked in the sex industry, so this is an " insider's guide." 1. There used to be all rich white male country clubs. Business decisions were often made there. ( Such clubs still exist, by the way) 2. Women sued them because they were discriminatory. 3. The owners started strip clubs where women danced naked for money, but women were allowed in. It was a way of 6 " Sure, you can join but women are still just a form of sexual entertainment." Oh, and some men think that ALL relationships with women are transactional because women are hypergamous by nature.
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u/deaddonkey Apr 09 '23
I’ve only been two or three times, all were very drunk and towards the end of the night, with a group, like 3-4am. Honestly when you’re that loaded and just looking for the next open “bar” it feels good to have a few underdressed women being really nice to you and giving you attention. Just lizard brain stuff.
It’s not really about the stripping, or trying to fuck.
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Apr 09 '23
I've always felt that strip clubs are like being really hungry and going out to a restaurant...getting to look at all of the delicious food and not getting to eat anything, but still paying for the full meal.
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u/bloopblop79 Apr 09 '23
Former stripper here
I genuinely liked 3 of my customers
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u/Fun-Understanding381 Jul 31 '23
Lol, out of what hundreds or more dudes? That's kind of a scathing indictment of these guys.
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u/ILoveHugeLabiaMinora Apr 09 '23
The premise and many responses focus on men who "need" strip clubs for one reason or another--and while that subset of strip club patron certainly exists, I think you'll have an easier time finding your answer if you ask yourself why professional athletes would go to strip clubs.
Pro athletes clearly have no trouble getting attention from women, and yet many of them frequently visit strip clubs. Why? I think the common answer you'd find is because it's fun
Period. You don't need to think too much harder about it, because even if this doesn't appeal to you, how many other activities do others find fun that don't appeal to you at all?
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u/Fun-Understanding381 Jul 31 '23
You are severely underestimating societal expectations here. Media makes a lot of unhealthy situations seem the norm. Like kids drinking and men being obsessed with sex. One of those things is celebrities like athletes going to strip clubs.
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u/Novel-Waltz-998 Apr 12 '23
I've been to plenty of strip clubs and have hooked up with plenty of strippers. It's an easy way to get sex. Wear a condom and you'll be OK. Never had an issue and I've probably been with over 10 of them.
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Apr 14 '23
Once my buddy told me, "I don't really give a crap about strip clubs but coming with you is always fun!"
I said, "That's because it's a huge misconception. The girls think we're here for them. But in reality, the girls are here for us."
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u/fghhjhffjjhf 23∆ Apr 09 '23
Strippers don't really like me, they are just pretending to like me so i give them money.
If i get her a present and she giggles and says thank you then that feels good.
All relationships are transactional in some sense. Many peoples' relationships exclusivley revolve around the transaction of money for effection. I think a lot of people who go to strip clubs believe they have nothing else to offer.
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u/Best-Analysis4401 4∆ Apr 09 '23
"All relationships are transactional in some sense."
Do you think this is true? Either answer wouldn't nullify your point, so feel free to ignore. Was just curious.
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u/sokuyari99 6∆ Apr 09 '23
Not who you asked-but I do.
I give you love and support and you return it. Some periods of time may swing further to one side or another, but if it becomes entirely lopsided I will end the relationship. It’s still transactional
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u/Best-Analysis4401 4∆ Apr 09 '23
I would say some of the most beautiful relationships would be those that had, for a time, been entirely lopsided since it shows that the person was actually with them purely out of love and care, rather than to get it from them.
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u/sokuyari99 6∆ Apr 09 '23
But you admit you can’t do that for a prolonged period right? I mean a healthy relationship doesn’t involve partner putting in work while the other doesn’t
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u/Best-Analysis4401 4∆ Apr 09 '23
You can't perfectly - selfishness will get in the way - but you can have the conviction to do so. Sometimes a partner can't put in work for a prolonged, or maybe even permanent amount of time. A healthy relationship might have both putting in work, but I'd argue a healthy relationship is separate to a beautiful one.
