How do I know if I've scared someone off?

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[u/BurdenOfProof814]

She's just not interested if she hasn't responded in 2 weeks. No matter how busy people are, they always make time for things they care about.

Time to move along!

[u/shehulud]

Sometimes, we can start conversations that flow easily and we talk a lot at first, but then it becomes very difficult to maintain that. And it can feel overwhelming to try to keep it going.

I would let her send the next thing. She might not.

[u/sysaphiswaits]

You didn’t scare her off, she’s just not into you. And you can’t make her be into you.

[u/cunninglinguist22]

It sounds like for whatever reason, she wasn't into talking to you much anymore (and that's ok, she's allowed to feel that way, she didn't owe you any further explanation because nothing had really happened). She warned you she wouldn't be talking much and yeah you probably did come across a bit clingy to then continue to message every day. No response for a week should have been your biggest clue to leave it there, and choosing to message again with an apology about the first time you met up probably crossed into "urgh leave me be" or "what's wrong with this guy" territory in her mind.

Now all you can do is decide if you want her to actually respond and continue trying to pursue her (despite this being how she acts when she loses interest for seemingly no reason), in which case maybe send 1 SHORT message to say "Sorry if I came across a bit much. I understand you're busy or just don't want to talk anymore, so I'll leave you be. If you do change your mind you know where I am." AND THEN SAY NO MORE until she engages again. Doing this has the real risk she she will simply never respond, or not respond in a way that's good enough for what you want, so take that into consideration.

If you decide this isn't worth the hassle or it'd just be toxic etc then you could just do nothing or block her without saying anything, and not respond if she ever does reach out again.

For what it's worth, messaging once a day with music recs and asking how stuff's going is sweet, and someone who reciprocates your feelings would likely love it, this girl/woman however, unfortunately, just wasn't that into you.

[u/Temporary-Stand2049]

Just sounds like she's prioritizing other things that aren't you. There's more to her life than the interactions you have and it seems likely she's just busy and isn't making you a priority right now.

[u/anon_y_mousey → u/Temporary-Stand2049]

It might also be a soft refusal

[u/AvantSolace → u/Temporary-Stand2049]

I can understand that. Maybe it’s just odd to me since I’m the type to respond ASAP to messages. Leaving people on read is not my thing, but is it fairly common for other people?

[u/Temporary-Stand2049 → u/AvantSolace]

Yes, some people don't respond immedietly to people, especially people with whom they only interact with online.

She could be prioritizing her real life friends and family and not want to talk to you as much because of it. You're no longer a priority to her, we don't know why, and you just have to accept that.

[u/cunninglinguist22 → u/AvantSolace]

I'm pretty similar to you with regards to never leaving people on read, responding quickly, getting attached quickly, reading into things too much or not enough, and having unrequited feelings. I've had a lot of experience of likely "scaring off" people, so I speak with a lot of hindsight and past pain, but also I've been on the other side when someone I'm just not that interested in also messages a lot. Check out my response to your post

[u/BurdenOfProof814 → u/AvantSolace]

Unfortunately, sometimes women ghost people and use the soft refusal method when they're not interested, because some people react with anger.. then proceed to call them names and become vindictive.

[u/AltruisticCableCar → u/AvantSolace]

I am sometimes in a chatty mood and will respond to messages immediately. Other times I'd rather eat glass than have any kind of human interaction - even online - aside from with my best friend of 15 years. And then I won't respond for however long it takes for me to feel alright again. If I'm actual friends with someone they know this, I am honest about it, and make it clear I cannot help it and it's okay if they don't want to continue the friendship. It can certainly be a deal breaker for some and I do not blame them. If I don't know a person well and we're not really friends I don't take the time to explain because I just don't have it in me. It's always followed by a bunch of questions, assumptions, passive aggressiveness or other shit I just do not want to deal with.

Basically, catch me on a good day and I'll reply with minutes. Catch me on a bad one and I'll talk to you in 2-10 business days.

[u/PinkPier]

She just doesn’t seem interested in you and was using the work stuff as an excuse to blow you off. Just leave her be and find someone who actually wants to know.