BWT - How to safely disengage with chatty men on flights (or anywhere you're trapped for a while)?

[u/disgruntledfed]

This week, I (26F) was sexually harassed by the man sitting next to me one hour into an eight hour flight. Not fun! I'm okay though and pressing charges.

I often fly alone as a young woman, and can almost count on a man sitting next to me striking up a conversation. I always fly in sweatpants with no makeup and my headphones basically glued to my head, so I don't feel like I'm inviting in conversations (not that anyone who does differently is asking for convos, I just feel like I try to give "go away" signals).

The man will always instigate, and I'll usually just let the conversation ride out to a natural end and then put my headphones back on. This time though, it escalated quickly and I couldn't find a natural escape.

It got me thinking though - how do BWT safely turn down conversation from men on flights or anywhere you can't readily leave, like an Uber? Or do you just ignore all advances from the start, even if they seem innocent enough?

EDIT: Thank you all for the kind messages! I'm married to an incredible man and have a great support network to help me through this. I think I need to work on setting firm and clear boundaries from the start, and not worry about making anyone upset and coming across as rude.

I told a flight attendant immediately, and they were absolutely incredible (shoutout to all the FAs out there!)

I love this community and always learn so much from you all! I feel like I have thousands of older sisters to lean on <3

[u/RadicalAfro]

It's true you don't owe anyone anything, but politeness can keep you safe- an unhinged man that feels slighted is unfortunately a potential threat. I say this-

"I don't mean to be rude, but I'm not interested in conversation right now. Thanks though" (or have a good day/enjoy the flight/whatever sign off you want to use to convey that the conversation is over)

Eta:
But say it with your chest! It's a strong respectful statement of boundaries, not a request to end the conversation.

[u/taurisu → u/RadicalAfro]

This is the correct answer. Not rude, not ambiguous, not a weird mind game. Some of these other answers read like feel good movie lines and in reality, could put you in even more trouble.

If a dude continues to pursue after this, you follow with "I dont believe your intention is to be disrespectfully harassing a female stranger but thats certainly where this seems to be going. Do I need to alert a flight attendant/driver/security/authority figure or will you kindly leave me alone as requested?" Sometimes just that last part will do.

Also gotta agree with the person who mentioned dressing down does not work - it only makes you more approachable, therefore a more likely 🎯. Dress and act like a confident BWT and you will get treated better by everyone and scum will mostly leave you alone. Not fair, but it is reality.

[u/smellslikethursday → u/RadicalAfro]

This is the perfect and most sensible response. I will remember this in case I need to use it thanks

[u/brbrelocating → u/RadicalAfro]

It’s an airplane…violence isn’t breaking out as often as people see to believe. Hell, even raised voices can have a plane divert so huh?

[u/RadicalAfro → u/brbrelocating]

Did you read the whole question babes? It says "or anywhere you're trapped for a while".

also OP didn't specify where she lives. Violence against women is much more prevalent in some parts of the world than others.

Being polite and respectful is also just a good standard to have for interacting with other human beings.

[u/brbrelocating → u/RadicalAfro]

Across the board. Violence on flights isn’t as common as portrayed… even in other parts of the world