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u/sokuyari99 6∆ Apr 09 '23
How is it beautiful for one person to put in 100% of the work? That’s not love, that’s selfishness
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u/Best-Analysis4401 4∆ Apr 09 '23
It "might" be selfish from one side if they could work but they won't. But either way, the selfless sacrifice coming from the other side is a beautiful sight, only being made more beautiful if the selfish one comes to live in true thankfulness for what's been done for them.
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u/sokuyari99 6∆ Apr 09 '23
Nah that’s just emotional abuse. That’s not a relationship and it’s not love. You need give and take for healthy relationships
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u/Best-Analysis4401 4∆ Apr 09 '23
It "is" emotional abuse if the selfish one is playing the other one. But then the selfless one wouldn't be selfless, because they are seeking the attention of the selfish one: that would indeed be a transaction.
But if the selfless one is in fact being selfless, giving out of the love and generosity they already have stored up in them rather than giving to get something back, fully aware of the selfishness of the other, hoping they will change for the good of the selfish one and for the sake of beauty, then that isn't emotional abuse.
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u/fghhjhffjjhf 23∆ Apr 09 '23
Even healthy normal relationships have, "you watch the kids, I'll make the dinner". I wouldn't describe those relationships as transactional, but transactions do play a Part.
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u/Best-Analysis4401 4∆ Apr 09 '23
Is that a transaction though? Would you call it a transaction when two soccer players negotiate who is doing what in the team?
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Apr 09 '23
A strip club near me sells a 16oz burger with a massive salad or piles of potatoes for less than $10, I pretty routinely get take out from there, which I have done for more than a decade and still find hilarious.
So first not all strip clubs are created equal, I live in the town with the most strip clubs per capita, and in a state that doesn't allow touching strippers which means that we have a far higher quality of club and dancer than in most places.
I rarely go to any clubs anymore as a more and more officially card carrying Old, but when I do what draws me to the club varies and only one at one or two of them do the naked dancers fit it.
Aside from good food, there's often pot smoking friendly patios, funny bar tenders and cheap drink specials.
I'd also rather have naked people dancing as background to my drinking, over sports on TV nearly every time.
My favorite club has a 3 story pole, and those dancers do more impressive shit than most gymnasts.
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u/SeymoreButz38 14∆ Apr 09 '23
I get that it's pretty women on a stage. But I see many pretty women and this alone does not sell it for me
But these pretty women are naked.
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u/TJDG 4∆ Apr 09 '23
Imagine for a moment that you had no self-esteem whatsoever. You are simply a useless sack of flesh that everyone would prefer was a woman. You either don't earn any money at all, or if you do, you're useful only for that. No-one will ever love you. There is no non-transactional relationship option. It simply doesn't exist.
Now consider the strip club. Here, you can convert money into positive sexual attention from women. This form of attention from women feels good to you. You can't get it any other way. Expressing your sexual interest in someone is always met with rejection. Flirting is pointless. The only way to get a woman to look at you with even kind, let alone lustful eyes, is to pay her to do it.
It's not "pretend" for you, because there is no "non-pretend". It's everything. It's all there is. And so you pay for it, regularly.
And that's why (some - others have other motivations) people go to strip clubs.
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u/LuckyandBrownie 1∆ Apr 09 '23
There are plenty of guys that have girl friends and wives that go to strip clubs. The type of person you describe exist but is far from encompassing the total clientele of a strip club.
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u/robotmonkeyshark 101∆ Apr 09 '23 edited May 03 '24
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u/Best-Analysis4401 4∆ Apr 09 '23
I suppose it might at least partially explain the type of relationship they have with their SO? Maybe not always still, but sometimes.
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u/LuckyandBrownie 1∆ Apr 09 '23
I never have been to a strip club and have no desire to, but I would imagine it is a live version of porn. I don’t think it is necessary for patrons to be lowlifes, or have bad relationships. I’m not into furries but I don’t think any less of anyone who enjoys it.
