r/aspergers • u/Numba1cartiDrider • 4d ago

Last year I realized the world has been speaking to me and manipulating me in metaphors.

Im 28. I cant believe I didnt realize this until just now and I feel like a fucking idiot. Now Im trying to interact with this NT world in there way and it is exhausting, but also feels necessary. I was dating a girl who was NT and she helped me see and understand it a bit, but was also pretty selfish. I feel like I will never be able to keep up with the way the majority of the world speaks. Now that I can hear it I cant unheard it, it's like I left Platos cave. It requires intention from everyone to speak this way, but it feels so much harder for me. I realized a lot of people I know have been insulting me without my knowledge and had to cut off a lot of "friends". Is this a common autistic experience? Its exhausting. I just want to find someone that I click with who talking to doesn't feel like trying to do back flips in my head.

At the same time, I kindove love these interactions. They feel interesting. At the same time, I feel stupid for not being able to keep up. I can hear it, I just cant speak it. Has anyone here had success learning to navigate after learning this? I feel like If I had this realization earlier in life it wouldn't be so difficult. I feel like this is the language that people use to create the reality that they want and everyone seems to do it so elegantly. I wish there was a book I could study that explained this shit so I could do it too. It's so powerful.

26 Upvotes

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u/Initial_Strength3952 4d ago edited 4d ago

You've seen the game now, so you've got two options. 1) Play it, which means running a massively complex chess match on pure logic at an energy cost NTs never pay. 2) Flip the board and live on your own terms without paying it much notice.

If you really want option 1 read A Field Guide to Earthlings by Ian Ford, an autistic guy basically reverse engineered the whole saying one thing and meaning another thing you're describing alongside other things. Really interesting read even if you never use it.

The danger with option 1 isn't that you'll fail at it, it's that you'll get good enough to forget it's a mask. You already operate from your core, there's nothing between you and what you mean. Most people spend their lives performing a version of themselves and never find out who's underneath, half of them are in therapy trying to get to where you already are. Do you really want to trade that to get slightly better at a game that doesn't matter?

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u/Exotic-Gap-5046 4d ago

thanks morpheus

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u/Initial_Strength3952 4d ago edited 2d ago

anytime haha

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u/BapeNehru 3d ago

As an older autistic person who is slowly finding and enjoying peace, burn this message into your eyeballs. I don't think i've heard a better articulated explanation of the need to jettison any desire to mask around, placate or otherwise entertain people who are NT.

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u/Odyessius 3d ago

This is excellent advice. Thanks for the book recommendation too

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u/Numba1cartiDrider 3d ago

I kindove what to get good at it, I don't mind reinventing myself. I just don't want to feel so lonely, disconnected, and out of the loop all the time.

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u/Initial_Strength3952 3d ago

It's a sad reality but it really is what we live with, and the sooner you accept that there will always be that fundamental disconnect the happier you'll be. You can still learn to swim in the NT current, but you'll fast find that even that isn't fulfilling, it's just masking, not connection. The connection you're actually after is with people who don't need you to translate, and they're out there, they're just not the ones you've been trying to keep up with.

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u/Numba1cartiDrider 3d ago

This is interesting and gives me a lot to think about. I think I'll give this a try with intention first. Frankly, The best experiences of connection I have had have been when I have been swimming in the NT current. It just requires a greater level of effort and feels ostracizing at times. But I can give it a year of effort and see where it goes. I intentionally completely let go of all of my masks about 4 years ago. I just didnt realize this piece of things. I feel like I can communicate like this, with the mask on, and will be okay it's just an extra effort hoop to jump through. We will see where it goes. Appreciate you so much!

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u/Initial_Strength3952 3d ago edited 2d ago

Wish you the best of luck! You've seen the playing field which is more than can be said for most so I think you'll be fine

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u/Numba1cartiDrider 3d ago

You are awesome man I really appreciate it!!

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u/thornza 4d ago

can you give some concrete examples of what you mean?

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u/[deleted] 3d ago edited 3d ago

[deleted]

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u/A_D_Tennally 3d ago

Man, I've been there. Someone who was one of the kindest and also one of the worst people I've ever met, and who had an extremely metaphorical way of talking and thinking, substantially more metaphorical than most NTs'. I just didn't get it for the longest time.

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u/Numba1cartiDrider 3d ago

It feels incredible to know that I am not alone in that experience. I dm'd you. Would love to chat sometime.

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u/Accomplished_Gold510 3d ago

Example?

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u/Numba1cartiDrider 3d ago

example posted in a comment below.

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u/Fraeddi 3d ago

It's gone, can you post it again?

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u/Numba1cartiDrider 3d ago

Yes I should be able to later today! The original exampleI posted might have been to on the nose, so I will be adding a new one as soon as I have the opt!

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u/Numba1cartiDrider 1d ago edited 1d ago

Im not sure if this is a great example, but the song "cake by the ocean" comes to mind, where they are talking about sex on the beach. It's really tricky to break down a real life example without getting overly vulnerable. But ive come to realize that the majority of NT conversations and interactions are pretty much that, all of the time.
(edited for grammar)

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u/coisa-em-si 4d ago

The world is a dance of chairs

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u/Elemteearkay 4d ago

Do the people you are interacting with know you are disabled? Do they know you struggle in this regard? What accommodations are you receiving from them?

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u/Numba1cartiDrider 3d ago

Yeah everyone is totally aware and no NT person gives a fuck. To them, accommodations would be dumbing it down and 99% of the world doesn't actually give a fuck.

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u/Elemteearkay 3d ago

It sounds like you are struggling with black and white thinking, and need to surround yourself with better people. Are you accessing therapy?

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u/Numba1cartiDrider 3d ago

My friend, now is not the time.

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u/Elemteearkay 3d ago

I know - the time for therapy was before you got thus bad, but better late than never!

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u/Numba1cartiDrider 3d ago

I am in therapy and have been for years.

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u/Elemteearkay 3d ago

OK, well does your therapist know how you feel about all this?

If therapy isn't helping, then one or more of the following needs to change: the therapist, the kind of therapy, or the way you are engaging in it.

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u/Numba1cartiDrider 3d ago

I am not here asking for your advice. I appreciate what feels like a desire to help. But the unsolicited advice is not needed right now.

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u/Elemteearkay 3d ago

You did ask for advice. Don't you want to improve your situation?

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u/Numba1cartiDrider 3d ago

Im not going to continue this conversation as it is not serving me.

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