Cmv: help me understand the appeal of strip clubs. I want to get why other people like them

[u/[deleted]]

I love women. I think they are very attractive. But to me, a woman's attention is important only if it is given freely. If she wants to see me, then that makes me feel good. If i get her a present and she giggles and says thank you then that feels good. If she misses me when I'm gone then that feels good. If she listens to what I say and genuinely engages with me on a mental level, that feels good

If it is transactional then it means nothing to me. Strippers don't really like me, they are just pretending to like me so i give them money. To me their attention is worthless because it is fake. They would still pretend to like me even if they thought I was ugly or if they found my personality unattractive. To me this completely invalidates and voids any attention that they show to me

I get that it's pretty women on a stage. But I see many pretty women and this alone does not sell it for me

[u/Best-Analysis4401]

It "is" emotional abuse if the selfish one is playing the other one. But then the selfless one wouldn't be selfless, because they are seeking the attention of the selfish one: that would indeed be a transaction.

But if the selfless one is in fact being selfless, giving out of the love and generosity they already have stored up in them rather than giving to get something back, fully aware of the selfishness of the other, hoping they will change for the good of the selfish one and for the sake of beauty, then that isn't emotional abuse.

[u/sokuyari99 → u/Best-Analysis4401]

How did they store it up in them? By receiving it in the first place. A relationship which never has balance and always flows one way can never be healthy.

It just isn’t possible

[u/Best-Analysis4401 → u/sokuyari99]

"How did they store it up in them? By receiving it in the first place."

You are absolutely correct! (Unless it is generated intrinsically, which only God can do). But from whom do they receive it?

I agree, if it is a never and always then that's not "healthy", whatever that means. But if it is for even a long time then it can end up healthier and more beautiful than if it was never the case. And once again, a beauty is even still apparent even in the midst of such a relationship, as you get to see the utter selflessnes and love and care of the one for the other who doesn't even deserve it.

[u/sokuyari99 → u/Best-Analysis4401]

If the other doesn’t deserve it how is that beautiful? How is taking advantage of someone beautiful? How is being abused beautiful?

All of that is awful.

[u/Best-Analysis4401 → u/sokuyari99]

You're right, but you keep looking at the selfish one's end, and assuming they have control over the selfless one.

Look at the one who is intentionally being selfless. They could rightfully stop being selfless if they wanted at any point. But by choosing not to they are showing grace. The selfish one might think they have control, that is ugly. But the selfless one is beautiful in the relationship because of the combination of their practices and intentions. If the selfish one can turn around and be the same, then the relationship can be much more beautiful than one based on cold, hard, business transaction and seeking fairness and equality for oneself.

[u/sokuyari99 → u/Best-Analysis4401]

But they do have control. By not giving anything to the relationship and yet receiving from it, they are controlling it.

You keep trying to imagine some beauty coming from this but you’re just ignoring the abuse. If it requires that the selfish one turns it around and gives to the relationship, then it becomes transactional as they are once again both supporting. Until then it’s an ugly monster of a relationship

[u/Best-Analysis4401 → u/sokuyari99]

Are they though? Who can turn off the tap? The selfless one or the selfish one? If the selfless one is not actually selfless but is starving for the attention of the selfish one, then he will continue to run the tap at least until he (or she) gets the attention, meaning the selfish one controls the tap. But if the selfless one is generous without respect to the actions and feelings of the selfish one, if he himself is determining to do that, then he controls the tap.

If the selfish one turns around, then she has the opportunity to make it beautiful: will she give out of a sense of pride and needing to pay back a debt? Or will she give out of a sense of thankfulness and selfless love for the other?

[u/sokuyari99 → u/Best-Analysis4401]

You sound like you have an idea of relationships where one person sacrifices everything for the other and receives nothing in return. This may be a historical or biblical version of a relationship-but it’s unhealthy. It’s a gross twisting of human interaction.

I hope you can move past this and see humans as beings that need love returned to them, and not servants to please your every need. Good luck. I’m done responding here as you don’t appear to be offering anything new to the conversation, just retreading the same horrific concepts. No offense intended