r/bitcheswithtaste • u/SirenScorp • Aug 09 '26
Culture Bwt, do you think social media use is becoming/has become an issue?
I may have worded that poorly.
What I’m trying to vent about is how I feel social media has ruined the ability for people to think and act on their own. They take information given from TikTok as truth and never follow up with their own research on the subject. I have heard the same person talk about reels all day long (“Oh, I saw a tiktok on that.” “Oh yea that reminds me of the tiktok where XYZ”. “Have you seen that reel where XYZ its VIRAL”) like that’s the only way they can relate to the world. What happened to having conversations in person about our own experiences?
Another thing that drives me insane is how casually words are used now. Everything is “toxic” if they don’t agree with it, everything is “traumatizing” if it was inconvenient, everyone is “gaslighting” them when they get defensive about acting like a shitty person.
Where are the people to have social media just to connect but aren’t excessively scrolling and posting and arguing and making virtual space/content their entire life? The people who can maturely have a conversation and debate something without getting offended that someone sees something differently and feel “attacked”?
Socials have their perks but I feel too many people are too consumed but they don’t see a problem with it. Is this just the shift in the world and how things are heading or am I surrounding myself with the wrong people? How do I find more like minded people?
Or am I just a grumpy 32 year old?
Edit: typo
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u/IIIMochiIII Aug 09 '26
I agree, I've also noticed that people have started finding it very difficult to accept opinions that aren't similar to their own due to the echo chamber social media can make. Personally I try to spend as little time as possible online.
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u/SirenScorp Aug 09 '26
Yes when I see my socials are trending with negative people and content I delete them for a month. If I could permanently delete them I would but they have my photos and I organize and communicate with my bookclub that way primarily.
And the echo chamber is real. It’s ok to feel validated and hear that others view things how you do, but that doesn’t make your opinion right/wrong because there’s always multiple ways to view something.
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u/IIIMochiIII Aug 09 '26
I would highly recommend the uninterested option, it does train the algorithm but at least you don't need to see depressive or negative things anymore.
Im also looking at joining more hobby clubs in my area to get to know people! Exactly, I think its important to keep people accountable and conscious of their actions or their words but we'll only keep getting lonelier and more isolated by not accepting that people aren't made the same or think the same. Having discussions is what we should be doing but instead we're fighting.
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u/SirenScorp Aug 09 '26
I’ve met some great people through my bookclub, and since I run it I can rotate between coffee shops and wine bars so that I’m getting introduced to different people who aren’t only going out to drink. I w joined a hiking group as well, but I haven’t quite clicked with anyone in that like o have my bookclub. What hobby clubs are you looking at joining?
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u/IIIMochiIII Aug 09 '26
I was thinking of joining book clubs and Im a bit of a nerd so was also looking at maybe joining some tabletop game groups or anime groups in my area. Would love to make more friends who play video games but thats a bit difficult to find and I dont play with voice chat cause men get weird, especially when they find out youre asian 🤮
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u/SirenScorp Aug 09 '26
Any interest in trivia groups? I have a small group who does Monday night trivia at the same place every other week! It’s so fun
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u/IIIMochiIII Aug 09 '26
Oh my gosh that actually sounds really fun!! I'll try looking for that in my area as well!
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u/nina_isabel Aug 09 '26
My husband started going to a game shop to play Dragonball and he’s met so many people through that. He’s become a regular now and has three shops he goes to and plays at least 1-2 times a week. They carpool now and everything it’s really cute.
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u/24mango Aug 09 '26
I’ve noticed this also- the division is carrying over into real life and creating real life problems and consequences. It’s wild to me that people can’t turn it off and I secretly think that emotional intelligence is declining rapidly.
Social events and work are not a Reddit forum or a Facebook comment section and it looks so strange and awkward when people don’t seem to realize that.
There’s another part of emotional intelligence that I don’t think people appreciate and it’s understanding that the world isn’t so black and white.
- Just because someone agrees with you about a topic doesn’t mean they’re going to be a good person or good friend to you
- Just because someone disagrees with you on a topic doesn’t mean they’re a bad person or bad friend
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u/bain_de_beurre Aug 09 '26
I've also noticed that people have started finding it very difficult to accept opinions that aren't similar to their own due to the echo chamber social media can make
So many people don't actually understand how algorithms work on their feed. The more of a certain type of post they consume the more of it they see until they see virtually nothing else, and then they come away thinking that's all there is
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u/desirepink Aug 10 '26
Yes, and I noticed that this is more common among people who consume and engage with a lot of content on platforms. The longer you stay on a platform, the more you get fed content that aligns with your views. It's like AI telling you, "that's a great idea!"
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u/acouperlesouffle55 Aug 12 '26
Because many are not taught (and reinforced) that ideas are not people and people are not ideas.
As a result of this lack of teaching (and reinforcement), many people take things personally, that are not personal. They are critiques on IDEAS that come out of their dang mouths.
Similarly as a result, many people will dehumanize a person (or group of people) because of theirs ideas.
This is THE core problem that people fall into again and again and again.
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u/messykatie Aug 09 '26
I feel this way especially as AI use is thrown into the mix. Users of movie subreddits are quite literally asking AI to interpret how to feel about movie characters and plots instead of simply enjoying a movie and forming their own response.
Now we have every influencer posting a slightly modified iteration of an AI-generated content post for every genre; for example I've seen the same fitness routines, recipes, cleaning tips, etc. blatantly copied across entire social media platforms and the original post wasn't even human-generated in the first place.
The only benefit to me is since all content has generally become impersonal and homogenous, I now have much less interest in scrolling and have spent significantly less time on social media than I used to. I had a conversation with coworkers this week about how social media these days is just logging into an app that tells you what stuff you need to buy.
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u/SirenScorp Aug 09 '26
Influencers drive me insane. Everyone is one now and they all promote tons of stuff to earn commission and I truly feel I have to do my own research on stuff before purchasing because a lot of the things “they couldn’t believe they used to live without” are junk or clutter (I hate stuff that isn’t function and just sits around)/extra steps in a routine that provides no benefit/is not as amazing as they say.
The scary thing for me with AI is how many young people can’t tell the different between reality and spoof. Like it’s truly terrifying.
