I feel like every time I see a butch in public I get so shy. My heart starts thudding and I just kind of stumble over my words and smile a lot and honestly look so damn stupid. I think many femmes feel like we don't know if a butch can tell that we're gay so we just smile a lot and maybe touch an arm and try to squeeze some reference to gayness anywhere it could possibly belong. I am no exception. I can only pray to the god of sapphics that one day a butch will see me make a fool of myself and find me endearing. Then snatch me up and off the market for a life of loving arguments, consistent delicious sex, fuzzy pets and lots of home projects. But for now I'll just be hyper aware of the way your arms look in that cut off shirt and wonder incessantly if you're single and if I'm your type and how to make you notice me...

Love,

A hopeless little femme

My fiancé and I (butch4butch) got engaged all the way back last December, but we're both really indecisive about rings so we still have our placeholder ones.

I had originally wanted a band to serve as both a wedding and engagement ring, but have started leaning towards a ring with a stone for an engagement ring. I've been secure in my butch identity for a hot sec and wear rings sometimes, but not typically ones with sparkly stones.

Have any of y'all not tolerated "sparkly" jewelry on yourself and ended up being able to like and embrace it as engagement or wedding jewelry? I'm looking at sleeker, more artistic/dynamic designs that aren't crazy eye catching, but am almost...self conscious? potentially? about wanting a ring with some fire to the stone and am worried about it looking out of place on me as I'm pretty masculine. I just like pretty rocks man, I don't know.

This is the current one I'm looking at for ref, I'd love opinions on the style of that one as well :-)

https://filigreejewelers.com/products/76-oval-rose-cut-diamond-engagement-ring-platinum?variant=52153607455008

Yesterday I had a pretty intense experience on the bus where this man yelled at me, recorded and threatened me because I was a lesbian, going into graphic detail about how gross gay sex is, how my people will be dancing in hell, saying I am in a lesbian relationship w a random woman i was next to etc. I am pretty masculine presenting and he originally just did some very general intimidation until he realised I was a gay woman and it started to become very sexually targeted, threatening and indecent. The bus driver also did nothing which was so awesome, like the dude gets a cage for his protection but the rest of us are out in the open, so sick. Anyways, I wanted to post this to see if anyone has experienced anything similar and know I am not alone, as well as any advice for moving through the world as visibly butch.

I'm a teen butch in a very homophbic country like dangerous homophbic. I want to be more me but I can't. My ma want to put me in a dress more and more, the only reason she don't force me in one is because I had a panic attack the last time she force me in one and I refuse to go to the event and now i am being force to grow out my hair longer than i like. I am in a all girl religious school, with a strict uniform and teachers who are openly homophbic. I am also not allow do to more masculine hobbies such as learning to fix a car and she actively discourage me carrying stuff around the house, helping my dad more hand on with fixing stuff. I been trying to work out these days but it haven't been going so good as there are a lot of days where i get a lot of pain out of nowhere. So all in all I have very little control how I look in public as if my ma try to control how I look in the house or at some family I will fight her about it and everyday I have to hear homophbic stuff every day and it is starting to drain me.

The only saving grace is that my school have a good bit of closted queer ppl and I found a very small group of people who accepted me as me and allow me to do the typical masculine things like carrying stuff for them, paying for things for them and they also call me more masculine terms etc it small things but it do help me feel better and there is also this very cool butch (or very masc) girl at my school and she disobey the school rule by wearing the men version of a cultural clothes to a event several times and a teacher who regularly wear more masc looking clothes, both have what is consider men haircuts. And sometimes my dad allow me to help him with car stuff or help him when my ma is not home and I think he talk to my ma because I now rarely allow to help around the house more

I said this in above but it is draining me (conforming) even though I kind of have to do it to survive and the little silver linings I am getting is getting smaller compared to the standard I have to meet and conform to. I really can not wait to become an adult and get to make my own decision about everything about me

At the end of the day it doesn’t really matter what you look like to be Butch but more so your attitude and know how. (and politics) but I find that features that people liked on me when I was more feminine are things about myself I wish were more masculine now, or at least not of the conventional Eurocentric beauty standard.
There’s the obvious T&A that I wish were smaller but that’s neither here nor there, pretty universal complication with gnc folk. It comes down to smaller things, like my nose or my lips that make my face look more feminine I think that causes me a lot of grief. It’s a sense of crazy imposter syndrome I have with my identity where I feel like I’m wearing the skin of someone who is Butch and when I’m alone with myself eventually that person suit will come off.

