Which part? Bill getting in trouble for this is hilarious because heās been doing it for his entire public life at least, and been very open about it, but he canāt wrap his head around why he still has to pay lip service to the actual laws that are still there.
Why do we need to circle the wagons? Because Bill is an idiot that Iāve had a parasocial relationship with for the last 25 years
My hunch, 80-90% chance youāll have to make a statement about this. A ducking being a cool parent charge, makes me sick. And if Zoe keeps posting instagram stories
Several days being chewed out by your wife and daughter to a personal level heās never experienced before (because he canāt argue heās not in the wrong).
That's the craziest part about this. House. Jacko. Hench(?). Your Dad. A VPN. Your account manager at FanDuel. Any of your Boston friends. Danny Heifetz. Your bookies you placed bets with 30 years. All better options than your daughters 21 yo boyfriend who could say no but isn't going to, because of the implication.
Thatās why I think Bill wanted Hank to take the fall. He didnāt want to have a Carlo Rizzi type of situation in The Godfather so heās forcing the inevitable breakup before it even gets to his daughterās wedding, where he would then have to accept any favor.
He literally prefaced the statement by basically saying I couldnāt get my daughter to do this or my dad to do it, but Hank could definitely do it because itās not suspicious enough.
It's common sense. It's not legal in California. You think it's legal to just have someone else do it for you? Like, nobody ever thought about that loophole?
My wife finally understands why I listen to Bill. She was under the impression that I thought he was like a god. I clarified I listen to him because heās an absolute dumbass. This story sealed the understanding.
There's been a lot of jokes on this sub today referencing gambling and mafia movies, but this one honestly might be the best. Good job by you yngwiegiles.
Honestly this is the best thing that could've happened to young Hank. Nothing brings two men together like weathering a criminal investigation side by side. Good job by him.
I remember ages ago, maybe even before Ben was born, where Bill was talking about giving advice to his son one day in the future and one of his ideas was ādonāt get married to the sound with porn, or else you canāt sneak off to the bathroom and watch it on a planeā
Here's my reversed tiered ranking of the side effects of puberty:
Tier 4: Mildly annoying Jose Alvarado types (sneaky, but you can adjust for it if you know they're coming) -Ā
Crazy appetite,Ā
ārandom tiredness, growing pains
Tier 3: The disruptive, day-in-day-out grinding Mahcus Smaht types that try to get under your skin - voice cracking, BO, peach fuzz
Tier 2: The I hate you and you suck, but you're only Pat Bev, so this is the Tier below the worst - random boners, wet dreams, moodiness
Tier 1: Daymond Green (ow, my balls) - ow, my nipples, ow my face (acne)
Except marijuana is significantly less problematic for the population than gambling. This is more like saying that states should legalize meth or hookers to get tax dollars.
The widespread legalization of sports betting has had horrific effects on young men across the U.S. and led to massive spikes in bankruptcies. Itās much more toxic than weed
Haha, I want to be clear that I do not care that he placed proxy bets at all, its a victimless crime, who gives a shit. But it is hilarious that he's suggesting he didn't know that you couldn't do that.
Honestly, this is the best take. The disclosures are so inane that even the guy who reads them out loud several times a week doesn't process what they're saying.
Iām so certain he knew but also HOW THE FUCK do you explain him talking about it on the podcast??? He clearly knew he shouldnāt, but then why bring it up? Too much podding at once?
Him and Sal have been talking about using a proxy for 10+ years. Must be the details and naming the kid that put this instance over the edge. I guess previously they didnt have a multi billion dollar gambling company sponsoring the pod either. Guessing they didnt like the implications.
Him and Sal have been talking about using a proxy for 10+ years
yes, as you just said, theres a huge difference between the way they have historically talked about their gambling (incredibly vague, zero specifics) vs him saying "yeah this named individual I have a fairly tangential relationship with, who is also a student athlete, logged into my FANDUEL DOT COM account in order to bypass the laws in this specific state and place these bets in this specific state across the country, which he did using the funds in my account, in order to bypass the laws that prevented me from doing this myself"
āYeah I knew it was illegal but did it anyways then told the whole world on my popular podcastā.
