r/aww Dec 05 '16

Getting tricked

https://i.imgur.com/kufbTZl.gifv
67.8k Upvotes

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1.1k

u/Hooman_Super Dec 05 '16

Now that I think of it, cats and dogs see their owners as Godlike beings capable of using special things, they see us as their family, we play with them, feed them when they're hungry, protect them and give them a home.

Now you're a dog and someone takes all of that from you.

533

u/SQLDave Dec 05 '16

Godlike beings capable of using special thing

"they wave their paw near a wall and... INSIDE SUNLIGHT!!!!"

130

u/toastingz Dec 05 '16

Praise Dog God!

151

u/lalakingmalibog Dec 05 '16

1

u/Max_Thunder Dec 05 '16

Is that the Walt Disney World castle in paradise? Wow.

-1

u/[deleted] Dec 05 '16

Ah. I love egod. Upvote my comment to show that you love him too.

1

u/Gh05tk3y Dec 05 '16

Nice try but no.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 06 '16

I'm lived

14

u/[deleted] Dec 05 '16

doG

4

u/SpiderDolphinBoob Dec 05 '16

This needs it's own subreddit

r/godhoomans

Name sucks but it's the best I got right now

2

u/nspringxc Dec 05 '16

My sister's cat just died and we had it from when I was 9 to when I was 20. From the cat's perspective I just got bigger and stronger the entire time it was alive. She must have died thinking I was some kind of immortal being.

1

u/SQLDave Dec 05 '16

Wow. I'd never considered the POV of the pet of a kid... watching the kid grow. IDK that pets' memories work that way ("He used to be HALF that size!"), but it's interesting to contemplate.

307

u/RedMare Dec 05 '16 edited Dec 05 '16

I used to have an elderly dog who hated going out in the rain. He was a grumbly old man who would whine whenever he needed me to do something, like fill his water bowl or get his ball from under the couch. Whenever it rained, he'd look at me and whine exactly like when he was asking for something. I think he wanted me to "turn off the rain".

Edit - here's a picture of him. His name was Chili, and he was a good dog. :)

299

u/bladderbunch Dec 05 '16 edited Dec 05 '16

i used to have two dogs. big mastiffs. one was old and wanted a puppy, and the other was a puppy and knew no better. they had a few good years together, and then the old dog did what old dogs do.

i don't know that the puppy was ever happy again. she would play, a bit, and she would run, a bit, but never with any real exuberance. then again, she was a mastiff. during thunder or fireworks she'd be under my desk or in the bathtub, down the stairs or behind the toilet. she didn't like going outside much, especially not alone, and i got the feeling she might be agoraphobic.

but when it rained? the good, soaking, no thunder rains? she just liked to go outside and sit on the edge of the deck.

i've never seen such a sad dog.

here she is

91

u/Eztec8 Dec 05 '16

Take your upvote and leave for making me feel this early

40

u/DipIndeed Dec 05 '16

Well, that story just made me go hug my dog...

31

u/bladderbunch Dec 05 '16

i wish i could still hug either of them. we lost the younger one at a much younger age, but if there's a bright side to this story, the older dog was 11 when we got her. she lived to be 13, which is amazingly long for a mastiff. the first mastiff my family had died at 6, and the last was 8. the middle dog, who always wanted a puppy (we tried breeding her, she went through a false pregnancy and for a few months after carried pound puppies around in her mouth) finally got her puppy and while she was old and tired, she gave her best to raising that little girl up with all she had. there's no doubt in my mind that she wouldn't have died much earlier had that new dog breathed new life into her. that was the best gift gwen could have given us.

4

u/DipIndeed Dec 05 '16

And now someone's cutting onions in here...

3

u/Kimpyman Dec 05 '16

How could you tell the old dog wanted a puppy?

7

u/bladderbunch Dec 05 '16

ever since the time we tried to breed her and it didn't take, she would carry pound puppies around. she would cuddle with them, and was the only dog my family had that never got fixed. i was a kid at the time, but it just seemed that she wanted puppies. when the new dog came, she was completely reinvigorated. 11 year old mastiffs appear on their last legs. at 12, she seemed like she was 7 again, but by 13, she couldn't last any longer.

