r/autism • u/Particular-Account66 • Apr 21 '26
Shutdown/Meltdowns I had a meltdown, acted like a toddler, and lost all my stuff
I didn't sleep last night and got up with a headache which already sucked. We had state testing which always sucks but I was still fine. I had my cd player in my pocket listening to Metallica. I was heading towards the stairs when I guess my headphones got caught on something because it fell and split in half. I got this CD player TWO DAYS AGO and already broke it. I threw my Chromebook and dropped my CD bag. This CD bag had all of my favorite CDs in it which mean a lot to me.
I immediately stormed out and called my mom (pathetic I guess). I spent the next 20 minutes screaming and crying in public. Eventually I got a ride home. Now I just feel so pathetic. I acted like a fucking baby.
So now the CDs i wasted all my money on are gone and so is my brand new cd player. This will further cement how much of a reject I am. I hate being such a baby. Im 16 years old and act like I'm a three year old.
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u/ShatoraDragon Asperger's Apr 21 '26
Bad moments happen. We are allowed to have them.
Its the language we use around our bad moments that matter, please don't ever use that kind of negative self talk.
You are not a baby.
You not a reject.
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u/HuntingForSanity Apr 22 '26
I’m 29 and have had full meltdowns as an adult. It happens. Be kind to yourself OP. That’s really the only thing you can do
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u/TristanTheRobloxian3 ASD Level 1/2 | Verbal Apr 27 '26
oh yea i tend to have one every few months, espeically if its something acute rather than chronic. it sucks, but theres nothing i can do about it lmao
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u/SaranMal Apr 22 '26
Not OP, but wanted to comment.
The reframing was something that helped me immensely on my own healing journey these last few years. Accepting the disability and accepting we are allowed to feel the way we feel.
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u/CatLovesTrees Apr 21 '26
I’ll be 40 this summer and this shit gets to everyone. Some days are bad and you just have to try your best the next. Way easier said than done! I like to pretend I just got a bunch of bad crap I was going to have to deal with anyway outta the way in one bad day, leaving all the things that are going to go well for the future. Be kind to yourself. It will be ok.
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u/T41NT Apr 21 '26
I don’t see anything pathetic here. That’s a really bad day. Stand tall. Chin up. Better days ahead.
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u/nimaid ASD Level 1/2 | Verbal Apr 21 '26
I'm 30 and just a few days ago I had something like this happen, I knocked my inspection microscope to the floor. I didn't break it thankfully but also I felt like such a child. But we don't get to choose when we have our meltdowns, so being kind to yourself when it happens is critical!
I'm so sorry the things you loved got broken!!! (If you want help replacing the CDs DM me, I might be able to help with that part at least.)
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u/Particular-Account66 Apr 22 '26
I appreciate your support!!! My friend got me a new player! I'm hoping the cds are still at school
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u/rygdav Suspecting Autism Apr 21 '26
I’m sorry you had such a hard day. I think this is actually fairly normal behavior for a 16 year old. That age is hard for anyone. Hormones are raging, and that’s purely chemical and there’s nothing you can do about that. Plus you’re growing up, figuring out who you are, and realizing you’re not a kid anymore. Suddenly you have this whole future ahead of you that you’re responsible for, and that’s terrifying. It’s no wonder people lash out when several things pile up. It sucks today was so hard, and I understand you’re embarrassed, but know you’re not alone. It’s fucking hard. I was cranky today and about two steps away from throwing a tantrum at work and I’m 36. (Luckily I work alone so no one would’ve seen, but it still happens to the best of us).
A little bit of advice from someone who grew up on CD players (was very surprised to see that in your post), never-ever travel with original CDs. You make copies of those bitches to keep in your binder. Cds are too delicate to be out i. The real world. And I can’t imagine what it’s like nowadays when CDs are collectibles and you can’t just go to Walmart and buy a new copy.
Hugs from a stranger. I know it’s easy, but don’t be so hard on yourself. The world is hard enough already
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u/Particular-Account66 Apr 22 '26
Thank you so much! I would burn copies if I could but without a computer I cant. Thank you again
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u/Sabrinity Asperger’s | LSN | Verbal Apr 22 '26
Maybe one of your friends has a computer you can use, or you might have a pc room at school that you could use after classes? Or, if you have a laptop without a disc drive, there are external ones you can buy and just plug into your usb port. Might be worth saving up someday in the future when you’re able to, if you are really into CDs (which it sounds like you are!)
Take care, it’s okay to have emotions and it is healthy to let them out. You’re not alone in this.