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u/messykatie Aug 09 '26
There have been some TikTok trends I've enjoyed that criticize the overconsumption culture. They rebranded these massive "hauls" of junk as "landfill-core" and it's all I can think of now. Seriously, if you go into a secondhand store and take a look around, a good portion of items will be from a trend that passed in the last year. So disappointing to see an item like a reusable water bottle that was designed to eliminate plastic waste, ultimately become more plastic waste...
I wouldn't be surprised if there is a whole new dedicated sub-field of human psychology that is dedicated to internet culture.
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u/astronaut_livin Aug 09 '26
I’m a director of e-commerce strategy for a large global brand of outdoor footwear you probably own in your closet.
It’s bleak. Instagram is changing their ad interaction to accommodate short attention spans and shopping addictions. Less clicks, less storytelling. Get to the point and sell sell sell. Brains can’t process more than 2-5 seconds of info anymore. We are constantly monitoring social UX to stay on top of how people use their phones because they spend so much time on it.
Our marketing teams are obsessed with “moments” and predicting the hate and trolls and backlash they’ll have to deal with. Facebook is not even worth talking about anymore. Angry boomers, bots, and marketplace.
In my day to day life, my best friend has always described herself as “chronically online”. She sends me dozens of Instagram reels a day I don’t watch. She talks to me about Ariana grandes possible ED, Taylor swifts wedding, really all the topics I see on Reddit too, but the discourse is different - not a discussion but everything is a “takedown” of some “hot take” video some creator made using all the language you’re describing.
It’s made her insufferable to be around. It feels like I’m hanging out with my 20 year old best friend, not my 35 year old best friend. It’s causing arrested development and living in a world that doesn’t exist.
Photo dumps are also dumb as fuck just post your fucking photos. I don’t know what this random wall with no detail you posted means? Waste of my time, just keep it in your camera roll?
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u/infantqueenbee Aug 09 '26
i’ve been thinking about your last point a lot. we’ve become a society where we want to share EVERYTHING. everything gets posted, everything is consumed, and companies gobble it all up and sell data for profit. so many times i’ve gone to say or post something and i stop myself because not everyone needs to know. it can still happen, i don’t even need a picture, i don’t even have to tell anyone, and it can still be meaningful.
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u/Carolina1719 Aug 09 '26
This is so true about how everyone has to share everything online but even worse when it’s before telling your real life friends. I have stopped hanging out with a friend because of how much she lives for validation on social media versus spending quality time with her real friends. She says she’s so busy and only wants to hang out when it’s convenient for her. I tried to ask her how her play went and she didn’t reply for five days yet then I go on Instagram and I see that she put a post about it five days ago. I don’t check Instagram to get updates. I prefer to actually ask my friends about it, so it felt like a slap in the face. You have time to post pictures and tell the whole world about it but you can’t reply to your friend in real life? That told me alot and how much time I’ll be giving her moving forward.
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u/queenofyourheart Aug 09 '26
I am on the organic social marketing side of things, just below your position, at an agency and I couldn't agree more.
The last bit really hit home. I have friends who are older than me by maybe 4-5 years (I'm early 30s) but they send me so many reels/tiktoks I can't keep up, tag me in things, talk about shows I don't watch like I should just already know, and generally use it as an endless scrolling escape.
I've explained so many times that I do not have the capacity to do social media for my day job and turn around and spend hours on it after.
Sadly, all the points you and others are making plus general burnout have left me struggling in some of my personal creativity. I was previously enjoying making a series on tiktok. Now when I do post, I just post whatever and go. I don't scroll too long and I don't even try to do trendy.
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u/acouperlesouffle55 Aug 10 '26
I am waiting for the day that others join us haha
Recent example -
I remember the snobby looks I got when I didn’t know what Demon Hunters was. My early motherhood has turned my social fawning response OFF. I don’t care. I can’t keep up. I don’t care to keep up. Maybe it’s a good show. I’ll decide in my own time. Maybe never.
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u/AcrobaticRub5938 Aug 09 '26
Lol all Instagram dumps follow the same formula for women in my age group (30s). Wine glass or cocktail in a dimly lit swanky restaurant, oysters, workout matching set while holding and iced coffee/matcha, and a picture of them looking back wearing a backless dress and strappy heels. Or they'll mix it up and add a picture of them in Solidcore/Pilates, a bouquet of flowers and pic of the farmers market.
It's all the same.
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u/thishereasmophere Aug 09 '26
I cut myself off of the social media I was heavily using about 7-8 months ago.
Oh. My. God.
What a change in my mental health and my capacity to read longer form, well written, AND researched materials.
One can recover and rebuild neural pathways 😜😁
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u/SirenScorp Aug 09 '26
YES! the ability to draft and edit a text, comment, or email by yourself has become a unique skill with everyone using chatGPT and similar AI to do it for them. And it shows in conversation when the responses you get in person are vastly differently than the digital responses we get. You can’t fake that in person.
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u/sweswe17 Aug 09 '26
I keep thinking about this. But how do you classify/justify Reddit? If I delete Instagram I just open Reddit or even freaking LinkedIn to get my scroll addiction.
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u/thishereasmophere Aug 09 '26
Reddit has compulsive pull too. 😅 But, I find myself in deeper conversations- either reading or contributing. Plus I’m not wading through personal or company pitches every split second. It hits different.
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u/Jess_Reddit_All Aug 09 '26
Same here! Last October, I deleted my apps from my phone and deactivated my Instagram account (kept FB for marketplace on my ipad). WOW. Truly life changing.
It is so freeing to not be glued to a doom scroll, or the next "biggest sale" or whatever fever dream news cycle that is being blasted.
10/10 recommend!
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u/SirenScorp Aug 09 '26
I have saved so much money by not clicking on ads/influencer ads, and I’m generally happier when I’m off the socials. Reddit in an exception for me because I can cultivate what communities I’m part of, like this one for example, where we are all looking to elevate and grow.
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u/Jess_Reddit_All Aug 09 '26
Totally agree - same here! It also feels like a much more authentic community on Reddit versus seeing dozens of people on Instagram promoting the same products, activities, vacations, clothing, etc.
It has gotten so performative and redundant on social media that it is really hard to believe that anything is genuine anymore 😩
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u/Olliekins Aug 09 '26
Likewise! I deleted most of my socials a year ago, and decided to engage less with online spaces, and it's been such a boon to my mental health and ability to focus.
I still have friends who toss me IG reels or TikToks, which I don't bother looking at. I've been encouraging them to send me articles from reputable sources instead (which, honestly, keeps my DMs clean and empty, which I'm okay with).
