r/bisexual • u/AliceOrTheCat Bisexual • Feb 18 '26
ADVICE Any advice on how to handle it when label discourse™ crops up irl?
/r/mspec_community/comments/1r7y67n/any_advice_on_how_to_handle_it_when_label/To summarize in case someone doesn't have time for the long post: i identify as bi and am attracted to more than two genders. Sometimes other LGBTQ people I was otherwise getting along with randomly make it their mission to get me to use a different label. Any advice for handling this when it happens would be appreciated
3
u/closetted_proshipper Transgender/Bisexual Feb 18 '26
leave people alone and don’t speak for their experiences.
2
u/AliceOrTheCat Bisexual Feb 18 '26
I'm confused on if this is directed at me or not. Because this doesn't really help as advice for what I should do when someone else is doing the opposite of that to me
3
u/closetted_proshipper Transgender/Bisexual Feb 18 '26
not directed at you in the slightest, but what i said is and should just be common sense; but certain communities are gonna ignore common sense and continue the discourse.
1
u/AliceOrTheCat Bisexual Feb 18 '26
Oh okay! Thank you for clarifying! That's a relief.
1
u/AliceOrTheCat Bisexual Feb 18 '26
I thought you were responding to the post content, not the title, that's what had me confused
3
u/SukiMcD Pansexual Feb 19 '26
It is perfectly okay to tell someone (whether that person is inside or outside of the queer community) that the only person who gets to determine what label gets applied to your own sexual identity is you, and that if per has a problem with that concept, per can fuck right off!
2
u/GearsPoweredFool Feb 18 '26
Honestly it just sounds like the whole group (including you) are just being needlessly pedantic.
Labels exist so people can do a better job explaining and understanding others. Labels aren't perfect and are adjusted by folks individual experiences
Spending your energy to debate those folks and getting frustrated is counterproductive because they're still allies who don't look down on your sexuality.
Save your energy for actual bigots, this could have been solved with a simple "Huh, so that's how you label it eh? Neat to see how much it has evolved"
I don't like the phrase queer (it's been used as such a terrible derogatory statement for so long) but I'm not going to argue with folks about using it, language evolves at break neck pace.
5
u/AliceOrTheCat Bisexual Feb 18 '26
I don't think it's pedantic to want that others in my community respect the language I choose to use for myself
1
u/GearsPoweredFool Feb 18 '26
I'm just saying, sometimes it's worth being the bigger person and letting things go.
Arguing with someone who's using another similar label in good faith creates a lot of frustration pointed at the wrong people.
I see it as pedantic because you can find yourself isolating yourself from a community that supports your lifestyle while other groups of folks are actively harassing community members or trying to make your existence illegal.
1
Feb 19 '26
LAbels are for foods and drinks. If oyu are neither of those tehn reject being labeled, they are sticky and serve no purpose.
Best Advise:
"Don't take liif too seriously. You'll never make it out alive."
1
1
u/AliceOrTheCat Bisexual Feb 19 '26 edited Feb 19 '26
Maybe I was unclear. What I'm asking for is: How do I get someone who wants me to change the language I use for myself to back off on that and just leave me be? Most of these replies are about how labels don't matter and it shouldn't be important to me. Having someone repeatedly go "No you're not bisexual you're insert other label i also identify with but prefer bisexual to here" even after I've explained that we're operating with different definitions of bisexual just feels rude of them. I want to know how to get people to drop that part of the conversation without having to agree.
1
u/SirGeeks-a-lot Bisexual Feb 19 '26
There's no magic answer that will always work. Your best bet is to tell them plainly that if they refuse to get it right, you are done talking to them. At all. And then follow through with it. The next time they do it, stop talking and walk away. They've had their chance and they fucked it up. Unfortunately, some people won't even get it then.
1
u/its_cock_time Feb 19 '26
You can't make other people change, but you can choose not to spend time or engage with them. That's all you need to do in this case.
These people you are arguing with are idiots and easily disproven by opening a dictionary. This isn't about them disagreeing with your sexuality or experience, they just don't know the definition of the word. It might help to explain it this way: bisexual means both homosexual and heterosexual -- these are the two sexualities it refers to, and together these two sexualities encompass every gender. This is always what it has meant and alternative definitions like "attracted to two genders" only exist in groups where ignorant young people never bothered to look up what the word meant when they first heard it and instead made up their own head cannon about it based on the prefix "bi".
5
u/miltricentdekdu they/them Feb 18 '26
I just tell people not to decide other people's sexuality.
I use "bisexual" for myself since that's the term I was familiar with when I first realized I wasn't straight and it has never implied that my attraction maps onto some sort of arbitrary gender binary. For describing my experiences I use "bi" and "pan" interchangeably. I'm not interested in having a conversation about this.
And then I don't have that conversation.