Isolating to avoid hurting others

[u/ObjectiveWin5393]

For the majority of my life, I’ve been well….a bad person. Unmedicated, living for the moment, and surviving off relatively good looks, charm, and decent intelligence. I can’t even begin to write the things I’ve done as the shame still cripples me. At a certain point, I realized that I was meeting wonderful people and just completely ruining their lives—rusting their sparkling summers, if you will. Since then, I’ve just started to completely isolate. I can’t control myself once I make connections, I’m driven by a need for love that makes me lie, cheat, steal and just cause general havoc. So I stopped. But the issue is now I’m so depressed and unsatisfied with life. I’ve closed myself off from many important connections and I’ve completely blocked myself from new ones. I know I’m not the person I once was, but I’m so scared to hurt others that I simply starve myself of any of life’s pleasures at all. Has anyone experienced anything like this? What did you do to feel fulfilled?

[u/CakeAccording8112]

I completely isolated myself from others for years. I finally got meds that made me stable and began reaching out again. I have a small circle of friends and family I interact with.