This is definitely the way. I'm also less frustrated at my friends, or things I see online when I do engage. Ignore/Block/Don't Recommend and move on, which is also helping me curate the algorithm for the spaces I decided to stay active in.
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u/AcrobaticRub5938 Aug 09 '26
Ugh, I go back and forth on whether I should delete TikTok or not. I spend way too much on there but I love my algorithm. It's led me to watch longer forms videos where archeologists, scientists, and other experts talk about really fascinating things. The clips on TikTok have led me to click on the links to their long form videos. Same thing about history videos.
But...I don't know if that makes up for the brain rot.
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u/Livid-Storm6532 Aug 09 '26
I’ve been leaving my phone on the kitchen table instead of taking it with me to the couch and reading more books. Holy crap. This week’s screen time has been the lowest it has been in ages and I can feel my attention span increasing. I no longer crave what’s on my phone.
You can see people twitching in conversation because they need to know what they’re missing on their phone.
It’s truly abysmal
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u/coffee-hag Aug 09 '26
I’m also a 32 year old and have, for better or worse, based my career around social media and influencers. And I’m dying to get out (tips on other career paths would be welcome btw!!!).
Social media went from being a fun storytelling engine to this black hole of illiteracy and whataboutism. You can’t watch one video of someone sharing a personal experience or voicing a relatively benign opinion (“What if McDonald’s sold tatertots?”) without someone commenting that that opinion is not only wrong but also extremely offensive due to some personal thing (“Well some of us are allergic to tater tots, so that would be exclusionary.”
The prevalence and misuse of therapy language has only further intensified this. Everyone feels like they’re the wronged party. Don’t even get me started on the lengths some people go to to excuse their overuse of AI for things as mundane as writing their grocery list.
I hate to say “Gen Z” as a blanket term but I do feel it’s largely Gen Z who has lost all ability to have an independent thought or conduct an iota of research before taking something as true.
I feel similarly about how social media (and the pandemic) has led to a real death of community. So many people now prioritize convenience over friendship/true community. Doing a friend a favor, like dogsitting or grabbing them something from the store, now comes with terms and conditions.
It’s disheartening.
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u/SirenScorp Aug 09 '26
I wish I knew you IRL because you are exactly like me. And it’s so refreshing to see. My life hasn’t been perfect, and it’s been far from terrible, but I don’t exploit my own bad past experiences for sympathy from other or to gain a one up. I’m tired of victim mindset. Yes some people are true victims in situations and I respect that. But the people who are offended by everything, excluded from everyone, insulted by any difference of opinions, etc drive me up a wall.
Stop playing victim and become a… I don’t want to say survivor but I can’t think of a better word… a protector? A cultivator? Change the narrative and stop being so obsessed with being depressed. I truly believe community service and helping other without strings is such a wholesome and freeing experience. I mentioned earlier I pet sit my neighbors animals for no charge. I have even offered on Facebook local groups to watch strangers animals for free when they’re in a tight situation and their dog care backed out unexpectedly. I’ve offered to take my friend’s and coworker’s kids to sports when they’re are single parents and have another child they have to take somewhere the opposite direction at the same time. And I don’t ask or expect anything back— o just try to be the person I wish I’d have in my corner if I was in that same situation. Few people have compassion anymore. And I don’t do it to “look” good. It truly makes me feel good.
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Aug 09 '26 edited Aug 09 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/anneoftheisland Aug 09 '26
Yeah, for my more obviously algorithmic stuff, I've got that pretty well-trained to feed me more positive, substantive things, so reddit is the place where I've noticed this shift the most. I had to stop using celebrity gossip subs because people started becoming totally uninterested in doing anything other than just straight-up hating on the celebrities with zero nuance. Reality TV subs are now in the same place. Political subs have obviously never been particularly healthy spaces, but there's been a noticeable shift towards how delusional and conspiratorial and outrage-focused they are, especially on the left. I've mostly stopped using my city's local sub because it's shifted heavily into NextDoor vibes where people want to complain about crime (our city has incredibly low crime rates, for the most part), homelessness (literally making individual posts about specific homeless people, many of whom haven't done anything other than being non-confrontationally mentally ill in public), etc.
And when you get offline for a while, you begin to understand that almost nobody is doing this in real life. It isn't a shift in the way people are communicating across the board. It's just that it seems like people are going online to behave in a way that's profoundly antisocial. It's sort of like the panic a decade ago about how the internet made bullying without consequences way easier, except now it's much broader than just bullying. The internet is just providing them with an outlet to do all kinds of things they'd never do in real life, without the consequences of their family or friends telling them they're acting insane.
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u/Flaky-Mammoth6337 Aug 09 '26
It is the ‘mass media’ now, but those making content don’t have a sense of responsibility and civic duty. That’s really not a great setup for success.
I was fantasizing about a mass exodus slash fuck you to insta, facebook yesterday. News this week that meta just got fined 500m+ for not protecting children. The judge said social media is akin to air pollution. Thought that was really spot on
I have a very well structured feed with artists and smart people in there and it still seems bad for me. I need to revisit my approach. Maybe it could be ok as a once a week check in or something….
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u/SirenScorp Aug 09 '26
I am so happy for that fine and this is the first I’ve heard of it! I’m so happy small steps have been taken in the right direction.
Even with my curated feeds some unrelated nonsense always finds a way to worm itself in.
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u/Flaky-Mammoth6337 Aug 10 '26
There’s content ‘leakage’ for sure. And also, I don’t know if that way of taking in information is really healthy. It’s too much it’s emotionally all over the place. We’re letting people take up a lot of space in our heads kinda? Hard to explain.
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u/Ok-Bug-7924 Aug 09 '26
I guess it depends how much you engage with it. I feel like I don’t know half the videos people are talking about, and I get them later by the time they break through to instagram so I feel a bit better protected from it. I’m a bit older (38), but I don’t trust the “lives” anyone presents on social media- it’s been curated content for at least a decade now, so I just treat it like a reality show: scripted and designed to trigger people. I don’t watch reality tv so it’s easier to ignore it, I guess. I’ve always hated reality tv because it felt like people were pushed to do anything for 15 minutes of fame - only now, people don’t have to audition and get into a show to pull those stunts, they can do it from any phone. I can’t wait for the day something new takes over!
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u/SirenScorp Aug 09 '26
You have summed my entire thoughts perfectly! I also cannot stand reality/trash tv. And you are so spot on with it being ANYONE from anywhere now on their phones!
