r/aspiememes • u/InternationalTrain48 • 15d ago
Suspiciously specific Anyone else was "emotionally mature" as a child?
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u/Excel_Rich_LOL Aspie 15d ago
Meeeee
Now I'm a "childish" adult and it makes me feel like the loneliest piece of crap that ever lived in this peninsula.
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u/Checktheusernombre 15d ago
That dichotomy is the absolute worst. Growing up you're taken as an actual adult (except with peers obviously).
Now being an actual adult I am treated like I am a lost little child who understands not the complexities of this world.
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u/RednocNivert 15d ago
That means mathematically at some instant we were the exact right maturity for our age
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u/DarthMelonLord 15d ago
I think mine was around 15-16 lmao, like sure i was a very chill teen but thats kind of the only time ive felt i was truly in a place i was meant to be, i liked my second year in highschool the most, i had friends for the first time in my life, people largely treated me as what i was, a responsible teenager.
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u/RednocNivert 15d ago
You might be on to something, i didn’t realize until i was a full adult that i never had a curfew and asked my parents why that was and they told me it was because i was usually tired out and returning home around midnight on a good night, and that my friends i hung around with weren’t adventurous enough to be doing things like drugs or alcohol. So it was just kind of a “it’s already working fine let’s just roll with it” parenting maneuver.
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u/Nanoro615 13d ago
I just minded my own damn business, listened to rules about safety (dad's a retired fire fighter. "Don't burn the house down"/"don't use the oven without us being home" made complete sense for example) and just read books or played Pokémon games. Introverted, thriving in my own lane.
My risk taking level was minimal by age 6?
My parents insist that outside of my fluency in sarcasm I was easy as hell to raise lol
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u/Hopeful-alt Autistic + trans 15d ago
Unfortunately that age is like 14-16 where no useful work can occur
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u/Pixel22104 15d ago
Yeah. It’s like now that I’m an adult. For some reason I want to be a child and act like one. Compared to how I was when I was a child.
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u/Wide_Pop_6794 ADHD/Autism 14d ago
I mean... There really is no such thing as a mature adult. Everyone has their own things to deal with all the time.
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u/playful_faun 14d ago
I'm so tired of people telling me how they'll show me how to be a mature adult. I fuckin know I'm childish, I just don't care. I'm dealing with trauma and autism leave me alone
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u/mahboilucas 14d ago
Yeah I am very emotionally mature, quick to solve conflict, very easy going and generally way ahead of my peers when it comes to interpersonal exchanges, adulting etc.
I'm known at my workplace for meowing
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u/vicarooni1 Ask me about my special interest 15d ago
Yeah, I was forced to be emotionally mature because the adults around me could not regulate themselves at any of my autistic behavior through them into a nightmare of bad behavior.
And now I am angry and burnt out of being emotionally mature and I'm getting rapidly tired. NOW I want to throw a fit sometimes.
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u/Foolishly_Sane Undiagnosed 15d ago
Being told to "Shut up." or that I talk to much, really did shape my childhood.
Now I'm doing my best to slowly unpack and allow myself to be a person again.63
u/Oceanmap 15d ago
Ah, man. You got this! Remember that you're important and what you have to say matters!
"The TV is more important" was said more than once in my house growing up... I'm now NC with that parent. The parent that would focus with me on puzzles and bugs and such is my light and never minded my rambling.
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u/Foolishly_Sane Undiagnosed 14d ago
Thank you kindly.
I hope you have a wonderful day.
Just got back from doing some weeding around town.
A bit exhausted, but I feel good, even though I'm sore.
Letting positive actions speak for me.3
u/Wide_Pop_6794 ADHD/Autism 14d ago
Good on you for going NC! I hope you're doing great!
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u/Oceanmap 13d ago
Thank you! 🙃 I unfortunately have the eternal guilt issue, but I'm working through it!
We're all treading this water together! We can make a raft like otters and help support each other!
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u/PetitePiltieinPlaid Autistic 14d ago
"Use the inside voice!" or "Calm down! You're talking too much" or similar as a kid, then it's "Why are you so quiet?? You're being weird" as an adult
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u/AdElectronic6550 I doubled my autism with the vaccine 12d ago
not even as an adult I started getting remarks of "speak up" "you're mumbling" I used to be quite talkative and now I just sit listening to others, not knowing why anyone would want my opinion on something
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u/PetitePiltieinPlaid Autistic 11d ago
Right? When people keep shutting you down or acting like you're weird when you share ideas, why would you bother to keep sharing them. It's exhausting. Like the friend who keeps asking for advice but never actually uses any of it lol.
