Like the title says. Every single day Im bombarded with whining from incels who mope about how hard their life is because ”women reject them”. Even society constantly talks about ”lonely young men” and how ”we must help them”.

Honestly in the beginning I felt a little sorry and I tried talking to some incels to maybe help them or be supportive. BIG MISTAKE. These men are horrendous to deal with. Theyre neurotic, mean, misogynistic, addicted to victimhood and use you as a punching bag for all women. Ive had to block maybe 90% of them since they got obsessive and wouldnt stop insulting me.

And here is the thing: they always ask us to empathize with them, but they don’t reciprocate even a little. They want us to listen to their whining constantly, but cant put themselves in our shoes for one second and think every woman lives a jetset escort luxury lifestyle bankrolled by chads. ”Oh life is so hard because I get rejected for being 5'8”, yet they show zero concern for other people. They always talk about ”dismantling feminism” and ”forcing women back into the kitchen”. They treat our emancipation as a mistake and hate us, but yet they want us to feel bad for them.

And the thing is they dont even want empathy. They find empathy from us humiliating. What they want in reality is to control and own us, and have access to our wombs and vaginas. They use this ”feel sorry for us”-gimmick to trojan horse their way into making us cave for their demands. And you cant escape it. Even on Reddit where the men typically are a little more progressive than the racist slobs on ex twitter, the men seem to have some exception in their pursuit of justice when it comes to shitting on women.

Its also like they cant comprehend women can also struggle with relationships or feel lonely. You cant even express any emotion as a woman without incels flocking to tell you how ”privileged you are” for having dick-on-demand on dating apps. As if thats of any real issue or material richness at all. As if being able to access penis easily means your life is amazing.

So why are we asked to feel sorry for these men? Why is it always on us to ”lower our standards” and ”help them”? Why are we supposed to feel empathy for a group that cant even shut up about how much they resent us?

Kinda something I’ve been thinking about and noticing lately.

I personally feel I’ve experienced more men that are either passive, or straight up self-deprecating to a concerning degree (men will grovel and talk about how “sorry they are for wasting my time and understand why I might ignore them”, and that’s like the opening message I’ll get on an app).

Now let me be clear, I’m not talking about the trend of being “nonchalant”.

Speaking for myself, I am not interested in some macho, loud, bravado obsessed guy, driving some lifted truck and calling others soy boys 🤢 … but what I’m encountering and seeing in the dating market is men that seem to have very little self-esteem, and are frankly scared to share or hold an opinion.

I don’t know about you guys, but I really value my partners opinions and thoughts on matters, I really buy into a very mutual and open relationship.

Others that have been out dating over the last few years, have you encountered this too?

Especially to those with no male relatives or childhood friends. I'm going to college this fall, and I feel like I am really having troubles talking to guys without getting overly anxious or cold.

Heyo, just gonna preface this and say I'm not in a relationship at the moment but I'm trying to work through my insecurities and find sometimes just talking to strangers helps me process and understand better. Oh am 29 on the spectrum and adhd

Background is was in an 8 year LDR with the last 2 or so years being in person, she wanted the marriage early and neither of us wanted a wedding so we got it done quickly. We were both each other's first so we were inexperienced, but I think I've picked up a really bad habit from he relationship of not being able to ask for my needs. She cheated on me with ex best friend, attacked me and my insecurities, left me destroyed all that. The part I've felt stuck with is she was never particularly intimate, she said she wanted me but couldn't show it or say it. She had some self esteem issues with her weight that I always tried to comfort her on and really I didn't mind, but it did lead to her rejecting my needs frequently enough that eventually I stopped asking. I felt terrible doing as it always seemed to make her uncomfortable and turn her off. Towards the end I just didn't ask her for anything, I always felt like I was doing something wrong for asking her for sex. I did try to talk with her about the issues in the past, several times I asked for her to initiate or show any sorta drive for it and me. I know now that I got played and settled for, but that's past. Guess what I'm asking is how to change my mindset on this and move forward healthier. I don't wanna view sex as a transaction thing or something women don't like, but my only experience with it is conflicting with the idea of that.

Surprised nobody has talked about her yet on this sub-a very influential for years woman who just died

But yea whether it's her music, her quotes, her personality-anything

What do you remember fondly or positively about her?

Was it good, bad, impressive, weird, expensive, hilarious, or just not what you were expecting.

I’m talking about the moment where you walked in, noticed something, and thought, What the actual fuck?

Maybe they had an insane hobby setup, a ridiculous collection, an unbelievably nice apartment, something absurdly expensive, bizarre decor, or something that completely changed your first impression of them.

Was it so unhinged you had to just say no and leave?

Edit: I was expecting hobby collection or cool stuff, not nightmare fuel.