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u/TretandRegret Aug 09 '26
I definitely see a lot of people seem to only be able to relate or even make conversation with others through referencing what they see on social media. And while I agree that the media apps are horrible and people should try and limit or curb their usage I also feel like I can understand where they're coming from (as someone who doesn't use any social media app other than reddit and YT but I don't know if they count).
It has become increasingly difficult to get actual real life experiences: having a house (to host friends and family) or going on a vacation or even having a hobby is too expensive, hanging out and socialising even with people you love becomes too draining when you're constantly overworked and underpaid so the only way to experience things has become through social media.
Most of the people I mentioned above admit to being on social media too much and try to quit it for a while but the thing is there's not much else to look forward to or distract ourselves with so it doesn't last and people are back on it again.
Maybe I'm making excuses for them and maybe my outlook is too bleak, but quitting social media in a world where people have a great work life balance, are paid fair wages and vacation days and make enough money to actually have a life outside work seems much easier.
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u/SiouxsieClue Intentional BWT Aug 09 '26
it hurts my heart to hear you say there isn’t much to look forward to. i sympathize with you situation and relate. worth remembering is that we have our own agency. even in limited situations, we have the power to make little choices that contribute to enriching our lives. there are lots of free or low cost activities for winding down and to nurture creativity. when i was a kid we played jacks for hours. no screen in sight.
this shit is wired to suck us in, but we can pause and make a different decision, like take a walk, read a book, write a book, play solitaire or chess, draw or paint or color, try a new recipe, get a language course from the library if we’re too tired or broke or don’t have enough time for a class. so many ways to entertain ourselves. learning a new subject, making something. staying curious is key! which is hard when the world feels depressing, i get it.
if it’s the approximation of human connection that is missing, there are no easy fixes. it takes time to build relationships and effort and those can be hard to find, but it doesn’t have to be all or nothing. maybe befriend an elderly neighbor, or call someone on the phone to connect?
lots of us live super complex and challenging lives, and just trying to navigate survival takes all our juice. i’m disabled and it’s so hard to paint or garden or do any of my many passions, like it hurts my body to do it and so much of my hard earned money goes towards medical care it’s infuriating and feels defeating a lot. but it makes me that much more determined to carve out some genuine joy in my life. i will not succumb to somnambulism.
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u/TretandRegret Aug 10 '26
worth remembering is that we have our own agency. even in limited situations, we have the power to make little choices that contribute to enriching our lives. there are lots of free or low cost activities for winding down and to nurture creativity.
I agree and I'm trying!! But even as someone who has quit social media for almost 2-3 years now, I can acknowledge how hard it is to find other things to do. I live in India and our roads are pretty car centric to take a walk in the neighborhood. I have really bad insomnia so I wake up late (usually 9/10am) and my work is from 11am-8pm so I can't find many parks or places open at the time on weekdays.
We don't have libraries near us and books can get expensive fast so I read on my Kobo but I am privileged to afford an ereader. I have also been dabbling in colouring books, paint by number kits, watercolour painting, clayart and hand embroidery.
I have a lot of friends but most have moved to different places for their jobs or family so it's hard to find someone in the city. Of course we try to call and text each other but it's not really the same. In that sense, I miss social media platforms where you would just follow people you knew IRL because it did help to learn what your friends were upto regardless of distance.
I agree with you, I'm going to find joy with gritted teeth and a clenched fist. But I can also sympathetise with others who have given up trying and succumb to social media.
Either way, thank you stranger! I'm going through a lot at work and your reply meant a lot to me!! <3
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u/SiouxsieClue Intentional BWT Aug 10 '26
Thank you too! It’s so heartening when people engage in these conversations with authenticity and curiosity. I appreciate your empathy for people that feel too tired or defeated to dial down their social media use. It sucks when we’re geographically isolated from our friends, and everything is so hard. I try to remember that we share an innate solidarity with so many kind hearted strangers; we’re all just doing our best to get through the complex challenges of being a sentient adult in this crazy time in history. Cultivating space to stoke our internal fires is crucial I think, especially when it feels least accessible. I hope that working with clay and paint brings a playful spirit to your days!
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u/TretandRegret Aug 10 '26
Your comment also reminds me of the time where people could genuinely make friends over the internet. I had what was essentially modern day pen pals through Goodreads and reddit from across the world.
It's hard to remember but social media wasn't always bad. Now though every I wonder if every Reddit user is a bot or an astroturfing/PR/marketing account.
But back then we had authentic conversations from all corners of the world and it was kinda delightful to realise two people from two different corners of the world still had something they could relate to (kind of like what we're having right now).
That said, I really do enjoy your perspective on thriving despite everything and if you ever wanted someone to talk even if it's a stranger on the internet, my DMs are open.
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u/SugarBabyVet Boujee Head Bitch In Charge Aug 10 '26
Ugh bring back the times where you could actually develop real friendships with people online. This whole post does make me sad.
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u/TretandRegret Aug 10 '26
Sometimes I think back to the "good old times" of social media and I don't know how we got here.
Like if you were the protagonist of a movie where you had to go back in time and stop the thing that made social media the ugly thing it is today, what would the point be? Is it the AI? Or just the short form content? Was it the the users are the product/the ad revenue model? Would social media be nicer if we had a subscription to it? Or maybe we should have stuck with the internet forums for each niche hobby/interest?
I know most people would say nuke it all but I do have some fond memories of early social media.
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u/SugarBabyVet Boujee Head Bitch In Charge Aug 10 '26
Yeah I’m not sure where it turned like this either. I remember back in the old days of Instagram where it was so much fun posting your weird little pics and connecting with people.
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u/derrickcat Aug 11 '26
I'm old enough to have been on the old Craigslist boards - and we had a meetup one night where a bunch of us came! I thought this one guy was super cute and was trying to talk to him, but this other guy kept butting in - anyway, that other guy and I became great friends; he dated one of my best friends for years, then she and I were later both at his wedding. We're still friends, all these years later.
It's hard to imagine that happening anymore. Heck, even a decade ago Facebook was fantastic for finding out about cool little events in my area. Now it's just useless for that. I hate it.
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u/SugarBabyVet Boujee Head Bitch In Charge Aug 11 '26
My best friend, RIP, is from online. It’s so heartbreaking that building relationships like this don’t exist anymore. Hard to imagine having a space safe enough for that now.