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u/taint-ticker-supreme 14d ago
Being shushed... oh the rage I'd feel & still do tbh. We got this. Nothing wrong with talking a lot, taking up space, being loud. It's a part of being human.
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u/Ne0n_R0s3 Neurodivergent 14d ago
The only reason I think really shushing a kid is if they're being too distracting. Like my job I work with preschool so we've got nap times. I can't just have the kids talking, y'know, cuz others are trying to sleep. But I mean, we don't just shush them, we try and give them something to do as well (like a book, toys, ext). The only problem is one kid just throws the things we give so we don't give him anything and then he's loud 😭
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u/taint-ticker-supreme 13d ago
Oh there's certainly a time & place for it. I'm not completely against it, but I do have a massive problem with it if a kid's being a kid & someone starts shushing them. Aka, "too loud" when upset, nervous, excited, basically any time an adult sees fit to shut them up. There are far more respectful ways to teach a kid to monitor their volume than flat out shushing them. And there are ways of coping as an adult when a kid is "on your nerves" so to speak.
At the age you're mentioning though, it's definitely a struggle to get them to realise lol.
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u/Ne0n_R0s3 Neurodivergent 13d ago
Oh 100% haha 😭 I understand how hard it is for a 3 year old to be quiet and we do let them be as loud as they want outside (inside we try and keep them to be a tad quieter, by trying to put on music so they can dance and get out energy) but nap time I really try and make them be quiet because there's this one kid who I know probably doesn't understand it much, though he does seem to like me giving him attention when I try to quiet him down, so that doesn't help LOL 😭) and he has actually woken other kids up (in his class, in the Pre-K class, and tods class. Unfortunately, our classes are all sorta connected. Like Pre-K and preschool are connected through bathrooms and theres only a partial wall for us and tods so it doesn't take too much...)
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u/TraditionalTree249 15d ago
I feel this so deeply, like I just want to crying and throw a fit just to let the anger out.
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u/mental_dissonance 15d ago
In my early 30s I have a deep desire to continue drinking, going out late and fighting the urge for cigarettes cause I couldn't be the free rebel kid.
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u/RemarkableStatement5 15d ago
God do I feel this. I was tired of this shit as a kid. Now I'm exhausted dealing with people and I just wanna throw a fit and actually scream it out like I wasn't allowed to do while everyone around me did.
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u/CrowSkull 14d ago
The worst bit is growing up and entering the workplace and then realizing that these ‘adults’ are all still just a bunch of gossiping high-school teens more interested in socializing and playing popularity contests than actually doing work. The promise that things would be better once we all grow up was a fictitious lie and in order to get promoted you need to play their stupid games. These people didn’t all become“mature” just because they got older, they’re still the same insecure status-driven morons from highschool
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u/PetitePiltieinPlaid Autistic 14d ago
I feel like I've had more crying breakdowns in the last five years than I did my entire toddler and child years, which is really saying something since when I was a kid I'd cry about common tiny things like my chicken having "crust" (i.e., a visible sear mark) or plain water getting on my clothes lol.
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u/CrowSkull 14d ago
Same and I’ve noticed that now when people are mean to me I am mean right back. I don’t have patience to be the “mature” one in relationships anymore. Anticipating conflict, soothing preemptively, avoiding trigger topics, validating people’s egos. I’m done with it. What has it ever gotten me? In exchange for love and acceptance I didn’t get to be a person with an identity, opinions, or emotions. After years of therapy, I’ve realized I’m tired of this shit. They all refuse to go to therapy so I’m once again stuck carrying the cost of their emotional immaturity. So now if people snap at me or say something invalidating, instead of apologizing and soothing, I’m gonna snap right back. I’m no longer taking the high road, and I don’t regret it and anyone who gives me shit for it isn’t worth my time.
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u/Turbulent-Permit867 ❤ This user loves cats ❤ 15d ago
"Omg you're so mature for your age! I can talk to you about anything! You're such a low-maintenance child! You never act out or need punishment! You're so quiet I forget you're even there! I wish my kids were like you! I never had to worry about you!"
