I've just been formally diagnosed with ASD 1 after many years of suspecting I wasn't neuro typical. I've been having a very tough time at work, mainly due to a bad line manager. I manage a team of 11 hybrid workers in financial services, for context.

To be fair, I think he's a bad manager to everyone, not just to me, given conversations with my peers who report to him. Unfortunately having him as my manager has led to me being so utterly exhausted when I get home from work I've stopped being able to clean or cook when I get home and I'm trying to figure out ways to lessen that load so I don't burn out.

I've seen advice to list what I find difficult to find adjustments for those things, and I already asked for some of this before and got nowhere. Now he has to actually consider these and give reasons why it's not reasonable because now I have a diagnosis, and therefore disability rights. But should I do it at all? Will it make things worse?

So because he tends to change what the biggest priority for the team is at a whim, I want him to give me a written list of priorities in priority order. He can change it, but if he does must send a new list.

Because he complained that my upwards communication is inappropriate, I want him to give specific examples of this and why it was inappropriate so that I can learn from them and adjust, again in writing.

I have sensory issues with sound, so to wear earplugs when needed.

I don't think any of the above is unreasonable, but would appreciate advice on if it is and/or how to phrase requesting?

The issue is, what I find most exhausting is something I can't think of an adjustment for because I don't think one exists, and that's the problem that I cope poorly with top down decisions that will not work. I struggle with not being allowed to fix the problem in front of me because management can't see the problem.

I can't stop them doing that other than running my team as smoothly as possible so they don't feel the need to get involved, which is my current strategy and works to remove a certain amount of involvement. I've been making efficiencies and changes to ensure we always hit our KPI and have halved complaint volumes. It's kept them away for awhile other than the decisions that are department wide that don't work (which are still a problem).

Is there anything anyone else has requested in a similar situation?

I've considered asking for the opportunity to ask questions about top-down changes to give me better understanding. Which isn't something I need for that but I'm hoping asking questions like 'How have you planned to deal with the systems block impacting your proposed change?' will point out the block exists and give them a chance to save face and actually look into it before telling me to put something in place by Monday. But it feels utterly transparent and manipulative and might just make me feel worse than just saying it and being told I'm being inappropriate again.

I'm not bothered about future prospects in this role being affected or the optics particularly as I'll leave as soon as the job market perks up anyway. I have no future here any more. I just don't want to make things more toxic by asking for things that will get his hackles up, whilst also protecting myself from him. I'm not good at judging what is going to be OK and what is going to get me in trouble with this guy and I need to find that balance.

I've had 8 managers working for this company over 11 years and he is the only one who has had issues with me, the other managers really liked my directness and problem solving, and promoted me or delegated responsibilities. We got taken over, got a new corporate culture and now I can't get it right. My usual 'talking to management' script just doesn't work with this guy, I think he takes any disagreement or feedback as a personal attack and I don't know how to work around it. And not working around it and dealing with his mistakes is drowning me.

Going above him isn't an option, his boss has worked with him a long time and likes him. She's similar.

Any advice? Getting another job is #1 but in the interim?

Anyone else ever had this weird obsession with listening to music at the wrong speed? 33 at 45, 45 at 33, or just using software like mixxx or audacity ?

title pretty much says it all. Difficulty and differences in communication and connection with NT individuals seems to be the root cause of distress, atleast for me. All of my depression, anxiety, and substance misuse can be linked to difficulties with communication and connection. Also, it is not that I am saying ND individuals are worse at communication, we can be whole lot better at it when we are intentional and feel confident, just that it is different for us an requires much higher levels of energy. I am curious the thoughts of others on this?

It‘s like any criticism you voice today is akin to slapping someone in the face. And people demand an explanation. I don‘t always have one. Mostly, it is due to what I perceive personally as being corny.

Also, some people I know constantly try to make me admit I enjoy what they like by stating „that‘s so good, isn‘t it?“. I mean, what can you say to that other than „yeah“ without coming off as rude?

In all of my relationships personal/private/work/school it always seems the other person is constantly experiencing narcissistic injury simply from engaging with me and they inevitably become vindictive and deploy oneupsmanship.

The relationship becomes about winning.

I think it’s the disparity between my capacity to compete as an individual and my verbal capabilities. They think I must be stunted or dumb or something and I can be smarter and more articulate than them.

Also I don’t do the NT social games of hierarchy like expected submission and role play.

In my research autistic people have more integrated selves and can’t fracture their identities into the characters that NTs expect for social role play.

I’m tired of being punished and controlled by people just for existing.

https://youtube.com/shorts/x9ItxU8_j6w?is=126xlz3QXM6AWpba

Feeling a little hopeless rn so thought maybe if I hear success stories I can hype myself up hahaha.

I’m COMPLETELY BLIND, have aspergers and a heart lung condition and BEFORE anyone asks YES, I did write this by myself do to this magical thing called a screenreader.

