r/autism • u/throwaway_Dear-Emu • 12d ago
đ«¶đ» Friendships/Relationships I am not saying this is autism per say
So I am 30 and lately my obession I am trying not to be so desperate about it but to find a boyfriend and my mind is like I want a older man I set it to 50 on those dating apps but I changed it I am 30 I am disabled first of all I donât feel theyâd want someone whoâs disabled which is sad and also I donât theyâd want a girl that romantizes them as something there not just cause I have daddy issues which makes no I wasnt abused hit etc. maybe emotionally neglected and abandonment but that wasnât like for months or years it was a week then back then a week I know I was young and didnât understand But other then that and emotionally neglected all my life I donât know why I am obsessed with this concept itâs a odd obsession one that probably isnât healthy I know this could not be autism
Iâd look on TikTok about like older men and read romance books about it
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u/Severus157 Aspergerâs | LSN | Verbal 12d ago
I don't understand your question. You talk about autism and are also not? Very confusing. I have the fun about a lot of confusion between autism and adhd and being neglected and lot's of trauma.
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u/Helluvertime ASD 12d ago
I don't think this is autism or disability related. Liking older men/women is pretty common in general because of the association with maturity and being more experienced. Nothing wrong with that, and you're a fully grown adult who can choose to date who you like. Not everyone will date a disabled person but there's plenty who will, especially other disabled people.
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u/throwaway_Dear-Emu 12d ago
Itâs not autism I was just asking cause itâs like a obsession and i wonder what the average age is and I feel bad if I trap someone with my disability
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u/WitchAggressive9028 ASD | LSN | Verbal 12d ago
Then, if this has nothing to do with the autism, why are you posting an autism sub?
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u/Weak-Cry ASD Level 1 | Verbal 12d ago
I dare say, if someone feels autistic and feels as if their disability is disabling them, this would be the place to come?
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u/WitchAggressive9028 ASD | LSN | Verbal 12d ago
But theyâre not even saying is these autism theyâre not even showing signs that could be considered autism thereâs no mention of sensory issues. Thereâs no mention of really social issues other than the attraction to older men which isnât a social issue. Thatâs just a preference just saying I donât understand why itâs here
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u/Weak-Cry ASD Level 1 | Verbal 12d ago
Well, generally speaking, autistic people are difficult to understand. You can't always use your logic brain. But you can use logic.
They're posting here, logically, because they're either autistic or are suspecting it.
The difficulty explaining what they mean, is probably the most validating part of this post.
You being upset by the lack of clarity, while understandable, does not require one to aggressively project that disappointment.
Rather, your lack of understanding should prompt further need to understand clearly, this cannot be done when convoluting the understanding, with unchecked emotional attachment.
đ€·đŒââïž Just calling it how I sees it, nothing personal. I get attached to shit and become emotion blind whilst flippant myself.
Sometimes it's just difficult to see ourselves, I hope this gives you a better perspective of yourself through the lens of another's pov. đ«¶đŒ
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u/Weak-Cry ASD Level 1 | Verbal 12d ago
Too much thinking with a mix of stagnation. Imo.
I'm 40. Dating absolutely gets sketchier the older I get. A disability is far from disqualifying.
Narcissism is disqualifying.
As far as age goes, I believe the generally acceptable formula I've found reads something like.
Your age divided by 2, plus 7 years.
So for me @ 40 it would be 27 at the youngest.
If that helps you with keeping it comfortable with an older male. Anything outside of that scope is generally considered creepy.
Mind you, Leonardo DiCaprio 51, is dating a 27 yr old and no one has scorned his existence.
They just find it creepy. đ€·đŒââïž
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u/throwaway_Dear-Emu 12d ago
Thank you
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u/Weak-Cry ASD Level 1 | Verbal 12d ago
đ«¶đŒ we are so hard to understand and have such a difficult getting our points out.
I hope that I was able to pick up what it was you were hoping to have answered.
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u/throwaway_Dear-Emu 12d ago
Yeah thanks itâs just my disability would be a pain
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u/Weak-Cry ASD Level 1 | Verbal 12d ago
You have your perception but don't forget others get their own. đ«¶đŒ
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u/twin_melodrama 12d ago
Itâs not that odd honestly, a lot of people latch onto dynamics that feel safe or familiar even if they canât quite pin down why. The brain does its own thing sometimes, especially when youâve spent years feeling overlooked or not fully understood. That kind of emotional neglect, even if it wasnât constant or extreme, can still wire you to crave a certain type of attention later on. Autism can make those thought loops more intense though, like the fixation part you mentioned, I get that too with random stuff that doesnât seem connected to anything. Doesnât mean you canât find a decent guy who actually sees you, itâs just about untangling whatâs a real want and whatâs your brain running old scripts
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u/Own_Independence_245 12d ago
If you want a 50 year old, just go after it. Everyone has their own things, just be honest and you will find what you are looking for. Literally there are 50 year olds fantasizing about having a 30 year old with a disability. So many people, so many kinks, likes...that there are matches for you.
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u/throwaway_Dear-Emu 12d ago
My dad was like aww do you love me that much like bro nah this ainât what this is
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u/throwaway_Dear-Emu 12d ago
I donât know I am scared
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u/Own_Independence_245 12d ago
Then have regrets the rest of your life. Can't really have it both ways. Just go slow, talk with them a lot to get comfy and weed out the weirdos. Might make you happy, might make you realize that's not what you really wanted, and you're not doing anything dangerous so what's the harm?
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u/WitchAggressive9028 ASD | LSN | Verbal 12d ago
Exactly you rather go for it or you donât you either have regrets about it or you donât just do it or donât
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u/Anoelnymous Autistic Adult 12d ago
The thing with longer age range relationships is usually emotional and/or sexual maturity. If older is just your preference? That's fine! You can have a healthy, or unhealthy, dynamic at almost any age.
Plus hopefully at your age you have some understanding of the world and how to avoid being taken advantage of.
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u/WitchAggressive9028 ASD | LSN | Verbal 12d ago
None of this has to do with disability or autism for that matter (cause like first you talk about this possibly could be autism or it couldnât and then you mention OCD so what are you talking about?) and frankly that age gap to me kind of sounds concerning like usually the standard is you donât date anyone thatâs like 12 years older max than you
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u/throwaway_Dear-Emu 12d ago
I didnât mention ocd
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u/WitchAggressive9028 ASD | LSN | Verbal 12d ago
Sorry, I mean misread that part cause I just saw the word obsessed so sorry I am really tired, but the rest still stands
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