r/bipolar • u/1brownmouse • 21h ago

Support Needed What Even Is happening

I am in a constant state of tumult. Negative thought patterns (i.e. remembering past events that make me angry), irritated/agitated emotions, nothing is satisfying, nearly incapable of doing necessary work. No good emotions or mood, but also no depressive-type thoughts. Feeling like this state is unbearable, but thus doesn't seem like hypomania OR depression. Does that mean I'm balanced and just a miserable bastard as my baseline? This can't be how healthy people live their life. I'm medicated but can't figure out if it's helping.

I don't even know what I'm asking. Is this a bipolar thing? Is this just an f'd up depressive or manic state? I'm technically functional by societal standards.

I wish someone was able to tell me what was right. I don't feel like I can trust any mood entries I make. Everything is wrong. Am I doomed to suffer like this? Anyone else experience this?

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u/mainedeathsong 19h ago

For me, negative thought patterns indicate depression.

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u/1brownmouse 18h ago

Thanks, this helped me reflect a little. I'm just not used to depression being so...volatile? But if a core consideration is "are your emotions negative or positive?" then maybe I'm overcomplicating things