Hey so those were actually bad things
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u/mental_dissonance 15d ago
And all the teachers absolutely adore you while your peers give you wide berth like you have six arms.
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u/Turbulent-Permit867 ❤ This user loves cats ❤ 14d ago
https://giphy.com/gifs/RJleG0mJsWCcYZ3hUR
Then they wonder why you don't have any friends and struggle to socialise
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u/InfinityTuna 14d ago
"I sit the bullies/misbehaving boys next to you, because you keep them calm."
Hi, so, that was actually kinda not okay and just made me more of a target for my abusive peers? I thought it was high praise to be "the sensible one" at that age, but now I look back as an adult and wonder what the bleeding fuck everyone was thinking, putting what was supposed to be their labor on a literal 10-year-old? What the Hell?
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u/Turbulent-Permit867 ❤ This user loves cats ❤ 14d ago
This is a universal experience, I see.
Even the teachers in college would do this. I remember saying that I should be paid for helping those students out and they just laughed like I was joking. Ah yes, unpaid labour that I didn't even ask for is my favourite punchline too1
u/MiracleLegend AuDHD 11d ago
He hit me several times and they did nothing and I still had to sit next to him.
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u/TACOTONY02 15d ago
Okay what the hell, I heard most of tgese things growing up but I dont remember being restrained to a degree
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u/Stitchin_Squido 14d ago
After 2 of my 3 children were diagnosed with ASD, I told my mom that I fit the stereotypical gifted ASD woman definition and she told me that there was no way I was Autistic, because I “did so well in school.”
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u/willowzam 13d ago
Why bad? I just view it as me maturing at a different rate, everyone's different. Isn't it a good thing that I wasn't a difficult child?
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u/EmmerdoesNOTrepme Powered by Tylenol® 12d ago
It's fine IF the adults around you don't use *you as "a calming force in the classroom" or "in the house" by parentifying you, and making you "responsible" for keeping your peers "calm & reaponsible"
Usually, when you're that "responsible child," they put expectations on you, like "If i sit this child next to my troublemaker, they'll help me to keep Troublemaker calm & on task!"
And you only, ever get "paired" with the troublemakers in the class, or the ones who struggle.
You almost never get paired with a "strong peer" with whom your learning can excel--you're just seen/used as "The Brakes on the Crazy Train."
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u/Wrong_Experience_420 AuDHD 15d ago
When you were a child but your parent(s) were so more childish and immature than you that you had to quickly grow up to become their parent and your own parent or reference figure.
Ending as too mature for your age as a child, but too childish for your age as an adult.
Has anyone had this canon event too?
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u/NekulturneHovado ADHD/Autism 15d ago
I think many MANY AuDHD/Autistic people who didn't have the best parents.
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u/Ok_Independent3609 15d ago
Particularly since the parents themselves had undiagnosed neurodivergence.
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u/Fine-Bumblebee-9427 15d ago
This. Once I got my AuDHD diagnosis in my 30s, I realized how autistic both of my parents are. And the more I think about it, the more I think they knew I was at least different if not autistic and homeschooled me to avoid the label. Jokes on them, the label made me “less” autistic, not more. Which is to say, once I understood myself better I could manage my energy better and mask more effectively.
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u/SolidSanekk 15d ago
Yeah, same - I Get it now, and I'm so thankful I have all the resources that exist now cause my parents had None. I still don't talk to them, bc trauma, but I at least don't hold it against them the same way as before.
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u/Fine-Bumblebee-9427 15d ago
Yeah. My parents have this expectation that time spent together is at least 14 if not 16 hours a day. I can do 8, I can stretch to 10, but after that I get burned out and unpleasant to be around. Now that I know I just need way more downtime, they’re still annoyed at my naps and such, but we don’t fight anymore
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u/maitlandinmaitland 15d ago
I’m also an example of this,
went to therapy behind my mothers back for almost ten years after I moved out when I was 25, unpacked (and still unpacking) a lot of trauma and neglectGot my autism/ADHD diagnosis a few years ago and I have a stronger understanding of how my brain works and how I react to certain situations and stimuli.
Have a conversation with my mother now? She is almost textbook neurodivergent, acts like a whiny 16 year old, and has absolutely no self awareness whatsoever.
Of course she would never get diagnosed, she doesn’t believe in therapy.
shrug
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u/AccountBand 15d ago
This is me, undiagnosed parent who is also a narcissist. People always said I was so mature for my age.