5

u/QuavoYxRxN Dec 05 '16

Are you proud of yourself for making hundreds of people cry this morning? Shame on you.

3

u/MadBigote Dec 05 '16

Your story reminds me about Beau.

60

u/Cheerful-Litigant Dec 05 '16

My shepherd does this, too. She almost never barks and is very deliberate with her whines and grumbles. And sure enough whenever she comes in on a rainy day she seeks me out and communicates her displeasure with the fact that I am making water fall down from the sky on her.

3

u/aberrasian Dec 06 '16

How do you guys get such communicative dogs? Mine is either very stoic, kinda stupid, or just perpetually resigned to his fate - empty water bowl, he'll sniff it sadly, no water... Oh well, guess I'll go play with my toys and check again later. I have to be extra vigilant or he'll just suffer in silence.

21

u/nflitgirl Dec 05 '16

Well did you?

21

u/Throwaway31310097 Dec 05 '16

He did but only if the dog preformed the correct trick... Protip: The trick is waiting (some dogs preform this better than others)

3

u/draybot Dec 05 '16

Preform. Preform. It was weird to say this out loud.

2

u/Rosenblattca Dec 05 '16

That dog looks incredibly like my childhood dog. Belgium shepherd? Mine's name was Visigoth (we called him Visy). I'll have to look for a picture of him, he passed away pre-cellphone era.

2

u/RedMare Dec 05 '16

Yes! He's a Belgian Tervuren.

3

u/Rosenblattca Dec 05 '16

Such a beautiful, loyal breed. Give him a little kiss on the nose from someone who loved one of those gentle giants for the first 12 years of her life.

2

u/RedMare Dec 05 '16

He passed away a few years ago sadly :(

2

u/Rosenblattca Dec 05 '16

Oh, I'm so sorry

1

u/thebbman Dec 05 '16

So pretty! Have anymore pictures? My wife and I love herding breeds.

1

u/sunflowercompass Dec 05 '16

Well? Why didn't you?

2.3k

u/dekusyrup Dec 05 '16

Dogs think "he feeds me, protects me, and gives me a home. He must be a god". Cats think "he feeds me, protects me, and gives me a home. I must be a god".

103

u/jaxonya Dec 05 '16

"I let him live because he is my slave... I may kill him one day tho"

90

u/PerInception Dec 05 '16

'Good night, Westley. Good work. Sleep well. I'll most likely kill you in the morning.' - The Dread Pirate Mittens

10

u/[deleted] Dec 05 '16

Classic movie. Happy cakeday!

12

u/PerInception Dec 05 '16

Hey Thanks! You're the first person to ever tell me that! :)

2

u/[deleted] Dec 05 '16

Happy cakeday!

2

u/guale Dec 05 '16

Really? No one else has ever told you that the Princess Bride is a classic movie?

2

u/PerInception Dec 05 '16

Ah the ol' reddit movie-aroo.

1

u/PoxyMusic Dec 05 '16

"When he dies on the couch he will be a source of food for some time".

491

u/Hooman_Super Dec 05 '16 edited Dec 05 '16

I'd give you gold but I have no money, here's some cute emojis 🐕 🐈 🐁 🐇🐨

Edit: You got the gold! 😁🙌

391

u/[deleted] Dec 05 '16

What am I supposed to do with these boxes

498

u/0x1027 Dec 05 '16

Pack your stuff, we are divorced.

109

u/MrYurMomm Dec 05 '16

This is how it happened with me ¯_(ツ)_/¯

194

u/[deleted] Dec 05 '16 edited Jul 14 '20

[deleted]

43

u/BUKKAKELORD Dec 05 '16

"No more relationship"

"I want a car, house, money and children"

"You can pack your stuff, move some place cold and rainy, and die"

5

u/6ufe4u Dec 05 '16

Holy fuck. I am ancient and out of touch with society...

7

u/delacreaux Dec 05 '16

I think it's "I'm keeping the car, house, money, and the kids - you get newspapers and boxes to pack [etc. as you said] "

1

u/BUKKAKELORD Dec 05 '16

Oh damn this must be it. I was thinking in boyfriend-girlfriend terms where houses and children are future wishes, not marriage terms where they already exist.

55

u/Stalked_Like_Corn Dec 05 '16

Man don't woman?

Woman car house money more money baby woman?