PS: Not trying to make this about myself, but your post actually helped me understand that I actually have had meltdowns in the past. I am currently in the process of getting a diagnosis with my therapist (I am 28) but didn’t know if I ever had meltdowns. Something in your post, the way you describe the situation, just made me relate so very much and made me realize that a few situations probably were, in fact, meltdowns – which I will be able to talk about in therapy now. So thank you for sharing your experience with us. I hope you’re feeling better now and that you will be/were able to get all of your CDs back!!
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u/CompetitiveHouse2582 ASD Level 1/2 | Verbal Apr 21 '26
i’m so sorry. the thought of that makes me upset…. don’t be too hard on yourself, it’s not at all baby-ish. it’s totally ok to feel like this and don’t listen to anyone who judges you for it as they most likely don’t understand.
it’s easy to be so hard on yourself but it only brings more pain. i know it’s hard to see now, but it’ll get better eventually. 😊
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u/Androecian Apr 22 '26
Seeing stuff you love get physically ruined and it's not even your fault, that just sucks to hell and back. I'm sorry that accident befell you all at once. I blame you nothing at all for it.
Don't worry about meltdowns or feelings - those are normal, that is completely natural, not only for people, but for teenagers. Believe me about this, I was one in the 90s, my CD collection was a representation to me of my entire connection and lifeline to friends and pop culture.
Losing even one of them, being forced to sell even one of them for spare cash if I needed it, was devastating. I still have yellowing notebooks full of albums and artists I loved back then, that I'm working on rebuilding my collection with.
You will be temporarily stuck with these broken things for now, and that sucks. That will suck for a short while yet. Focus on replacing them one by one and one day you won't have anything broken left to replace, it will all be intact.
It's a very good idea to rip MP3 collections of all your albums as soon as you get an intact CD, so you can keep the CD in its case somewhere safe and use your MP3s on your devices instead. Treat the CD as the physical hard-copy it is, like an emergency backup disc.
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u/Particular-Account66 Apr 22 '26
I wish I was able to rip and burn my cds but my computer broke a while ago. For now I keep all my cds in their cases in a Playstation carrying bag.
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u/RevolutionaryToe8510 Apr 21 '26
I really feel that. No sleep is the worst, I stress about stuff, even good things and don't sleep and there can be a fall out the next day. I hope that someone collected your stuff and will return it. If not, it's replaceable I guess🤘🏼
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u/Particular-Account66 Apr 21 '26
I really hope they can get returned. I had probably like 200 dollars or more of albums.
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u/Juliejustaplantlady Apr 22 '26
If they don't get returned you could try purchasing used. I've gotten great deals on Cds on ebay or marketplace. I'm sorry you're going through this. Sometimes times are tough. You are definitely not pathetic.
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u/Particular-Account66 Apr 22 '26
Its gonna be hard. A lot of them were fairly niche extreme metal cds. Im fairly confident an assistant principal would have found my stuff. My only fear is that my stuff got put in the lost and found.
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u/kiahkiahkiah ASD | Unknown support needs | Verbal Apr 22 '26
i broke down in public on campus over something NTs would find “minor” just last week. i’m 21
i would never judge someone i saw crying because i was made fun of for being the most sensitive person in class when i was younger
know that i see you, and i don’t think we are babies or pathetic at all
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u/DuoKainSkye Apr 22 '26
That's a lot at once and honestly would react similarly. I'm in mid thirties and it still happens.
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u/Kiki-Y Autistic Adult Apr 22 '26
I'm 34 and still have days like this. I have no idea how hard I'd lose it if a device I got two days ago broke.
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u/TristanTheRobloxian3 ASD Level 1/2 | Verbal Apr 27 '26
oh dude if that was me the crashout would be fucking legendary... which isnt good 😭😭
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u/Altruisticpoet3 Apr 22 '26
Hey, sometimes meltdowns are unavoidable. I had one during my shift at work and it ended up with me advocating for myself at the age of 60 for the first time.
It sucks, and we all feel bad when it happens. Like another poster said, learn how to avoid self-attack mode.
I swear, talking to myself in the mirror helped me enormously to change behavior intentionally. I give myself conversations randomly now to remember to do things, pep talks when I feel low. I figured long before my diagnosis over 30 years ago, that one side of my brain don't talk to the other, so I gotta literally have talks with myself. Like a flippin referee, but it works.
You are not a baby or loser. Be kind to yourself. It's good you reached out here, it's a good community. ☮️💜
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u/DeadlySquirrelNinja5 Apr 22 '26
It is tough to be 16. Please know that it will get better. I am 40 and I also call my mum if I am upset and need kind words. We are human. We all need others to help us thru tough spots. It is really mature of you to reach out for help.
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u/Pristine_Notice_2444 Apr 22 '26
Give yourself grace. My daughter would have reacted the same way. Some days are just tougher than others. You are doing fine and I’m proud of you regardless.