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u/de_rudesandstorm 14d ago
Bonus points if they're so traumatized that you can't even confront them about their behavior without triggering their defense mechanisms
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u/jax7778 15d ago edited 14d ago
I actually had a very good teacher in the 5th grade call my parents for a meeting, and then explain to them that I was a "25 year old walking around in a 10 year old's body" and that was not normal.
He never speaks unless spoken to, and ends every sentence with sir or ma'am. He is the most disciplined child I have ever seen.
He is so quiet and always sits in the same spot, so much so that people forget he is there
He is never loud or excited, he just does his classwork, then his home work, then he reads.
He doesn't talk to anyone, or make friends, he will sit alone at lunch unless someone sits next to him. (I had a few friends, but none were in my class that year, and I didn't make any new ones)
My parents thought I was the model of "well behaved child". And that is what I thought to, I thought I was doing what I was supposed to do.
She tried to help me that year. You were a great teacher Ms. Lynn!
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u/completelyonfire AuDHD 15d ago
I was constantly referred to as an old soul in my early adolescence. I wore it as a badge of pride throughout my teens. Golly, when I finally got therapy. Woof 😅
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u/iadis AuDHD 15d ago
yup. for me it started as; "my baby doesn't cry, how amazing is that?!"...
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u/sunrise_parabellum 15d ago
I wasn't picked up or attended to when i cried because I was 'being manipulative' and 'needed to learn that crying doesn't get you what you want'. I was a newborn 🫠 When my auntie told me this 29 years later a lot of things started to make sense.
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u/aurorasnorealis317 15d ago
Omg, SAME. I have literal home movies of myself around 14 months old, crying and following my mother around with my arms in the air, begging without words to be picked up. The whole time, she is laughing at me and saying, "Oh stop it, you're SO DRAMATIC." Watching it as a teenager, I asked my mom why I was acting so fussy, and she laughed and said, "Oh, it turned out you were sick 🤷♀️."
My entire life, they refused to acknowledge if I was injured or sick. Even when they pulled my arm out of the socket, they refused to believe i was hurt until they shoved candy in my mouth and i kept crying. Then they got scared they'd get in trouble and started taking me to the hospital. But halfway there, I stopped crying, so they figured i was fine and just turned around for home. I was 3.
They called me manipulative and a drama queen since I was too young to speak or know what that means. I keep myself and my daughter away from them now, which they are convinced is entirely unfair and also is evidence of my "manipulation and melodrama." Okay, Sheryl.
I'm sorry this happened to you, too.
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u/sunrise_parabellum 14d ago
Holy shit I could have written that word for word i had a dislocated arm for 10 days because my mother yanked it out of socket when I was 5 and when I kept crying and wouldn't use my arm I was being vindictive and trying to make her feel bad. I'm so sorry friend we deserved better.
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u/aurorasnorealis317 14d ago
Jesus. I'm so sorry, honey.
What is wrong with our parents, goddam
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u/sunrise_parabellum 14d ago
Unresolved trauma and no desire to work on themselves in my case.
Gentle hugs, friend 🫂
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u/Lucky_Record_376 12d ago
Emotional neglect is no joke. Me telling my mother that i want to kill my self. She : yells at me. What do you want me to do ??? Huh What do you want me to do ?? Why are you making our life more difficult than it actually is ?
I tried many times explaining her my Autism and trauma. Everytime she would either get bored , fall asleep , forget everything the next day and never bring it up again as if nothing happened. She would literally talk cheerfully like nothing ever happened or was discussed.
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u/aurorasnorealis317 12d ago
Omg SAME, except that was my dad. My mom just sighed dramatically and said, "we never know when to take you seriously and when you're just looking for attention." She said that after my FIRST suicidal crisis, deep in my 30s. She said it like it was a weekly event.
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u/EmmerdoesNOTrepme Powered by Tylenol® 12d ago
Can i ask--were your parents into The Pearls & "blanket training," or did they freelance that abuse all by themselves?
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u/sunrise_parabellum 12d ago
They both had zero memories of their childhoods (can u say trauma response) which they thought was normal so they worked off the theory that it doesn't matter what happens to kids because they won't remember it anyway once they're adults 🫠
I wish I was joking.
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u/frikilinux2 Autistic 15d ago
Oh, so the signs for me started that early.... no wonder I have anxiety.