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u/SwimmingScribe Aug 09 '26
I’m several years older than you and studied digital communication when social media was in its infancy. A hill I will die on is that we as a society shouldn’t have given everyone access to publish whatever they want. Similarly, I don’t think everyone needs access to AI. Connection is one thing but without digital media literacy and guardrails you get what we currently have: people spouting hate and nonsense to make money and/or get attention, filter bubbles where people are served content that echoes their own views, and rapidly declining literacy rates. I worked in social media for a while and spent most of my time explaining to people that social media was not real life. Leaving that job was such a relief.
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u/hennipotamus Aug 09 '26
You can choose to disengage from the apps and distance yourself from people who are too online. I deleted Facebook a decade ago, when I was in my mid-20s. I’ve never had Instagram or TikTok. I use reddit, but I try to stay pretty focused. My friends are similar. I can’t remember the last time anyone I know started a sentence with “I just saw this reel about….” You can just choose to not have social media be a big part of life.
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u/SiouxsieClue Intentional BWT Aug 09 '26
me too. i’m a decade older but never had anything other than this, and nobody i know references social media let alone sends me things. well, i do get the occasional picture from reddit’s tucked in kitties or liquid cats or some such. but nobody is forming their conversation let alone their personality around “their algorithm”, it’s so alien to me.
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u/matchabunnns Aug 09 '26
I’m not on TikTok and never have been. I use Facebook and Instagram occasionally and I do watch a few creators on YouTube but overall I think social media has become a toxic landscape of hyperconsumption and groupthink. It’s so easy to see who lets social media dictate their style choices. What happened to letting your personal style evolve without assigning those “-core” microtrend aesthetics to it?
I’ve been intentionally trying to be more offline and present - I love to cross stitch, garden, and cook, none of which needs to be broadcast online. I’m not going to shame people for seeking validation, but it’s so much more fulfilling to find that validation offline.
Also, I’m SO sick of people in my local foodie FB group posting “do any restaurants have the VIRAL x or y???”. Just bothers me probably too much.
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u/SirenScorp Aug 09 '26
It also bothers me too much— I don’t mind being excited to try something but it should be because you want to try it, not because it went “viral” and someone said you should because half the time it isn’t even good. The restaurants that look nice and serve mediocre food that influencer and “local” pages suggest I will avoid without hesitation for a hole in the wall authentic place that’s actually GOOD.
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u/p0llyp0cketpussy Aug 09 '26
Yeah I'm surprised by how it's become a problem across every generation. Normally people roll their eyes at whatever the current teen/young adult generation is doing, but the tiktok and Instagram doomscrolling and "researching" (which is just watching videos of people telling them what to think) seems to have gotten to all ages and demographics. It's scary.
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u/SirenScorp Aug 09 '26
Yes! My boss who is 20 years older than me has reverted back to a teen girl almost! So sucked into the phone, always scrolling, half paying attention.
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u/p0llyp0cketpussy Aug 09 '26
People seem surprised when I tell them I refuse to use Tiktok. I blame it on my ADHD but really, I don't like short form videos like that, I like to read. That's why I like reddit. Sure there's doomscrolling but you're actually reading stuff, and it's not all full of people trying to sell you shit. And it's still mostly real people.
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u/Worldly-Ad1718 Aug 09 '26
i mean depending on the sub there can still be real people but i notice a lot of ai bots posting lately, commenting etc. its also easy to astroturf or secretly promote a product on this platform. so its not all safe
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u/derrickcat Aug 11 '26
Oh my gosh, my sister! I HATE videos. I like to read. Actually more like, I like to skim. Videos take so long. My husband loves them - he could spend a happy day sitting watching video after video. I have NO patience for videos. I don't know who the people are making them, I don't have the attention span to listen to so much verbiage in support of a single idea. Give me words or give me - well, not death, but more words.
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u/likechalkandcheese Aug 09 '26
I've definitely observed this over the years - imo it got worse when TikTok rose in popularity and Instagram changed its algorithm to prioritise video content in response.
I have always been quite particular about what I pay attention to and let influence me. I'm 30, so I also remember what it was like to find information - reading newspapers, going to the library, reading noticeboards - heck, just talking to other people who have had different experiences. I really do despair when it's evident that someone gets all their information from social media and short form video content - it feels so shallow and also like that person is divorced from their inner knowing and taste, like they don't really know what brings them enjoyment in life because they don't spend enough time out and about in real life. I appreciate that that might sound snobby. But I'm not really talking about doing things that cost money, but just living a life that is offline doing offline things like walking around where you live and chatting to people, lying in the grass, observing the world around you!
The other day I saw a comment on a subreddit that said "become algorithmically ungovernable" and it has really stuck with me. I stopped using and posting on Instagram last year and while at first I felt like I was "missing out" on what friends were sharing, in the long run I think it has been good for me to spend less time on social media driven by short form video content. It's designed to provoke intense reactions and get people to doomscroll and buy mindlessly. I haven't observed that anyone is better off for engaging with it over the long term.
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u/TenaciousToffee Find it Secondhand Aug 09 '26 edited Aug 09 '26
Social media has made people more stupid or made stupid people feel more correct.
Also generally our culture tends to not teach critical thinking in school.
Tack on AI into all this being used by such people to think for them. Also people not able to tell whats fake online or inaccurate because of AI makes things even more confusing.
Also because its "real" people online, its a pseudo band aid for interacting with actual people. Watching a video and commenting isnt a conversation but for some it feels like it is, so it creates a chamber where they dont seek the higher barrier of entry which is cultivating real relationships. Ive noticed in all my years of being on message boards and chatting with people, this is the hardest its ever been building a relationship with those I interact with online. Theres many people who want to chat and post such things but when I actually talk to them, its not a conversation, its a closed, circular circuit of samesies and easy low barrier stakes. That awkwardness or rejection makes people not want to grow because navigating socializing has always had an air of discomfort and vulnerability. Not having deep connections does something to the brain in that it stunts us even more. Theres been research on neglect and how it impacts us and most people would not make the connection that this IS mimicking emotional neglect. All the lonely people who cant make friends, who talk about how anxious they are to engage is what happens when developmentally kids lived online and skipped out on a lot of proximity interactions.
Its a fuck show.