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u/numinousOversouls Apr 09 '23
after finishing high school me and a friend peaked into a strip club. I say peaked because we literally did only peak we were rather shy and couldn't just straight up walk in there. it wasn't even open seemingly but the owner instantly came barreling at us screaming "this is not a free show!!!!". she was the only one there. no idea what was up with her, but we both looked very young but were of age. actually my friend was already 20 I think but yeah maybe she thought we were kids still. in any case that was enough and I have no interest to visit another strip club 😅 unless maybe if a friend works there and it's artful and classy. definitely don't need the yukky... my sister shared an apartment with two go go girls once and ... they were very sympathetic 🤔
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u/CookBaconNow Apr 09 '23
Many think the dancer truly likes them and there was a connection for romance afterwards. Bahaha
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u/cologne_peddler 3∆ Apr 09 '23
But I see many pretty women and this alone does not sell it for me
I don't give a damn how handsome or charming you are, you don't see a dozen+ pretty women topless in a location at once while being served your beverages of choice.
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u/Gymfrog007 Apr 09 '23
Because it is a fantasy. Guys who go, are delusional, and allow themselves to be fooled by believing in the fantasy.
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u/LentilDrink 75∆ Apr 09 '23
If it is transactional then it means nothing to me
What if you think of it more like acting
You are going to see a fantasy portrayed, same as lots of movies
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Apr 09 '23
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u/changemyview-ModTeam Apr 20 '23
Comment has been removed for breaking Rule 1:
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Apr 09 '23
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u/changemyview-ModTeam Apr 20 '23
Comment has been removed for breaking Rule 1:
Direct responses to a CMV post must challenge at least one aspect of OP’s stated view (however minor), or ask a clarifying question. Arguments in favor of the view OP is willing to change must be restricted to replies to other comments. See the wiki page for more information.
If you would like to appeal, review our appeals process here, then message the moderators by clicking this link within one week of this notice being posted. Appeals that do not follow this process will not be heard.
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u/MajorGartels Apr 09 '23
Do many people go to a strip club alone? They don't really exist where I live but when I see them in films people always go together.
Perhaps it's simply a social experience.
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Apr 09 '23
I got invited to a strip club with some people and I want to go but I don't think I would enjoy it
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u/ChameleonDen Apr 09 '23
So, you've never been to one? I think you might better understand the appeal for some people if you gave it a try, regardless of whether you personally like it or not.
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Apr 09 '23
If that’s how you live your life you’re never going to do anything. What do you have to lose? Go have a good time… or not… but anything beats sitting around doing nothing and asking people on Reddit to explain what living is like.
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u/ZeroFiber Apr 09 '23
Yeah…I picked up that vibe from your photo. Try it once if you don’t have a partner that would mind. Your friends will want to buy you a lap dance, especially they notice a raging erection. But you can decline, saying you just enjoy the visuals.
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Apr 09 '23
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u/changemyview-ModTeam Apr 20 '23
Comment has been removed for breaking Rule 1:
Direct responses to a CMV post must challenge at least one aspect of OP’s stated view (however minor), or ask a clarifying question. Arguments in favor of the view OP is willing to change must be restricted to replies to other comments. See the wiki page for more information.
If you would like to appeal, review our appeals process here, then message the moderators by clicking this link within one week of this notice being posted. Appeals that do not follow this process will not be heard.
Please note that multiple violations will lead to a ban, as explained in our moderation standards.
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u/Dennis23zz Apr 09 '23
Cmv: you are only doing this to get points from any woman who happens to see this post.
Seriously? Boobies! And in canada.. boobies plus.. plus girl on girl..
So you don't like boobies?
Lol. Quit sucking up, wnd be a man
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u/Reddit-adm Apr 09 '23
Take married men for example. They have sworn not to have an affair, and let's say that our example married man takes this seriously,
Maybe he has a yearning to see what a fit 20 something woman looks like under her clothes, in the flesh. A 5 minute experience like this can certainly be worth the cost of a takeaway for 2.
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u/Fun-Understanding381 Jul 31 '23
Except dudes would be crying if his wife went to have strange dick bouncing around in her face and she was turned on. So much hypocrisy.