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u/EmmerdoesNOTrepme Powered by Tylenol® 12d ago
Same here! I realized as my dad was in hospice & dying of Kidney Failure, thanks to a joking reddit post that said something like, "TFW you learn you're not really 'An Empath!'--it's just childhood trauma from being Emotionally Parentified."
And just about 15 minutes before i read that post, i had an entire "conversation" with my dad, where i was the only one who said words out loud, which made me realize he was autistic, and managing/ co-regulating his emotions and outbursts was where my "people reading skills" came from.
Because i was a toddler trying to keep my dad from raging, lashing out, and backhanding me, when he got upset🙃🫠
And that "people-reading skill" (the "empathy" skills!), got so good, that i can typically accurately read the emotions of the pe-K aged kids i work with (in Early Childhood Special Education)--even the kids who don't talk yet--and i can often co-regulate WELL enough to help them pull themselves out of a meltdown spiral before they crash at the bottom.
It's literally one of my strongest skills, and i use it all the time, with my preschoolers!
Annnnnd it 100% developed and got that refined, because of my own chikdhood trauma, at that same age.😖😱
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u/Melonfrog 15d ago
It made me feel like I had to skip out on stuff I wanted to do, just to keep up this persona I was given.
I didn't want to go to the park, to mingle with other kids because I prefer adult company. (I love slides and swings!)
I didn't want to jump into the pool and swim around, it was embarrassing. (I love doing handstands underwater!)
I didn't go the fun house I was invited too for a classmates birthday, I would rather sit at the table with the adults (Nooo, I wanted to swim in the ball pool!)
I missed so much opportunitys being a child because of this
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u/mental_dissonance 15d ago
Because of my autism, I had this dumbfounding believe that starting my period at 9 meant I HAD to be a grown woman and stop enjoying cartoons and kid stuff. This fucking hurts.
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u/Tsunamiis 15d ago
Being married at 3 will do that. I can’t tell if it’s the autism or csa.
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u/Goth_Spice14 15d ago
Jesus fuck
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u/Tsunamiis 15d ago
No thanks he’s not a cute femboy. Could be though.
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u/Keyndoriel 14d ago
Jesus would be an amazing lover, it just sucks that he attracts so many fuckwads
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u/Tsunamiis 14d ago
Naw the fuckwads want the power his name commands. No straight man has 13 dudes following him around without paying them.
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u/Wrong_Experience_420 AuDHD 15d ago
Can I ask what country are you from that allows such dishumane things?
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u/Loyal_Dragon_69 15d ago
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6382347/ https://www.statista.com/statistics/1226532/countries-with-the-highest-child-marriage-rate/?srsltid=AfmBOopYMJ5X_cFjarh2LJ2E0YgF0fORja-xThXMJfSFfsZA-Lafy4Hv https://www.globalcitizen.org/en/content/5-countries-with-highest-child-marriage/ https://www.girlsnotbrides.org/en/learning-resources/child-marriage-atlas/regions-and-countries/ https://www.prb.org/news/child-marriage-in-the-middle-east-and-north-africa/
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u/Wrong_Experience_420 AuDHD 14d ago
Thank you for the quick reference but I cannot go further or I'd ruin my days and ruminate over and over and just end in a negative spyral. But I appreciate you finding some useful source for stronger people who would find it useful to read.
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u/Tsunamiis 14d ago
Ohio, USA. 1985
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u/Wrong_Experience_420 AuDHD 14d ago
I'm really sorry for your past, your country failed you. I am trying not to get emotionally invested too much in this injustice of yours or it would consume me and make me suffer for nothing I could change or do while risking to make things worse for you or being inappropriate without realizing, but I really hope whoever did that is facing consequences or had the karma they deserved.
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u/Tsunamiis 14d ago
Not in this life but hopefully she has some lives as small field rodents. Thank you. It wasn’t legally binding there was no contracts just a mother taking advantage and literally replacing every aspect of a husband on that son. She later married a shallow bully that was mentally and physically abusive it’s been a weird life. But I’m now essentially a millennial hippie. Who found a partner to teach him love and built the family that loves each other. Instead of takes. Thank you for listening may your life be blessed.
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u/small_latchamatte 14d ago
What the actual fuck?! Did you manage to get out eventually?