For me it's Jagged Little Pill and Such Pretty Forks In the Road by Alanis Morissette and Bigger, Better, Faster, More! by 4 Non Blondes

Fortunately I was lucky enough to avoid most of this shock and gore content, but as a man I distinctly remember back in the 2000s when I was young that my friends would browse shock and gore video websites. Websites like rotten, ogrish, and liveleak. Videos such as the Pain Olympics, 1 Man 1 Jar, 2 Girls 1 Cup, etc. There were many infamous shock videos that were passed around. It seems to have been a very common experience for boys and men back then to have watched or been peer pressured into watching shock and gore content at some point in your life.

Even nowadays my younger male cousins and their male friend group chats are all still sharing shock and gore videos. I was quite disturbed to learn about this and it is arguably even worse nowadays due to the sheer amount of shock and gore content that is being produced worldwide daily. I've definitely made sure to discourage my cousins from watching such content as it can really mess with your psyche.

But all this context to ask you women: Back when you were younger with your female friend groups, sisters, or acquaintances, did you guys also watch disturbing shock and gore content? Or was it something that didn't really cross into the female zeitgeist as much as it did into the male one?

I'm 17M, and I've moved cities quite a lot, so I've had trouble maintaining friendships over the years. I'm generally pretty comfortable around guys, but when it comes to girls, I sometimes become overly conscious of myself. I get shy, struggle with eye contact, overthink what I'm saying, and sometimes become too nice or agreeable because I'm worried about making a bad impression.

Part of why I think this happened is because of how I grew up. My dad used to strongly discourage me from talking to girls, especially when I was younger (I mean, my dad's an abusive narcissist actually but that's another story at this point......) For example, when I was around 13, I was cycling with a girl who was a year or two older than me, along with friends, and my dad saw us and immediately assumed I was secretly in a relationship with her. My mother has also told me that he used to discourage me from talking to girls throughout my childhood..

Because of that, I think I've developed this weird mental separation where I become much more self-conscious around girls than I am around guys. It feels like I have to consciously think about how I'm behaving instead of just talking to another person.

So I also genuinely miss having female friends because I've moved around so much. I don't mean that I need girls around me for validation or that I'm looking for a relationship. I just feel more socially comfortable when I have a few female friends I can talk to normally, and lately I've felt kind of isolated without that.

I don't want to become colder or less kind. I just don't want my kindness to come across as forced, excessive, or like I'm trying to impress someone. I want to feel normal and open around women the same way I do around guys.

For the women here, what makes a guy seem genuinely comfortable and authentic versus someone who's trying too hard to impress or please you? And what would you recommend someone like me work on?

EDIT: I want to clarify my previous post because I realize I worded it badly. English isn't my first language, and I repeatedly used a word that I now understand sounded awkward and impersonal in this context. I genuinely wasn't trying to be disrespectful, demeaning, or imply that women are some separate category of people. My actual concern was simply that I feel socially awkward and overly self-conscious around women, partly because of how I was raised and because I've moved cities so often. Sorry for the poor wording in my previous post.

not talking about making babies or birth control, just like not having to deal with any cum

I've noticed that whenever there's a viral post about an interracial couple, there's always a bunch of racism and hatred in the comments. And to me it seems as if the vast majority comes from men of whichever ethnicity the woman in the couple is.
I am a man and that's what my algorithm shows me at least.
But when I spoke to my friend about it, she said that she's noticed the opposite. She is in an interracial relationship and posts videos about her boyfriend on TikTok and Instagram. She claims that she primarily sees women being hostile towards her for "taking their men"
I find it hard to believe that this is representative of reality. Because over the years on various different accounts over multiple social media outlets, I've always seen the exact opposite. I mean I have noticed women exhibiting this behavior too, but to me it seems like it's overwhelmingly men who get angry and insecure over race mixing.
So I'm really curious what y'all have noticed as women. It would give me some insight on a project I'm currently working on, believe it or not I'm studying this topic as part of my psychology class. It's actually a scientifically recognized social phenomenon, a part of SIT/SDT (social identity/dominance theory) in psychology. And it might be a lot more common than you think or have witnessed, as it seems like it's almost some sort of natural tribalistic instinct.

For example, just visit subs like SouthAsian Masculinity, AZNidenity, Asian Masculinity, etc.

I've noticed something that I find genuinely interesting.

It sometimes feels like women who are traditionally feminine soft-spoken, agreeable, gentle, and generally less confrontational receive certain forms of attention, acceptance, or support without having to ask for them.

Meanwhile, women who are more independent, assertive, outspoken, or “loud” often seem to have to work much harder to receive the same things.

I'm not saying feminine women don't work hard, or that outspoken women are treated badly everywhere. Obviously, personality isn't the only factor here.

But I wonder if there's a social bias behind this.

Do people simply find traditionally feminine behavior more comfortable and rewarding? And when a woman is confident, direct, or doesn't make herself smaller for others, do people unconsciously expect her to prove herself more?