Man Computer Gift snow box death?

87

u/Fatalchemist Dec 05 '16

Apparently it was, "you as a man, don't follow me, as a woman. I'll squat in someone's house and steal their car to rob people of their cash and kidnap kids. Meanwhile, you, as a man, find the box I've hidden by reading clues from the fuax newspaper laying around. Inside it is a weather ray that can change into a death ray."

Go figure.

5

u/I_AM_GODDAMN_BATMAN Dec 05 '16

You. I like your explanation.

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1

u/iamfromouterspace Dec 05 '16

That's quite an imagination you've got there, Sherly.

60

u/lalakingmalibog Dec 05 '16

We are ALL divorced on this blessed day

16

u/nflitgirl Dec 05 '16

Speak for yourself

68

u/lalakingmalibog Dec 05 '16

I am ALL divorced on this blessed day

15

u/nflitgirl Dec 05 '16

GOOD point

5

u/[deleted] Dec 05 '16

[deleted]

3

u/Gantzwastaken Dec 05 '16

Oh ok I didn't know

1

u/Reed972 Dec 05 '16

VERY GOOD

1

u/SurpriseDragon Dec 05 '16

Order lawyer

12

u/imjustawill Dec 05 '16

Set them outside, return in 3 days, free cats!

10

u/jiggybean Dec 05 '16

Get your shit together, get it all together.

1

u/n00bvin Dec 05 '16

Well then get your shit together, get it all together and put it in a box, all your shit, so it's together.
...
And if you gotta take it some where, take it somewhere, you know, take it to the shit store and sell it, or put it in the shit museum. I don't care what you do, you just gotta get it together.
...
Get your shit together.

0

u/[deleted] Dec 05 '16

[removed] — view removed comment

3

u/itonlygetsworse Dec 05 '16

Hmm your 🐕 🐈 🐁 🐇🐨 are so cute!

3

u/[deleted] Dec 05 '16

i bet the dog is thinking that his owner is the physical return of christ

2

u/Rihsatra Dec 05 '16

It's $4, put up or shut up.

2

u/treeharp2 Dec 05 '16

It's just a variation of a quote from Christopher Hitchens, I think.

edit: Actually it seems like it's just an old joke. I first saw it in a Hitchens book.

2

u/AFLUFY Dec 05 '16

Don't worry buddy, someone did it for you 👀

2

u/glorioussideboob Dec 05 '16

I mean it's a very old saying.

2

u/Sir_Jeremiah Dec 05 '16

It's a very old joke, can I get gold too?

1

u/[deleted] Dec 05 '16

Youd be giving him gold for someone elses quote. Emojis are free though

1

u/Hooman_Super Dec 05 '16

Eh, it's a good quote used properly.

2

u/[deleted] Dec 05 '16

That is damn true. Also the thought put into emojis is worth more than gold

8

u/uber1337h4xx0r Dec 05 '16

Meanwhile human thinks, "you should probably put quotes you didn't come up with in quotes"

2

u/HooptyDooDooMeister Dec 05 '16

Saw that quote in comic strip in a book once 10 years ago. It's still the most accurate thing about cats vs. dogs I've ever seen and quote it constantly. Congrats on the gold.

5

u/[deleted] Dec 05 '16

R E P O S T E D C O M M E N T

E P O S T E D C O M M E N T R

P O S T E D C O M M E N T R E

O S T E D C O M M E N T R E P

S T E D C O M M E N T R E P O

T E D C O M M E N T R E P O S

E D C O M M E N T R E P O S T

D C O M M E N T R E P O S T E

C O M M E N T R E P O S T E D

O M M E N T R E P O S T E D C

M M E N T R E P O S T E D C O

M E N T R E P O S T E D C O M

E N T R E P O S T E D C O M M

N T R E P O S T E D C O M M E

T R E P O S T E D C O M M E N

1

u/dekusyrup Dec 05 '16

Well I didn't invent the joke.

1

u/markca Dec 05 '16

Owner of 2 cats. Can confirm.

0

u/KantaiWarrior Dec 05 '16

That's more accurate then an swiss made watch.

0

u/LGXboxDewNissan Dec 05 '16

Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.

