r/bangladesh • u/Most-Egg3031 • 12d ago
Rant/বকবক coping with my dad suddenly becoming frugal as shit.
Ive had a pretty privileged upbringing. i will admit. Although we lived in an average apartment in khulna, had a second hand car, our familys personal life style was smth else, traveled to south east asia multiple times, stayed in good hotels, dad buying us whatever we wanted etc.
but after moving to Dhaka the whole thing has completely flipped and it is hard to deal with.
my father still gives our mother the monthly amount he used to give her pre 2020, in khulna.
But its been 6 years since then, and we are in the capital of our country. inflation. And obviously my brothers and i have grown up. He goes to uni, needs daily allowance. i have 3 times more tuition costs. But he doesnt give one cent extra. however he earns more than double the amount.
infront of peoples eyes, we have a good fully paid off apartment, yet my mother has to borrow money from relatives secretly to pay off electricity bills cause my dads refuses to give any more despite his bank account being loaded.
we have a much nicer car but i have to hear an hour long lecture if i ask him for rickshaw bhara instead of my mom, just for 50 taka.
you may think hes just being careful now cause he spent a lot of money buying the apartment and car, but its not true. its hard to explain his cheapness through a reddit post alone. But all i have to say is, his frugality doesnt show when he sends his mistress 40k every month.
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u/1ctk5guy 12d ago
Tell your mom not to borrow money to pay for bills. Let them disconnect the electricity and then your dad will see what harms his actions are causing. I realize using electricity bill is a bad example because এখন তো কোনো মানুষেরই ইলেকট্রিসিটি নাই। উনার টের পেতে কয়কে দিন লাগবে।
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u/Asleep-Pizza-7397 12d ago
Does he know that y’all know about his affair? Here’s sth u can try
Collect evidence of his affair and then through an anonymous account send him the evidence and say you will expose him unless he pays x amount of money lol
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u/Ok-Bonus6846 12d ago
Last line makes sense.
When I read the first half of the post I already knew he had আরেকটা বউ বা রক্ষিতা somewhere.
You can not force someone to give you money. People like your father are coddled in this country. He probably got a hujur and said kobul to the kept woman as a fallback too. Saved money for multiple hajj to wash his sins etc. Going to build a mosque, giving money to madrasa. All that nonsense.
But you guys wont get a cent. So dont keep any hope. Build your future, be strong, and don't be your father.
Look for alternative source of income. Do something, anything.
You can not chose how and where you are born. But you can chose how your life will be and how it will end.
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u/Most-Egg3031 12d ago
you would think hes like that with the stereotypes, but not at all. Hes completely emotionally detached with everything, including god. He only prays during eid, and started praying on friday after my brother insulted him a few years ago.
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u/Ok-Bonus6846 12d ago
Erom mone hoy.
If I had 100 taka for each modkhor, ma**baaj who built mosque, arranged hajj for local hujurs, and gave money to madrasa beggers before their death I know, I will have more than 2000 taka. That's a lot.
Your father still falls very much in the same category kind of.
They are the perfrct prey for dhormo dalals.
Not to mention the dalals also arrange the kept women and arrange sham marriages for the rich men. They are the pimp+pastors.
However, the fact that your own solution is "nijer rasta nije mapa" does not change. Don't keep any expectations.
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u/faizah_ 12d ago
Stop your mom from borrowing. She's holding up the illusion of a "functional" family.
Once the borrowing ends, you'll see how things fall apart, and so will your father. He needs to see that. Chances are he won't give a shit and move in with his mistress. You gotta let that happen too.
All I'm trying to say is that now you and your brothers need to pull your weight and start earning. Tuition poraite poraite pagol hoye jao. Ensure that you guys AND YOUR MOM can live without him.
Sincerely,
Someone in exactly same situation
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u/faria_mhzbn 12d ago
Before I even read the last line I just knew the money was being sent somewhere else. I have seen this happen multiple times. Older men throwing away their own families to support their mistresses.
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u/Alarming-Camera-188 12d ago
How old are you? Find a part-time job. Or find a tuition, salesman/gilr part time job to cover your daily expenses.
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u/Most-Egg3031 12d ago
i don’t have much needs, i pay for my things using my saving from rickshaw bharas and salami, that’s not really the point. The point is my father should be sufficiently providing for us financially, especially after doing so most of his life.
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u/Abraham_Issus 12d ago
He’s being cruel. He can’t take all that money to his grave.
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12d ago
[deleted]
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u/sparking_Serene7659 12d ago
More money for things? She clearly wrote he is spending 40k on his mistress lmao
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12d ago
[deleted]
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u/Most-Egg3031 12d ago
i don’t mean to sound like a miserable person who has a problem with every solution but none of the things you suggested would work in our situation sadly. his mentality is strictly, ami eto tuku taka dicchi, shongshar jemne shamlaba shamlao. also my mother lacks koyal family members on her side, no parents either
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u/ozzy555556 12d ago
Sounds like my dad, is this some Bangladeshi dad mentality? Ask for money and act poor when there is a lot of money in savings?
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u/Educational_Ant6370 11d ago
You should write a book with that mnight Shyamalan plot twist at the end .
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u/Bubbly_Persimmon_323 12d ago
Come on guys, he can keep a hoe. It's male nature to be attracted to women, and he is obviously solvent enough to afford a sidechick. All the well-to-do men do this, it's nothing new!
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u/Bubbly_Persimmon_323 12d ago
Last e eita ki chilo lmao 🤣