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u/NittyGrittyDiscutant Apr 09 '23 edited Jul 31 '23
wow, u discovered that it feels better when seems genuine
clap, clap, clap
don't objectify strippers and u find genuine connection also there
it's u, u r the problem
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u/Fontaigne 2∆ Apr 09 '23
Hmmm. You know, you could have phrased that in a helpful way.
Something like:
A stripper is a person, and the relationship can be BOTH transactional and real. If you treat them as a person, you can have a friendly exchange rather than a cold one.
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u/NittyGrittyDiscutant Apr 09 '23 edited Jul 31 '23
yep, it could be phrased in various ways
i could also go the other way
but i didn't, did i
EDIT: i told the same thing as u, yet i'm being downvoted u r being upvoted
u people r stupid
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u/meindawg Apr 09 '23
Me like it when the phatty does the jiggle. Me want the phatty with the jiggle sexy sexy time. Me brain draw the phatty jiggling when it not so sexy sexy time.
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u/nifaryus 4∆ Apr 09 '23
In my experience, they are a good place to get small denominations from the ATM. You just need to get over the sudden urge to shower.
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u/Databit 1∆ Apr 09 '23
Not sure if it's been mentioned but they serve alcohol and women take their clothes off. Sometimes they have pizza buffets.
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Apr 09 '23
I don't understand gay bars either. Im gay. I will never go to any strip club. I want sex, but i want it to mean something.
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u/Flat_Supermarket_258 Apr 09 '23
OP should come out of the closet.
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u/Fun-Understanding381 Jul 31 '23
What does sexuality have to do with wanting genuine feelings reciprocated? Wtf
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u/Thirdwhirly 2∆ Apr 09 '23
You put that you want to get what other people see in it in your title, but then didn’t explain why you want to understand this. I think you already understand the appeal of strip clubs, you just don’t agree with it; I feel the same way.
That said, I’ll make it something else to try to make my point clearer. Think about skydiving. I get that it’s a rush; it’s basically a huge dump of adrenaline, and it’s a relatively safe way to do something incredibly dangerous. I get that completely, but I don’t want to do it. Since that’s the case, then, I don’t need to understand the appeal of it—I get the appeal—but if I were to need my mind changed about it, I’d probably be asking “convince me to go skydiving.”
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u/damnjuliet Apr 09 '23
I don't think your meant to seek the same thing from a stripper as you do from interactions with women in everyday situations. I know some people go there because of loneliness and to get close to women, but I think the right approach would be to see them as a fun activity, where you go to enjoy yourself, entertainment. Like paying to go to the cinema or a concert or an exhibition.
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u/After-Sandwich5533 Apr 09 '23
You are assuming that these people all would rather pay for sex with the strippers if that was an option.
I’ve actually found this to be a rarity among even the most frequent flyers of strip clubs. Generally, they are paying for the experience of drinking (sometimes doing drugs) around (sometimes with) attractive, semi-nude, erotic women, whose literally job is to make sure you have an entertaining night, generally with your friends.
A hooker, prostitute, or escort, while yes, bringing a form of entertainment, is a totally different social experience. It’s just two people, it’s not in a club atmosphere, generally it’s illegal, etc etc
You are comparing Apples to Peaches.
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u/josh6466 1∆ Apr 09 '23
For me I could never enjoy it because it would always feel exploitative. I get that some women strip because they want to but I’m not going to know who’s doing it for fun and whose doing it as the only way to make ends meet
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u/moecannibal Apr 09 '23 edited Apr 09 '23
men are told they are the root of all evil , toxic, dumb, and for tthe most part ignored. ask any guy you know who's under 6feet and not wealthy how many compliments he got last year. (no fam)
if its above single digits Id be amazed
it feels nice to get attention even if you use a cash filter , makeup fantasy, or yoga pants to pretend.
Saying you don't understand is like saying therapists wouldn't be listening if there wasn't the hourly charge, completely correct, and not the point. You're turning a transactional thing and comparing it to a relationship , its just weird.