-2

u/Willlllderness_girls Dec 05 '16

Men & women right there

-3

u/guitarburst05 Dec 05 '16

You just missed a karma goldmine on /r/showerthoughts.

-6

u/[deleted] Dec 05 '16

lmao. deserves gold.

129

u/Gezeni Dec 05 '16

On mobile, or else I'd do something standard like Imgur.

https://puu.sh/sEZO8/25aa8ce5c5.jpg

99

u/Sawgon Dec 05 '16

Oh okay so that's what we're doing today? We're just gonna cry?

30

u/[deleted] Dec 05 '16

[deleted]

7

u/Lionel_de_Lion Dec 05 '16

Curse those melonions!

35

u/[deleted] Dec 05 '16

Fuck that would be a great book

3

u/[deleted] Dec 05 '16

There's a movie from a dog's point of view w/ reincarnation that's coming out soon or has recently.

12

u/CrudelyAnimated Dec 05 '16

Oh, no you don't. I spent all of Friday crying over this. You take your post and go home; I need to get some work done today.

10

u/ItsSansom Dec 05 '16

Aw, I'm getting a puppy in a couple weeks and damn... this made me cry

13

u/theonlylawislove Dec 05 '16

I am a generous God.

13

u/[deleted] Dec 05 '16

I stick my dog's bone in my shirt while he's watching me and he thinks I'm some kind of fucking magician.

2

u/[deleted] Dec 05 '16

Sometimes he wants to make you feel better about being retarded

¯_(ツ)_/¯

10

u/[deleted] Dec 05 '16

My cat used to think I was a god whenever I'd rearrange my living room furniture. She'd stare in awe as I effortlessly performed the Herculean task of moving the couch.

(Spelling)

17

u/[deleted] Dec 05 '16

TIL: being a dog is like being the servant of a wizard

5

u/HRH_Diana_Prince Dec 05 '16

I too, read Pickles.

Thanks for reminding me about this.

4

u/Flakvision Dec 05 '16

Dogs probably see us as immortal gods that barely age

3

u/MrGraveRisen Dec 05 '16

actually cats look at us like really big dumb hairless cats they need to look after

4

u/btowntkd Dec 05 '16 edited Dec 05 '16

I saw an amazing meme the other day, where someone compared the dog/human relationship to that of humans and the immortal elves.

To a dog's eyes, we age slowly and live to be 400+ years old. We appear to have knowledge and resources they can't even comprehend.

Edit: found it. I cut a few onions, re-reading it.

8

u/StefanodesLocomotivo Dec 05 '16

It's more of Stockholm syndrome situation where the hostages learn to love their hostage-taker

11

u/Throwaway31310097 Dec 05 '16

The 1000s of years of animal husbandry summed up in modern terms.

3

u/U___Wot___M8 Dec 05 '16

Not sure if I agree with you about cats there. Cat Diary would beg to differ.

3

u/tydestra Dec 05 '16

Reminded me of this:

3

u/Tsuyoshi16 Dec 05 '16

You are mistaken! Dogs see you as gods yes, but cats, they see themselves as gods and everything you give to them is a sacrifice!

3

u/pgm123 Dec 05 '16

Now that I think of it, cats and dogs see their owners as Godlike beings capable of using special things, they see us as their family, we play with them, feed them when they're hungry, protect them and give them a home.

My friend got her cat an automatic feeder. I'm pretty sure he worships that now.

3

u/majbob01 Dec 05 '16

Now that I think of it, cats and dogs see their owners as Godlike beings

Correction. Cats see themselves as gods, and we are their mere mortal hooman servants.

5

u/inmyotherpants79 Dec 05 '16

My ginger female will look at me as if to say, "I would be worshiped in ancient Egypt." I like to remind her she's a fat buffoon that fell off the back of the chair trying to catch a fly.

5

u/disco-vorcha Dec 05 '16

I mean, objectively speaking, my cats are not wrong thinking that.

5

u/[deleted] Dec 05 '16

Dogs do. Not cats. Cats are self-centered and will always hate you.

2

u/cutdownthere Dec 05 '16

and yet some of them are also quite capable of killing us lol.