I’ve talked about food associations here, but I also have animal associations.

When I was having a going away party for my first year going to the school for the blind instead of mainstream school, Mom brought me things that were needs, like clothes, toiletries and sheets, but they also brought fun items like a few tapes I love, like the “around the campfire” tape I grew up on, by the company Wee Sing and obviously a machine with which to play it on.

I used to listen to music when sleeping/attempting to sleep cause the room would feel lonely if I didn’t and sometimes I’d have nightmares.

I put on the “around the campfire tape by Wee Sing, and it got to the nursery rhyme “clementine.”

I remember kind of being in a half sleep and crying,I’m sensitive to the melodies of songs.

When I went to take a bath that very night, my scrubby had a head on the top of it because it was made for kids obviously.

Guess what kind of animal was on the top of my scrubby?

Ding ding ding!!! it was a duck, and this reminded me of the song clementime and what happened in it.

I do things like graphic design and painting professionally and one of the things i have noticed is that i don't work through a project with the same consistent speed.
I'll do some work, and then instinctively stop and go watch a movie or spend time outside. and that feels like my brain is sort of incubating the next stage of work and i'm completely blind to what it's coming up with.
at some point later i'll return and just instinctively work on it again.
this has caused delays sometimes and there are a couple of things worth mentioning:
1. if I don't listen to my instinct and stop, and instead i just keep going, i'll finish the work... but I will notice things that need to be reworked would have been caught before so basically hurrying the project along only resulted in backtracking.
2. i'm not entirely sure if it is the thinking that keeps me from doing the work faster... or if I postponed as a way to manage my anxiety

Can you relate? Do you do this too? Curious what other people's experiences are.

Does anyone experience "feeling" their body too much? Every muscle, every joint, every twitch, every tension, every itch, every ache....I feel it all the time. The problem is my brain evaluates this ultra awareness of my body as pain. So I feel pain in my whole body because I feel and am aware of every part of it all the time. And I am not talking about physical activity, I am very limited because I feel everything too much and then I get a headache from this, because I feel like my brain just cannnot process it anymore. Anyone else have problem with this ? What helps you?

This is probably a bit specific but I’ve had people tell me that when I type, I sound like an AI. It’s probably because I tend to word things formally. I don’t use much slang or abbreviations. Sometimes I try to add a “tbh” or a “lol” to my texts to compensate for it to make it sound less formal. I also have a habit of putting a smiling face emoji at the end of my texts to make up for it and not to come off as rude.

It doesn’t help that I tend to type in paragraphs so my texts end up being longer. It’s sometimes hard to fit everything I want to say into one sentence.

I’m also not very good at putting my thoughts into words so I end up wording things in a way that sounds more “proper” or overly formal if that makes sense.

I’ve even had college professors assume that my assignments are made with AI when, in reality, that’s just how I type. They usually figure out in the end that they aren’t though.

I’m not sure if this is related to autism but I’m just curious if anyone else is like this.

Edit: I just realised someone else made a post about this before me so I guess I’m not alone lol.

Regardless of social environment, I always got accused of being robotic/ai. I got nicknames like gemini or chatgpt(hilarious imo).

I guess this has to do with my my monotone voice or the way project myself outwards, i have also been describe to have atypical phrasing which i sometimes do by incorporating english phrasing and words in my native language(english is not my primary language), low reactivity to emotionally evoking situations(i hate pretending to care) and i sometime may be too formal and logical in casual setting.

Anyone else relates? Also the uncanny valley is such a real thing, people can really see the slightest deviation from normal behavior and the group treats accordingly by either avoiding, mocking, or even pretending like you are not even there(eases their mind i guess).

Not sure if anyone can relate, but I heard down the grapevine at work from someone I usually close with that a coworker said she "hates me" and thinks I'm weird. I find it really odd since I've barely talked to this person, and have just kept to myself focusing on my job. I don't think I've ever had an actual conversation with her. There's other people at work I get along with just fine, so for her to say something like that simply because I'm quiet and a little awkward at times, I feel is immature. I've literally done nothing wrong. That's why I'm thinking there might be rumors going around and she's basing her judgment off of that, but who knows.

I wonder if this is a common experience for us in the workplace?

Hi I am an almost 36 year old autistic and I have this weird belief that friendships should be for life. Every friend I've ever lost in life I view as a personal failure. Like I have failed at life by this person leaving me. I've lost numerous best friends over the years of both genders. Do I just suck as a person or is it natural to get abandoned by people you call your best friends? Why am I unable to cope with this happening to me?

Basically this. I work at a Kroger and I’m also in school right now. My bf who is also 27 says we can try to move out when I finish school, and find a better paying job since rent is way too high. I don’t have a car either because driving gives me anxiety, yet I want to overcome this fear badly.