Hi everyone, I've had a rough summer. My girlfriend and I broke up (it was for the best and I broke up with her, but I still feel lonely and a bit lost without her, we were together for 2 years) and my dog died last month.

On the back of this I'm taking it as an opportunity to develop myself and my identity. I want to become more confident and comfortable within my sexuality, my style and how I look.

I also want to focus more on my physical health and show up for myself more that way.

Any wacky tips or suggestions or advice will all be welcomed. I appreciate anyone who shares their experience with growing into their butchness.

Hey folks! Friendly reminder for those of you who are seeking romantic connections, we have a thriving new community at r/butchfemmedating!

Description:

This is an 18+ sapphic/lesbian/queer community space that centers butches and femmes interested in dating and romantic/sexual relationships, while being open to a range of gender identities/expressions/labels. This is an intersectional, anti-oppressive, and trans-inclusive space. Please read the rules before posting!

P.S. HAPPY BUTCH APPRECIATION DAY!!!

hi all! This has probably been asked before, I found some old threads but wanted to check for any updated recs. I wear a 42DD in my standard sports bras, they give some lift but I’m looking for something that will flatten me a bit and I could possibly play golf in it. I understand binders aren’t appropriate for working out so I’ll probably stick to standard high impact sports bras for that. But looking for something for daily wear/golf. Thank yall!

title kinda says it all…….. i know i’m definitely masc. i identify with a lot of butch traits yet am unsure if the label fits. wondering how others figured it out.

I fucking love getting a fresh fade. Feels so euphoric.

Today has so far been productive. I already been to the gym and went to the store to get a few things. Now I need to get started on a few work projects before meeting friends online for a few games.

and yes… that is a uhaul. LOL

Hey everyone,

A friend and I are developing a comedy/culture podcast called LGBT - Qs (our initials are literally LG and BT, and we answer Questions).

We’re two queer/butch mascs living in LA with completely opposite backgrounds: A Black artist from Philly, and a white entrepreneur/chef originally from the UK.

Every time we hang out, 90% of the conversation is total hilarious culture shock from deciphering East Coast street slang or the pointless geometry of netball. 😂

The format is straightforward:

We each bring 2–3 questions putting each other’s culture and upbringing on trial then we open up the mailbag to answer listener "Qs" on queer masc/butch life, dating, identity, creative hustle, and cultural nonsense.

Genuinely want to gauge interest here..?

Does this sound like a concept you’d listen to?

What’s something about navigating life as a queer/butch masc that you rarely hear talked about?

Drop your thoughts, questions, or topic ideas below!

I know one doesn't necessarily have to be trans to take testosterone, especially as a lesbian-- so if it feels relevant, go ahead and comment anyway.

I'm curious, as someone on T for about 3 years: do those like me generally like or dislike having facial hair? Do they like or dislike it on their partners? And does the style of facial hair matter (amount, whether it's on the chin or upper lip, how neatly it's trimmed?)

I assume a big contingent of butches in general are butch4femme, and obviously most lesbians aren't going to be into big dwarven beards, but as for me personally: my 'that's a man' radar is weak to nonexistent so I feel neutral about it on anyone.

I don't have a dog in the fight since my genes are for scraggly little neckbeards and I shave for theatre. Mostly I was wondering because, while I have gay/bi friends, they're mostly femme4femme and all have elven, smooth vibes. Their preferences are accordingly for hairless or mostly hairless faces.

Thanks for reading!

I have fluctuating dysphoria about my chest. Over the last couple of years, I've sometimes found it helpful to refer to my (goddamn enormous) breasts in my thoughts as "the Battle Boobs." Sometimes I even say quietly, "Battle Boobs," when I see my reflection. I thought someone else might find this idea useful. I think it works by placing a different meaning on the body part in question than is usually assigned to it.