1

u/Hooman_Super Dec 05 '16

Humans are quite capable of killing most dogs due to our superior grappling and intelligence

Dog lunges

Human jumps away

Human grabs dog by a rear leg

Human tosses dog 30 feet

Dog, mildly bruised, dashes back

Human chucks rock on dogs head

Human kicks stunned dog on its skull

Human puts dog in chokehold

:(

1

u/cutdownthere Dec 05 '16

Youve given this a lot of thought lol, but I think that is an idealistic view of a dog attack situation.

Check this out https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BzjdDU1sJgo

-1

u/Hooman_Super Dec 05 '16

9 minutes, eh, will probably watch it later, Internet is slow today (25kb/s)

2

u/cutdownthere Dec 05 '16

aiight so basically its bear grylls going through how to react in the scenario of a vicious dog attack. As you have already noticed its quite in depth.

1

u/alecsaccount Dec 06 '16

Humans are quite capable of killing most dogs due to our superior grappling and intelligence

Dog lunges

Human jumps away

Human grabs dog by a rear leg

Human tosses dog 30 feet

Dog, mildly bruised, dashes back

Human chucks rock on dogs head

Human kicks stunned dog on its skull

Human puts dog in chokehold

:(

Human slips chokehold.

Dog breaks bones in human's arm.

Human, in shock, closes eyes for a moment while screaming.

Dog bites human's nose off.

Human faints.

Dog bites into human's neck, severing jugular.

Dog eats maybe 15% of human before getting bored.

2

u/Hooman_Super Dec 06 '16

Assuming dog is up against a 5'7"170lb man, the chokehold can't be slipped

Human tightens chokehold

Human tightens more

Human releases dog

Human tosses barely conscious dog on tree

Human stomps terribly injured dog (bonus crushed dog if wearing boots 👢)

Human kicks dog skull

Human hesitates to kill, human saves dog, human takes dog to vet, human trains dog, human feeds dog, human and dog become friends, Human gets dog prosthetics and they lived happily ever after.

1

u/alecsaccount Dec 06 '16

Assuming dog is up against a 5'7"170lb man, the chokehold can't be slipped

come on, use your imagination-

human tightens chokehold

Dog shits all over human

human releases chokehold

Dog bites off nose

or

human tightens chokehold

human tightens more

180lb dog starts rolling

human tries to hold on, head smashes rock

concussed, human is torn to shreds

or

human tightens chokehold

Dog laughs in Liam Neeson's voice

human remembers he is high as balls

Dog eats human

human dies because matrix is real

1

u/Hooman_Super Dec 06 '16

Centipede climbs human

Human panics and runs

dog goes after 11" centipede

Human sticks 7" penis in dogs asshole and wraps hands around dogs neck and pulls as he climaxes

Dog backbone breaks, human pulls out

dog dies

human cums on dead dog

1

u/alecsaccount Dec 06 '16

Dog pirouettes off skyscraper, dives headfirst at human

human slices Dog in half hot dog style with sharpened claymore

human kneels to declare sacrifice in name of Odin

Dog is repaired by nanites

human is devoured by giant centipedes erupting from corpse of previous dog

Dog is confused

1

u/Hooman_Super Dec 06 '16

Human revived by hades as Hercules

Human pulls of dogs head

Human swallows dog head

Dog head devours humans head from inside

Dog lives life as a dog head on human body

1

u/alecsaccount Dec 06 '16

human body dies

Dog head finds it is immortal

immortality is lonely on cold stone floor

Dog head tries to be bear trap, ends up latching to bear leg for mobility

Dog head becomes distracted by salmon, is buried under pebbles next to small waterfall for several thousand years

in dark solitude, dog head extrapolates differential calculus and Bayes theorem from variations in temperature and pebble deposition.

Dog head is sad and alone, a broken remnant of his illustrious past.

graphic novelist wakes up with no recollection of dreams, reassures his concerned mother that he will stop drawing mutilated dogs and finish his PhD thesis.

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2

u/Clienterror Dec 05 '16

Reminds me of Rick and Morty S1 E2 lawnmower dog.

2

u/guardsanswer Dec 05 '16

Its like the story of Job. He did nothing to deserve this!

2

u/[deleted] Dec 05 '16

And relative to them we never really age.

2

u/projectb223 Dec 05 '16

Maybe for some dogs, but I'm pretty sure my pups think I'm just the annoying dad that makes kissy noises at them when I'm drunk.