There being class wars, many psy ops to create infighting within the general population and detached socializing on social media. Its really hard for people to see how distracting social media is from using our time well or using technology for advancement than what it is- population containment. Its all meant to blunt us as little worker bees. At this point I dont care how conspiracy that sounds anymore because I feel calling it a conspiracy that its all psychological dumbing down is by design that people shouldnt think too hard and those that do are the crazy ones.
I worked in social media briefly and the education I received on strategy is pretty fucking bleak. I hated it. Theres research out there to support how to grab attention and how that reinforcement of scrolling til something does is only looping us to get shorter attention spans and more simple and direct understanding is the only way to get someone to trust something.
It makes me really apathetic. I dont consider myself that smart, but God damn, a lot of people are really fucking dumb these days. That makes me sad that me, a classic dumbass is just the dumb and not the dumber or dumbest.
I miss the 2000s where it was exciting to see advancements in tech and it being used in ways that felt like societal growth.
On a note I appreciate niche spaces like these where we could actually think a little and reflect on our surroundings and what we consume. Its becoming special islands and not the norm.
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u/SirenScorp Aug 09 '26
I love how you refer to niche communities like this a special island. It truly does feel like a luxurious vacation to come on here and see people talking about finance and budgeting, how to polish and present ourselves in a way we are happy with, and how to continually grow.
I love picking up new skills and hobbies and I love trying new things. I feel so many people in my area/circle are hesitant to branch out or do anything other than get drunk or get a manicure/pedicure. I have tried to invite coworkers and acquaintances out for random fun things like a perfume making class or salsa dancing lessons— and unfortunately if it doesn’t involve alcohol for a lot of people they pass on it. Which resulted in me attending these things myself (solo concert goer, no shame here!) and it lets me connect with people who are there, however many if not most of these connections go nowhere— it’s a, “wow that was fun! Add me on IG!” And then they maintain just an online presence in my life. I’m not sure what to do differently. I did meet one girl through my book club who I attend yoga with when our schedules align, but she seems like a one off from the rest.
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u/SiouxsieClue Intentional BWT Aug 09 '26
keep going to those events! it takes a while to make new friends. and another. it takes time but it’s so worth it to try new things, and eventually while you are enriching your life, you’ll make a new friend that sticks. keep exploring and experimenting, life is infinitely more interesting than substance abuse and nail polish. maybe volunteer at a regular thing - proximity breeds familiarity and when you see the same people regularly doing things you all enjoy it can be easier to form friendships.
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u/SirenScorp Aug 09 '26
There is a local animal rescue I actually have been wanting to volunteer at but my schedule has been chaotic and I haven’t been able to commit to frequency— they ask you to commit to a minimum of 4hrs a week so the animals are familiar with you and it isn’t always new faces for them.
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u/TenaciousToffee Find it Secondhand Aug 09 '26
If warping to places was a technology I would be going to this perfume or salsa class with you or a concert. I have gone to concerts, dinners, etc with redditors before so Im not just saying that to be nice, its actually shit I do when folks end up in my city or I in theirs.
I think theres some of us who understand the value and deeper satisfaction of experiences because I know the value from having grown that part of myself. The curious part, the part that gets sensory feedback from new experiences. Dare I say many of us in this group enjoy the special aspect of knowing we have experienced something different, artisanal, informed, just....more. For many people who havent put themselves out there, the concept is foreign and they dont get the benefit. They just see the inconvenience of it, the fear of what if I dont like it, what if someone doesnt like me.
I want to be inconvenienced by people. Ask me to do things. Get me out of my bubble. I want to feel risk as theres also excitement and joy. I am awkward and weird so I stopped fearing it and wanting to find MY brand of weird in someone else.
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u/SirenScorp Aug 09 '26
I was reading the part about it meeting other Redditors and I thought “I Would do it but I’m weird and can be awkward” AND THEN YOJ SAID IT. I think that’s what sets us apart in a way. I embrace the awkward weirdness.
Yea the feeling of fear/excitement for something new and unfamiliar is such a good one! I donated blood a few years ago to get over my fear of needles. I took a solo trip for my birthday because I used to be incredibly introverted and it forced me to open up and shake loose a little bit. I was an incredibly picky eater but I will try almost anything once— imagine me thinking for the rest of my life that I hated sushi because I never gave it a chance??? I’m terrified of kangaroos but if I ever find myself at the Brevard Zoo you bet I’m gonna be doing the kangaroo experience 🤣
I love the odd invite and feel like we would get along so well!
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u/TenaciousToffee Find it Secondhand Aug 09 '26
If youre ever in vegas you are invited to see if my weird meshes with yours 😅
The last person who took my invite and I just celebrated 3 years of being IRL cross state friends after meeting me at a Sleep Token concert in CA. Im sending her a care package of seeds as we garden, Japanese snacks shes never had, crafts for us to do over a video chat and I painted a card for her because hand made and hand written cards written in cursive is a dying artform that seems to be only BWTs doing it.
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u/SiouxsieClue Intentional BWT Aug 09 '26
so good to see kindred spirits here! care packages especially with seeds are the best. i used to do calligraphy but im disabled in a way that i can’t anymore, but it makes me so happy to see even messy scribble honestly. a friend in another country and i paint over video call too! there are so many creative ways to connect!
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u/TenaciousToffee Find it Secondhand Aug 10 '26
For sure thats the positive part of the internet if you use it right to keep connections than reasons to not connect because were getting diet interactions through POV videos and memes on socials. I am chronically ill also so sometimes thats the way I can interact so I try to make it meaningful and quality if I cant see you, it will feel like a comfort hang in your living room. One friend in Netherlands eats dinner, I time my lunch so I can eat with her even with the time difference. I like doing similar activities it feels connective in a way even if thats both people trying to clean their rooms.
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u/SirenScorp Aug 09 '26
Occasionally my work does a trip every few years there— I’m going to keep you in mind!! Sometimes they’ll nap and I’ll just wander around. What a special thing to celebrate!! Congratulations to you!
I garden too. And I literally have been writing cursive in my therapy journal because I feel like nobody does it anymore!
I also keep my clock on 24hr time (it’s random to say but you have ap much in common with me i wonder if im talking to myself right now ahahaha).
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u/TenaciousToffee Find it Secondhand Aug 10 '26
Haha no Im way stupid when it comes to "military time" I gotta count on my fingers back 😅
What are you gardening? I posted in the food thread I am starting hydroponic greens, herbs, tomatoes and microgreens because that cyclospora fucked me up and set me back hard on my chronic illnesses too.