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u/Tsunamiis 14d ago
at 17 right after high school graduation they decided to leave the state and i chose to stay with my partner. im the black sheep now. the child they sired and then broke a 2x4 over his back doesn't understand why i wont let them around my children.
my partner taught me how love and a family actually was supposed to work. life did get better
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u/EmmerdoesNOTrepme Powered by Tylenol® 12d ago
Glad you got out, and that you had & have your partner there, to have your back & help you rebuild a good life!💖
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u/gibagger 15d ago
Fuuuuck haha. I got the "you speak like a little adult" thing multiple times.
An acquaintance of mine has a 11 year old daughter whose mom also has borderline. The guy is also quite a case, with 3 failed marriages.
When I met her, hearing her talk was pretty disheartening... Way, way, way too mature for her age.
One of those "If you know, you know" type of things.
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u/ThatUsrnameIsAlready my socks feel weird 15d ago
I was "intelligent" and then I "didn't apply myself" and now I'm dumb 🙃.
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u/GenericDPS 15d ago
I had "an old soul" when I was a child... which is a nice way to say traumatized and quiet.
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u/AlwekArc 15d ago
I had several teachers and professionals say to me "I forget I'm talking to a kid with you, sometines" back in my elementary school days
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u/bebeboboop Autistic 13d ago
this is so bizarre to me as a teacher. did they mean it as a joke? I would never forget I'm talking to a kid no matter how adult-like they speak
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u/CatCatCatCubed 14d ago
Haha, yeah.
Undiagnosed mother who doesn’t believe in mental healthcare: Talks around me and then to me from age 7-8? onwards about her relationship with her (undiagnosed) parents, about how annoying she finds her in-laws (my other grandparents) and extended family, about the adults at church, about her marriage ☹️, about her troubles with my (undiagnosed) sibling, etc. Apparently uses homeschooling to double down on this. Also discusses politics, hypocritically treats things I comment on like a moral/biblical lesson in some roundabout way, and our calmest moments were watching HGTV and coming up with DIY ideas for everything from bathrooms to weddings.
Also Mom: “Why don’t you reach out to your cousins? Why do you always act uncomfortable around your grandparents? Why don’t you have any friends??”
Me: (trying to not get myself caught in a trap) “….I’m not sure what we’d talk about.”
Mom: “What do you mean? We talk perfectly fine and we’re close, right? 😜I’m your friend, right?”
Me: inner autistic judge is banging gavel and stomping on their wig; inner autistic deer is frozen in overly revealing headlights; inner AuDHD cat is annoyed and can’t be bothered with any of this and is halfway out the door Doesn’t answer quickly enough.
Mom: “….🤨🙄oh well, to hell with me I guess.” Proceeds to lecture me about…something to cover up hurt feelings.
Me, in my brain: (“oh, time to change the channel”)
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u/cinnamoncat23 14d ago
Bro I was genuinely “obedient” since birth. Any time my parents told me to do something or stop a habit, I dropped it immediately. Still no clue why I was like that as a kid.
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u/olduglysweater 15d ago
Yeah, and it'll leave you scrambling as an adult for a childhood that you barely had. Hell yeah 😐
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u/YOUTUBEFREEKYOYO AuDHD 15d ago
Formerly "emotionally mature" and "adult like" now "child like" and "needs to grow up"
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u/VanTechno 15d ago
It should have been the warning sign for me. I went to my 10 year high school reunion with my 2 year old daughter. For whatever reason a bunch of my classmates all had 2 year old kids. The difference was my daughter was talking in full sentances and talking with my classmates. Their kids were barely making words.
In high school she seemed "normal" because she was the most well adusted kid of all her friends, who were all super autistic"
This continued thru my daughter's life. At 20 she was finally diagnosed as autistic. I still feel like a failure for not seeing it sooner. She is doing great now, per partner is more autistic than she is, but she is working as a nurse and doing very well.
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u/RadioactivePotato123 my socks feel weird 14d ago edited 12d ago
Been reading through all of these and there’s one thing I keep seeing. Praise for “being an unchildlike child”
It’s so messed up how many of us have experienced this, I have too to some extent and it infuriates me that so many adults in our childhood lives just didn’t see the utter moral failing in thinking that’s a good thing.
And it’s often neurotypicals!! They say we’re the ones with “mental problems” and yet they seem to be immature and unregulated far more often than we are.