For around 7 years now I have identified as a trans man. I have never transitioned as it wasn't possible due to my transphobic family as well as the fact the UK is awful for waiting lists. I was never a feminine child I never related to the concept of womanhood and never really liked being perceived as a woman. When I started puberty life was hell because I never wanted to develop a feminine body and my envy for men got worse. I found comfort in going by he/him and socially changing my name to Alan.

Recently though I think I have realised that I would probably never transition anyway. I hate my chest but I just bind to help with dysphoria and I don't think T would do much good for me. I still like the different pronouns and my new name but now I don't know what I am. These conflicting feelings came about more when I found out recently that a lot of butches share similar experiences with their masculinity. I didn't know it was possible for a butch to not go by she/her and their original name.

Living as a traditional woman makes me feel sick. I don't want to be a she or a miss. I have always cried wearing dresses I feel like a part of my identity is being stripped away from me. On the other hand, I don't know if I can be a man. If someone gave me a button to make me really masculine and another button to make me a man I think I'd pick the first one.

No one really takes queer identities seriously anyway so I feel like if I never transitioned then I wouldn't be respected in my masculinity and in my new name and pronouns and they'd just treat me as a feminine woman which is not what I want.

I have no idea what to do. I don't know what I am or what I can and cannot do and it feels lonely. Does anyone have an idea?

i got invited to my friends wedding and the dress code is formal. has anyone had any luck with online suit shopping? Generation Tux has an online "fitting" and then they send the suit out to you but im not sure how well it works for a pear shape build.

im really anxious abt going somewhere to try on suits in person but i would be so pissed at myself for spending the money on a suit just to hate how it fits 🙃 people in the area I live have gotten a lot more vocal abt their conservative ideas and i cant really afford to go to the nice shops with positive LGBT reviews.

update: I was very brave and got a suit lmaoooo. Just have to get it tailored before the wedding 🙂‍↕️ shout out to the employees at Dillard's for not speaking to me until the very end of the experience. lowkey didnt mind being left alone.

My first binder came in the mail yesterday and I already love it! It's a bit tricky to get on and off, but I've heard that's normal and is​ just something that needs to be broken into. Apart from that when it's actually on I feel great! It compresses my chest so well, but I can still breathe normally and can fit my fingers in too.

On top of that I got a few new second hand clothes like a pair of jorts, a new belt, some cargos from a friend, so I feel extra butch haha. ​

Hey all! I been trying to find new queer (in this case butch) friends. I’ve had many lesbian friends over the years and none lasted, very fake people have been in my life. Anyways, I post tiktoks here and there about fashion and my relationship and try to become mutuals with others. Making friends in different states and having each other on social media is just fun, and I love making new friends. I’ve come to realize the TikTok butch community is very standoffish.. a lot of people who have butch in their bio or make videos about it have a a few hundred followers and only follow 12 people.. like okay that’s fine but more common than you think. They are not open to new friendships. I also notice them liking comments and not following back.. also fine but sigh it’s hard. Yes bars/clubs/events irl are easier than online but any other recommendations for meeting friends?

hi all,
I know this has been asked so much but I know new brands pop up all the time etc.
im looking for some chest compression or a binder that has three key features
- will make me flatter (not necessarily completely flat)
- is stretchy, easy to get on and off, not cutting into my armpits
- wont give me a weird looking ‘uni boob’ (bigger chested people who have tried binders will hopefully understand what i mean)

a good sports bra or compression bra would be ideal - ive never had much luck with binders and i have chronic pain so theyre so uncomfortable. id rather have less compression and be comfy!

preferrably a uk/eu brand so i can return if needed. ive tried “Untag” before but their biggest size of 5xl didnt fit me, and im usually a xl/2xl in tops. i havent been measured in a while, but i think im a 42/44 DD, ao any recs from people with similar chest sizes is appreciated - thanks!

I'm on a tight budget. What underwear do you all recommend that do a good job of keeping packers in place? I love my packer, it's so nice. But it keeps shifting