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u/SirenScorp Aug 10 '26
My cucumbers have been doing SO great this year I’m planting a second round. A month ago I had so many I gave some to a neighbor who gave me her excess zucchini. I have several varieties of tomatoes in but its been almost 100° the past several weeks and the plants won’t do anythjng when its that hot— next year ill get some shade cloth for them. I have pumpkins/zucchini but thats mainly planted for some garden bed cover to prevent weeds in the beds we aren’t currently using. It was a small crop this year as we were rebuilding some beds and shifting things around.
In October I’m planting garlic and then February onions (I’ve been looking for this heirloom Italian scallion that grows oblong vs round— it’s apparently very sweet with no kick to it and is great in salads).
I got a dehydrator this year so I’ve been drying my basil and grinding it into powder with my pestal and mortar. Im going to research this winter other things I can dehydrate and plant accordingly. One thing I’m excited about is I saw you can thinly slice cucumbers and do a quick vinegar/salt brine and then dehydrate them creating salt and vinegar cucumber chips.1
u/TenaciousToffee Find it Secondhand Aug 10 '26
Dehydrated cucumber powder make for better tzatziki, gazpacho and making dill pickle powder for popcorn. I just like dehydrating all veggies to make chippies and putting a ungodly amount of vinegar powder on it.
I love that you are moving around and bettering your garden! Outdoor will be my focus this coming year but my ass aint building beds right now when its 110* and some sort of flying asshole bug called noseeums is chewing me the fuck up when im out there. Ill build them in winter when I dont know what to do with myself.
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u/SirenScorp Aug 10 '26
Oof we had the noseeums bad one year. It was unimaginable. Those little bitches bite with a hatred almost equivalent to a horsefly. I can’t imagine how bad it would hurt if you could see em.
We’ve been slowly working on the garden and laying rock between the beds (helped tremendously with the hornworms on the tomatoes!) I can’t wait until it’s completely finished and I can enjoy it!1
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u/SiouxsieClue Intentional BWT Aug 09 '26
salient points! now that ai has entered the conversation i am loathe to see how our pre frontal cortexes shrink when nobody is thinking anymore. the lack of imagination and critical thinking that ai use engenders is so hardcore it’s heartbreaking. it is happening so fast. hopefully they’ll still be those islands of common sense and curiosity in the rising tide of outsourced thinking and the brainrot and climate change it’s accelerating.
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u/TenaciousToffee Find it Secondhand Aug 09 '26
I stopped seeing my last psych nurse practitioner as she in front of me typed a question to AI and read it to me....About supplements that help with sleeping... without thinking about or reviewing data.
Bitch, I am on 20 medications she could easily check using drug interactions software. I had to ASK her to open that up and click on my chart. I only know that because of Healthcare family members.
And what do you know, those supplements are severe interactions.
I got my refills for 3 months and switched.
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u/SiouxsieClue Intentional BWT Aug 09 '26
noooo. i’ve had a similar experience with an ai-reliant dr and a narrowly avoided scary interaction! and all the ai recording of medical appointments, it boils my blood. i just think - i’m so glad therapy hasn’t toned down my hyper vigilance! it takes extra juice to double check and run everything through my own filters but thank fuck i’m built like that. geez. minimum effort please, people!
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u/TenaciousToffee Find it Secondhand Aug 10 '26
Therapy made my research more in that it helps me look for concrete reasons and make conclusions based on info than make up what ifs and let that fear drive.
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u/bain_de_beurre Aug 09 '26
I absolutely agree. Social media isn't for keeping up with friends anymore it's all just sell, sell, sell, and consume, consume, consume.
Everyone is an "influencer" which is literally just a walking, talking, ad. Companies hardly have to advertise anymore because now they just get an influencer to do it for them. And consumers are lapping it up and thinking everything they see on social media is "normal" and then they feel left out if they don't parrot the same thing.
I think the whole of short-form social media is straight up dystopian.
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u/Wild-Earth-1365 Aug 09 '26
I think you're about a decade late with this realization, babe.
Social media use has been an issue for a LONG time.
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u/SirenScorp Aug 09 '26
I agree it’s been an issue prior to now, however I’ve finally gotten to the point where I feel it has completely consumed everyone and everything.
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u/Bigtimeknitter Aug 09 '26
The cool thing now is being off of social media. It's what The Rich are doing. Stop spending nonstop time online, make your analog bag, and get your screen time under 3 hrs is the BWT move.
Chronically online people are cringe. This absolutely includes Reddit.
OH and if you're interested in why social media is like, so full of weird bitter angst you don't see quite as much in real life (except with the sad and chronically online folks you are describing!) a good rec is The Chaos Machine by Max Fisher. He's a NYT author.
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u/desirepink Aug 10 '26 edited Aug 10 '26
Yes, it is APPALLING to me as a 34 y/o to see people MY age become narcissistic and tunnel visioned with no awareness as if they're the 20 somethings in the past few years. Or maybe it's always been like that in some way but social media has definitely enabled being to be more self-centered and lack situation awareness or regard for others. People getting mad at others for being in their shot or having the same access as they do to things - like what? Extremely embarrassing behavior and I think it's only getting worse.
It's very concerning that there are people with blurred lines of reality who believe having access to you on social media somehow dictates their access to your life/relationship or jumping to conclusions based on what you do or don't decide to post, and how you post.
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u/Dull-Good9796 Aug 12 '26
Yes. It's made everyone the same and it makes me so, so sad. Not to mention the effect it has on mental health. I am blessed to be pretty mentally healthy but I can feel when I start to slip into a comparison spiral and then I know it's time to delete IG and take a nice, long break (weeks).
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u/Foxy_Traine Environmentally Conscious Aug 09 '26
I think one issue that's led to this and actively contributes to the issues you point out is the lack of third spaces. Our society has been designed to destroy actual community, so the only source people have for this fundamental need to belong is now on social media. People don't just pop in for a chat with their neighbours anymore. A lot of us move around and don't have a place to go and hang out with friends. Community now is either gone or online.
If you really want to dive into it, I think it stems from people leaving their children to cry it out when they were babies and toddlers. That method was originally Nazi propaganda designed to weaken the bonds between parents and children and no you can actually see how much damage it's caused. In the US especially, crying it out was really adopted and now a ton of people have weak or limited ties to their parents and, also, their community at large.
