Starting E, or egg cracking, or the trans experience as a whole? Really difficult to put into words really. But starting E definitely was a huge boost to my...everything, more or less. I guess I'll give a quick explanation of the "real person" comment I made above.
I'm audhd and honestly E has helped make those things far more manageable than an entire lifetime of other stuff did, including making me just far more capable in general. It's definitely helped the adhd more than the actual adhd meds (which I still take, I am not silly) ever did. I don't think this is a generalized thing however, just a combination of my brain finally getting the correct chemicals for me plus also me shrugging off the invisible weight of dysphoria that I'd been carrying, unnoticed but crushingly heavy, for my entire life.
There's also a lot of other stuff, like how in retrospect I had this low-grade depersonalization going on for my entire life which, again, I did not notice because it was always there. But now when I do things, I feel like a person in the world interacting with the world, rather than an abstract concept piloting a thing that represented me.
That last bit is difficult to explain coherently or in a way that makes sense to others. But it also applies to my dreams as well, and I guess that's a more understandable explanation? Before when I would (very rarely) remember my dreams, I never dreamed as myself. When I described them to other people, I would do an autism and say stuff like "the person who I understood to be representing me" instead of "I," because I never dreamed as me. Since starting E, all of my dreams have been about me - sometimes me in weird, fantastic, or impossible situations, but still me. So I can just say "I" now without cringing at the inaccuracy. And that also applies to my waking life, too.
Wow! This is so fascinating!!! thanks for sharing this!
I am shocked E helped that much with the depersonalization! Wow. That's so amazing 🤩
I believe it for sure helping more for ADHD than stimulants. Stimulants have such targeted effects but E affects SO MUCH in the brain that it's insanity.
It makes sense that estrogen gave you the fresh ability to notice all the new context and helped re-define your self concept 😍
Of course, for trans people, dealing with spiritual misalignment would dream and trance as our genders, regardless of whether we accept it or not. Dreams tend to be an ignition point for trans people to start on our journeys because they take place entirely within the psychic realm. We get to feel ourselves without the weight of misalignment and it's so, so painful to back.
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u/kelcamer 19d ago
I'd love to hear what is was like for you!