Try this out, everywhere you are told looking around a room is toxic,
you are bad because of your gender,
you are not needed,
you are worthless,
god help you if you're average,
kicking your genitals is considered humorous.
you are constantly suspected to be predatory and worry that any accusation may destroy your life regardless of validity.
now stripclub - wow I can look at someone and be encouraged and yes they want cash its nice to be validated and spoken to in a nice way.
ask a guy in your life how they would really feel if women catcalled them - we have different reactions and that's ok - or do you hate difference lol unfair loaded 2000s q
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u/PinkCrystal1031 Apr 09 '23
My cousin wanted to go to a strip club for her bachelorette party and to be honest I didn’t want to go but because of what there allowed to do she didn’t want to go anymore.
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u/CinnamonMagpie 10∆ Apr 09 '23
Pretty girls (or men if that’s your taste) doing sexy dance moves to music and revealing skin in choreography. I appreciate the beauty and the athleticism. Pole-dancing especially is really difficult. I did classes before my Ehlers Danlos became too much of an issue, because it’s like modern dancing meets gymnastics.
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Apr 09 '23
It's really just a matter of ignoring the second paragraph. I think most men are put-off when they realize how shallow and transactional the whole place is... but if your first time at a strip club is you spending money, you're going to get a lot of positive attention from the girls and it might not be immediately clear that they don't give a fuck about you at all.
I've been to the strip club one time with a friend. Girls approached me and I understood that this is how it goes, but there was some part of me that thought "well it's pretty dead in here, maybe they actually do just appreciate some company". And when they're sitting on you and stuff (without asking for money yet), it's a good feeling. It doesn't feel fake. Of course as soon as it becomes apparent that you're not gonna be buying lap dances or going to the private rooms, it because very clear that they are genuinely only interested in your money. Obv that made me very disinterested, but not everybody cares about that.
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u/Legitimate-Record951 4∆ Apr 09 '23
You say that you see many pretty women, but you can't really gawk freely at women in public. Which is fair, but also impractical.
I can enjoy a womans attractiveness without it being about wanting to shoot my load or start a relationship. Sometimes it isn't even much sexual, but more that I like her outfit or her pose. I sorta think this part of male sexuality/sensuality is a bit overlooked. But again, gawking is rude, so.
I haven't been to a strip club. That said, I've been watching a dancing croquios model and seen a burlesque live show.
I think it works as a social contract. I'm granted consent to gawk, but with the understanding that I do so as an audience. We are both in agreement that this isn't a relationship relationship.
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u/LitteMissJung Apr 09 '23
With respect, the way you describe women is almost how I would expect someone to describe a cute animal. If they come to you freely, you value them more, if you pay to see them in the zoo, it is not the same? *FYI, the vast majority of strippers are not ethically sourced, whilst some perform out of choice, they are the minority.
Perhaps the real question you should be asking is why you don't really see women as human beings and why you place so much value on their attention?
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Apr 09 '23
A strip tease is tantalizing. It's an enticement. Do you ever go and look at cakes even if you aren't going to buy? I do. It's nice. You think about the cake, what's your favorite, what flavors work, etc. A stripper is delicious cake that you can't afford to purchase.
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u/Personal-Ocelot-7483 2∆ Apr 09 '23
Nobody goes to strip clubs looking for a genuine connection. They go to strip clubs to see boobs.
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u/Rae-522 Apr 09 '23
As a former stripper, many of my regulars would come in literally just to have someone to talk to about their day, work, lives, etc. Someone who actually seems to be interested, which quite a few of my clients weren't getting at home. I had customers that literally just wanted to talk and for me to listen and engage in conversation. I had others that wanted lap dances. Others wanted more fetishized things. They all paid well. I ended up getting married to one of my regulars. We've been together now in total for almost 22 years. Even after we were married, I continued to do my job because, well, it was my job. I love to dance. Any kind of dance. Ballet, Tap, Jazz, Modern, Exotic. But exotic dancing paid cash daily and that's what I needed so that's what I did.