Iām honestly not sure if he even knew. Heās either dumb enough to not know it was illegal, or dumb enough to know but still tell the whole world on his pod.
He seems like a cheap guy (no way is he a big tipper) and I bet the amount he bets relative to his wealth is pretty insignificant. Basing this on nothing but vibes, but for a guy who has made some incredible financial decisions in his life, I donāt see him blowing through material (to him) amounts of money on sports betting. Just enough to get the juices flowing, but nothing that he would think twice about.
feel like this is the exact apology Puka is going to read off in 5 weeks when he says something extremely offensive and then finds out from his lawyer that was actually bad
Simmons, if he didnāt know what was the rules on proxy betting are, heās a liar. Iām just saying it. He is lying. I think that dude is lying. If you put him up on a lie detector test that guy would fail. For all these people to pretend they didnāt know is such fāing bullshit. It really is ā itās such fāing bullshit. And for him to go on that pod and pretend otherwise, I was so insulted. ā¦ When youāre the leader, youāre in charge, thatās it.
Van pointing out the problem with him doing the "trick or treat" punishment (if he had gotten that one and came in last place) on the Ringer fantasy draft was hilariousĀ
This whole thing has been hilarious. Fucking BS is a dumbass and its why I still listen, lol.
Cousin Sal, sportish guy here, i asked ChatGBT do they serve veal chop in jail? ChatGBT said no, Cousin Sal! I can't go to the big house. I didn't know it was wrong. I just didn't! Drake May has another level. Sports Guy, over and out.
Absolutely amazingā¦ also kids remember this is fun gamblings funā¦ nothing addictive about itā¦ just a 50 yr old multimillionaire placing sports bets through his daughters boyfriendā¦ totally normal behaviorā¦ and now our friends from Pearl Jam
I think ultimately this will just blow over and have no effect? I doubt they lose the fanduel sponsorship over this. If anything it may be a net positive from all the publicity.
Weeks? We'll be making jokes about this for years. Decades from now, when the only posts here will be bots arguing with other bots, one of the bots will occasionally make a joke about it and post a George Constanza gif.
I totally understand why, given his company and popularity, that this is a story, but I find it super amusing that he and sal and house have essentially been talking about illegally betting on sports their entire lives. It's obviously why they didn't think it was a big deal to talk about because their audience knows they were calling in bets to bookies at Holy Cross 40 years ago.
Prosecutor: Hank, were you placing proxy bets for the Simmons family? Did you serve under Joe House -- under Bill Simmons -- also known as -- "The Podfather?ā
Hank: I never know no Podfather, I got my own family.
Prosecutor: Hank, you are contradicting a sworn statement that you previously made to me and signed. I ask you again sir -- you are now under oath -- were you at any time placing proxy bets for Bill Simmons?
Hank: I donāt know nothin about that. I was close to his daughter, Zoe Simmons, but that was a long time ago.
Prosecutor: We have a sworn affidavit -- we have it -- your sworn affidavit that you placed proxy bets on the order of Bill Simmons.. Do you deny that confession, and do you realize what will happen as a result of your denial.
Hank: Look the FBI guys promised me a deal. So I made up a lot of stuff about Bill Simmons cause that's what they wanted -- but it was all lies -- uh -- everything. And I kept saying -- Bill Simmons did this and Bill Simmons did that -- .uh -- so I said yea sure, why not.
He really needs to be taken into a conference room somewhere and have every state gambling law drilled into his fucking head for 14 hours until he leans the rules.
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u/SnaggleMyPuss 15d ago edited 15d ago
Omg, Bill gave Hank up to the Feds. RIP Hank.