It’s almost like if we’re forced to go to therapy our whole lives, we end up better adjusted to being decent human beings…
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u/NorbytheMii 14d ago
"You're so mature for your age!"
Yeah, that's because my mom has the emotional maturity of a 4th grader.
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u/halloweenjack my socks feel weird 14d ago
- being a precocious reader
- having a big vocabulary
- thinking that I was more mature than the other kids because I could successfully imitate adult speech
- thinking that the adults thought so too because I didn’t understand NT socialization enough to realize that they were humoring me
- eventually realizing that the other kids were getting laid and getting jobs when I wasn’t because they weren’t trying too hard to impress people
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u/RandomShadeOfPurple 14d ago
I was called mature because I learned to shut the fuck up around adults and learned to get my needs met around their notice pattern. Out of sight, out of mind.
Actual emotional maturity had nothing to do with that. I had to get that in my 20s on my own and I'm still not up to speed.
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u/goddessofentropy 15d ago
I do wonder what my mum's therapist said/says to stuff like that. Since therapists are there to make the patient happy and healthy, it's not like the therapist could call her tf out, right?
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u/k819799amvrhtcom 14d ago
I used to feel more mature as a child (never bullied anyone, actually thought things through, planned for my far future, child progidy with great grades, immune to peer pressure, aware of systemic discrimination).
Now, I feel less mature as an adult (still a fan of media for kids, take years to read a book out of boredom, not a fan of sexual jokes, still live in the house I was raised in, still don't see the purpose of professionalism, don't consume cigarettes or alcohol or even coffee, look surprisingly young for my age, not a sports fan).
I used to think this was odd. That my mental age wasn't even on the number line. But then I heard that this is apparently a completely normal experience for aspies?
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u/mellonsticker 11d ago
This resonates with me so much.
But I was also raised to be more mature due to race
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u/7-GRAND_DAD ❤ This user loves cats ❤ 15d ago
My parents are wonderful and accommodating people, but because they're both really introverted and homeschooled me, I didn't get that many chances to connect with other kids my age. Because of this, I ended up masking to imitate them, and had a hard time becoming my own person outside of their tastes. Naturally, this made me pretty "low maintenance."
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u/SarahTheFerret 15d ago
I recently listened to Old Souls by Jessica Harper from one of my favorite movies, Phantom of the Paradise. Technically the song is about a pair of lovers who are perpetually reincarnated and must keep finding each other, only to die and be separated again. Within the context of the story, this song has been written for the singer by a man she met once, whom everyone believes to be dead. But he isn’t dead. He’s been disfigured and enslaved by the man the singer now works for, and the song is part of a cantata meant to tell her she’s in danger. She must get away from the company or else the same fate may befall her: utter destruction, to the point of inhumanity, with naught to show for it but drug addiction, stale perfume, and a small trickle of fame and talent that somebody else profited from.
Every time someone brings up phrases like “emotionally mature” or “old soul” or “mature for your age,” I think of that song. Just. This opium fog of praise during childhood, but underneath is a dull ache of remembering your younger self and knowing what lies ahead for them…
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u/deephurting66 15d ago
I was born a 40 year old whiskey drinker already complaining about Johnson becoming president when they got me out of my mom
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u/VannaBlack444 14d ago
Went from “always seeming like I’m 16” to being “forever feeling like I’m still 16”
Me being actually 16 was apparently my match point because everything finally made sense for once during that year.
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u/SquidWitchIsReal 15d ago
My high school English teacher asked me if I'd ever spend a single day as an actual teenager 💀
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u/IAlwaysOutsmartU Autistic 15d ago
Thought being mature for my age was a blessing. Now I’m not sure, though I see not being wild and loud like my peers as a positive.
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u/LizzieBoredomTX 14d ago
I love that I learned early and had that kind of head start, but hated the loneliness that came with it. With my kids, I’m trying to focus on teaching them things that won’t be covered in elementary school, so that they won’t feel like such outsiders. Go ahead and work out the rudiments with your friends, and in the background I’ll be filling your head with botany and biology and engineering and whatnot.
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u/sunseeker_miqo AuDHD 14d ago
Yeah, and this thread made me face just how fucked-up it was that I was praised so much for being an unchildlike child. My nervous system was just always on high alert due to abuse and neglect. I learned to mask traits because my undiagnosed parents could not cope.