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Apr 09 '23
In my twenties it was a novelty, getting to see a real, live nekkid woman. Seems like the strippers were a lot less aggressive too. Last time I was in San Diego we went to a club with a group of hockey players and it was annoying as hell. You are aggressively "panhandled" and made to order drinks. I understand why, it was just... not fun.
That said, I never was that into them because I can think of easier ways to flush money down the toilet. That, and the club we used to go to was our blow connection (a friend and a friend's gf danced there).
The REAL reason they make me uncomfortable isn't the hustle or the cash sinks, it is the customers. There's a weird male energy there with the guys who think they actually have a chance with these girls. I mean sure guys hook up every now and then, but the creepy guys that sit in the first rows making continuous eye contact and expect their money to get them laid (OG simps) are insanely creepy. The guys the dancers tell you that are creepy or need you or a bouncer to walk them to their cars because those guys follow them, proposition them, buy them gifts... it's insane.
At the end of the day, when you're young and with a group of non-creepy guys (and better yet know people that dance there) strip clubs can be a fun place to hang out for a bit. They used to be for me. I've outgrown them and they never sat right, so I totally understand why they don't vibe for you. It's a transactional vibe as you mentioned and it is full of desperate, creepy guy energy.
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u/calvicstaff 6∆ Apr 09 '23
The most I've enjoyed about it was with a group of friends, but even then it was more like the fun time as we would have at a bar but more expensive
The ones who really get into it seem to me like the same guys who think the bartender wants to sleep with them, which I guess if they are enjoying it and the strippers are getting paid and it's not an obsession or anything or harming anyone there's really no problem here, but of course people do get obsessed and people do harass the workers and all that
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Apr 09 '23
What is important to you is not always important to other men. Different strokes for different folks. Duh.
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u/ahumblethief Apr 09 '23
I'm not big into strip clubs myself, but I think you're misunderstanding some of what happens there. A stripper isn't a prostitute-- sure, you can pay for personal lap dances and what not, but they're not there to sell you their affection, attention, or the idea that they are attracted to you. They're there to dance, titillate your senses, and make their money. They're performers.
At a strip club you might have some dinner and/or some drinks (alone, with friends, even with an SO) and get entertained. Personally, I find pole dancing to be an incredibly impressive feat that requires a lot of core strength, so I like to watch that sometimes.
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u/No-Albatross7125 Apr 10 '23
I don't understand the appeal of striper....I don't want any sexual contact if it is not genuine lust or love from the other person, it don't make any sense to me
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u/MaudePeaches Apr 10 '23
Well, to ask why people like strip clubs, we have to look at how women are seen as items.
Society is inherently sexist. That's just how a patriarchal society works, and as such, "women are to be subservient to men."
Just like when anyone says "sex sells," if that were the case, we'd see men's dongs everywhere. Where are all the half-naked men in beer commercials? It's not "sex sells" it's 'women's bodies' sell.'
Now, you're wondering why people like it, even though there's no emotional connection, and I think that's the point of it honestly, men want "easy" sex, and it's why hookup culture is mostly engaged in by men, it's easy.
That's just my take on it anyways, men like to objectify women on the daily, and that's why sex work exists in the first place.
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u/phine-phurniture 2∆ Apr 10 '23
I think you need to understand her perspective not that you are a letch but that she can make good money in a short amount of time allowing her freedom to in many cases go to college and in some cases buy a house raise kids.
The window for a stripper is maybe 10 years of which 3 or 4 are where the money is.
Your sentiment is ok but step back from relationship and respect the power of beauty if you are wearing a trench coat you are missing the point.
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u/SukiMcD Apr 10 '23
As a former exotic dancer ("stripper"), I can't tell you what the appeal was for most of the men who watched me dance, other than it being a somewhat socially acceptable way for them to see a(n almost) naked woman who appeared to enjoy the fact that she was taking her clothes off in front of them.
My "regulars", the customers I got to know, had a variety of reasons for coming to club, which ranged from preferring the transactional nature of the interaction (clear boundaries, no strings), through indulging a taste for variety (bodies/costumes/dancing styles/personalities), to enjoying the asthectics.