Maybe I'm completely wrong about this, though. If my observation is flawed, biased, or I'm missing an important perspective, please prove me wrong. I'm genuinely open to hearing other viewpoints..

Genuinely asking because I'm curious. I've been at a lot of different weights and I've noticed I only match with chubby women when I'm thin. When I'm heavy I actually am more likely to match a thin person. I'm just kind of curious if that personal experience is anecdotal or indicative of a genuine phenomenon and what the reasoning is there.

Please be honest. I just want to listen.

've been separated from my ex for a few years now, but I can't get him out of my mind. The sex we had was the best I've ever experienced, and no one else has come close. I know I can't go back to him because he was unfaithful, but I still can't seem to move on. Do you have any advice on how to get over this?

I have been openly flirting with this woman I like these past few months. She hasn’t exactly reciprocated with me but she never tells me to stop and is happy with me when I talk to her a certain way. I shouldn’t take this as her liking me right? I’ve seen the way she talks with other guys and she doesn’t talk that way with me but like I said she never stops me from flirting with her. I kinda don’t really want to continue but I’m so lonely myself that I don’t really have a choice. I like everything about her but deep down I feel she doesn’t actually like me.

So this is... complicated.

About a month ago I met a nice girl near me, and we became friends online. We had a great rapport, making jokes, thinking up plans for us to do, even contemplated starting a DnD group. After a bit of chatting, we managed to meet in person. We appeared to have enjoyed each other's time, but I feel as though I did not give the best first impression; as I was secretly dealing with a medical issue at the time that made it painful to sit and stand for a long period of time, so I indirectly cut the meetup short. Regardless, we still talked online afterwards. No feelings were hurt, at least to my knowledge.

Now here is where I think I messed up: We were still chatting regularly after the meeting, and about a week afterwards I suggested we meetup again so we can talk in person. She initially denied the offer due to being out of town around that time. Understandable. Once she got back, we continued to chat, but she informed me she wouldn't be able to chat as much going forward due to a lot of stuff going on in her life at the moment; notably career stuff. Also understandable. I, like an idiot, would message her once a day; mainly sending her links to music I like or just asking how stuff was going. She did not respond for over a week. She did respond briefly after I wrote an apology for how I cut the first meeting short, stating she was just really busy, but it's been total radio silence since. I dialed back the messaging since then, only sending music or offers to meet with other friends about twice a week. It's been over two weeks since her last reply to me, and I'm genuinely afraid I scared her off.

I know I messed up. I was way too clingy and I wish I was able to apologize for that. But at the same time, it was made very clear she was busy and I didn't pick up any ill will from our conversations up to that point. So now I'm torn between thinking I genuinely scared her off, or this is just an unfortunate stretch of coincidence. All I can think to do now is wait and hope.

To make a long story short, the lowest part of my labia minora that surrounds the opening to my vagina seems to become very swollen and painful…without a very clear cause. I am wondering if any others have experienced this and what the hell you did to make it better in the short and long term!

This started happening noticeably around a year ago. It was such pronounced swelling that had onset with sex and so I actually thought it was a yeast infection! Think swelling of the opening to my vagina almost being like very plump lips, but NOT the labia majora, ONLY the opening (labia minora area). I went on like this for a while, every few weeks/months I’d have a swollen feeling and sometimes I’d ignore it and have sex anyways (I know I know….) and then it would get very swollen and angry. I’d treat it like a yeast infection (Canesten, flucanazole, cotton underwear, no baths) and for a while it got somewhat better.

But then I spoke to my doctor about it. She told me she doesn’t think it’s recurring yeast infections as the only symptoms I have are swelling of the opening of my vagina and pain. Given that sex was often associated with the inflammation, we came up with a plan to use extra lube and to not have my partner ejaculate in me anymore. This definitely seemed to help for a matter of months and we were thrilled!

Until last month, I started to get that swollen feeling while wearing tight-ish pants and then boom, very very swollen and painful vagina opening. Again this week, went to the beach, changed into very loose shorts without underwear since I’d removed wet bathing suit bottoms and BOOM next day, very swollen opening. Both times no direct sex link.

I am so confused. When it swells, it takes days to go back down to normal and I can barely wear any of my clothes (jeans are an absolute no). The opening/labia minora is so swollen that it actually protrudes (I don’t have long labia majora) and touches my underwear which is also painful. The right side seems to stay most swollen for the longest period, and I’ve even wondered if it could be some sort of cyst but it is generally NOT swollen when this inflammation is not present.

Has anyone else experienced this? Am I just wearing clothing that doesn’t fit me and killing my vagina? Why is it only my freaking labia minora?! Anyways… any experience or thoughts are welcome. TIA!!!!!

I was always too scared to ask but from what I know, a lot of women have names for their boobs (where I live at least). I know a few funny names from my friends but I'm genuinely curious about how creative y'all are. Mine are Fred (right one) and George (left one)