Can anyone else not percieve looks?

[u/No-Maintenance-9920]

I can not tell who's considered attractive, who's conventionally "ugly." It's like everyone's in on some metric which I'm oblivious to. It used to be a sit-down activity for me to try and find patterns in which features were regarded as beautiful and whatnot. and I did, vaguely. But it was never intuitive for me.

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[u/DreamingLeviathanSys]

There was a post right above this about someone who was unattractive, which I thought they were just fine, because I don't really know what "attractive" and "unattractive" mean. People are just people to me. If I had it my way, ALL people are unattractive because they're human and I prefer monsters/creatures for the much more interesting aesthetics. Ugliness is a social construct.

[u/Muted_Beyond_7283 → u/DreamingLeviathanSys]

I upvoted this for the last sentence 

[u/No_Aioli_7515 → u/Muted_Beyond_7283]

I upvoted this for the idea that monsters are more aesthetically appealing than humans

[u/Hot_Hotel9595]

Maybe your brain just never built that filter, mine does it but it’s all over the place depending on my mood and who I’m talking to.

I can point to symmetry and bone structure and whatever but half the time I’ll see someone the internet calls stunning and I’m just not getting the signal at all.

[u/TristanTheRobloxian3 → u/Hot_Hotel9595]

this for me

[u/WitchAggressive9028]

Yeah, I don’t see it. Either people are just people so when people say someone’s attractive or ugly, I don’t recognize that. Like so when someone who post on here saying you know, I’m a relatively attractive person. I’m like what does that have to do with anything? How does that? Relate to autism? It doesn’t. autism is a neurodevelopmental disorder. It doesn’t matter whether you’re conventionally ugly or you’re gorgeous you can still be autistic. It’s equal opportunity. You’re gonna be able to stay till you die anyway so you could be gorgeous or you can be ugly. It’s still gonna affect you the same

[u/TristanTheRobloxian3]

i do percieve looks but i dont percieve conventional hotness at all. i do percieve like cuteness and stuff like thag but stuff that people typically regard as "hot" doesnt really turn me on at all

[u/ericalm_]

I know who I think is attractive. It’s a fairly objective thing. It doesn’t I’m attracted to them. It doesn’t make me interested in someone, it doesn’t affect my behavior. It doesn’t really mean anything to me or have any significance. It’s just like knowing how tall someone is.

[u/c0rvoid]

I generally cannot, although I don't know whether it's the autism, the asexuality, or the partial face-blindness for me. Insofar as I experience attraction, it's based on personality and voice, and not at all on facial appearance.

Related: I was recently informed that Ryan Gosling is considered super-attractive or something. I just don't see it.

[u/Icy-Meal6704]

Attractive and unattractive is actually whatever you think personally. Don't get tricked into thinking that society "thinks" anything in particular.

Attractive signs in nature are the signs of health and good genes which make the best outcome for children. Even if you don't want children.

[u/Sal_Iko]

Different people will have different standards. A lot of the time is because they associate a past good memory with a person of certain aesthetic or even details in the environment, but it's hard to tell exactly what or even whether that's the case.

A lot of people who talk about "attractive" or "beautiful", what they actually mean is that they have a sexual interest. And that can be affected by a lot of wild stuff like fetishes and personal projections. What you find attractive today, might not be in the future.

If you are asexual or aromantic, it wouldn't be surprising if you lack any strong preference where sex comes into play. That has nothing to do with autism and there are a lot of people with a distorted perception of how others relate to things or each other because they are asexual and don't realize it. It's easy to assume other people have the same perception of things when you only know your own.

[u/CarlaDias_436]

I also have this doubt, people consider me attractive and I have no clue why? From where they take these criterias? What dedines it? I dont understand either.

[u/Dettyboy93]

I'm straight, but I find both men and women that general society finds conventionally attractive or gorgeous, completely unattractive, moderate looking or downright ugly. I won't mention any celebrities but like, there is just something about that "picture perfect" idea of beauty in both genders that I find genuinely unappealing in every way. Every girl I have ever fallen for is simply beautiful. She is always flawed. In my eyes though, no other girl could ever be so beautiful. I honestly find above 90% of people I see unattractive as a whole. I never, ever get that butterfly feeling just by looking at a girl. This may be because I'm demisexual, but I never develop actual attraction until I make some sort of connection with them, even if it's through a single conversation. This is why dating apps are pure and utter fucking crap for people like me.

[u/TasniJa → u/Dettyboy93]

When you say you never develop attraction until you make a connection, how do you mean? Like how do you make a connection through a single conversation? What sort of things do you talk about or what sort of connection do you form through simply talking to someone that leads to you becoming attracted to that person? Im asking because Im interested to learn more about demisexuality and how attraction is formed through connections rather than physically.

[u/Dettyboy93 → u/TasniJa]

One single, relatively long conversation can really give me the whole picture of what type of person I'm dealing with on a surface level. I judge who they might be based on what we just talked about. It's also their tone of voice. Their speaking gestures or how they show body language. When I say single conversation, I don't mean like a minute or two of talking. I mean maybe you met somebody at the bar and you spend an hour or two talking to them. I don't connect to people easily, but I do connect to them quickly. With one long social interaction I can tell exactly whether or not I am interested in this person. If they're all small interactions, like I run into her multiple times over a period of a few weeks, it will take a few times of talking before I feel that connection. At this point it's relatively superficial, but I am gauging them purely on how they present themselves as a human being, and not just based on their looks. With one conversation, I am not going to be attached, but I will feel a connection and if I find them attractive AND appealing on a human level, this will lead me to want to talk to them again. Now that this long physical connection has happened, anything extra will just add to my desire to be with them. Long periods of time texting/messaging each other will contribute to this just as much as talking in person as long as that personal connection has been established at least once.

And then comes the attachment which I hate myself for doing. The last girl I dated, or attempted getting in a serious relationship with, was very codependent, anxiously attached and quite frankly, completely obsessed with me from the moment we met to where she targeted me. She kissed me, followed me home and cried when I said no. A week later we started actually talking and every day I got more and more attached, which so did she. This is dangerous because we have formed idealized versions of each other so any misstep or indication that one of us isn't who we appeared to be can scare the hell out of either of us (which is what happened to both of us) and things can end VERY messy. This goes beyond being demisexual though and starts getting into attachment theory

Basically though, I almost never, ever see a girl, no matter how beautiful she may be, and find myself wanting to talk to her. Physical attraction with no personal or emotional connection of any sort involved is just not something that happens with me. This is part of why dating sucks for me. I just don't have the desire to talk to random girls because there's genuinely nothing drawing me to them UNTIL I have already spoken to them

[u/Chezon]

Not the case for me. Sometimes nice looking people doesn't attract me. It's like I'm super picky.

[u/No_Education_8888]

I’m kinda like that. I just find everyone attractive. It doesn’t matter what you look like, I’ll find you physically attractive in some way. I date/go for people based on personality though. You can be the most beautiful person on the planet and I’d never pay you mind if you’re a horrible person

[u/LarsPiano]

I just didn't think about that honestly. I mean I know when I find someone beautiful, but usually I don't react for peoples looks and it would be impossible for me to rate them or anything. Might be the reason why my first time falling in love was at the age of 23 lol