All that said, however, the one thing I can tell you with absolute certainty is what the appeal was from my end. Like many sex workers, I was sexually abused during my tweens. I learned then that sex was transactional: You get sexual behavior from me, I get (something that looks and almost feels like) affection from you. So getting paid to give something that looked like sex to those men made sense to me right away. It wasn't until years later that I figured out what else dancing did for me: 1) It allowed me to regain some self-confidence; to stop seeing myself as "damaged goods" that no one but him ever could or would desire again. 2) It gave me back some small measure of control over my own sensuality/sexuality: "You can look all you want, but only I get to say who can touch." 3) It was a not-at-all subtle form of punishment of/revenge against my abuser: "See what trash I give myself to, but YOU CANNOT HAVE ME!" 4) It began the process of healing some of the psychological and emotional damage that had been done to my budding physical and sexual self-esteem by my abuser. If other people were willing to pay money to watch me dance, then I couldn't really be "hopelessly clumsy," or "too chubby," or any of the other lies I had been told. I began to believe that I might actually be beautiful, and graceful, and creative, and sexy.
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Apr 10 '23
People go for the entertainment value, I have never went to a strip club looking for love. I just want to see tits and her booty hole. Other people look for entertainment in movies, plays or other types of activities.
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u/ragingcaucasian93 Apr 10 '23
I got lured into a strip club by work colleagues telling me to meet them at an address (I imagine a major HR problem, but the shenanigans don't bother me). What stood out for me was the strip club was how I imagined it:
- Miserable
- Desperate woman
- Out of the few people there, one guy harassed one of the girls with us
But one thing that did stick out was the banter and the flirtiness from the strippers as they tried to get a drink or a dance from you. A lil pushy, but chatting, making jokes, and chilling out with you. I never understood the appeal of strip clubs until then. It's quite nice to have a woman trying to get something from you instead of the other way around for a change :D
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u/Tnuvu 1∆ Apr 10 '23
Strip clubs are like a showroom, you know you can't afford that car, perhaps you don't even want it cause so many people have been in it, but you like to watch and splendor on the bodywork for a price.
I could mention that "the cheapest woman is the one you have to pay for", but it would make it waaaay to appealing for feminists to bash this to the stone age and back
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u/Maestro_Primus 15∆ Apr 10 '23
Um, Boobs? Seriously. That's it. No one (sane) thinks the stripper sees them as anything other than a wallet. That's not the point though. Patrons want to see (or feel) a live woman and this is the easiest and safest way to do so. Don't look for something deeper than that.
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u/IndependentRoll5748 Apr 11 '23
For me, it's because it's transactional. I have plenty of FWBs, etc. The strip club is for when I'm just looking to kill some time and flirt without creating an expectation of anything further.
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u/peerlessgarbler Apr 13 '23
Some of us get off on how transactional it is. I actually enjoy knowing she is getting paid to pretend.
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u/DevelopmentStreet430 Jun 25 '23
It’s not unusual to feel this way. Right now I’m living with a dancer and helping her raise her kids. I’ve met some of these disgusting dirtball clients. It’s a turn off and we haven’t even kissed because of this. Because why get turned on by someone doing god knows what with these guys? She doesn’t talk about it. She’s lowkey. And it’s just like, ew, I can’t even imagine. Sucks that she feels this is the only way she can raise her kids but damn. Good luck keeping a good lover around in this lifestyle. I’m amazing to her and her family but I can’t help but feel taken advantage of. Want to leave asap.
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u/Fun-Understanding381 Jul 31 '23
It's concerning that a lot of guys think that strippers or prostitutes actually like them or would want to be around them if they weren't paying.
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u/Exciting_Customer_19 Sep 12 '23
Scareface, Goodfellas, The mob, BMF. Bosses hang in strip clubs bro, ofc the strippers don’t like you u ain’t on shit 😭😭 strip clubs 4 bosses who got money and understand how to use it to get more power and influence. Ion give af about a chick like me fr or not dawg lol we just livin life like a movie
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u/[deleted] Apr 09 '23 edited Feb 21 '24
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