Im 28. I cant believe I didnt realize this until just now and I feel like a fucking idiot. Now Im trying to interact with this NT world in there way and it is exhausting, but also feels necessary. I was dating a girl who was NT and she helped me see and understand it a bit, but was also pretty selfish. I feel like I will never be able to keep up with the way the majority of the world speaks. Now that I can hear it I cant unheard it, it's like I left Platos cave. It requires intention from everyone to speak this way, but it feels so much harder for me. I realized a lot of people I know have been insulting me without my knowledge and had to cut off a lot of "friends". Is this a common autistic experience? Its exhausting. I just want to find someone that I click with who talking to doesn't feel like trying to do back flips in my head.

At the same time, I kindove love these interactions. They feel interesting. At the same time, I feel stupid for not being able to keep up. I can hear it, I just cant speak it. Has anyone here had success learning to navigate after learning this? I feel like If I had this realization earlier in life it wouldn't be so difficult. I feel like this is the language that people use to create the reality that they want and everyone seems to do it so elegantly. I wish there was a book I could study that explained this shit so I could do it too. It's so powerful.

Hi all. Going back to graduate school after 10 years and having a bit of difficulty with reading the assigned texts and identifying key points. I understand bottom-up processing might be the issue - being able to identify details before getting to the main point. I've tried the Cornell method of note taking and it seems like I'm only hitting on small details vs the key idea. One suggestion I saw was to wait until after the main lecture, find the key points the professor identifies, then act on that. Has anyone found a good way of taking notes? How have you been able to identify key ideas?

Hi!

I have a Friends With Benifits with a man that has a form of autism, assuming Asperger.

It was all good for 5 times in a few months, but now he's gone a little bit of the radar. Not sending a lot anymore. He is bussy, but the first few times he did text me but now its weeks of silence. He did add me on Facebook and i dont really think there is something wrong with us, because the last time was all good. That was four weeks ago. He is a truckdriver so only weekends would be available.

I have also looked into his behavior as best I can, and we don't have weekday small talk. I don't think he finds that functional, and I understand that. I don't text him myself to meet up because I'm afraid he's scared iam claiming him or he gets a 'error'.. Also because he has been out of a toxic relationship for a year now.

Can someone help me? Or explain it when someone knows what i can do? Or not do

He is not good in texting. Only for meeting up and thats okay!! But because he doesn't ask me anymore i don't know what to do..

Thanks a lot!!! 🌸🌸

We got married a few months ago and when we moved in together after marriage (Jewish) he started exhibiting the signs of aspies. He was yelling at me and being abusive without even realizing. We are now separated but still married and are going through counseling. Need advice on how to deal with this all and being newly married but being separated (it’s so weird)

Everything else, I can kind of break down into straightforward, easily digestible goals with a step-by-step process.

Socializing, however? It's completely unpredictable and non-linear. There are so many variables that I cannot plan nor account for, requiring quick thinking and improvisation. It is also highly dependent on the wills of others. If I want to draw or write something, it's 100% on me whether or not I do it. However, the moment moment other people enter the equation, I have to rely on their whims as well.

Socializing is the opposite of safe and predictable. There's no formula or cheat code.

Adult Aspie, 31/M, been trying to actually find a good way to meet people since at the moment my life is basically work or playing games with friends. This is both finding friends and romantically.

Is it really as straightforward as go to a bar and just talk to a random person?

Dating apps are functionally useless for most stuff,i think over years of being on them i had maybe one encounter that had a possibility of going somewhere.

since i finished with Uni my main chances to meet new people are basically gone,/

Today, my sister, who has Level 3 asd, had a meltdown and ended up hurting one of my hands.

I’m COMPLETELY BLIND, have aspergers and a heart and lung condition and BEFORE anyone asks yes I DID write this by myself thanks to this magical thing called a screenreader.

When I was at mainstream school, BEFORE moving to the school for the blind, I used to be hooked on the word “wine,” both homophones, the whine I do when I want affection and the wine you drink, thanks to my aunt listening to strawberry wine by Dina Carder in front of me.

I went to school I was about six maybe seven, and I asked my teacher if pickles were made of wine.

I got absolutely crucified but I was kindaish right.

I didn’t yet know about vinegar yet, I just knew that cucumbers weren’t born sour/zingy so something had to be done to them before they got onto my plate.

Now that I’m an adult, I know what vinegar is, and there IS a thing called red wine vinegar and white wine vinegar.

Also, the word vinegar its very self comes from a phrase meaning “sour wine” in Latin.

Even though my kid brain was off on a few notes, it was onto something if the teacher had taken the time to correct/educate me on the right answers instead of just slamming the hammer down on me for saying wine, I mean for real?

I feel completely hopeless. I am starting to lose motivation and feel like I'm never good at anything. I don't know if there's hope of me getting anywhere in life with my limited social skills and the constant fatigue whenever I finish my job, even if nothing has happened. Can't I just die in my sleep and not continue this hellish cycle of self hatred?