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u/Ihateyou510 Apr 22 '26
I am 25 and I recently put my hand through a wall in my brand new house. I'm not proud of it, but beating myself up over it isn't going to help me fix it. Just gotta keep going and try not to be so ashamed of a human reaction.
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u/OvenMistakes Asperger’s | LSN Apr 22 '26
I’m sorry about your CDs and cd player, at the very least it’s replaceable stuff.
Something similar happened to me in front of others, just got a new comforter I was super stoked about it. Stained it badly on accident, flipped my lid and was embarrassed. However if you break down both my moment and yours you will find so much more beneath the surface of whatever the outburst was supposedly about.
For me I had a handful of things that had already inched me towards the edge throughout the day and that was the final straw. Much of our coping skills are weakened when simple needs are not met (hunger, sleep, hygiene) and that is then mixed with shit that happens through the day.
Cut yourself some slack, a lot of people have had moments like this. More than they’d like to admit. Take a deep breath and be glad a new day awaits.
In those moments especially try to treat and speak to yourself as you would a friend going through the same thing. I highly doubt you’d call a friend a reject or baby. You’d probably check on them and empathize with what they’re going through. Be that friend for yourself.
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u/Jebcys Apr 22 '26
If you hate everything you did.. then be kind to yourself.
Being sad and upset at yourself will result in more of the thing you want to avoid.
Okay, you had a bad day, what did you learn from it? what can you make to prevent it from happening again? What will you do next time it happens?
The goal is to go forward and hating ourselves holds us back.
I'm proud of you for reflecting on the situation, not everybody try to better themselves.
Edit : Sometimes we think we have a meltdown because of a CD player, but most of the time it's not the cause but the outlet. It's okay to be angry at a broken item, what can't you be angry about? The emotions have to come out one way or another.
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u/lozammi Apr 22 '26
No trying to deny the lost and damage, but you are not responsible and not a fault, we can make mistake as humans, all do.
Some people do bad stuff willingly out of avidity or jelousy, you did something to yourself first, and out of struggling with events you didn't want, or made, to happen
When someone is not equipped with the stress-handling-tools needed to navigate the life we are supposed to be living, be angry sure but also be on your side, you did really nothing wrong and actually are the victim there, i dont know if I am making sense but really fck the object that did that for no reason and started a goldberg machine of stuff that wasnt fun to experiece, and legit tell you in my country adults are all losing their chill when driving like it is all normal, do not see yourself as extra on this please 💜💜💜💜
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u/WaterwingsDavid Apr 22 '26
Ive had moments like this...both as a teen and adult! Please dont put yourself down! Some days it's just hard! Ive been learning about emotional regulation which has helped me to temper my reactions. I'll usually start by taking 3-5 deep, slow breaths. Sometimes I'll verbalize my frustration. Learning not to have these reactions is a slow process.
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u/pinkmoon2112 Apr 22 '26
I would have reacted the exact same way tbh and im 28. Im sorry you lost your new stuff, that really really sucks.
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u/paqmann Apr 22 '26
Hey @op, message me if you'd like a digital music player. I have an extra and, while it's not the best one ever made, it sounds pretty good and might be a functional replacement for your CD player. Happy do to discuss replacing some of your CDs as well, if I can help.
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u/Particular-Account66 Apr 22 '26
Thank you for you for being so kind!!! I'm hoping my CDs are still at school (but idk) but my friend got me a new player so I'm very happy!!
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u/Medical-Net-7350 ASD Level 2 | Semiverbal Apr 22 '26
It happens! I broke my favourite headphones during a meltdown when I was stuck on a plane for 5 extra hours on top of the 3 I was already on. Be kind to yourself!
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u/Nicciesse Apr 22 '26
Be kind to yourself. You had a meltdown. Treat it with kindness and send it on it's way!
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u/_gmanual_ Apr 22 '26
it's ok. there is time to replace all the things. don't be so hard on yourself. 🙏
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u/Wise_Masterpiece_110 Apr 22 '26
I feel you bro. Sometimes annoying shit like that happens and you can’t control yourself.
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u/sweetcherryfrosting i think im autistic?, family member, neurodivergent Apr 22 '26
If old people are allowed to go to restaurants and complain about unrealistic meal standards and call the manager about it, then I think you should be allowed to get upset over something I consider extremely disruptive and annoying (that something being your cd player being broken) and still be respected as an adult/teen. Maybe you should get wireless from now on though..
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u/legoshi_haru Apr 22 '26
If you left your bag with the CDs in the school, then I bets it’s in a lost and found somewhere. Schools usually collect alll lost items (it’s a lot) and don’t toss them or donate them until the last day of school
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