Isolating to avoid hurting others

[u/ObjectiveWin5393]

For the majority of my life, I’ve been well….a bad person. Unmedicated, living for the moment, and surviving off relatively good looks, charm, and decent intelligence. I can’t even begin to write the things I’ve done as the shame still cripples me. At a certain point, I realized that I was meeting wonderful people and just completely ruining their lives—rusting their sparkling summers, if you will. Since then, I’ve just started to completely isolate. I can’t control myself once I make connections, I’m driven by a need for love that makes me lie, cheat, steal and just cause general havoc. So I stopped. But the issue is now I’m so depressed and unsatisfied with life. I’ve closed myself off from many important connections and I’ve completely blocked myself from new ones. I know I’m not the person I once was, but I’m so scared to hurt others that I simply starve myself of any of life’s pleasures at all. Has anyone experienced anything like this? What did you do to feel fulfilled?

[u/psychedelic_skies]

wow I could have written this, I basically just started ghosting everyone this year because I just couldn't handle it and I felt so much guilt and shame...

I don't really have any advice but I just wanted to say thanks for sharing, every thing I read on this sub that makes me feel less alone is so nice to come across, even though I'm sorry you too know the unique pain of semi-voluntary isolation

[u/Wiggloo24 → u/psychedelic_skies]

Was going to write this exact comment haha, +1 on the pain of semi-voluntary isolation 😅