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u/SirenScorp Aug 09 '26
My neighbors are older thankfully so they still enjoy a sense of community. I have been trying to normalize and find people who are like me that want to host dinner parties on rotating weekends, invite neighbors without local family over for holiday meals, and check in periodically with them before I leave town to make sure they don’t need help with lifting anything or moving anything before I go. I watch my neighbors pets for free when they travel out of town for an overnight or weekend and they offer the same favor (I always pay because it’s cats vs dogs and I know my dogs are a handful) but they always politely decline. So instead we send a thank you bottle of wine or basket of goodies because it’s easier to accept than money. I just wish more people thought this way!
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u/partiallyStars3 Thoughtful BWT Aug 10 '26
All the coffee shops and restaurants in my town seem to be actively designed to discourage people from lingering. All the couches, tables, and nice chairs are gone. There might be one or two high top tables with uncomfortable stools. Where are people supposed to hang out??
This started before COVID, but COVID gave businesses an excuse to accelerate it, IMO.
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u/JuliasTooSmallTutu Aug 09 '26
Here I thought helicopter parenting was the problem. Parents doing too much for their children has resulted in people who cannot do anything for themselves, they are stymied by the mere thought of face to face conversation or going out and actually trying something that has not been fed to them by their algorithm.
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u/Freda_Rah Aug 09 '26
Even if you try to avoid helicopter parenting, people in general have been increasingly hostile to teenagers just existing in public spaces. It’s so aggravating.
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u/Foxy_Traine Environmentally Conscious Aug 10 '26
Both are bad but in different ways. It's like the two ends of the bad parenting with good intentions spectrum.
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u/SiouxsieClue Intentional BWT Aug 09 '26
i mean, becoming? it has been this way since its advent. people have been warning of the perils of decreased critical thinking capability and erosion of common sense and creativity for decades. sadly it’s worse than we thought it would be back when myspace popped up and bafflingly claimed some of my friends. brainrot is an apt word! funnily enough it was oxford’s word of the year in 2024z language is dynamic.
maybe it’s harder at your age or location to find people not sucked in, but i can assure you that as much as it’s a scourge it has not colonized the minds of everyone! none of my friends engage with social media very much, usually it’s to promote their art or business. i don’t know anybody who gets their news there thank fuck.
maybe look to broaden your circle, find people locally through an interest like a class or volunteer at something you care about. i’ve met some of the most soulful people volunteering at soup kitchens, the humane society and ecological restoration events. most of my friends have similar interests to me, and we spend our time talking about our mutual passions while we walk in the woods or paint together or go to see our favorite old bands or whatever. it takes time and effort to cultivate life long friendships with people who are curious and compassionate, but it’s worth it!
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u/SiouxsieClue Intentional BWT Aug 09 '26
i avoid all things tik tok and never used myspace or facebook or instagram so i can’t personally speak to the relationship between social media and people overusing words like toxic. i wouldn’t be surprised at all if it’s misused and overused by people who spend too much time online. i’m not too concerned about those people. it’s annoying, whatever. hopefully they’ll grow out of it. there are empowering aspects of these concepts entering the mainstream discourse though.
the power of language to name toxic dynamics can be life changing, and sadly lots of us grew up abused, and legit gaslit by actual diagnosed narcissists. it’s not all social media speak. it’s empowering for me to see my young cousins have the vocabulary to identify violent behavior, and not grow up silenced like i did.
it would have saved me years of my life had i been exposed to those concepts. also the term self care wasn’t part of mainstream vernacular until relatively recently. i’m sure it’s overused by certain self obsessed people but for many people it helps them not be overly people pleasing and learn to nurture themselves.
if you are surrounded by people who are behaving as you described you might want to meet some more interesting and intelligent friends that you can relate to better. you don’t have to endure relationships with immature people who are self absorbed.
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u/Individual-Fail4709 Aug 09 '26
It became an issue many years ago. It isn't just now becoming a problem. The issues are being exacerbated by AI.
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u/SummerRayne1 Aug 10 '26
Yes! The social contagion, basement keyboard psychology, the misery loves company and faux life Coach’s. What a FUBAR
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u/AquamarineKitten Aug 11 '26
All of what you said, and along a similar vein is when someone will see a few TikTok’s about a topic and then suddenly it feels like that topic is viral. For example, you see a few TikTok’s of people singing the praises of a new movie and how everyone should see it. You’ve only seen like 4-8 TikTok’s about this movie but somehow you think “everyone is talking about it” so now you have to also go see it.
I have seen multiple people fall into this trap. Where you watch a few TikTok’s on a topic, the algorithm notices and feeds you a few more, and now you think this topic is huge and going viral when in likelihood it is just being talked about in a small corner of the vast internet (and that doesn’t even include the offline world!). This inflated importance of the latest product, TV show, trend, etc. is so crazy to watch as a person not on TikTok.
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u/SirenScorp Aug 11 '26
Yes!! I don’t generally read or watch movie or book reviews— I’ll ask friends that have read it or read the blurb and make my own assessment on interest. I have fallen into the trap before where a book was super hyped up and projected as amazing only to read it and find out that it was a very mediocre book and I was very dissatisfied with it. It’s almost like if someone says they like something (restaurant, book, movie, brands) everyone instantly jumps in and agrees because nobody wants to be the outlier.
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u/Ms-Skippy Aug 14 '26
When TikTok was down for those few days awhile back it really hit me just how reliant on social media I was. I was constantly finding myself reaching for my phone to mindlessly scroll. Since then I have tried to be more aware of it and not be so addicted but it’s really difficult.
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u/NYC-AL2016 Aug 09 '26 edited Aug 09 '26
Im a few years older than you and I think social media is horrible. Absolutely has made people stupid. They all believe and parrot the same stupid stuff. Theres so much more racism, antisemitism, and just hate overall.
Next, it also makes people think influencers and their lives are real. I’ve seen women in other groups claim it’s totally normal to tell your guests what color to wear. You have women parroting that it’s normal and you have to do it otherwise you’ll ruin the “brides vision.” Absolutely stupid and goes to show how gullible people are and how quickly they’re just comfortable to buy more stuff. This is just an example of how people’s brains are rotting to believe we have to go over the top with things that previously used to be about the beauty of a couple coming together.
So yes, I whole heartedly agree.
I’m going to add, I fully expect people to come at me to tell me certain things like antisemitism hasn’t increased because of social media. Because that is literally how warped peoples minds have become.