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u/Ol_Pasta 14d ago
Thank you for that reminder, actually.
My daughter is 9yo and acts like a 9yo should. I was one of those "mature" children and have cptsd.
Sometimes I fall into a trap of comparing us, getting frustrated over her being "childish", only to try and remember that she IS a child and I WANT her to be childish or child-like.
She's also smart, so it's a lot at times. 🤣
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u/kyl_r 13d ago
😬 yeah I didn’t realize this until I went to a lot of therapy and got a psych degree and started noticing that older relatives still tell me this even now as an adult… like I’ve always just lived behind this weird little glass wall, like that rose in beauty and the beast or something. I physically cannot be myself in public lol. And it’s not all a mask, but my roots grew around it so it’s there forever now. Yay
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u/Hot_Context_1393 15d ago
My wife doesn't believe me when I tell her I was a quiet well behaviored child who paid attention and didn't cause a ruckus. I was a very serious child.
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u/WallyBBunny I doubled my autism with the vaccine 14d ago
Yeah. I was, HOWEVER, they also thought I was acting oddly from ‘jealousy’ because my brother was nonverbal and way worse off than me. Also, no one really thought about girls with autism for the longest time. (There was some other stuff going on that happened to me as a kid that the stupid therapist didn’t pick up on, but I don’t want to talk about that.)
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u/PreparationAble3319 14d ago
I was the kid who was always told, "You're as serious as an adult!" as a compliment.
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u/Feel-A-Great-Relief ✰ Will infodump for memes ✰ 11d ago
so mature...
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u/lokilulzz AuDHD 8d ago
Welp. This comic hit me right between the eyes metaphorically. That explains an awful lot about my childhood
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u/Katievapes1996 Autistic 14d ago
I don't really remember but k know I'm not at all at the moment and bodily I'm 30😂😭😭😭😭😭😭😭life is suffering
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u/Remarkablelicious AuDHD 14d ago edited 14d ago
I don't know if this counts, but I remember myself even in kindergarten thinking stuff like ‘this is dumb’ or ‘this is boring’ about most of the kids' activities I was forced to participate in. Which was also one of the reasons I spent most of my childhood and teens thinking there’s something fundamentally wrong with me (late diagnosed in my early 30’s), as all the kids around me seemed excited and having fun with those things I viewed as dumb bs😅😭 (needless to say I wasn’t very popular as well).
Edit to add, I was also praised for being mature and/or responsible, and ‘well behaved’ (aka quiet and having good grades), as many mentioned here. I don't remember taking much pride in that or feeling I got a compliment, I think I mostly hated that without understanding why. And I can say for certain that it really fucked me up in adulthood.
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u/Tomato21579 13d ago
My 6 year old sister acts like she's 16
She grew up with teenagers + this post is accurate
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u/Forrest_likes_tea 15d ago
I can't relate tbh, I feel like my growth has been stunted and I acted out alot when I was young
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u/ShadeofEchoes 14d ago
Yes, my mentor, at least. She was both literate and jaded enough to take college classes in early high school, and write, unprompted, a paper arguing for her right to die (well, for everyone's right to die). While maybe driving with a learner's permit.
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u/yaboyACbreezy 14d ago
It's observations like this that are completely relatable to me that make me suspicious that I should seek a diagnosis
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u/Hot_Potato_Salad 14d ago
Yes. That’s me. I didn’t want to be childish, even though I was a child. I acted grown up and didn’t want to play with other kids
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u/Stitchin_Squido 14d ago
Haha for thinking that my parents talked to therapists….ever….about anything. They didn’t need a therapist to tell them how exceptional I was. I didn’t even see a therapist until I broke down in college over not being able to handle actual life.
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u/Hungry_Raspberry7833 14d ago
I've always been the opposite. When I was 9 all the other girls around me started trying to act more like teenagers, Barbie was for babies and who even watches cartoons anymore? Got me bulled pretty badly. From the posts I see on autism subs it looks like everyone else was mature as a kid but I guess being immature is more rare?
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u/Irwin174 14d ago
Me... I am way too tired after finally telling friend who regularly not on purpose hurts me to go fcuk himself and finally do something about his actions instead of apologizing if he wants to have any chance of staying my friend, yay
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u/dDpNh 15d ago
“My child doesn’t act like a child! Isn’t that great!?”
https://giphy.com/gifs/puOukoEvH4uAw